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(Patch)   As it has been noted here many,many times before, the hitman you want to hire on the "dark web" isn't really a hitman. But it isn't always a cop, either. Sometimes it is a scammer   (patch.com) divider line
57
    More: PSA, Pornography, Child pornography, Internet, Dark web, Law, Crime, John Michael Musbach, Authority  
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2232 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2023 at 2:05 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



57 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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Diagonal [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 1:45:28 PM  
The hitman you want to hire on the "dark web" isn't really a hitman. It's actually a 15 year old hottie who wants to have endless sex with you.


and she's a cat

image.petmd.comView Full Size
 
mistahtom
2023-02-06 2:06:25 PM  
Pulp Fiction Take Care of Her
Youtube O9LbKWL7GRA
 
MurphyMurphy
2023-02-06 2:08:19 PM  
Doing your own wet work is it's own reward.
 
Schmerd1948 [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:10:36 PM  

MurphyMurphy: Doing your own wet work is it's own reward.


So true. I'm tired of these lazy millennials not wanting to do their own labor. What is this country coming to?
 
My Second Fark Account
2023-02-06 2:15:25 PM  
I know criminals are idiotic shiatbags but wow is this guy a total shiatbag who is incredibly stupid
 
pehvbot [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:15:56 PM  
So now it's illegal to not kill someone for money?  I feel like society is giving me mixed messaged here.
 
OtherLittleGuy [BareFark]
2023-02-06 2:16:08 PM  
Besides, cops have Proud Boys.
 
cleek
2023-02-06 2:17:00 PM  
Dear self-described criminal,
Please be honest with me.
 
Dinkledort
2023-02-06 2:18:50 PM  
Dang it!  It really has gotten hard to find a hitman you can trust these days.  What good is having money if you can't use it to erase those who deign to challenge you?
 
trasnform
2023-02-06 2:20:17 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
HotWingConspiracy
2023-02-06 2:20:29 PM  
I hope he at least reported the hitman service to the BBB
 
Dinkledort
2023-02-06 2:20:53 PM  
Dare to...  Dare it is the right word there.  Dang it, again!
 
Hoblit [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:21:27 PM  
...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:21:44 PM  

Schmerd1948: So true. I'm tired of these lazy millennials not wanting to do their own labor. What is this country coming to?


Not only that, but have you TRIED to hire a hitman lately? Its all 'I should be able to have a spouse that doesn't work and raise 2 kids on this with a vacation every year for this job' and 'I don't like your healthcare plan', 'Why should i have to drug test, pots legal now", "This rate doesn't pace inflation  when you look back at what Henry Strauss made", and my favorite now 'Why SHOULD i need to come to your house to do it, we can do this virtually'.

Thank god consumer level drones are getting big enough. Sure they will try and unionize to slow stuff down, but robots are coming for their jobs.
 
Hoblit [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:23:09 PM  
*after reading the article

I'm glad that they got him though.
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:24:26 PM  

Hoblit: ...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.


your not guilty of murder. You are guilty of attempting to hire someone to commit murder, and a host of other crimes.
 
padraig
2023-02-06 2:26:07 PM  

Hoblit: ...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:26:37 PM  
Also, I'm sorry......Hitperson.......women can commit contract killings just as good as men ca........god damnit.....HITKIN. Any sentient being can commit contract killings just as well as a CIS male can.

Granted, the cat ears and tail will make any witness statements a bit easier to stick.
 
Lipspinach
2023-02-06 2:27:12 PM  

Diagonal: The hitman you want to hire on the "dark web" isn't really a hitman. It's actually a 15 year old hottie who wants to have endless sex with you.


and she's a cat

[image.petmd.com image 240x173]


Yeah I don't get it. I thought that the Dark Web was a foolproof avenue to get away with stuff without real-world repercussions. Cats ruin everything.
 
TangoDown [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:29:27 PM  
Did he get the money back though?
 
drewogatory
2023-02-06 2:29:58 PM  
I mean, a regular non organized crime person trying to hire a hitman means you're willing to go outside the law, but are too much of a pussy to do it yourself. It pretty much screams "rob me, and I can't/won't do anything about it".
 
LyleJohn
2023-02-06 2:31:13 PM  

Schmerd1948: MurphyMurphy: Doing your own wet work is it's own reward.

So true. I'm tired of these lazy millennials not wanting to do their own labor. What is this country coming to?


therazzmatazz.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
Nimbull
2023-02-06 2:35:15 PM  

padraig: Hoblit: ...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.

[Fark user image 259x194]


No but they give jobs to Javascript programmers for "attempted programming".

*See's self out*
 
jim32rr [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:36:16 PM  

Lipspinach: Diagonal: The hitman you want to hire on the "dark web" isn't really a hitman. It's actually a 15 year old hottie who wants to have endless sex with you.


and she's a cat

[image.petmd.com image 240x173]

Yeah I don't get it. I thought that the Dark Web was a foolproof avenue to get away with stuff without real-world repercussions. Cats ruin everything.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Schmerd1948 [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:36:55 PM  

LineNoise: Schmerd1948: So true. I'm tired of these lazy millennials not wanting to do their own labor. What is this country coming to?

Not only that, but have you TRIED to hire a hitman lately? Its all 'I should be able to have a spouse that doesn't work and raise 2 kids on this with a vacation every year for this job' and 'I don't like your healthcare plan', 'Why should i have to drug test, pots legal now", "This rate doesn't pace inflation  when you look back at what Henry Strauss made", and my favorite now 'Why SHOULD i need to come to your house to do it, we can do this virtually'.

Thank god consumer level drones are getting big enough. Sure they will try and unionize to slow stuff down, but robots are coming for their jobs.


