Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(IndyStar)   Man finds out "my twin did it" doesn't cut the mustard with federal agents, even if the twin really did it   (indystar.com) divider line
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

23634 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Apr 2005 at 7:55 AM (17 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



72 Comments     (+0 »)


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2005-04-11 10:22:27 PM  
cut the mustard

Perform satisfactorily, as in We need a better catcher; this one just doesn't cut the mustard. The origin of this expression is disputed. Some believe it alludes to mustard in the sense of the best or main attraction (owing to its spicing up food), whereas others believe it is a corruption of pass muster. Still others hold that it concerns the preparation of mustard, which involves adding vinegar to mustard seed to cut (reduce) its bitterness. The expression is often in negative form, as in the example. [Slang; c. 1900]
 
2005-04-11 11:33:25 PM  
hb0mb jumped on that mistake hell for weather.

/kidding
//not submitter
 
2005-04-12 1:05:13 AM  
Greenlit and headline fixed, so my previous comment makes no sense.
 
2005-04-12 1:52:55 AM  
[image from img229.echo.cx too old to be available]

/getting it out of the way early
 
2005-04-12 8:01:26 AM  
could I please have the Cliff Notes on that news story???
 
2005-04-12 8:07:01 AM  
That probably WAS the cliff notes. What a whacked out story.
 
2005-04-12 8:07:59 AM  
[image from killercars.net too old to be available]

Guilty.

/Too long to RTFA.
 
2005-04-12 8:11:29 AM  
hmm, I've been thinking
 
2005-04-12 8:13:54 AM  
I was going to post a comment with the "unlikely" tag....but it's been done away with!!! Why did no one inform me of this?

"This man has taken advantage of the system," U.S. Magistrate Kennard Foster said during last month's detention hearing. "He's lied. He's a fabricator.
"He's the last person who needs to be on the streetsin the White House."


/look, I'm just kidding. It's a joke. Relax.
 
2005-04-12 8:20:37 AM  
It didn't cut the mustard with my mother either, even when it was true. :-(
 
2005-04-12 8:21:10 AM  
Oscar Bluth surrenders.
 
2005-04-12 8:26:35 AM  
Doesn't he realise that getting the right man isn't a priority for the USA at the moment? Can't even get the right country...
 
2005-04-12 8:28:30 AM  
dukefluke:

Doesn't he realise that getting the right man isn't a priority for the USA at the moment? Can't even get the right country...

I like it.
 
2005-04-12 8:29:18 AM  
This guy is shoveling the biggest pile of shiat.
 
2005-04-12 8:29:45 AM  
...bizarre. That's the only thing I can think to say.

/lives in Indiana, works in Indianapolis, first I've heard of this story
 
2005-04-12 8:35:41 AM  
Bizarre is right, but why not just give him a lie detector test, but.....I can see him then going to court and pleading insanity.
 
2005-04-12 8:37:14 AM  
"Destitute Lebonese family"..."19 siblings"...Correlation? Cause and effect?
 
2005-04-12 8:37:47 AM  
If I ever did anything that could result in serious jail time i would immediatly begin acting in a erratic manner so i could plead insanity. Thats erratic not erotic so don't go makin fun.
 
2005-04-12 8:48:34 AM  
Umm, wouldn't the government know if this guy had a twin who worked at the CIA? I mean, I know the CIA is secretive and stuff, but they still have to keep employment records.
 
2005-04-12 8:52:31 AM  
No the CIA doesn't keep full employment records of all members of it's staff, a lot of CIA workers are payed under the state department as they are in place as diplomats or dilomatic staff. There are other examples in other departments as well.
 
2005-04-12 8:54:57 AM  
see...proof that the "evil twin" does exist. I knew it!
 
2005-04-12 8:57:56 AM  
Maybe it was his conjoined twin, the little one who lives in his pants and very seldom rears his head.
 
2005-04-12 8:59:03 AM  
hb0mb
'cut the muster' is the officially accepted version -- it's what shows up in news articles and edited works. 'Cut the mustard' is an americanized bastardization attributed to O Henry. *sigh* my l33t language skills go unappreciated yet again.

