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(Some Greeter)   Man steals ATM from Walmart with $60K in it, spends it in three months, then calls the FBI to "get his sentence over with."   (oregonlive.com) divider line
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    More: Dumbass  
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32494 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2005 at 1:14 AM (19 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



63 Comments     (+0 »)


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pshaw  
2005-03-12 11:39:48 PM  
Federal authorities have accused the 39-year-old La Grande man of stealing the machine, then spending the $60,000 inside it before calling the FBI last week to ask how long he'd spend in jail for the crime.

Sounds like a Progressive car insurance customer.
 
nick4753  
2005-03-13 1:10:24 AM  
pshaw: Sounds like a Progressive car insurance customer.

LOL!
 
teabag bandit  
2005-03-13 1:19:08 AM  
The submitter confesses to being a greeter at Wal Mart?

Sad, very sad.
 
chazz mctazz  
2005-03-13 1:19:16 AM  
$60K, I would have gone straight to the nearest race track.... put it all on 7!
 
Entheogenic  
2005-03-13 1:19:35 AM  
Meanwhile, a La Grande Wal-Mart operator said Wednesday the store had an ATM in working order.

Well, that's reassuring.
 
Patent  
2005-03-13 1:21:03 AM  
So then he said, "That's not what I expected from the FBI."

And I said, "Well, maybe you should."
 
Gods Gift Maggot  
2005-03-13 1:21:17 AM  
ghetteaux:

You weren't even teh boobs when you posted that you jackass.
 
Diabolic [OhFark]  
2005-03-13 1:29:10 AM  
he could have been a img.fark.net
if he wasn't such a img.fark.net
Damn....that IS img.fark.net
 
Artmerlyn  
2005-03-13 1:29:33 AM  
*pointing at guetteaux

HAHA!

/Nelson
 
Flashman73  
2005-03-13 1:30:49 AM  
Oh ghetteaux you look so lame down there! :op
 
Texa$ [TotalFark] [OhFark]  
2005-03-13 1:34:43 AM  
Welcome to Wall-Mart!

/the heart is in the electronics section
 
yotta  
2005-03-13 1:35:32 AM  
If he hadn't turned himself in, the feebs would still be looking for him. I wonder if he'll get additional time for makinging the FBI look bad.
 
Capt. Epicocity  
2005-03-13 1:37:21 AM  
A la Grande Wal-Mart? Super Walmarts going international?
 
Crosshair  
2005-03-13 1:37:44 AM  
Well, at least ghetteaux knows about the timewarp post filter now. :P
 
FlightDeck  
2005-03-13 1:38:22 AM  
$60k is a really, really small amount of money to have in an ATM.

I used to work for HONOR Technologies (which became Star Systems, Inc., which was then purchased by Concord EFS, and later acquired by First Data...). Anyway, the ATM guys monitored those things and they were usually reloaded at 200k or so depending on location. Those dinky little free standing ATMs you see in small retail bays usually hold about 100k or so.

Ahem.
 
ThusSpokeKayvon  
2005-03-13 1:41:55 AM  
Someone cue the banjo music please.
 
hodgep  
2005-03-13 1:42:57 AM  
Dad?
 
ghetteaux  
2005-03-13 1:47:50 AM  
dam . . . couldn't sneak past the filters.
 
TWX  
2005-03-13 1:48:41 AM  
For those who don't know what people are talking about with ghetteaux as they read this thread, it appears that he attempted to spoof the post submit so that his own fake time stamp would put his Weeners. Apparently he forgot two things: how to determine AM from PM, so his post continually appears at the bottom of the thread instead of at the top, and that this isn't Slashdot, so the mods will probably just delete his sorry ass and bannination will ensue.
 
mudfootball  
2005-03-13 1:50:03 AM  
"As they strained to lift the machine into a Nissan Pathfinder sport utility vehicle, part of the tarp lifted."

Paid for by the Nissan Motor Corporation

/PLUG ME!!
 
TWX  
2005-03-13 1:50:12 AM  
And apparently I somehow tripped the fark filter even though I don't remember using any words that would have qualified...
 
Felgraf [TotalFark]  
2005-03-13 1:52:28 AM  
TWX
No, what happened was this: There is a filter in place so that if you try to post.. er.. what ghetteaux did as the.. initial opener to a thread, it will shift the time stamp ahead by 12 hours, so you will ALWAYS appear at the bottom of the thread, or, at least, for most of it.

It seems several variations of what ghetteaux tried to spell are covered by the filter.
 
majorhopper  
2005-03-13 1:54:16 AM  
Someone please explain to a simple country boy what a "large cauldron-like popcorn cooker" is used for?
 
InflatableJesus  
2005-03-13 1:58:04 AM  
FlightDeck
$60k is a really, really small amount of money to have in an ATM.

Yeah, but it was at a Wal-Mart - you don't need to withdraw as much money because of their low, low prices! :)

/Wal-Mart threads are an exception to my no-emoticons rule.
 
majorhopper  
2005-03-13 1:59:06 AM  
majorhopper:

Someone please explain to a simple country boy what a "large cauldron-like popcorn cooker" is used for?


Come to think of it, I think I have seen one in a man's yard once. Do they look like a huge WWI Doughboy helmet?
 
Sweater Girl [TotalFark]  
2005-03-13 2:00:03 AM  
Are you the guy in the story ghetteaux ?
;)
 
teabag bandit  
2005-03-13 2:00:09 AM  
majorhopper

They're for cooking children.
 