And what's with the face and neck tattoos? I thought a hitman was supposed to be discreet. I guess I'll have to do it myself. Anybody got any plutonium tea?
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:44:25 PM  

Schmerd1948: And what's with the face and neck tattoos?


Hey, that is tribal and has cultural meaning. You want DOL charges on top of your attempted murder charges?
 
Schmerd1948 [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 2:47:37 PM  

LineNoise: Schmerd1948: And what's with the face and neck tattoos?

Hey, that is tribal and has cultural meaning. You want DOL charges on top of your attempted murder charges?


Sorry.
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:49:03 PM  

Schmerd1948: LineNoise: Schmerd1948: And what's with the face and neck tattoos?

Hey, that is tribal and has cultural meaning. You want DOL charges on top of your attempted murder charges?

Sorry.


Don't apologize to me. Go find a Maori and tell them you are sorry.
 
LineNoise [OhFark]
2023-02-06 2:50:05 PM  
for not thinking of them first to kill your wife
 
Theaetetus
2023-02-06 2:57:35 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Ambitwistor [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 3:02:15 PM  
WHAT? I've still been waiting for George Santos to bump off my rich in-laws after I paid him all that money.

/ I've said too much
 
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 3:04:01 PM  
Who in their right mind would try to hire a hitman off the dark web?  I mean: this is 2023; don't they know there's an app for that?!

/I assume there's an app for that.
 
Nah'mean [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 3:11:43 PM  
This is why I go to Angi to find top-rated, certified pros in my area.
 
Kalyco Jack
2023-02-06 3:12:20 PM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: Who in their right mind would try to hire a hitman off the dark web?  I mean: this is 2023; don't they know there's an app for that?!

/I assume there's an app for that.


I know an app where you can hire a girl to pee on you. That's what we mean by wet work, right?
 
calufrax
2023-02-06 3:21:25 PM  

mistahtom: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/O9LbKWL7GRA]


Mitchell & Webb - Needlessly ambiguous terms
Youtube U6cake3bwnY
 
WTP 2
2023-02-06 3:36:35 PM  
well, what are you going to do call the cops on me ?backspace backspace backspace deletemy friend. there i fixed it before anyone saw it. hey, why is this thing printing every word i say
 
MusicMakeMyHeadPound [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-06 3:54:23 PM  
There's an annoying amount of weaselry in the article.  What happened to the website administrator?  Is the administrator the same person as the informant from St. Paul, Minnesota?  If so, what did they get popped on that they're offering this up as a plea?
 
Lamberts Ho Man
2023-02-06 3:56:19 PM  
So, you just set up a darkweb site claiming to be a hitman, and people just send you thousands of  untraceable dollars with no recourse whatsoever if you don't do it?

Gottverdammt stupid "ethics" and "morals" keeping me poor for decades now.
 
dbirchall [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-06 4:10:26 PM  
'Scuse me, I need to go create a throwaway email address for my new business that'll help this guy recover his money from the hitman.
 
chitownmike
2023-02-06 4:18:07 PM  

Hoblit: ...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.


And the charge isn't "hired a hitman" the guy is obviously innocent
 
Hoblit [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 4:28:02 PM  

chitownmike: Hoblit: ...which means you aren't ACKSHUALLY guilty of hiring a hit man. But that's the logic we use to get those bust numbers up.

And the charge isn't "hired a hitman" the guy is obviously innocent


Not likely and I'm glad they got him.
 
moothemagiccow
2023-02-06 4:42:12 PM  
Waiting for one of the Youtube prankster channels to pull this one
 
bingethinker [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-06 4:45:06 PM  
J.P. Keller not available for comment.
 
mattgsx
2023-02-06 5:05:57 PM  

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: There's an annoying amount of weaselry in the article.  What happened to the website administrator?  Is the administrator the same person as the informant from St. Paul, Minnesota?  If so, what did they get popped on that they're offering this up as a plea?


Since the informant provided this info through HSI I think it is safe to assume they were popped for either drug or human trafficking.
 
mattgsx
2023-02-06 5:10:16 PM  
I wonder if he also regularly called the first number in Google search results for tech support companies.
 
Katwang
2023-02-06 5:17:13 PM  

Schmerd1948: LineNoise: Schmerd1948: And what's with the face and neck tattoos?

Hey, that is tribal and has cultural meaning. You want DOL charges on top of your attempted murder charges?

Sorry.


Doesn't everyone have face and neck tattoos these days? Every week I feel more and more left out because I don't have one to show my individuality.
 
buravirgil
2023-02-06 5:20:50 PM  
Subby failed to mention scammer also extorted scumbag where profitable scammer hitmen voluntarily share information with authorities after a first and only payment. Greed for an extra $5k did them in.

Or maybe I've read it wrong.
 
mattgsx
2023-02-06 5:31:07 PM  

buravirgil: Subby failed to mention scammer also extorted scumbag where profitable scammer hitmen voluntarily share information with authorities after a first and only payment. Greed for an extra $5k did them in.

Or maybe I've read it wrong.


Sounds like all of this happened about 6 years ago, the "hitman" got rolled for something else in 2019, and this all relatively recently came to light.

Since HSI was involved I am guessing the "hitman" was involved in either international drug or human trafficking.
 
Iamos [OhFark]
2023-02-06 5:33:56 PM  

Nah'mean: This is why I go to Angi to find top-rated, certified pros in my area.


Does it still work if your local area is low Earth orbit? Asking for friend.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Schmerd1948 [TotalFark]
2023-02-06 6:16:40 PM  

LineNoise: Schmerd1948: LineNoise: Schmerd1948: And what's with the face and neck tattoos?

Hey, that is tribal and has cultural meaning. You want DOL charges on top of your attempted murder charges?

Sorry.

Don't apologize to me. Go find a Maori and tell them you are sorry.


Is it true what they say, that the Maori the merrier?
 
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