/headline submitter
 
2005-04-12 8:59:47 AM  
Three Crooked Squirrels

Bless you my son.
 
2005-04-12 9:01:09 AM  
Good to know.
 
2005-04-12 9:01:22 AM  
What the heck does "cut the mustard" mean? Is that like "cut the cheese" or more like "cut the muster"?
 
2005-04-12 9:04:24 AM  
steklo

Hey bub. Nobody sits around and debates your existance.
 
2005-04-12 9:06:40 AM  
Anyone else catch that both twins aren't even in this "Family Photo". The twin is supposedly there, but not the accused.

Methinks he is confusing his "Evil Twin" with his left hand.
 
2005-04-12 9:10:02 AM  
Shaaban admits he traveled to Syria. But he said he did so to join his twin brother on a CIA mission to "help scare Saddam Hussein."

I used to come up with stories like this all the time, and no one believed me either.
 
2005-04-12 9:16:39 AM  
SomeAmerican

Having dealt with flim-flammers and cheats, I usually find the truth of a statement is inversly proportional to the number of twists of logic required to get you there.

Twins do not have similar fingerprints. There is also the embarrasing fact that he WAS in the place at the time the crime would have occured, had the motivation, and the means to carry it out.

Amateur.
 
2005-04-12 9:26:20 AM  
why didn't he make the story even better and admit it was his twin from an alternate universe?

[image from shipbrook.com too old to be available]
 
2005-04-12 9:27:51 AM  
10 years in prison? No wonder the world laughs at us. Kill him.
 
2005-04-12 9:29:31 AM  
Evil Twin Skippy

Having dealt with flim-flammers

flim-flammers!? What, in the '30s?
 
2005-04-12 9:29:42 AM  
Evil Twin Skippy - "Twins do not have similar fingerprints. There is also the embarrasing fact that he WAS in the place at the time the crime would have occured, had the motivation, and the means to carry it out."

Your extensive experience in dealing with flim-flammers and cheats (which I'm sure qualifies you to make many more decisions in this case that I can possible imagine) notwithstanding, a couple of points:

1. Fingerprints appear to have nothing to do with this case. If they did, I think you'll find we wouldn't be having this conversation because there wouldn't be the confusion, now would there?

2. Turns out he may NOT have been in the place at the time and with the motivation. Sure, the indictment says he was in Bagdhad, but not how he got there, and you'll excuse me if I don't take evidence from the US government as being the whole truth and nothing but, there's a bit of a track record of them being lying liars quite recently, which I'm sure you'd noticed.
 
2005-04-12 9:33:28 AM  
dukefluke

Fingerprints appear to have nothing to do with this case.

RTFA. The feds say he changed his name in 1997, he says his records were overwritten when his *brother* changed his name because they have similar fingerprints. He claims that the misidentification stems from here.
 
2005-04-12 9:48:44 AM  
When I shaved today, I couldn't find my razor. So I borrowed one from my buddy Occam. And now something tells me that this guy's full of it.

Coincidence?
 
2005-04-12 9:51:35 AM  
I can attest that us twins do not have similar fingerprints. Aside from the obvious fact that fingerprints develop in the womb and are not genetically-programmed, my brother and I (identical twins) have very different fingerprints. But we do have similar DNA (it's not exactly the same, though it was once so --- apparently it mutates over time?? I was told that once and haven't confirmed it).

This guy is telling one lame-ass story. His twin brother's name is Joe H. Brown for crying out loud. If I were to make up a name, the second thought out my mouth (after "Made-Up McFiction") would be something like Joe H. Brown. That's not evidence, but I'll be darned if Mr. Shaaban has a brother named Joe H. Brown.

Oh, but his "original name" was just "coincidentally" the same as mine; and "coincidentally" I changed my name to the exact same thing once. So, you see, your honour, we were named the same, there is only a picture of one of us... but that's *him* not me.

The biggest damning evidence, however, is "William Dazey, Shaaban's court-appointed attorney, made no mention of the purported twin brother during a March 9 detention hearing." Believe it or not, lawyers aren't allowed to lie. They can misdirect, be selective about the truth, but they cannot outright lie. The Indiana Rules of Professional Conduct, for example, states:

"Rule 4.1: In the course of representing a client a lawyer shall not knowingly:
(a) make a false statement of material fact or law to a third person [...]"
I can tell you that if this lawyer thought there was a chance that they've arrested the wrong guy, he would have brought it up during the detention hearing. I mean, Christ, "THEY'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY" would be the first thing out of his mouth.

