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(Brisbane Times)   Australian citizenship test question: the 2nd deadliest snake in the world is sniffing your butt. Do you (a) panic (b) scream (c) keep smoking your cigarette while chatting to your workmates?   (brisbanetimes.com.au) divider line
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    More: Scary, Venomous snake, Eastern brown snake, Snake, Australia, snake catcher, eastern brown snake, Ayla Manson, Education  
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3049 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2023 at 6:25 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



42 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
Monty_Zoncolan [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 1:10:43 AM  
THE CHATS - SMOKO (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
Youtube j58V2vC9EPc
 
Redh8t [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 1:24:42 AM  
Totally not staged dude bra.
 
Biscuit Tin [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 3:38:54 AM  
"May attract venemous snakes" is not highlighted adequately on the cigarette package.
 
null [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 3:59:03 AM  
D) rip one so foul that it instantly kills the snake and anything else within a 30 foot cone of my ass if they fail a saving throw and anything that survives takes half damage and is stunned for two rounds.
 
MrBallou [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 4:28:37 AM  
It takes nerves of steel to sit calmly in a situation like that.

I once had a girlfriend's kitten climb up on my lap unexpectedly while we were watching a movie at her place. I knew that if I moved I might be ripped to shreds by the vicious beast, so I mastered my panic and sat quietly. He started purring, trying to put me off guard, but I knew what he was doing. I countered with slowly, ever so slowly, raising a hand to pet him. The deadly creature settled and went to sleep as I stroked his horrid fur. I was stuck for the next hour, until he woke and, seeing he could not master me, leapt off of my lap in search of lessor prey.

It was a good night.
 
johnny_vegas [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 4:58:16 AM  

Redh8t: Totally not staged dude bra.


*shrug* Didn't appear to be staged at all
 
Ragin' Asian [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 6:28:19 AM  
I think I'm in love.
 
daffy
2023-02-05 6:35:09 AM  
OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.
 
Monkeyfark Ridiculous
2023-02-05 6:45:30 AM  

johnny_vegas: Redh8t: Totally not staged dude bra.

*shrug* Didn't appear to be staged at all


I'd agree. And even if it were staged, so what? It's still a highly venomous snake.

/met an eastern brown in the wild once, close enough to pet it
//did not pet it
 
orangehat
2023-02-05 6:54:38 AM  
The correct answer is obviously "butt stuff."
 
drewogatory
2023-02-05 6:57:20 AM  

daffy: OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.


The skunks that live in our yard are basically tame. They will happily bumble about underfoot when you're outside. The dog doesn't even faze them.
 
Harry Wagstaff
2023-02-05 6:58:46 AM  
If she smokes, she pokes. She also knows how to handle a snake IYKWIMAITYD
 
ansius
2023-02-05 7:17:43 AM  
The Aussie Gom Jabbar
 
princhester
2023-02-05 7:20:23 AM  

johnny_vegas: Redh8t: Totally not staged dude bra.

*shrug* Didn't appear to be staged at all


Agree. How would it be?  Snakes aren't known for their trainability.  How did they stage the snake coming in from the right?
 
mrparks
2023-02-05 7:32:49 AM  
They didn't offer it one, which was rude, but understandable considering the cost.
 
dryknife
2023-02-05 7:46:20 AM  
Things would have been very different had it been the 1st deadliest snake in the world.
They have a reputation to protect,
 
Stantz
2023-02-05 7:56:37 AM  
TBH, that would have been my reaction. I didn't get to nearly 50 by flapping my arms around everytime something potentially alarming came within 5 feet. I've safely moved wasps out of harms way and shared my lunch with a murder hornet who wanted a nibble on my sausage & bacon french stick,

The only time I've been potentially freaked out by a bug was when I was driving up the east coast of Oz on my honeymoon in 02. Think it was just before Townsville when I looked in the rear view of the rented Mistubishi Magna and saw something that would indeed by regarded as a murder hornet, but it's Oz, so might have just been an average bug round those parts. Pulled over, got out, and waited 10 minutes until it got bored and flew away.
 
FarkaDark
2023-02-05 8:02:45 AM  
Smoking/tobacco trifecta in play?
 
