If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Chicago Sun-Times)   School milk cartons may be phased out due to children unable to perform relatively simple task of opening it   ( suntimes.com) divider line
    More: Sad  
•       •       •

15102 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Dec 2004 at 3:19 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

243 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-12-29 09:46:36 AM  
Children that are too stupid to operate a milk carton don't deserve any milk.
2004-12-29 09:51:49 AM  
send them back to school
2004-12-29 09:54:22 AM  
''Teachers say you can spend the whole lunch period just walking around and opening those containers.''

Sometimes they just wouldn't open on the end that said 'open'. Ok I concede that point. However you had another chance opening the other end. If all else failed, you could always chuck it at someone, and I guarantee it would open then.
2004-12-29 09:55:22 AM  
Hey, I have a hard time opening those stupid containers. Why can't they make them like juice boxes, with a little opening that you punch the straw through? Problem solved.
2004-12-29 09:58:01 AM  
It looks like the submitter may benefit from a little remedial grammar himself.
2004-12-29 10:01:40 AM  
Several years ago the milk industry decided its boxes were not visually competitive when sold alongside the relatively sexy bottles of juice and soda increasingly common in schools.

The truth always comes out in the last paragraph.
2004-12-29 10:03:00 AM  
Whitney Houston is a pharking liar.

/children aren't our future....
2004-12-29 10:05:43 AM  
That's a shame... I always thought it tasted better out of a carton.
2004-12-29 10:18:16 AM  
Aren't the paper cartons a lot better for the environment than plastic bottles?
2004-12-29 10:23:21 AM  
Wait, wait... are we talking about the kind with the chain, or the ones with the rivets you have to pry off?
2004-12-29 10:38:06 AM  
"Several years ago the milk industry decided its boxes were not visually competitive when sold alongside the relatively sexy bottles of juice and soda increasingly common in schools."

Ah the real reason.
2004-12-29 10:39:25 AM  
Nothing sucks worse than opening the wrong end of one of those bastards.
2004-12-29 10:54:09 AM  
My wife can't open them either, and she's a teacher.
2004-12-29 11:03:56 AM  
This always worked for me:

1) Set milk carton on floor on its side. For best results, be sure that the TOP end is facing a line of people.

2) Lift one foot off the ground and position it so that it is centered over milk carton. Maintain balance on other foot.

3) Stomp on milk carton with raised foot. For best results, accompany stomp with some sort of verbal outcry: AHA! HA! or BAM! work well.

4) Run.
2004-12-29 11:12:40 AM  
[image from ekennedy.us too old to be available]

Can't milk this!
2004-12-29 11:17:28 AM  
My sophomore year of high school - 1991 or so - they replaced the milk cartons with plastic milk bags. You would squeeze it at the bottom to make it taut at the top, then poke the straw through to access delicious dairy goodness. I have yet to hear from anyone else who had to use these contraptions.

They actually accomplished their goal of cutting down on the volume of lunch trash, since the bags basically lay flat once empty. But it didn't change the fact that they looked like breast implants.

Incidentally, don't google for "milk bags" at work.
2004-12-29 11:31:33 AM  
It's the last line that is the real reason here. People have had trouble opening these since they were introduced. getting the glue strong enough to hold the container closed in shipping yet weaker than the surrounding paper so it will tear properly is hard. The really uppercrust dairy houses like Dean's get it right. The kind of cheap milk that is bought for schools likely requires a blowtorch to open right.

This is not a new discovery.
2004-12-29 11:33:18 AM  
Maybe if the parents would actually show their kids how to do things? Like ours did, all those years ago?

What the hell is it with people these days?
2004-12-29 01:01:18 PM  
I suppose new milk containers would be all right then as long as they still can't get any pudding if they don't eat their meat.
2004-12-29 01:28:01 PM  
2004-12-29 11:17:28 AM BigTuna

Incidentally, don't google for "milk bags" at work.

I did a GIS for "milk bags". This is what I found...

[image from dltk-holidays.com too old to be available]
2004-12-29 03:20:48 PM  
can't say i ever had a real problem with the cartons, and i agree with wrexsol that it always tasted better out of the carton.

Then again it seemed like one in every 10 or so would open all funky and you'd have to use other end.
2004-12-29 03:24:36 PM  
Oh. My. Friggin. God.

Somewhere, Darwin is spinning. Natural selection, people. You can't open the milk? Can't hack the simplest tasks wtihout help? Then screw you, you don't get to grow up. Same with peanut allergies, seasonal affective disorder, ADD, AD/HD, and just plain being an asshole.