Errk  
2005-03-13 2:02:08 AM  
ghetteaux

[image from itickets.com too old to be available]
 
DrMom  
2005-03-13 2:03:37 AM  
majorhopper [TotalFark]

Someone please explain to a simple country boy what a "large cauldron-like popcorn cooker" is used for?
-------------------------------------------

It's probably a kettle corn cooker.

http://americankettlecornequipment.com/photos.htm
 
Rabbit_Abbit  
2005-03-13 2:05:55 AM  
I think the "large cauldron-like popcorn cooker" is used to make Kettle Corn, popcorn with a sugary glaze on it. They usually have it at things like street fairs.
 
puffy999 [TotalFark]  
2005-03-13 3:00:37 AM  
Someone please explain to a simple country boy what a "large cauldron-like popcorn cooker" is used for?
Well, popcorn would be my first guess... but that's too simple.
I'll say Rocky Mountain oysters.
 
lizajane999 [BareFark]  
2005-03-13 3:08:22 AM  
BOAZ HERZOG = Hebrew Boss Hogg??

reporter
 
skept1  
2005-03-13 3:12:14 AM  
rocky mountain oysters? John Denver is dead
 
further  
2005-03-13 3:19:40 AM  
It was no gun safe, as McElvain had told him earlier. Giese refused to help any further, forcing McElvain to leave the ATM on the parking lot curb, the affidavit said.

"Wtf, man? Goddamned money? You know me, motherfarker, you know that for me, it's all about the guns and nothing else. You're lucky I'm just walking away."
 
Palvar  
2005-03-13 3:33:26 AM  
Raskolnikov anyone?
 
sit_adam_sit  
2005-03-13 3:42:43 AM  
jackie brown, anyone?

/shots on me for my homeboys in mn.....
//check the posting time if none of this makes any sense...
///wait for it....ah yes.
 
Xuakal  
2005-03-13 3:52:07 AM  
Errk

I had the misfortune of seeing them out at Orlando as the opening band for Bad Religion. The damable lead singer kept prancing around the stage and appeared to be doing a Tiger Claw (Think Rock Paper Sadam!) throughout their entire set. It was horrible. Simply horrible.

The only band any of my friends have seen that compared to that level of atrocity was Promise Ring. We told them to go back to Lilyth Fair.
 
garkola  
2005-03-13 3:59:21 AM  
Read the timeline on the police. It really makes no sense:

* guy tarps over the ATM, tries to get it with a hand cart
* guy leaves, comes back with friend 10 minutes later
* friend bails, and guy leaves ATM at the curb

The next day, the police go visit the guy's parents. They say he already took their trailer.

Two days later (3 days after the ATM was first tarped), the police go buy the guy's parents house and find the top of the ATM machine.

On 12/7, the guy's cousin narcs him out to the local sherrif (the guy bought a car with cash).

Sometime later in December, the police find the rest of the ATM at a self-storage locker.

On 2/28, the guy basically turns himself in.

Now the local cops showed up and found the ATM three days after the incident. But they never seemed to go find the guy. WTF?
 
TowelTheDoor  
2005-03-13 4:10:28 AM  
Anybody ever seen that episode of Trailer Park Boys where Ricky ripped off an ATM?

[image from pointblankstudios.com too old to be available]
 
Cudasocket  
2005-03-13 4:30:04 AM  
OK, I read this in the Oregonian a couple days ago, and my question for Boas Herzog is: How did the cops know to go to his house the next day? What tipped them off?
 
mrlumpy  
2005-03-13 5:22:42 AM  
[image from rdorothywayneright.com too old to be available]
R. Dorothy Wayneright could have picked up the ATM with one hand tied behind her back...
 
nono  
2005-03-13 5:50:25 AM  
Durst was that you? Man, why don't you just film yourself getting laid, get it on www and then sue.
dude, it's the deal, i tell ya!!!!!!
 
matrix29  
2005-03-13 6:38:08 AM  
SWEEEEEeeeeT!

So all one has to do is toss a blue tarp over something in Wally-World and pretend to take it away to fiz it?

Gets out notebook...
Writes...
"BUY BLUE TARPS - PURCHASE PICKUP TRUCK - GO TO Umatilla Co., Oregon, TOSS TARP ON OBJECT, CLAIM IT'S BROKEN, TAKE OBJECT, & DRIVE AWAY. CHUCKLE LOUDLY."

There wouldn't be STUPID CRIMINALS if not for STUPID PROPERTY OWNERS.

/Sheesh, so simple it is brilliant.
 
new_york_monty  
2005-03-13 6:55:45 AM  
I can't believe no one has mentioned Barbershop yet, I thought that as soon as I saw the headline.
 
Major Thomb  
2005-03-13 7:49:55 AM  
Why doesn't he just declare bankruptcy, and it will be like he never took the bank's money and spent it.
 
dioscaido  
2005-03-13 9:23:41 AM  
[image from us.ent4.yimg.com too old to be available]


held for questioning
 
rmoody  
2005-03-13 9:25:08 AM  
Well, let's see...

He got all the money.

Spent it like a pimp.

Turned himself in.

I don't know, dumbass is a little harsh.
 
ghetteaux  
2005-03-13 9:43:11 AM  
ouch . . . embarrassed on the internets.

the shame.
 
Nanners  
2005-03-13 9:54:56 AM  
Wow, he pulled a Martha Stewart... rather than a Ken Lay or a Bernie Ebbers. :-)
 
Duckydos  
2005-03-13 11:26:06 AM  
I have worked in three Wal*Marts. In every Wal*Mart, the ATM was never bolted to the ground. Anybody with enough determination and a dolly could get the ATM out of the building.
Come to think of it, if you look official enough, you can sneak just about anything past the People Greeter.
 
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