If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(KSDK)   Airport security screeners too busy stealing millions from luggage to be bothered preventing terrorism   ( ksdk.com) divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

18255 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2005 at 5:43 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

98 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2005-01-21 11:28:17 AM  
Moral of the story: Don't fly through St. Louis.
2005-01-21 11:29:08 AM  
Mug me in St. Louis, Louie!
2005-01-21 11:29:51 AM  
But what if they used the money to fund anti-terrorist causes?
2005-01-21 11:36:18 AM  
I lost a digital camera flying from St. Louis to Vegas. Took it out of my locked, checked luggage. Granted, it was one of those crap "locks" that comes with the suitcase. At least whoever stole it bothered to lock the suitcase again after they were done having their way with my stuff.
2005-01-21 11:37:09 AM  
TSA is useless.
2005-01-21 11:44:20 AM  
I try to not check a bag whenever possible. At least I can see what they do to my carry-on stuff. I put rings, money clip, watch, etc. in a shoe to go through the x-ray tub ride so it's less accessible (even better to hide it in carry-on luggage).
2005-01-21 11:51:04 AM  
My wife walked through no fewer than a dozen security checkpoints last week with a 3 inch Gerber lockback knife in her purse. Nobody said a thing. We had to take our farking shoes off to get through, and nobody can see a knife?

2005-01-21 12:39:12 PM  
Another successful government program at work.
2005-01-21 12:49:27 PM  
[image from iownjoo.com too old to be available]

3-inch Gerber lockback knife: Lil' Stabber.
2005-01-21 02:47:23 PM  
Dancin_In_Anson: Another successful government program at work.

It's almost enough to make one forget that Bush is responsible for making them government workers.
2005-01-21 02:54:02 PM  

My wife walked through no fewer than a dozen security checkpoints last week with a 3 inch Gerber lockback knife in her purse. Nobody said a thing. We had to take our farking shoes off to get through, and nobody can see a knife?

Former neighbor who was a Detroit City patrol cop (before she got on shot on the job) carried a LOADED (Police Issue, no papers carried) handgun onto a plane after 9/11. She didn't realize it was in her purse until she emptied her purse at her hotel in Vegas.
2005-01-21 03:02:33 PM  
Necessity is the mother of invention:

Clear vinyl bag, 28 in. by 10 feet when laid flat. Ziplock-style zipper closure along long side. Suction valve at one end.

1) Lay belongings flat inside bag; zip bag.
2) Attach travel vacuum pump and evacuate bag.
3) Apply tamper-evident tape to zipper
4) Roll or fold bag and place in traditional suitcase.

3 easy payments of $29.99. If you call in the next 10 minutes, we'll knock off a the third payment!

/calls patent attorney
2005-01-21 05:47:59 PM  
Will N. Dowd: /calls patent attorney

They have those already...

But for real, who is stupid enough to put cash in their luggage??
2005-01-21 05:51:00 PM  
I'm not worried, as long as they don't figure out the combination on my luggage!

2005-01-21 05:52:25 PM  
another victory for Thousands Standing Around.
2005-01-21 05:53:12 PM  
Just as Carlin says: we're working towards the illusion of safety.
2005-01-21 05:55:52 PM  
Yeah planes are sooooo much safer now.

They should go back to pre 9/11 security.

I know that if people were allowed knives and clubs on the plane again, No terrorist would ever be able to hijack a US plane. They would be stabbed and clubbed to death by everyone on the flight.

It just wastes money to have all the stupid check points and doesn't stop terrorists at all .

The odds of being killed or even affected by a terrorist in the US are so low, that sadly fast food, driving your car, smoking, drinking and even flying in a plane are more dangerous to your health than terrorists.


The TERRA-rists are with those ever present WMDs!!!


If a terrorist group wanted to kill 2000-3000 people again like 9/11 they wouldn't have to work very hard to accomplish it, and no amount of protection from homeland security, FBI or CIA could stop it.

Nothing in the world can stop a well disciplined determined group of human beings.
2005-01-21 05:56:21 PM  
Flew out of seattle-tacoma last month. The a*holes there stole my Koss Pro4AA cans out of my luggage. These are studio monitor headphones, I wasn't about to wear them around on my head.