And I'd like to further add that when his wife said "She said she met the twin in Russia in the mid-1990s. She could only tell the two apart because her husband has a mole in his ear." she was either lying or has horrible observational skills. Anyone who meets twins separately and spends extensive time with one will have no difficulty recognizing the difference between the two upon meeting the other twin. Like a wife, for example. It's been my experience, and I've spoken to some very similar-looking and it has been their experience as well.

Meet twins together: they look the same. Meet twins separately: they might look the same. Know one twin exclusively for a period and then meet the second twin: they don't look IDENTICAL, they look similar.
 
2005-04-12 9:53:00 AM  
IF I LOOKING FOR TWIN

him name is Shaaban evil twin

I lost my twin

Love,
Shaaban

P.S. I'll find my twin
who took my twin?
who found my twin?
2012 15th Ave S.
 
2005-04-12 10:03:57 AM  
Jumping on the Cut the muster bandwagon. mustard is just lame.
 
2005-04-12 10:05:19 AM  
One time a threw a rock and hit a kid.
He asked me why.
I told him it was my evil twin.
He believed me because he was cross-eyed and thought everyone had an evil twin.
Now he is a loan officer.
My evil twin borrowed $7200 last week.
 
2005-04-12 10:05:44 AM  
lindseyp - damn, depsite reading the farking article quite thoroughly (or so I thought), I didn't spot that part. I assumed Skippy was talking about fingerprints at the scene, and therefore apologise.

Either way, neither side has a particularly watertight case, so if it goes to court, there's clearly a "reasonable doubt". Still, he'll probably be punished for trying to make the names of US agents public, because the Administration are the only ones who get to do that.
 
2005-04-12 10:08:53 AM  
But we do have similar DNA (it's not exactly the same, though it was once so --- apparently it mutates over time??

But which one of you is the evil twin?
 
2005-04-12 10:09:11 AM  
My evil twin:

[image from claudatos.com too old to be available]

Who, ironically, looks nothing like me, is male (I think) and is rich.
 
2005-04-12 10:10:07 AM  
that story made my head hurt... it needed a flow chart.
 
2005-04-12 10:10:39 AM  
Total horse manure.
 
2005-04-12 10:13:41 AM  
Only three of his siblings are alive today, and he said none knows about his twin.

Through the help of a family member, Shaaban offered a black-and-white photograph that he claims is a family portrait and proof of his twin brother's existence. Shaaban said he himself is not in the picture.

When asked how his twin brother might be contacted, Shaaban paused for about five seconds before saying he was dead.


*cough*bullshiat*cough*

None of his family has heard of the twin brother. The only picture he has that contains his twin brother he's miraculously not in it (see that guy that looks like me, well thats not me thats my brother, trust me). Then he obviously came up with this my twin brother is dead shiat on the spot, he had to think of an excuse as to why they couldn't find him.
 
2005-04-12 10:14:49 AM  
Me and my abidextrous self typing away on my iBook hooked up with dual screens, running both OSX and Windows at the same time.


I do have 2 keyboards plugged in, and 2 pointing devices. Dear God, I'm starting to sound like a villian from a James Bond movie.


(Strokes goatee.)

 
2005-04-12 10:15:08 AM  
dukefluke:

damn, depsite reading the farking article quite thoroughly (or so I thought), I didn't spot that part. I assumed Skippy was talking about fingerprints at the scene, and therefore apologise.


Muhahhahahahahahahahaa

*ahem*

accepted.


Anyway, the guy's clearly bullshiatting. BURN HIM!
 
2005-04-12 10:20:41 AM  
This is my evil twin's evil twin........

[image from pbskids.org too old to be available]

You just can't see his/her face because of the costume, but I guarantee you it's his twin. Scouts honor.
 
2005-04-12 10:21:17 AM  
My brain itches.
 
Displayed 50 of 72 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.