Mister Peejay
2023-02-05 8:07:44 AM  

Stantz: TBH, that would have been my reaction. I didn't get to nearly 50 by flapping my arms around everytime something potentially alarming came within 5 feet. I've safely moved wasps out of harms way and shared my lunch with a murder hornet who wanted a nibble on my sausage & bacon french stick,

The only time I've been potentially freaked out by a bug was when I was driving up the east coast of Oz on my honeymoon in 02. Think it was just before Townsville when I looked in the rear view of the rented Mistubishi Magna and saw something that would indeed by regarded as a murder hornet, but it's Oz, so might have just been an average bug round those parts. Pulled over, got out, and waited 10 minutes until it got bored and flew away.


Ayup.

Bugs and other creatures aren't going to randomly show up and decide to open a can of whoopass on something 10,000 times their size.  They will, however, try to defend themselves if something 10,000 times their size acts aggressively against them.

I get big fuzzy brown spiders in my garage.  Move some clutter and boom, spider the size of a mouse.  They generally ball up, or run away.  Either one is good because that means it's scared of me and doesn't want a fight.  I don't want a fight either, spiders eat bugs and stuff, so keep on spiderin' little dude.

But if you run at me you gonna get stomped.
 
Spartapuss
2023-02-05 8:18:48 AM  

Mister Peejay: Stantz: TBH, that would have been my reaction. I didn't get to nearly 50 by flapping my arms around everytime something potentially alarming came within 5 feet. I've safely moved wasps out of harms way and shared my lunch with a murder hornet who wanted a nibble on my sausage & bacon french stick,

The only time I've been potentially freaked out by a bug was when I was driving up the east coast of Oz on my honeymoon in 02. Think it was just before Townsville when I looked in the rear view of the rented Mistubishi Magna and saw something that would indeed by regarded as a murder hornet, but it's Oz, so might have just been an average bug round those parts. Pulled over, got out, and waited 10 minutes until it got bored and flew away.

Ayup.

Bugs and other creatures aren't going to randomly show up and decide to open a can of whoopass on something 10,000 times their size.  They will, however, try to defend themselves if something 10,000 times their size acts aggressively against them.

I get big fuzzy brown spiders in my garage.  Move some clutter and boom, spider the size of a mouse.  They generally ball up, or run away.  Either one is good because that means it's scared of me and doesn't want a fight.  I don't want a fight either, spiders eat bugs and stuff, so keep on spiderin' little dude.

But if you run at me you gonna get stomped.


i.imgur.ioView Full Size
 
Flowery Twats
2023-02-05 8:40:19 AM  
The Aussies are proud they have "Nine of the top ten" venemous snakes in the world. I suppose when you spend every day in the midst of creatures that are fully capable of ending your life, you develop a certain "dry" sense of humour...
 
daffy
2023-02-05 9:19:15 AM  

drewogatory: daffy: OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.

The skunks that live in our yard are basically tame. They will happily bumble about underfoot when you're outside. The dog doesn't even faze them.


That sounds so cute. Just be careful that you don't accidentally step on one. You may end up sitting down wind of everyone.
 
Boojum2k
2023-02-05 9:21:45 AM  
Bees, wasps, some spiders, etc trigger a phobia in me. Snakes do not for some reason, there's plenty of situations where I'd panic but that's one of the few I would just be "snake has no real interest in me and will move on, puff puff."
 
Somacandra [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 9:23:09 AM  

null: D) rip one so foul that it instantly kills the snake and anything else within a 30 foot cone of my ass if they fail a saving throw and anything that survives takes half damage and is stunned for two rounds.


Came here to say this, but probably not as well. Nice job.
 
drewogatory
2023-02-05 9:33:58 AM  

daffy: drewogatory: daffy: OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.

The skunks that live in our yard are basically tame. They will happily bumble about underfoot when you're outside. The dog doesn't even faze them.

That sounds so cute. Just be careful that you don't accidentally step on one. You may end up sitting down wind of everyone.


