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(Abc.net.au)   Jesus Chainsaw Massacre now available with half the spatter   (abc.net.au) divider line
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21814 clicks; posted to Main » and Entertainment » on 11 Feb 2005 at 9:12 AM (18 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



1088 Comments     (+0 »)


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Vexed Thespian
2005-02-11 9:11:32 AM  
firstly... okay i'll bite.
 
Vexed Thespian
2005-02-11 9:13:42 AM  
huh, didnt meant to post THAT yet. anywho. ENOUGH WITH THE JESUS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. and secondly... damn i really cant thinkk of a secondly... it's too freaking early
 
DavyBoySmith
2005-02-11 9:15:07 AM  
I have the Cliff notes...
Do not have to watch it.
spoiler: He died on Good Friday (hey! thats today)
 
fj
2005-02-11 9:16:49 AM  
Without the violence, why watch the movie?
 
Blink
2005-02-11 9:17:01 AM  
"But that's how it really happened."

I think I've heard that quote from about 10 different people. I want one of them time machines.
 
Homeless Cop
2005-02-11 9:17:27 AM  
Every Friday is a good Friday...
 
totalbanalilation6969
2005-02-11 9:17:45 AM  
Zombies topple Jesus?!?
 
DivisionByZero
2005-02-11 9:18:28 AM  
Violence or not, I'm still not crazy about snuff films. I was, however, hoping for a sequel around Easter...
 
ScubaDoo
2005-02-11 9:19:03 AM  
But I like seeing Jesus bleed for my sins!!!!
 
moops
2005-02-11 9:19:09 AM  
just saw the south park episode "passion of the jew". it was great. i loved how they portrayed mel gibson, as a religiously insane maniac. like he really is.
 
Jsimmons38040
2005-02-11 9:19:24 AM  
http://www.normalbobsmith.com/worstmovies/passion.html

(quiet, I'm too lazy to HTML it)

I think the jesus chainsaw massacre thing is pretty funny, since gibson apparently had a goregasm during the movie.
 
LittleSmitty
2005-02-11 9:19:42 AM  
Bah, read the book. Movies never capture the essence of a good book.
 
fj
2005-02-11 9:20:03 AM  
That should do about as well as Scarface on PBS, or the Sopranos on A&E
 
sift
2005-02-11 9:20:22 AM  
The Passion Two: Electric Boogaloo. Redux.
 
eclectro
2005-02-11 9:20:51 AM  
Headline. Not. Funny.
 
Adman12
2005-02-11 9:21:32 AM  
When you censor the death of Christ, only Christians will enjoy censorship.

...oh, wait...


/Kidding, not hating
 
tory_amiss
2005-02-11 9:22:07 AM  
Aw, whatever will the snuff addicts do?
 
Pocket Ninja [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2005-02-11 9:22:09 AM  
Ok, so let me get this straight. I'm kinda slow, so I may be missing something.

Mel Gibson releases a movie that immediately captures the hearts and minds of evangelical Christians everywhere because it so perfectly captures the suffering of their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

After watching it (or in some cases even before watching it), said evangelicals get upset because the movie makes the suffering of their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, look, well, too much like suffering.

Mel Gibson, to placate said evangelicals, releases a five-to-six-minute shorter version of said film, titled (without a trace of irony) The Passion Recut. In this version, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ doesn't suffer quite so much.

There's some disconnect here that I can't quite put my finger on. Isn't "dumbing" down the of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ's suffering a slap to what he's supposed to represent?
 
Weisenheimer
2005-02-11 9:22:16 AM  
"Jesus Chainsaw Massacre" still makes me chuckle.
 
buried_alive
2005-02-11 9:22:28 AM  
Maybe he'll replace the deleted scenes with some truth. Wait, that won't happen.
 
Epistax
2005-02-11 9:22:55 AM  
It's ok to make fun of the passion because.. well.. it's a piece of crap. Jesus chainsaw massacre for all!
 
ToasterPastry
2005-02-11 9:23:49 AM  
If Mel Gibson wasn't using the money to build himself a crazy person church, I wouldn't have such a negative opinion of it.
My dad's church denounced the movie saying it glorified violence and gave off a negative opinion of jews. Go Catholics.
 
sift
2005-02-11 9:24:06 AM  
they should make a jesus chainsaw massacre. he could put the jews faces on his, and run around going "BrrriggaBriggaBrigga" (thats my chainsaw noise) with his mouth.
 
stubacka
2005-02-11 9:24:19 AM  
When are we going to see the Alternate Ending??
 
jaraber527
2005-02-11 9:24:40 AM  
Um, Okay
cutting 4-7 minutes of that slasher makes it non violent?
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAH*pant*pant*HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

The farker just wants to release it before easter so he can buy a 2nd island off of Fiji for his slaves.
 
Adman12
2005-02-11 9:24:57 AM  
buried_alive
Maybe he'll replace the deleted scenes with some truth.

Or lots of full-frontal nudity. Who could complain about that?


/"Life of Brian" had plenty
 
UVbLue
2005-02-11 9:25:20 AM  
I bet he doesn't even die in this "new" movie.

