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(Twitter)   What are some top-tier insults that are not necessarily profane, or are as cutting as they are understated?   (twitter.com) divider line
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530 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 03 Feb 2023 at 1:46 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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Original [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 8:42:50 PM  
Original Tweet:
 
arrogantbastich [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 8:54:30 PM  
Ever wonder just by how much everyone would be better off without having to compartmentalize this kind of asinine bullshiat?

We'd probably would have terraformed both Mars AND Venus by now.
 
SurfaceTension [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 8:56:31 PM  
I thought I dumbed this down enough that even you could understand it.

Go have a nice day yourself.
 
Uranus Megahertz [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 8:58:16 PM  
Bless your heart
 
arrogantbastich [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:02:45 PM  
I'd like to point out that mine wasn't meant as an example.
 
eurotrader [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 9:05:13 PM  
Your name is what again?
 
sorceror [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:12:38 PM  
"This book fills a much-needed gap."
 
Badmoodman [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:17:08 PM  
{Insert name here; McCarthy works very well} sold his soul to the devil so many times that the devil sued to get his money back. It turns out it's only a small claims case."
 
hermit [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:17:25 PM  
From click and clack, the tappet bros:

Unburdened by understanding
 
Badmoodman [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:22:11 PM  
{Name} is the Ted Williams of narcissistic monotony.
 
dammit just give me a login [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:26:28 PM  

arrogantbastich: Ever wonder just by how much everyone would be better off without having to compartmentalize this kind of asinine bullshiat?

We'd probably would have terraformed both Mars AND Venus by now.


We can't properly "terra-form" Terra.  How are we going to do it to an entire planet a zillion miles away?  If the brain power is spent on making Earth livable, it will only help your long distance pipe dream of making planets with no freaking atmosphere livable more possible.
 
hebrides [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:46:38 PM  
I've always been partial to this one from Menenius in Act II, Scene 1 of Coriolanus (I used to specialize in Shakespearean film adaptations in grad school): More of your conversation would infect my brain.
 
hebrides [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 9:53:32 PM  
Two (or two-plus) more literary ones, also learned in grad school, IIRC:

1. George Bernard Shaw invited Churchill to the first night of a new play, writing, "Bring a friend, if you have one."

1+. Churchill replied, "Impossible to come first night. Will come second night, if you have one."


2. Samuel Johnson, on receiving an unsolicited manuscript, wrote the author back, saying that he found the work to be both good and original. Unfortunately, the part that was good was not original, and the part that was original was not good.
 
west.la.lawyer [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 10:03:03 PM  
I don't care what everybody says about you, I think you're okay.
 
markie_farkie [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 10:07:10 PM  
I'd be honored to ask for your autograph when you return a hero after being the first human to set foot on the surface of the Sun.
 
Sawdust and Mildew [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 10:18:15 PM  
"I'll explain it so even you can understand."
 
educated [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 10:47:14 PM  
"Well why don't you hop on in the bun if you're gonna be a little weiner."

Best said in a upstate NY or upper midwest accent.
 
Chariset [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 11:02:41 PM  
I get a lot of mileage out of "It's a good thing you're pretty."
 
cretinbob [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 11:20:45 PM  
IQ is a bell curve and 100 isn't that smart
 
hubiestubert [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 12:00:40 AM  
Brains don't run in your family, do they?

I give you the respect that you deserve.

Smart as you are handsome.

You are impossible to underestimate.

My days of not taking you seriously are certainly drawing to a middle.
 
Sgygus [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 1:20:13 AM  
It's a good thing your head is so thick or the vacuum would suck your ears together.
 
Streetwise Hercules
2023-02-03 1:58:46 AM  
Did you fart, or do you smell like that all the time?
 
AppleOptionEsc
2023-02-03 2:04:42 AM  
This is why no one likes you.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:05:08 AM  
I love how you can just wear anything.
 
relaxitsjustme [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 2:22:52 AM  
In an online argument:
I'll type slow so you can follow along.
I'm sure that sounded clever in your head.
 
Torion!
2023-02-03 2:43:18 AM  
Everyone's crazy but me and you and I'm not too sure about you

Damn that shot so good make me slap your mama

How do you spell idiot again

/Quotes from grandpa
//still use the first one daily
///Trifecta
 
petuniapup
2023-02-03 3:18:19 AM  
Two:
One from real life, of which I'm a tad bit proud.
A colleague, referring to someone we both know: "He's as cute as a button!"
Me: "He's as sharp as one, too!"

And one from "Rumpole of the Bailey"... might lose something without Leo McKern's delivery:

Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: Look here, Rumpole, I would advise you to take this matter seriously!
Horace Rumpole: [angrily]  And I would advise you, Bollard, if you can find a taxidermist willing to undertake the work, to get stuffed!
 