I hope whoever took them dies in a fire. Screaming.
2005-01-21 05:56:36 PM  
There are some good guys in the TSA... The unfortunate thing is that it's damn near impossible for them to follow through with disciplinary measures, and some of the higher-ups seem to want to throw a few more stumbling blocks in the way.

I suppose the really bad apples have a knack for self-preservation.
2005-01-21 05:56:44 PM  
They tell you to leave your luggae unlocked so they can "check it better" Seems like your better of fedexing your luggae ahead of time.
2005-01-21 05:56:50 PM  
Col. Paul Mason is the airport Police Chief, "We've been at this since 2002, and Bill's got 600 screeners. We've made one arrest. That is a pretty good record!"

Of letting all the other thieves get away?
2005-01-21 05:57:39 PM  
my gf's camera getting ripped off made me feel immeasurably safer

I'm gonna pack a suitcase full of nasty diapers next time I fly. Maybe I'll booby trap one to spray runny liquid feces all over when it gets 'inspected for weapons'.
2005-01-21 05:57:40 PM  
The screeners at Midway in Chicago are the worst...they sit around gossiping rather than instructing passengers, much less paying attention to them.

Before Christmas, I was going through security and a guy 2 people in front of me asked if he had to take off his shoes. The screener chick said "I recommend it...the gate might go off". He shrugged and went through, and sure enough it didn't go off. She then instructed him to stand in a corner and wait for a manual screening, turned to her co-worker on the other side of us, and said "That's what he gets for his attitude."

I then walked straight through without emptying any of my pockets or taking off my shoes while she was biatching to her co-worker.

I feel safer already.

/true story
2005-01-21 05:58:13 PM  
2005-01-21 02:47:23 PM BigTuna [TotalFark]

While it's not quite comedy gold... it's almost certainly a bronze.
2005-01-21 05:58:42 PM  
"Anna Wheeler went through security at Denver International Airport. She put everything on the tray, even her engagement ring. By the time she walked through the detector her ring was gone, "I was devastated to have lost it."

LOST? Am I thinking of a different walkway? There are three people in the four feet of space you put your tray through. One of them did it. Raise hell! (Of course, if you do, you're probably going to jail..."she was irate, obviously a terrorist.")
2005-01-21 06:00:02 PM  
2005-01-21 05:55:26 PM psiberfunk

I love how I just got home from a trip from chil and all my chilean liquor just magically dissapeared, even after expressly decleared, and there was a nice little note in my bag: You've been searched by the TSA.

or more accuratly, I got robbed of some very special drink !

You dodged a bullet there, pal. I got the worst hangover of my life off of a chilean liquor.
2005-01-21 06:00:11 PM  

Aside from the obvious point that they BOTH suck...

The reason they say, "Don't lock your bags" is so they don't have to break your lock. It's more of a time saver for them than a courtesy for you. And even less of a "safety" measure.
2005-01-21 06:01:12 PM  
Only luggage I travel with, best of all it fits perfectly underneath the seat and has wheels.
[image from altmanluggage.com too old to be available]
2005-01-21 06:02:20 PM  
"Col. Paul Mason is the airport Police Chief, "We've been at this since 2002, and Bill's got 600 screeners. We've made one arrest. That is a pretty good record!"

Catching one filthy thief out of 600 filthy thieves is a record? What record is that, exactly? Is there some kind of contest where Airport cops try to imitate Helen Keller?

If airport security personnel are caught compromising the integrity of the system, they ought to do a minimum 25 year sentence.
2005-01-21 06:03:00 PM  
The last quote made me laugh: "she was irate, obviously a terrorist."
The only thing I could think of was "Yeah, Haven't you heard of Irate? It's right next to Iraq! And we all know about Iraq, don't we??"
2005-01-21 06:03:01 PM  
Col. Paul Mason is the airport Police Chief, "We've been at this since 2002, and Bill's got 600 screeners. We've made one arrest. That is a pretty good record!"