/christian wusses
 
sift
2005-02-11 9:25:43 AM  
they should add in some 'jesus farking that whore friend of his' scenes.
 
jaraber527
2005-02-11 9:26:43 AM  
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200412/s1262008.htm
 
moops
2005-02-11 9:27:08 AM  
/"Life of Brian" had plenty

yeah but that welsh tart had so much winterbush it looked like a bikini bottom.
 
With Christ At Midnight In The Slums Of Chicago
2005-02-11 9:27:24 AM  
DavyBoySmith

spoiler: He died on Good Friday (hey! thats today)

Good Friday is the Friday just prior to Easter Sunday.

/reformed Catholic
 
TheNewJesus
2005-02-11 9:28:18 AM  
Jason vs Freddy vs Jesus!
 
Mordant
2005-02-11 9:29:12 AM  
I'm working on a version where they just give Jesus noogies and indian burns.
 
stubacka
2005-02-11 9:29:39 AM  
Less
[image from celebritywonder.com too old to be available]

More
[image from barefacts.com too old to be available]

please.
 
Radworld4
2005-02-11 9:29:53 AM  
Still on my dvd shelf...still in the plastic. In the meantime Napoleon Dynmatite runs on a continues scene shuffle.

Sorry Jesus.
 
sift
2005-02-11 9:30:10 AM  
hahah
 
FarkmeBlind
2005-02-11 9:30:49 AM  
Pocket Ninja:

Isn't "dumbing" down the of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ's suffering a slap to what he's supposed to represent?

Yup.


It also implies Christians are too dumb to understand, and too faint-hearted to watch, a depiction of their faith's fundamental story.
 
Mr. Clarence Butterworth
2005-02-11 9:31:19 AM  
Great cinematography
Excellent sound design
Poor directing
Wooden acting
 
TheNewJesus
2005-02-11 9:31:56 AM  
Eh, I would do it too. Trim six minutes, release it in theaters again to make another 200 mil from the religisheep. Go home and select from a bounty of sexy naked women to snort cocain off of...

You da man Mad Max!
 
depafeo
2005-02-11 9:31:58 AM  
Would Christianity be so big today if Jesus lived?

/I just blew my mind
 
Steve French
2005-02-11 9:32:07 AM  
Life of Brian was the only 'realistic' Jesus movie I've ever seen.
 
amoricanCrowe
2005-02-11 9:32:40 AM  
2005-02-11 09:25:43 AM sift
they should add in some 'jesus farking that whore friend of his' scenes.

Yeeaaahhhh, that's the ticket! And Martin Scorsese can direct it! Err... wha???...
 
Asa Phelps
2005-02-11 9:35:06 AM  
moops

The subtext you're missing in "Passion of the Jew" is the illustration of the fact that Gibson has made a LOT of pseudo-historical gore-dramas, and it's absurd to think he's some kind of monk now that he made one about Jebus.

Unless that's a leper colony he's building . . . . oh saint gibson, can you show us the way?

/Never seen it, will watch it right after 'Pearl Harbor'
 
mastethom
2005-02-11 9:35:18 AM  
But gory, bloody movies make the baby Jesus cry... especially when it's his ass getting kicked.

stubacka

Here farkin' here!

/Or is it 'hear hear'?
//Never figured that one out.
 
Galen_Rasputin
2005-02-11 9:35:46 AM  
You are missing the point, it will run without the rateing thingy. Meaning you can now legitamatly take your'e 5-8 year old neice/nephew to see the farking thing, and scare teh bejesus out of them. "Timmy, you better be a good boy, we crucified Jesus and he was the son of god, what the hell do you think we are going to do to you, ya little shiat."
 
amoricanCrowe
2005-02-11 9:36:05 AM  
2005-02-11 09:30:49 AM FarkmeBlind

It also implies Christians are too dumb to understand, and too faint-hearted to watch, a depiction of their faith's fundamental story.

Hi, troll!
 
Adman12
2005-02-11 9:36:55 AM  
moops
/"Life of Brian" had plenty
yeah but that welsh tart had so much winterbush it looked like a bikini bottom.

I'll say. I saw that movie for the first time at a very impressionable age (11 or so) and it helped form my impressions of what naked ladies were like.

Man, I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered, from later experiences, that the hip-to-hip coverage was not the norm.

/although kids raised on today's online porn will probably be shocked to find any significant coverage in at all in the real thing...
 
Dennis_Moore
2005-02-11 9:37:47 AM  
".....I read all about the scourging and the crowning with thorns.... and I could viddy myself helping in and even taking charge of the tolchocking and the nailing in, being dressed in the height of Roman fashion. I didn't so much like the latter part of the book, which is more like all preachy talking than fighting and the old in-out. I liked the parts where these old yahoodies tolchock each other and then drink their Hebrew vino, and getting onto the bed with their wives' handmaidens. That kept me going."

[image from taschen.com too old to be available]
 
Shiftless
2005-02-11 9:39:27 AM  
Yay, who wants to see such a vile movie anyway?
 
NineInchNader
2005-02-11 9:40:08 AM  
...getting onto the bed with their wives' handmaidens.

What is it with handmaidens? Perhaps the only role in the universe hotter than a french maid.
 
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