Boudyro [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 3:27:21 AM  
Dear [name]. You are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.

These I use with more crass references and swearing usually. I'm providing clean versions:

The best part of you ran down your momma's leg the day you were born.

Stop. I don't care about whatever idiotic thing you're about to ask me. Go away.
 
bhcompy [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 4:14:46 AM  
There's always the Bilbo:

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
 
AnotherBrian
2023-02-03 5:03:59 AM  
From Bob's Burgers:

"Listen, you're my children, and I love you, but you're all terrible...at what you do...here. And I feel like I should tell you: I'd fire all of you if I could. Alright, hands in, don't {{name}}, don't put your hand in"

"{{Name}} is so boring, if they where a spice, they would be flour."

"You smell like ointment and pee!"
 
invictus2 [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 5:33:10 AM  
Your skull is as vacant as a sears* store.

* add any failed or failing brick and mortar  of your choice.
 
Fereals
2023-02-03 6:15:30 AM  
That's the worst hat I've ever seen. Looks good on you though.


Don't you have a house to haunt?
 
sxacho [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 6:45:48 AM  
Go fark a rusty cactus sideways?
 
ArthurPutey
2023-02-03 6:57:24 AM  
It takes a lot of energy to know you, doesn't it?


And, from M*A*S*H:

Will Rogers never met you, did he?
 
Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient
2023-02-03 7:05:37 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Another Government Employee
2023-02-03 7:10:01 AM  

Uranus Megahertz: Bless your heart


You're just special.
 
freakingmoron
2023-02-03 7:13:08 AM  
It could be worse, I could be you.
 
amigafin [BareFark]
2023-02-03 7:19:57 AM  
It's a good thing breathing is automatic, or you would be dead.

The gap in her teeth is so big, she could eat an ear of corn through a chain link fence.

Crazier than a sprayed roach.

How many times were you dropped on your head?

Did your parents have any smart kids?

I'd agree with you, but then we would both look stupid.

I'll try to be nicer if you can try being smarter.
 
FarkingChas
2023-02-03 7:20:52 AM  
Just because I look dumb does not mean that I am not stupid

Wait ....
:)
 
KC Dutchman [TotalFark]
2023-02-03 7:24:47 AM  
MP: "Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I am speaking?"

Churchill: "No, it is purely voluntary."

And the classic Churchill-Lady Astor insult:

Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea"

Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
 
RowdyPants
2023-02-03 7:25:15 AM  
You are simple.
 
Tom Marvolo Bombadil
2023-02-03 7:26:56 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
trerro [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-03 7:41:17 AM  
"You're a pizza cutter: all edge and no point".
 
foo monkey
2023-02-03 7:42:34 AM  

Uranus Megahertz: Bless your heart


You sweet Summer child.
You try so hard.
I'll pray for you. (And lightly touch their arm.)
 
Copperbelly watersnake
2023-02-03 7:45:23 AM  
May you get all that you deserve
 
Deathbymeteor
2023-02-03 7:52:14 AM  
"Wisdom has often chased you, but you've always been faster"

"You won the race to the egg, and been a loser ever since"

"I wish I could personally apologize to every tree that made you oxygen you waste"

"You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy"
 
Zafler
2023-02-03 8:08:41 AM  
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

One from Full Metal Jacket:

Did your parents have any children that lived?
 
Great_Milenko
2023-02-03 8:16:26 AM  

hebrides: Two (or two-plus) more literary ones, also learned in grad school, IIRC:

1. George Bernard Shaw invited Churchill to the first night of a new play, writing, "Bring a friend, if you have one."

1+. Churchill replied, "Impossible to come first night. Will come second night, if you have one."


2. Samuel Johnson, on receiving an unsolicited manuscript, wrote the author back, saying that he found the work to be both good and original. Unfortunately, the part that was good was not original, and the part that was original was not good.


This has been attributed to Churchill, but has been a lot longer than that.

"Oh, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea."

"Madame, if I were, I'd drink it with pleasure."
 
Phaedrus the Vague
2023-02-03 8:22:25 AM  
Not a one-liner but worth it.

There was a German artist, I think a painter around 1900, that produced a work that a critic really laid into in a brutal journal review.

The artist wrote a short letter to the critic, sent it to the journal, and they published it.

Dear Critic,
I am sitting in the smallest room of my house.
Your review is before me.
Soon, it shall be behind me.
Signed, artist
 
LewDux [OhFark]
2023-02-03 8:27:58 AM  
"It's not even wrong"
 
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