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(Some Guy)   Holiday Greetings from Martha Stewart   ( marthatalks.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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15544 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2004 at 11:35 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

75 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-27 04:27:24 PM  
Stewart is pathetic. Not only was she a former, licensed stockbroker, she was also on the board of the NY Stock exchange. The irony is that this episode will only serve to line her pockets.
2004-12-27 04:37:57 PM  
Free Martha.
2004-12-27 04:41:07 PM  
I have learned many valuable lessons here and look forward to bringing you some great recipies once I get out. You can look forward to my festive holiday cordial made with oranges and a rusty radiator. You will also love my needlepoint chastity-belt that will cut-down on those pesky advances made by "Iron Maude: the gin-ee violator" See you on the outside.

Martha "soap-droppin" Stewart
2004-12-27 04:43:19 PM  
Martha is going to come out of this with stronger than ever. I never was a Martha fan, I am now. When she gets back, there will be asses to be kicked--I'm sure she's already taken names.
2004-12-27 04:52:25 PM  
Yay Martha!

A new spokeman for the release of non-violent drug offenders!

This may be the best thing that could have happened to her (and us).
2004-12-27 05:12:40 PM  
I can tell she's horny.
2004-12-27 05:18:39 PM  
"Yes, Virginia, there are many things you can make with what you have on hand make the holidays more enjoyable, I find that a well carved shiv out of soap next to your centerpiece of toilet paper roses only enhances the plastic tray food and a nice toast with some fine zip-lock baggie peach wine." "So, please Virginia...write back....please...oh, God PLEASE write back Virginia, it's almost light's out and I keep hearing the scampering of little claws...that sound like Pine trees brushing up against the windows in my house in the Hampton's..." "Hold me...HOLD ME!!!!"
2004-12-27 06:58:47 PM  
I just wish she would go away, but of course, she won't.

/Maybe the plea will get some attention for helping others anyway
2004-12-27 07:35:01 PM  
She said beseech. Who the fark does she think she is? This woman is one of the most annoying people EVER.
2004-12-27 07:44:34 PM  
[image from damnlimey.cliche-host.net too old to be available]
2004-12-27 09:35:43 PM  
I have had time to think, time to write, time to exercise, time to not eat the bad food, and time to walk and contemplate the future. I've had my work here too. Cleaning has been my job washing, scrubbing, sweeping, vacuuming, raking leaves, and much more. But like everyone else here, I would rather be doing all of this in my own home, and not here -- away from family and friends.

Celebrities are above the law, but not below publicity, so Martha does time-for-profit. There's nothing like the martyrdom of an aging diva to reignite the faithful.

There's also nothing so sanctimonious in the face of this American ignominy of justice...

[image from members.kingston.net too old to be available]

2004-12-27 11:38:04 PM  
TOSS SALAD, biatch
2004-12-27 11:39:34 PM  
I prefer syrup.
2004-12-27 11:41:05 PM  
Karmacidal: Free Martha.

I'll take her!

/channeling Peter Griffin
2004-12-27 11:42:22 PM  

Have a nice cup of STFU. Could you be any more annoying?
2004-12-27 11:43:30 PM  
Martha is irrelevant; there are bigger fish to fry IMO.
2004-12-27 11:43:55 PM  
When one is incarcerated with 1,200 other inmates

Nice start to the letter!!
/I feel the same way Martha...hang in there baby...
2004-12-27 11:44:44 PM  
So why is that BRIEF 67 pages long?

ha. i kill me.
2004-12-27 11:45:44 PM  
Martha makes me-
[image from tcct.zaq.ne.jp too old to be available]
2004-12-27 11:45:48 PM  
Classic Western media BS. Martha, get lost. Oh, I already posted to this thread.

/sigh - 30+ thousand dead, Martha sending Xmas messages to her groupies. Gotta love it.
2004-12-27 11:47:29 PM  
Wow Some Guy has gotten lots of links greenlighted lately.
2004-12-27 11:50:46 PM  
I'll bet she hasn't been sober for so long in quite a few years.
2004-12-27 11:51:03 PM  
It's a "some guy" septafecta! I guess when VH1 named "some guy" as person of the year, they got it right!
2004-12-27 11:51:51 PM  
Though Crosshair beat me to it in a way, I'd like to mention that it's fitting that, in a year when VH1 declared that "Some Dude" has the best year ever, some guy has had the best day ever, so far, on Fark. This might be a good time to mention that I've been drinking. Huzzah!
2004-12-27 11:52:07 PM  
I dunno... I read much of that brief she has hotlinked at the end of her little letter. It reads mostly true to me...
2004-12-27 11:59:34 PM  
Eat the shag carpet, felon !

[image from marthatalks.com too old to be available]

2004-12-28 12:01:35 AM  
I thought that I was the only one that was going to mention all of the "some guy" posts in a row.
2004-12-28 12:03:03 AM  
Her whiny note is indeed pathetic, but it's nothing compared to that travesty of a brief on her site. "Everybody lied, it wasn't my fault, I'm a friggin' political prisoner."

What she is, now, is a convicted felon, and it's deserved. The only part about this for which I have sympathy is that those bastards at Global Crossing, WorldCom, and Enron will get a slap on the wrist, while Martha has to serve time, all because Martha was visible and didn't donate enough to the right folks.
2004-12-28 12:03:35 AM  
I was never a fan of hers, but I am now. Guilty or not, she paid a far higher price for her crime than anyone should.
2004-12-28 12:04:44 AM  
Did I hear somewhere that "some guy" was Drew?
2004-12-28 12:04:47 AM  
Never bet against Martha!

Since Oct 1 you could have doubled your money.

Since Sept 1 you could have tripled your money.

