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(Locusmag)   21-book rewrite of The Lord of the Rings. "It's going to be exactly like the original books, only with a lot more sex."   ( locusmag.com) divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

5335 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2002 at 6:29 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

37 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-04-01 06:32:32 PM  
Hm....mysterious writer T- B-? Can we say "Terry Brooks," who was given the odious task of writing the novel for Star Wars Episode I?
2002-04-01 06:32:52 PM  
Lord of the Cock Rings is coming to full visualization!
2002-04-01 06:39:48 PM  
Methinx they may be an April Fool hoax. I've heard of BaNTam books, but not Batman books.
2002-04-01 06:41:13 PM  
Am i just high, or weren't there 144 attendees at for the private part of Bilbo and Frodo's birthday party?
2002-04-01 06:41:28 PM  
Disgusting. Terry Brooks wouldn't know real literature if the semiotic object violated Foucault while picking up the soap.
2002-04-01 06:42:48 PM  
Brin' it on. Right On! Images uh Frodo muff-divin' some Elfin chick turn me on. 'S coo', bro.
2002-04-01 06:43:30 PM  
Help, I'm trapped in alternate reality where Perl, false beards and hobbits broker my fate!
2002-04-01 06:46:19 PM  
Darn it Possum, you just beat me to that horrid image of hobbit sex!
2002-04-01 06:47:31 PM  
Anyone here ever read "Bored of teh Rings" the sex-laced satire from the Harvard Lampoon?
2002-04-01 06:49:43 PM  
What kind of elf would sink so far as to go out with a hobbit? I mean, come on here, we're talking about a superior being!
2002-04-01 06:56:10 PM  
Dang. Right On! First article posted afta' about 34,000 tries.

Dang, ah' am so lame. What it is, Mama!..

2002-04-01 06:56:47 PM  
Geddysciple: "Can we say "Terry Brooks," who was given the odious task of writing the novel for Star Wars Episode I?"
Yeah... and who already rewrote the LOTR once before as "Elfstones of Shannara" series.
2002-04-01 06:57:02 PM  
Er, didn't notice the "JIVE" filter was on...
2002-04-01 07:03:51 PM  
I'm still fleshing out some of the characters from my 3000 book version of the Holy Bible.

2002-04-01 07:05:48 PM  
Frito had thome hot elf action in Bored of the Ringth.
I woulth not be thurprizthed in thith age of revithionithm if thomeone did go ahead with thith loaththome idea, though.
2002-04-01 07:08:09 PM  
Bilbo Tea-baggin'

Hee hee
2002-04-01 07:16:05 PM  
"That's what happens when Hobbits start slappin' -- from doin' thah Wild Thang!"

Sorry... but someone had to say it.
2002-04-01 07:18:36 PM  
Sex? Won't that completely alienate the fan base?
2002-04-01 07:19:21 PM  
Whoops... I meant this Wild Thang. My bad.
2002-04-01 07:24:23 PM  
Oh God and all that is holy, please let them devote an entire book to Tom Bombadil and his Fair Lady Goldberry! I have fantasized many a night of their hot passions...now perhaps I can can see my dreams come to life!!!
2002-04-01 07:26:59 PM  
[image from b3ta.com too old to be available]
Is that "The One Ring™" in your pocket, or is you just happy tuh see me?
2002-04-01 07:33:43 PM  
Does that cheerleader's sweater say "Fark?"

Very cool.
2002-04-01 07:49:45 PM  
Maybe now we will really know what happened with Gandalph and the Balrog...
2002-04-01 08:11:57 PM  
Shush you owe me a keyboard. the wild thang one the one ring was a little obvious but someone did have to do it
2002-04-01 08:42:26 PM  
I can tell Kurpal is one of those people who has seen the movie but not read the books. Any reader of the books would know how to spell Gandalf right.
2002-04-01 08:45:05 PM  
Read the books, and you'll know what happens with "Gandalph" and the balrog.
2002-04-01 09:08:50 PM  
Yay!!! More sex!
2002-04-01 10:44:14 PM  
Heh, Gandalph... funny...
2002-04-01 10:48:19 PM  
hahaha... it's funny cause they're making fun of people who waste their time reading big fantasy books... hahaha....
2002-04-01 11:15:13 PM  
Bored of the Rings only had sex in the little teaser at the beginning of the book. I was mighty pissed to find out that that scene was not continued. so i wouldn't really call it sex-laced.
2002-04-01 11:46:48 PM  
You people are morons.
2002-04-01 11:52:17 PM  
sam and rosie will be getting it on hardcore. woot!
2002-04-02 12:06:48 AM  
Anyone see the Two Towers trailer they're putting on the end of Fellowship? Eowyn is hot.

2002-04-02 12:09:57 AM  
I hope the whole "21 book" thing is a joke about robert jordan, and his horrible, horrible book series that he rammed into the ground around book number 5
2002-04-02 03:18:05 AM  
I wanted to read more of that scene too, and was pretty disappointed. But Tim Benzedrine and his chick Hashberry made up for it.
If you want sex in Bored of the Rings, there's always Dildo's songs.
"I sit on the floor and pick my nose,
and dream of wonderful dreams.
Of underage dragons and rubber clothes,
and trolls who do it in teams."

I don't think that's exactly how that verse goes, but it's pretty close.
2002-04-02 03:34:16 AM  
..And then Legolas meets a female farkette who strayed from the path..

Page 2

(kudos to Paul Harvey)
2002-04-02 05:36:39 PM  
Actually, I read LOtR even before that awful animated version came out. It was a deliberate misspell, Ianfx.
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