I hate everyone.
2004-12-29 03:25:02 PM  
Let's phase them out of the gene pool instead.
2004-12-29 03:25:17 PM  
Looks like the plastics lobby has been busy this year. Yep, I don't know how I survived childhood with those "clumsy" cartons.
2004-12-29 03:25:20 PM  
I refuse to drink milk out of a plastic container - carton or glass.

This people/kids are fools.
2004-12-29 03:26:13 PM  
I remember what a pain those milk cartons were. It would never seem to open correctly, you'ld either smoosh the carton from attempting to pry it apart, or the carton would rip along a seam other then the correct one, or else it would finally open and take the nicy "waxy" layer of cardboard with it, so you'ld be drinking out of a soggy wet box.

Of course, since I was in school before the "zero tolerance" concept became standard, I just opened my milk with my cub scout pocket knife.

How did I not turn out a mass murderer?
2004-12-29 03:26:32 PM  
i dare everyone not to respond to jlowejd's trolling. come on, resist!
2004-12-29 03:27:08 PM  
My grammer, bad.

SbB Denise's ta-tas, good.

I'd love to see those booming speakers.
2004-12-29 03:27:11 PM  
My school didn't use cartons. They used tiny bags of milk, they were really awkward to use, because you had to puncture the bag with a straw, kinda like a juice box. Man, my school sucked.
2004-12-29 03:27:32 PM  
For one year in elementary school we had bags of milk. I always thought they looked like breast implants. Now I can't seem to find anybody who remembers them. Anyone else ever see these?
2004-12-29 03:27:40 PM  
Well considering the puss/blood cow teets school milk is milked from, I dont think this is a bad thing.

/pompus elitist food nazi
//still loves beef.. imported.. from new zealand
2004-12-29 03:27:44 PM  
Whitney Houston is a pharking liar.

/children aren't our future....

wins. Damned, I lost it reading this! Thanks for the laugh, dude. I needed it.
2004-12-29 03:27:45 PM  
Milk sucks.....

Now chocolate milk!!!.. thats another story....

/not referring to the choco-ass-beer in an earlier story
2004-12-29 03:27:52 PM  
I hate the way the cardboard feels up against my mouth when drinking from milk cartons. It's just not a smooth surface like you would expect to have when drinking something.
2004-12-29 03:27:53 PM  
I only drink milk from the source.
2004-12-29 03:28:08 PM  
Maybe their bones are too brittle to open the containers.

[image from egalwaat.lu too old to be available]
2004-12-29 03:28:13 PM  

No MALK with Vitamin R jokes?
2004-12-29 03:28:36 PM  
BigTuna: You must be talking about these awesoem little guys:
[image from driftwooddairy.com too old to be available]
2004-12-29 03:29:01 PM  
Don't GIS sexy juice at work either. Bad bad stuff....
2004-12-29 03:29:02 PM  
Milk is sugar filled garbage anyway (wasn't their an article posted on fark recently?).

Just take a calcium supplement, it is cheaper and healthier.
2004-12-29 03:29:12 PM  

...screw you, you don't get to grow up. Same with peanut allergies, seasonal affective disorder, ADD, AD/HD, and just plain being an asshole.

So, you don't get to grow up either, then?
2004-12-29 03:29:23 PM  
Milk sucks anyway. Kids shouldn't drink it. Cow's milk is for baby cows to drink, not elementary school kids. Plus the hormones in the milk are making boys dicks shrink and girls tits bigger.

/maybe not so bad after all....
2004-12-29 03:29:27 PM  
Why is everyone so confused by the notion of milk coming in plastic bags? That's the only way I've ever known it.

No innuendo, just crazy Canuckistani custom.

/ likes milk bags
// so does hubby
/// maybe a little innuendo
2004-12-29 03:29:31 PM  
I always failed to open those things on the first try. It just wouldn't open. Dammit.
2004-12-29 03:29:32 PM  
Several years ago the milk industry decided its boxes were not visually competitive when sold alongside the relatively sexy bottles of juice and soda increasingly common in schools.

Does anyone else find the use of "sexy" in this article mildly disturbing?
2004-12-29 03:29:56 PM  
Maybe a new way to package alcohol so that kids don't get into it?
2004-12-29 03:30:28 PM  
I'll try to read the thread next time
2004-12-29 03:30:36 PM  
abby422, since that's partly inspired by St. Carlin, you probably won't get many agreeing with your "troll" assessment.

/quotation marks are fun.
2004-12-29 03:30:46 PM  
2004-12-29 03:31:01 PM  
oh come on, doesn't everyone remember how frustrating it was to yank those things open and then it would tear all funny and you get bits of paper in your mouth for the first few drinks. or it would only dribble out of the tiny little hole you manage to puncture open.

/rarely drank milk in grade school...lactose intolerant.
Displayed 50 of 243 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.