That is a wonderful record. Now hire some detectives, and some rent-a-coppers.
2005-01-21 06:03:24 PM  
Lisa Zigman, investigative reporter, clearly doesn't have the slightest farking clue how to use commas properly.

Hate that.
2005-01-21 06:04:27 PM  
To tell the wonders of Canadian customs. Canada Customs and Revenue Agency has a guy I know who's parents were mules for the drug trade in the early 90s he works in the Ottawa airport as a screener.

Also I flew through Toronto one night last May coming from the States. I had to go through security and they didn't do the typical wipedown for bomb residue. I asked why and the girl said it was 10:30 at night. I guess terrorists don't work past 10. :/
2005-01-21 06:04:52 PM  
My brother had his iPod stolen from his bag in Denver.

Honestly, though, I have no idea why people put anything worth more than $50 in their checked luggage. Once that thing is out of your sight, anything can get stolen from it at anytime. Anything electronic always goes in my carry-on.
2005-01-21 06:07:03 PM  
Also, I add a not so funny anecdote:

My wife and I were coming back from our honeymoon at the beginning of June this year. We were in the Dominican.

So, there we were in at the Punta Cana thatched roof, pretty much open air airport. We got into the Air Transat line (our flight was Punta Cana to Toronto) and while we were waiting I noticed the line up for some small US carrier (US2000 or US3000 or some crap like that). In this third world airport were three stainless steel tables, each manned by a some person in a uniform. Beside these tables stood another official with a smell hound of some sort on a leash.

People would come by, put their luggage on a table and the customs officer (?) would root through it and away they went. Very degrading, I think. But luckily I wasn't flying to whatever US destination those people were... we just checked our baggage like human beings and went on our way.

It sucks that US citizens have to live this way just because their government has engaged in decades of destructive foreign policy. I really feel bad for all the yanks and non-US citizens that have to fly in and out of the states.
2005-01-21 06:07:54 PM  
True St. Louis story:

I attempted to board an aircraft with one of those nifty Samsonite rolling bags, perfectly sized for carry-on. I was told there was no room left. I said it could fit under the seat and asked to go look if there was room under mine. I was shut down, made to check my carry-on and told it was be placed in cargo for me to pick up as I exited in San Jose. Fine.

I get to my seat and, lo and behold, the area under the seat in front of me is empty. I ask the flight coontattendant if I could get my bag back and put in under there. She said it was already in the plane's hold. I then pointed out the window and asked that if that was the case then whose bag was the baggage monkey rifling through that also happened to have my stuff in it. By this time, the plane was moving and she said she would call the gate and have my bag secured.

Naturally, I never saw it again.

While in San Jose, I made several attempts to get my shiat back or at least track it down. I was told that it was impossible to know who was on duty at that gate at the time. I was told that TWA does not claim responsibility for anything of any real value; no electronics, no money, no jewelry, just clothes. I asked if this was to more easily enable staff to steal from passengers and he said, I swear to a God that I will pretend exists for the moment, Yea- er, well, No!

Thankfully, my employer at the time held good travelers insurance and I got to expense almost $5,000 worth of new shiat.

This, by the by, was long before the baggage monkeys became government workers.

This is just one of the many merry stories I have regarding my four years of near constant business travel. fark the TSA, fark airlines, fark pilots, fark flight attendants, fark baggage monkeys, fark their bosses and fark the unions that protect them all in spite of easily demonstrable gross incompetence. fark 'em all.
2005-01-21 06:08:58 PM  
My luggage got lost a few months ago, but at least Alaska was nice enough to pay me for the luggage and the contents, after I tried to remember what was in it and how much it was valued.

I wouldn't put it past a screener to steal it. Buddy of mine's father was flying and checked a guitar in a guitar case. As he was in his seat, he was watching the people load luggage into the plane. The guitar case went up, and the loader took it and went to the front (nose) of the plane and put it there.

Upon touching down, buddy's dad walks up to the luggage counter after, of course, the guitar doesn't come out. He complains that it was loaded into the nose, where the counter person and her manager both said "no, that's where we load mail, sir." After much hollering, they walk him over there to appease him... and lo and behold there is the guitar.