Yeah, they can't see for shiat I don't think. Just here to eat the bugs in your yard. They are tiny too, maybe 5 lbs tops. I always thought skunks were quite a bit bigger.
 
null [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 9:35:32 AM  

Somacandra: null: D) rip one so foul that it instantly kills the snake and anything else within a 30 foot cone of my ass if they fail a saving throw and anything that survives takes half damage and is stunned for two rounds.

Came here to say this, but probably not as well. Nice job.


Why thank you.  I would have also gone with "D) the snake is suddenly more brown, as are my pants" or "a second brown snake suddenly appears in my pants", sort of lines.
 
Mister Peejay
2023-02-05 9:48:14 AM  

daffy: drewogatory: daffy: OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.

The skunks that live in our yard are basically tame. They will happily bumble about underfoot when you're outside. The dog doesn't even faze them.

That sounds so cute. Just be careful that you don't accidentally step on one. You may end up sitting down wind of everyone.


We have skunks in our yard.  And squirrels, and rabbits, and every so often some deer decide to hang out.

It is interesting when deer follow you into the garage looking to hang out, maybe get some food.  It's one thing if it it a little squirrel or rabbit.  It's another if it is a few hundred pounds of cloven hooved creature that could kill you with one backkick if it feels threatened.
 
Snooza
2023-02-05 9:48:59 AM  

princhester: johnny_vegas: Redh8t: Totally not staged dude bra.

*shrug* Didn't appear to be staged at all

Agree. How would it be?  Snakes aren't known for their trainability.  How did they stage the snake coming in from the right?


Exit Snake Left
 
daffy
2023-02-05 9:55:56 AM  

Mister Peejay: daffy: drewogatory: daffy: OK. It's not only the men in Australia that have brass balls. We were camping in Shenandoah with our whole family, when about 50 skunks invaded our campsite. I sat holding the arms of my chair, while my stupid sister in law starts screaming and dancing around. I kept yelling at her to shut up and stay still. It was amazing, as fast as they came in, they went out again. They were just checking for food. I would have paid good money to see her sprayed.

The skunks that live in our yard are basically tame. They will happily bumble about underfoot when you're outside. The dog doesn't even faze them.

That sounds so cute. Just be careful that you don't accidentally step on one. You may end up sitting down wind of everyone.

We have skunks in our yard.  And squirrels, and rabbits, and every so often some deer decide to hang out.

It is interesting when deer follow you into the garage looking to hang out, maybe get some food.  It's one thing if it it a little squirrel or rabbit.  It's another if it is a few hundred pounds of cloven hooved creature that could kill you with one backkick if it feels threatened.


Nature is interesting like that. In Shenandoah, the deer will come right into your sight and sometimes take a nap. It gets a bit scarier when you realize that there is a bear in the apple tree right next to your tent.
 
I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 9:57:43 AM  
Fart?
 
hegelsghost
2023-02-05 9:58:44 AM  
I did not realize being a snake whisperer was a thing!
 
I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-05 9:59:39 AM  

hegelsghost: I did not realize being a snake whisperer was a thing!


media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
bigdog1960
2023-02-05 11:36:10 AM  
Smoko?
 
Halfabee64
2023-02-05 12:09:28 PM  
Growing up in the Catskills, I developed a sixth sense for snakes.  We rarely had Eastern and Timber Rattlesnakes but Copperheads were everywhere.  BTW, you can't tell a wet Northern Water Snake from a Copperhead fast enough to make a judgement call:  just back the hell away.

One day I was walking a narrow footpath through tall grass along a creek just as a Copperhead crossed my path.  Surprised, I whipped at it with my fishing rod and accidentally snagged it on the treble hook I was just using to snag suckers under a highway bridge.  I had to cast it out into the creek three times before it came off the hook.

Another time we were riding our bikes to a beaver swamp to catch pickerel and I felt like I was being watched.  I stopped and saw what looked like a rattlesnake coiled up on top of a stump about 20 feet off the path.  John didn't believe I could sense a snake like that, so he threw a rock at the stump {THOK} {bztztztztztztztztztzt}.

I would catch Garter Snakes and Black Racers all the time by grabbing them gently about mid body with my left hand and sliding my right index finger under their neck and putting my thumb on the back of their head.  I threw  one in my newspaper delivery bag one day after catching it crossing the road and by the end of my route, it gave live birth to a bag of tiny snakes.