Get over it asswipes.
2004-12-28 12:12:09 AM  
[image from prisonwall.org too old to be available]
2004-12-28 12:20:03 AM  
Never thought Martha Stewart to be a liberal, hmm... maybe its becuase this is the first time the law has farked her in the arse and she realizes the government is not in it to help the common man
Or shes a stupid whiny biatch.
//Vice Crimes aren't crimes
///Still thinks Martha Stewart is a worthless opportunist
////Lets not start a flame war over Martha Stewart
2004-12-28 12:20:53 AM  
Tsunami: 2004-12-28 12:04:47 AM Tsunami

Never bet against Martha!

I've been short Martha Stewart stock (i.e., MSO) four or five times, and I made money every time. I made a couple thou when that biatch went to jail. Bought an ATV. Thanks, Martha. It's a good thing!!

Currently, the problem with MSO stock is that so many people are short, it's easy to get caught in a short squeeze. Even Martha is selling at these ridiculously inflated prices.

Wanna bet that MSO is back below $20 within six months? Unless her reality show has some absolutely miraculous editing, everyone is going to realize what a completely two-faced biatch she truly is.

/In my opinion.
2004-12-28 12:25:53 AM  
Until all the Enron and MCI farkers are behind bars, I will always feel Martha got railroaded.
2004-12-28 12:33:28 AM  
I was once channel surfing, and saw this woman doing a piece on how to serve a glass of ice water.

I hate her ... but I have to give props to anyone who can make her kind of cabbage telling wannabe glamorous people how to pour a farking glass of water.
2004-12-28 12:33:42 AM  
They needed a scapegoat for corporate crime. Martha is a celeb, not another boring old guy in a suit. But here's the clincher: she gives money to democrats. So that's why she's breakin' rocks for the Man and Ken Lay is still a free man.
2004-12-28 12:39:45 AM  
it's just so funny that she's in PRISON ahahahaha
2004-12-28 12:39:47 AM  
She calls for rehabilitation and education? Yeah, it works to help curb recidivism, until stupid govt laws get in the way.

I took a course in penology (study of prisons and the punishment side of the legal system), and I remember a tale about an experimental prison in CA that was based on a really neat principle - 100% self-sufficiency. The base buildings were built, and then every addition after that was built by the convicts. If none of the convicts knew how to do a certain task, such as roofing or plumbing, trainers were brought in and volunteers were trained to do that job. Once trained, that was their position for the rest of the time they were in.

Food was produced as much as possible on-site via an aggressive agriculture program in which inmates grew their own food and harvested it using modern methods. Clothing was produced and maintained on-site in a small textiles mill, again run by inmates.

Recidivism was minimal, as every inmate that went the distance to get specialized training was certified by the state of CA in that field. Once they got out, they had serious training, experience, and certification to show prospective employers. The majority of the inmates got out and went straight. They'd learned a trade and knew that plying said trade was certainly going to be more rewarding than being in and out of prison for the rest of their lives. Recidivism rates were so low as to be almost negligible, as opposed to 50% or worse in some prisons. Oh yeah, they were under budget too. Very cheap prison, and it had non-existant maintainence costs as not only did prisoners do maintainence work, they also tended to treat the facility a hell of a lot better. Let's face it, when you and your fellows built that dining facility over there, you have a sense of ownership about it and won't deface it.

Then the various businesses that make money off the govt via contract work noticed that this prison wasn't buying any contracts. They researched the laws and said that all CA work such as plumbing, food procurement, etc had to be done by open bid by law. Once that was established, the prison simply underbid everyone as expected. A class-action style suit was arranged and the prison was sued for unfair business practices. The court found against the prison.

So plumbing was done by contractors, food procurement, clothing, construction, etc. No real work was being done by prisoners, so no training occurred, no certiications were earned, no experience. Recidivism rates shot up, violence in the prison, maintainence costs etc. It became just as bad as any other CA prison thanks to "unfair business practices". Screw the fact that they worked.

Wish I could remember the name of the prison. I want to say that it was in the 70's. Anyway, there's your rehab, Martha. It works until the contractors screw it up.
2004-12-28 12:47:55 AM  
I look forward to her future holiday specials where she shows us how to make shivs out of pinecones and glitter...
2004-12-28 12:49:01 AM  
Didn't RTFA, or the thread, but, as a long-time, non-paying FARKer, this is the first time I've seen six "Some Guy" entries in a row. Just thought I'd be boring enough to mention it.
2004-12-28 12:49:13 AM  
Anyway, there's your rehab, Martha. It works until the contractors screw it up.

I believe that should read: "It works until the contractors lawyers screw it up."
2004-12-28 12:52:51 AM  
Hooray for Pump-n-Dump stockbrokers!
2004-12-28 01:00:34 AM  
I got no problem with what that chick just said...
2004-12-28 01:02:22 AM  
Silly me, I thought prison was supposed to suck.
2004-12-28 01:03:26 AM  

I think that may have been Folsom Prison. I seem to remember reading that it was once self-sufficient.
2004-12-28 01:05:42 AM  
moonduck: Yeah, it works to help curb recidivism, until stupid govt laws get in the way.

Hooray for unrestrained capitalism! Think what it would do to the economy without the prison industry we've created..

/just kidding
//but not really
2004-12-28 01:12:58 AM  
She's also in w/a couple of nuns who got sent up for tresspassing and vandalism-
throwing their own blood on some missile silos (in Nebraska? or somewhere)

Yay, we really need to put these guys away....good use of taxpayer dough...
2004-12-28 01:16:08 AM  
She's in jail for a lie. Nothing to do with stock trading.

On the other hand; Bush lie; troops die.
2004-12-28 01:19:13 AM  
free hat! free hat!! those babies had him surrounded!!
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