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(Guardian)   Polygamous sect expels young men to free up more teenaged hotties. Authorities outraged. Middle-aged men strangely pensive   ( divider line
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31716 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2005 at 8:41 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

880 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-06-14 02:43:59 AM  
So they just abandon these kids on the side of the road? I bet Jesus loves that.
2005-06-14 03:06:20 AM  
Mr Jeffs is also being sued by lawyers for six of the Lost Boys for conspiracy to purge surplus males from the community.

I'm not sure I've heard of that law before.
2005-06-14 04:37:46 AM  
Damn nutjobs, giving polygamy a bad name...
2005-06-14 07:38:05 AM  
If this is a "Mystery Shopper", I want one too.

[image from too old to be available]

Being it's Utah, I want several.
2005-06-14 08:18:09 AM  
Not really new news. It's nice to know the wheels of justice are moving, albeit slowly.
2005-06-14 08:46:04 AM  
Religion is a great scam, especially if you don't believe what you tell your followers.
2005-06-14 08:46:55 AM  
by the leaders of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), and told they will never see their families again or go to heaven.

Jesus Christ! Er... harsh?
2005-06-14 08:47:06 AM  
I need to start a religion. Thats where the real money and chicks are at. Anyone want in? I'll make anyone who joins me today a "General". Basically that means you don't have to buy into our dogma, you don't have to give up your life savings (but others will to you)and you get to share all the chicks.
2005-06-14 08:47:26 AM  
ugh, religion. When will we learn?
2005-06-14 08:50:11 AM  
Unlike Waco, exterminating these men would be a service to the community and the country.

/only let's not kill all the women and children this time, eh?
//feds used to have a bounty on Mormons
2005-06-14 08:50:55 AM  
Nemo's Brother - don't start a new religion, just a new church. You MUST pretend to believe in Jesus but have a "new revelation" or some such shiat, cuz in America, when you want to bait a trap, Jesus is the cheesus.
2005-06-14 08:50:59 AM  
I used to have sympathy for people who got wrapped up into these cults but not anymore. These weak wills need someone to dictate how to live. If they aren't fanatical about religion, their addictive personalities would have found alcohol or drugs.

Some religions and cults are as harmful as others. When they find something that doesn't "purge excess males" I guess they are better off...maybe than if they were alcoholics.

But ultimately, these people empower the cult leaders, not other way around. If everyone was closer to "normal", no cult leader would ever get dick for following. I think I blame the sheep more than the shepard anymore. They essentially ask for everything that happens to them.
2005-06-14 08:51:21 AM  
Nemo's Brother

You can join my church, it's the Church of What's Happening Now.

/applying for federal funding soon
//all your tax dollars will belong to me
2005-06-14 08:51:46 AM  
Would you like to be our PR Manager, I mean High Preist Dubya?
2005-06-14 08:51:59 AM  
These people are pretty heavily armed. I'm all for sticking it to the Federal Government and all -- but man if he's arrested it is going to get nasty. They have a doomsday mentality and lots of weapons.
2005-06-14 08:52:04 AM  
I wonder how the church determines which young men get dumped off on the side of the road.

I'm surprised sex-selection abortions haven't started showing up there; they already do that quite a bit in China and India (there's something like 6 boys being born for every 5 girls.)

2005-06-14 08:53:10 AM  
I'll join anyone that doesn't require me to believe what I preach and places me relatively high on the grand pyramid of finances.
2005-06-14 08:55:07 AM  
`He is estimated to have 40 wives and 56 children'

Forty wives?! Welcome to Hell, dude.
2005-06-14 08:56:25 AM  

The Rapture index is at 144 and climbing. Last chance to max out your credit card, why not donate it all to Joel Osteen?

[image from too old to be available]
"We need all your monies now"
2005-06-14 08:57:05 AM  
Whenever they use the word "compound" in an article, it sends shiver down my spine.
2005-06-14 08:57:22 AM  
Read "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer if you really want to see how crazy the FDLSers are.
2005-06-14 08:57:29 AM  
If China/India want boys and Utah wants girls, the solution seems obvious.
2005-06-14 08:57:41 AM  
Already got one, you're welcome to join. Website n such not up yet, but I'm incorporated as a nonprofit and getting all such things taken care of. Figure 3-4 weeks to opening if I can find a spot for meetings. Without a permanent address the IRS won't give you 501(c)3 status. And I'm not even going to do anything illegal, immoral, or unholy. I figure if I can get just a percent of people who are scammed by people like FLDS, I can take their money instead and actually do something good with it, and also reduce funding to wackos.
2005-06-14 08:59:10 AM  
This is sure of offend any Mormons here but, hey my mother is an ex-mormon, so I don't really care:

Polygamy allows a higher birth rate, increasing the "righteous" population. No man can go to heaven if he has less than three wives. The sect believes black people are inferior, the offspring of Cain. It teaches that America was first colonised by a lost tribe of Israelites and was visited by Jesus after his resurrection.

My mother says the Mormon Church activly taught that Cain bit at least until the 1970's. And they still believe the second bit about Christ, though I suppose once you swallow the son of god part visiting South America on a submarine isn't that far off either.
2005-06-14 08:59:51 AM  

Back off, pal. These FARKers are joining MY church, the Church of What's Happening Now.

Besides, you're obviously a FARKer.
2005-06-14 09:00:03 AM  
I'm in with Nemo's brother. I've got 179 acres in the middle of nowhere to set up a compound. It's 30 miles to a store and 3 miles uphill on a dirt road in thick woods, very easy to defend (if necessary).

