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(The Smoking Gun)   Assault most fowl   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line
31
    More: Dumbass  
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2227 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Feb 2023 at 2:12 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



31 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
bearded clamorer [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 12:31:15 PM  
My ex assaulted me with a chicken, once.
Fortunately, she just winged me.
 
Combustion [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:00:57 PM  
White Girl Wasted strikes again.
 
OBBN
2023-02-03 2:15:26 PM  
She's got serious CRAZY eyes. I bet the sex is awesome!
 
Sexy Jesus [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:16:06 PM  
Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.
 
Harry Wagstaff
2023-02-03 2:17:33 PM  
At least I got chicken...
 
Sexy Jesus [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:18:02 PM  
The man, who had been at a bar with Bruemmer, said she "was hiatting him and spitting in his face"

There are those of us who would appreciate what you bring to a relationship, girl.
 
Arthur Two Sheds Jackson
2023-02-03 2:19:08 PM  

OBBN: She's got serious CRAZY eyes. I bet the sex is awesome!


From the face books
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
zeroflight222
2023-02-03 2:22:11 PM  

Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.


Did that also apply in reverse where if a man repeatedly beats a woman with a whole chicken and spits on her, she's supposed to shrug it off?
 
Floki [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:23:28 PM  
Chicken a La Fling
 
ZMugg [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:24:11 PM  

Sexy Jesus: The man, who had been at a bar with Bruemmer, said she "was hiatting him and spitting in his face"

There are those of us who would appreciate what you bring to a relationship, girl.


The *German filter* makes it sound like she as serenading him with John Hiatt songs.
 
rnatalie [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 2:25:54 PM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
Claude Ballse
2023-02-03 2:32:27 PM  

Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.


I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.
 
maxandgrinch [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 2:34:52 PM  
Flashing her Cloaca Mafia signs?
 
vilesithknight
2023-02-03 2:34:59 PM  
Hmm, at first glance I was like, she's hot. Then as I looked closer I realized she's actually not hot at all but then as I saw more social media pics I thought, okay, she's pretty plain looking, but sigh, I'd do her.

And then I realized, I don't care about her chicken assault or anything in the article really, I've spent the entirety of time my brain has dwelled on this considering her looks. WTF is wrong with me?
 
vilesithknight
2023-02-03 2:38:19 PM  

Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.


If man cards were real we'd assign perceived values on them and start trading and buying and selling them and it would soon be a hobby. Cause thats what we do with cards that aren't credit or greeting. Soon it will be if you don't have an ultra-rare, foil, holo, Man Card graded 9.8 by PSA and autographed, well you're just a wuss.
 
Sad King Billy
2023-02-03 2:42:07 PM  

vilesithknight: Hmm, at first glance I was like, she's hot. Then as I looked closer I realized she's actually not hot at all but then as I saw more social media pics I thought, okay, she's pretty plain looking, but sigh, I'd do her.

And then I realized, I don't care about her chicken assault or anything in the article really, I've spent the entirety of time my brain has dwelled on this considering her looks. WTF is wrong with me?


You're horny.
 
sinko swimo
2023-02-03 2:43:52 PM  

vilesithknight: Hmm, at first glance I was like, she's hot. Then as I looked closer I realized she's actually not hot at all but then as I saw more social media pics I thought, okay, she's pretty plain looking, but sigh, I'd do her.

And then I realized, I don't care about her chicken assault or anything in the article really, I've spent the entirety of time my brain has dwelled on this considering her looks. WTF is wrong with me?


I could tell you, but I'd get another time out for Hate Speech.
 
anuran
2023-02-03 2:45:45 PM  

Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.


Wrong! I have proof they exist right here!

musingthemysteries.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
Trocadero
2023-02-03 2:57:06 PM  

Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.


Difficulty: regressive state governments who want to destroy trans children. They're probably debating man cards right now.
 
WTP 2
2023-02-03 3:00:07 PM  
she hit him,
spit o him,
hit him with a chicken,
so, he does not like her foreplay. she should leave HIM !
 
Huntceet
2023-02-03 3:02:42 PM  
She sounds like fun.
 
Sexy Jesus [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-02-03 3:11:13 PM  

Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.


FFS, part of being an adult, a man in my case, is not calling the police in to jail your S.O. (and risk their death, injury or prison) over some bullshiat you've remained engaged in for a decade. He should have just gotten in the car and left. Or she should have.  Long ago.

You may now resume your patrol.
 
Melvin Lovecraft
2023-02-03 3:27:16 PM  

vilesithknight: Hmm, at first glance I was like, she's hot. Then as I looked closer I realized she's actually not hot at all but then as I saw more social media pics I thought, okay, she's pretty plain looking, but sigh, I'd do her.

And then I realized, I don't care about her chicken assault or anything in the article really, I've spent the entirety of time my brain has dwelled on this considering her looks. WTF is wrong with me?


Evidently, I suffer from the same ailment.

He just needs some strange until everything blows over. A "side piece," as it were. Also, a GIS for "sexy chicken" produces some odd results.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
jim32rr [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 3:53:17 PM  
I'd pluck her
 
Spice Must Flow
2023-02-03 4:38:37 PM  
Kinky is: tickling your lover with a feather.
Perverted is: using the whole chicken.
 
Pert
2023-02-03 5:18:52 PM  

Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: OBBN: She's got serious CRAZY eyes. I bet the sex is awesome!

From the face books
[Fark user image image 850x850]


36 years old, you say?

She looks older than my mum.

/I'm over 40
//and drunk
 
Pert
2023-02-03 5:20:24 PM  

anuran: Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.

Wrong! I have proof they exist right here!

[musingthemysteries.files.wordpress.com image 600x389]


Only in America would they name a penis-replacing-gun-for-inadequates, The Bushmaster.
 
MattyBlast [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 5:43:30 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


She can choke my chicken anytime.
 
DynamiteHeaddy
2023-02-03 6:07:49 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size

Wanted for questioning.
 
anuran
2023-02-03 6:59:47 PM  

Pert: anuran: Claude Ballse: Sexy Jesus: Oh FFS. Turn on your man card if you call the cops on a girl who hits you with a chicken.  Just leave.

I can only imagine the infinite depths of insecurity one must have to try and use, be it real or imaginary, some sort of "proof" of masculinity due to their own perceived inherent weakness.

Hint: if you're the kind of person who believes in "man cards", you clearly are not a man.

Wrong! I have proof they exist right here!

[musingthemysteries.files.wordpress.com image 600x389]

Only in America would they name a penis-replacing-gun-for-inadequates, The Bushmaster.


Well, you couldn't call it The Black Mamba and expect white Merkins to buy it.
 
thealgorerhythm
2023-02-03 8:41:40 PM  
So nobody kept farking the chicken?
 
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