                       Copperhead                                                      Northern Water Snake
Fark user imageView Full Size
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
optikeye [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 12:50:54 PM  
Last year. We did our normal gay campground thing for the 4th of July.
Had a nice cabin with full kitchen...no TV etc.

Well they do a campfire thing with just a bunch of guys sitting around the campfire...chating and drinking.
Anyways....I go back to the cabin...and up a twisty path in the woods. And there's a SNAKE in path.
SNAKE!
I take a step back and fall and face level upclose with SNAKE. I swear it laughed at me with a HsssHsss before it Slithered off into the weeds.
So, I'm damaged and finally get discovered while trying to crawl away from the snakes. And the 'grounds keeper'...a 20 something handsome midwestern corn fed muscular blond boy picks me up in his arms and puts me in his golf cart to return me to cabin with the SO. Which was really the highlight of that trip.
 
optikeye [TotalFark]
2023-02-05 12:58:17 PM  
...the SO asked "What kind of Snake was it"
"I don't know...I didn't have my handy guide to Southern Snappy Toothsome Serpents but If I had to guess I'd say it was SouthEastern Dimond backed Southern Groin Graber"
 
Boojum2k
2023-02-05 1:21:23 PM  

optikeye: ...the SO asked "What kind of Snake was it"
"I don't know...I didn't have my handy guide to Southern Snappy Toothsome Serpents but If I had to guess I'd say it was SouthEastern Dimond backed Southern Groin Graber"


Something something Alabama blacksnake. . .
 
El Rich-o
2023-02-05 1:27:21 PM  

bigdog1960: Smoko?


Yeah smoko.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoko,_Victoria
 
morg
2023-02-05 1:29:38 PM  
Sorry, just got bot distracted tryin to think of who my wonkmate squad could be. Former members of the Beatles excluded, I think it's a rare thing for multple people to wank together
 
GORDON
2023-02-05 2:00:31 PM  
Definably panic and spook the snake.

Self control and discipline is for primate brains, not lizard brains.
 
stuartp9
2023-02-05 2:58:25 PM  
Don't forget your clackers

American Dad Roger and Steve get nipped
Youtube Lq9SwxH2h20
 
Bluemoons
2023-02-05 3:09:17 PM  

Mister Peejay: Stantz: TBH, that would have been my reaction. I didn't get to nearly 50 by flapping my arms around everytime something potentially alarming came within 5 feet. I've safely moved wasps out of harms way and shared my lunch with a murder hornet who wanted a nibble on my sausage & bacon french stick,

The only time I've been potentially freaked out by a bug was when I was driving up the east coast of Oz on my honeymoon in 02. Think it was just before Townsville when I looked in the rear view of the rented Mistubishi Magna and saw something that would indeed by regarded as a murder hornet, but it's Oz, so might have just been an average bug round those parts. Pulled over, got out, and waited 10 minutes until it got bored and flew away.

Ayup.

Bugs and other creatures aren't going to randomly show up and decide to open a can of whoopass on something 10,000 times their size.  They will, however, try to defend themselves if something 10,000 times their size acts aggressively against them.

I get big fuzzy brown spiders in my garage.  Move some clutter and boom, spider the size of a mouse.  They generally ball up, or run away.  Either one is good because that means it's scared of me and doesn't want a fight.  I don't want a fight either, spiders eat bugs and stuff, so keep on spiderin' little dude.

But if you run at me you gonna get stomped.


People freak out at the weirdest things. I guess it's how you're wired, but nothing excites me in a dangerous situation except the possibility of some jackass being near me and freaking the fark out. Bug, spider, snake,etc. Stay put, or move really slowly and non-aggressive, and the danger will pass you. Freak out, and guess what? You've just put a giant moving target on you, and anyone else around you. But, then again, I like to jump out of perfectly good airplanes, and want to build an experimental aircraft and fly it. But, not til after I've done a wingsuit drop or B.a.s.e. jump. I don't trust my  mechanical skills SO much that I would schedule either of those 2 after.
 
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