When do we start recruiting the chicks?
2005-06-14 09:00:49 AM  
BOW YOUR HEAD IN SHAME for claiming you are christians. Those people have no right to call themselvies followers of Jesus. The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not a church but a cult saying it is a church. I want these people to read the first chapter of the bible and there whole religion falls apart. If I find anyone that claims to be a part of this group I will personally take them out.
2005-06-14 09:01:12 AM  
you mom is full of crap, Cauchy
2005-06-14 09:01:14 AM  

I worked in Salt Lake City a couple years, and never met a black Mormon.

Guess that splains it.
2005-06-14 09:01:27 AM  
2005-06-14 08:57:29 AM cbunny

If China/India want boys...

No, no, no, Mickey Jackson wants boys. Haven't you heard the news?
2005-06-14 09:02:19 AM  

All religions are cults of some sort. It's just a questionm of their size. Once they attain a "critical mass" (> 40% of the population), they're "normal".
2005-06-14 09:02:20 AM  

"Good Works Mission Church"...what a great made-up church name! Hats off!

BTW, the article is super-sad. How awful for those kids.
2005-06-14 09:02:23 AM  
Why not just send the dudes on missions to convert lonely fat girls?
2005-06-14 09:02:51 AM  
Those kids should feel lucky they got dumped by the side of the road and not drowned in a bathtub or stabbed to death.

crazy ass religious farkers
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-06-14 09:02:52 AM  
told they will never see their families again or go to heaven.

Jesus Christ! Er... harsh?

I hear the Jehova's Witnesses believe that heaven is full. If you didn't get in early, you're just out of luck.
2005-06-14 09:03:14 AM  
Warren Jeffs' whereabouts yesterday were uncertain, but Utah officials said they believed he may be hiding in an FLDS compound near Eldorado, Texas, and they have contacted the Texan authorities.

Some have voiced concern that an attempt to corner the sect leader could provoke a tragedy like the 1993 siege of the Branch Davidian sect in Waco, Texas.

I can't wait to have another fundie barbecue!
2005-06-14 09:03:27 AM  
If I find anyone that claims to be a part of this group I will personally take them out.

Cool! That's exactly what Jesus would do, I'm sure. He was all into peace, love and drive-by shootings.
2005-06-14 09:03:33 AM  
Alright, I'm gonna start my own religion!

In that religion, I get to bang 18 to 24 year olds all day long, bathe in beer and get ridiculously drunk every day as a thousand idio- ... followers turn over their life savings and wages to me so I can buy more beer and attract more gullible dumn women.

And that's basically it. Maybe I can throw some ridiculous shiat about earth spirits in it and crystals. You know, add some hippy mythology to is. Ouch to be fun, as long as those hippy chicks shave where it matters...

So, any 18 to 24 year old ladies on Fark interested?
2005-06-14 09:04:12 AM  

[image from too old to be available]
2005-06-14 09:05:05 AM  

Actually, the Jehovah Witnesses just added an addition onto their heaven. Originally only 144,000 got in, but then people did the math and realized the place was full. So the new heaven now has room for everybody, but only 144,000 get to live on the golf course by the lake.
2005-06-14 09:05:47 AM  
I'm going to save this link for the next time some Christian asks when religion's ever done anything bad.

If I find anyone that claims to be a part of this group I will personally take them out.

What a tolerant attitude. You aren't from the Middle East by any chance?
2005-06-14 09:05:53 AM  
Marcus Aurelius

I worked in Salt Lake City a couple years, and never met a black Mormon

I did some consulting work in SLC and I don't recall ever seeing a black person.
2005-06-14 09:06:35 AM  

Shouldn't you by stealing "No Man Knows My History : The Life of Joseph Smith" out of libraries?

If anyone would like to know more about ex mormons check out:
2005-06-14 09:07:10 AM  

I'm warning you, like I warned Dubyas's Coke Dealer, I already posted for MY church higher in the thread. Don't think of picking offf my converts, pal, go find your own thread.
2005-06-14 09:07:17 AM  
I think this message thread has everything we need to start a profitable We should form a pact right here. Of course, Drew Curtis will be a Saint.
2005-06-14 09:08:28 AM  
I actually had a bit of a discussion with one of these lost boys in a strip club about a month ago. His step-dad was one of the former insiders helping to bring Jeffs down.

Dude seemed nice enough.
2005-06-14 09:08:33 AM  
Nemo's Brother

Ah, a convert. Welcome to the Church of What's Happening Now, my son.

Would you like to be my first honorary deacon?
2005-06-14 09:08:41 AM  
I love how the article works so hard to differentiate the FLDS from the LDS which is just begrudgingly more pc.

The writer doesn't even use the tem LDS to name the LDS. "Mormon church". LOL.

Anyway, terrible turn of events.
2005-06-14 09:10:05 AM  
Definately, Marcus or your holiness or whatever.

So are we a spin off of the Whats Happening Church?
2005-06-14 09:10:32 AM  
I think the JW highest level of heaven (144,001 people if you count Christ) is full but the regular levels are still open to all good JWs.

When do we start recruiting the chicks? wins the thread. But it's still early.

Actually, you could see if you could shop your name around to various churches.

Or, alternately, you could set up your "church" as the benevolence mission of various atheist/humanist groups ... while many of them are of the "I've got mine, now git!" variety, many would do well to have a benevolence side.

Even as a Christian, I would gladly support such groups.

Or then again, you can set it up to recruit hawt girls who are seeking meaning in their lives.
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