It's all a scam. :(
2005-01-21 06:19:14 PM  
The TSA needs to hand each and every person boarding a plane a 7 inch bowie knife.

Wanna hijack a plane with 200+ armed passengers?
2005-01-21 06:19:43 PM  
On the other side of the coin, allow me to relate an anecdote about a truly professional transporation system: the Japanese light rail system. This summer I was in Tokyo, and got off a train without taking a small kit I use to keep my diabetic supplies (insulin, syringes, etc.). I didn't realize it until I had made a train switch and was about 15 miles away. Even though hardly anyone could speak English, and it was not exactly clear what I was after, the people at their help desk were the most insanely courteous people I have ever met, and made about 10 calls in 5 minutes, found my little kit on the other side of Tokyo, and helped me go get it.

Absolutely amazing. Japan may be all weird about manga and assorted internet fetishes, but when it comes to efficiency and professionalism they are such pros it makes me sick to witness customer service in the states.
2005-01-21 06:20:47 PM  
When I came back from Vegas the last time, a plastic bag from the Bellagio containing some dirty clothes didn't make it. I presume some assclown from TSA or American ended up with some old socks and boxers.

/miss my old boxers
2005-01-21 06:24:27 PM  
St. Louis ranks 34 out of 207 airports. Reported losses at Lambert total more than $83,000.

There are 33 worse places to fly through.

No wonder that on every flight i've been on in the last 3 years every single overhead is stuffed to overflowing..
2005-01-21 06:25:38 PM  
"human frailty"!!

You have to be pretty farking "frail" to steal someone's engagement ring. What an asshole, making excuses for his employees' thievery.
2005-01-21 06:28:34 PM  
There needs to be some sort of law or laws regarding people in positions of power like policemen, judges, or airport security so that when they abuse their power, they get about ten years extra jail time tacked onto whatever normal sentence they get. If you can't trust the people that are supposed to uphold the rules, then what good are the rules.
2005-01-21 06:29:13 PM  
What kind of idiot has 1,2,3,4,5 as their luggage combination?

/May the swartz be with you.
2005-01-21 06:29:40 PM  
When I came back from Italy last October I had a 4am flight out of Rome so I stayed out all night and partyed boarded the plane and passed out. 9 hours later I woke up at O'Hare and when I was waiting in line at customs and I yawned. Some TSA agents pulled me off to the side and eventually led me to a room. They searched through my luggage and kept asking me why I was so tired. It didn't make sense to me either. They let me go after about an hour. I kept saying,"I just got off a 9 hour flight!!"
2005-01-21 06:31:04 PM  
This is why it is hell to fly now. Every moran on the planet has to carry all of their luggage onto the plane, so if you are not one of the first people on the plane you can't fit you stuff in the overhead.

/Flies alot
/Hates people who carry too much onto plane
/Wants to regulate carry-on luggage size and weight
2005-01-21 06:32:03 PM  
/Hates people who carry too much onto plane

2005-01-21 06:36:33 PM  
All this griping is a waste of time. First, you know this is all for our own good, don't you? And second, don't you feel safer knowing that any guns smuggled in by terrorists are bound to be stolen by good, upright Americans before they can be used against us? Think of it as pre-emptive free enterprise in action.

Only could work up sympathy for sabreWulf07 here. Those headphones are too good to pack. Me, I'd have worn 'em around my neck.
2005-01-21 06:36:44 PM  
You could of course spend $15 and then you'd be able to prove whether it WAS the TSA or not....


Of course this does nothing to guarantee they won't lose it or taxi over it on the ramp....
2005-01-21 06:40:10 PM  
2005-01-21 06:03:24 PM peacefulwarrior :
Lisa Zigman, investigative reporter, clearly doesn't have the slightest farking clue how to use commas properly.

Hate that.

She can't use apostrophes worth a damn either.
..."but the Gould's are quite sure their items are gone. The Gould's case aside, many claims allege..."
should be
..."but the Goulds are quite sure their items are gone. The Goulds' case aside, many claims allege..."
Displayed 50 of 98 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.