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(Vice)   Ok, that's enough internet for the day *closes laptop*   ( divider line
    More: Weird, Masturbation, Puberty, Friendship, Penis, Rite of passage, Human sexual activity, House, Computer  
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930 clicks; posted to Discussion » and Main » on 02 Feb 2023 at 4:05 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

40 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2023-02-02 3:20:25 PM  
Eh, that's not even the tenth weirdest thing I've seen on The Internet™ this week.
2023-02-02 3:23:26 PM  
2023-02-02 3:24:23 PM  
That is not something I ever engaged in, no.
2023-02-02 3:27:44 PM  
Is this a thing now?

Because I don't ever remember even hearing about it when I was younger.
2023-02-02 3:34:41 PM  
Just a bunch of British boarding school lads bonding over a game of soggy biscuit.
2023-02-02 3:35:37 PM  

SpectroBoy: Is this a thing now?

Because I don't ever remember even hearing about it when I was younger.

I was gonna say... this was either not common when I was a kid in the 80s, or nobody thought to invite me.

Or it just wasn't a thing in NYC?  Maybe this was normal in the UK (or wherever this article was based in)?
2023-02-02 3:37:31 PM  

RodneyToady: SpectroBoy: Is this a thing now?

Because I don't ever remember even hearing about it when I was younger.

I was gonna say... this was either not common when I was a kid in the 80s, or nobody thought to invite me.

Or it just wasn't a thing in NYC?  Maybe this was normal in the UK (or wherever this article was based in)?

Good point. 
Maybe I just wasn't cool enough for the circle jerk crowd.
2023-02-02 3:40:25 PM  
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2023-02-02 3:45:52 PM  
There's some story about the Beatles doing that.  Maybe it was their generation.
2023-02-02 3:46:15 PM  
Source checks out.
2023-02-02 3:48:09 PM  
My invite to these kinds of parties must have gotten lost in the mail or something when I was younger.  I mean I'm not even sure I've ever even seen any of my male friends' penises no less taken turns rubbing one out in the same room.

2023-02-02 4:00:09 PM  

My friend's brother had a bit of an issue with excessive masturbating and porn when the brother was in high school.  Apparently, the brother would just plop down on the couch in the family room, put porn on the TV/computer, turn the volume up, drop trou, and go to town, even if people were in the house.  Apparently he thought this was hilarious and was just trolling everyone.

One day, his dad got sick of this behavior.  So the story goes, the dad opened the door, got the brother's attention, and told him, "Alright son, move over to make some room for your old man."

That put an end to things.
2023-02-02 4:00:50 PM  
Is it wrong to feel unaccomplished..?
2023-02-02 4:01:34 PM  
Done a lot of things in my life. A ton. That ain't one of them.
2023-02-02 4:03:44 PM  
Just speaking for myself, even if I wanted to do something like that, I sure as heck would never have taken the risk of being the first one to suggest it.
2023-02-02 4:24:50 PM  

TheHighlandHowler: There's some story about the Beatles doing that.  Maybe it was their generation.

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2023-02-02 4:34:46 PM  
My former gay stepson would sleep in bed and cuddle overnight with guys he described as very straight. In the old days this didn't happen much. I'm not sure how gay guys hooked up back then, but I would imagine some innocent mutual fapping would be good cover.
2023-02-02 4:38:38 PM  
I was more intrigued by the thing titled "The Future of British Wanking." Not enough to click on it, though.

I assume it involves ChatGPT.
2023-02-02 4:39:21 PM  
I like how the article pains itself over the "homoerotic connotations" at the beginning, sort of insinuating that this is something heterosexual men do too.

And then everyone they interview is gay.

To be clear I'm not saying the premise is incorrect, I'm just saying it's some frustrating journalism.
2023-02-02 4:40:20 PM  
This one time, at bandcamp (no really!) there was an incoming freshman who was a really good musician but really egotistical about it, and some people decided to take him down a peg. He got invited to the Senior boys' cabin one night for a contest:

"We'll turn off the lights and everyone jerks off. Whoever finishes first is the winner. When you're done, yell 'Bingo.'"

The lights go off, everyone stands in a circle and starts going to town. After several minutes the egotistical freshman calls out "Bingo!" and the lights come on, revealing him standing there with his pants around his ankles, his D in his hand, the evidence of his "victory" all over him... and 7 or 8 seniors standing there laughing with their hands in their pockets, having faked the whole thing.
2023-02-02 4:43:10 PM  

TheHighlandHowler: There's some story about the Beatles doing that.  Maybe it was their generation.

It was all those people trying to put them down, just because they... get around.
2023-02-02 4:50:33 PM  
If this was a thing back in my day (the 80s)... I never saw it or heard about it.
2023-02-02 4:54:00 PM  
With other guys? No, never guys.
2023-02-02 4:55:51 PM  
She ran to the car, shouting to my dad, 'James is trapped in a masturbation competition and he's panicking!'

Dad, from behind the paper: "That's nice, dear. Can you pick me up a pack of smokes while you are out?"
2023-02-02 5:00:13 PM  

gunther_bumpass: TheHighlandHowler: There's some story about the Beatles doing that. Maybe it was their generation.

Thanks.  It seemed crazy.
2023-02-02 5:00:39 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: I was more intrigued by the thing titled "The Future of British Wanking." Not enough to click on it, though.

I assume it involves ChatGPT.

2023-02-02 5:18:29 PM  
Meh, we just had buttsex.

Then I discovered girls.

I liked girls better.
2023-02-02 5:27:29 PM  
This was never a thing for me; even now I find it incredibly alien.  But I did have an eyebleach moment one time as a barely-teenager, going over to visit the neighbors around the block; three brothers that flew model airplanes and model rockets with me and another neighbor boy.

I greeted their mother in the kitchen, she said the boys were downstairs... I walk into the basement of their house, and the three boys and the neighbor are all chasing each other across the furniture, playing tag, buck naked, with raging boners. They see me and freeze for a minute, then try to invite me to join. I noped out of there right away, being very much super-hetero and trying to meet girls very much, thank you.  Things were... uncomfortable between us from then on, and we soon drifted away as friends. I think they suspected I was going to rat them out and make their school lives miserable, but I'd never do that.   Later it turned out the oldest brother and the neighbor kid were definitely gay, as in musical theater major gay... the others, I never cared to find out.  I didn't hate them or anything, it just wasn't my thing and I was very private about my own sexuality anyway. It's been nigh on fifty years and this is the first I've said about it.
2023-02-02 5:28:29 PM  
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2023-02-02 5:48:04 PM  

TheHighlandHowler: There's some story about the Beatles doing that.  Maybe it was their generation.

2023-02-02 6:07:07 PM  
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2023-02-02 6:36:25 PM  
the last time I was in a circle jerk race I came in first and third.
2023-02-02 7:06:43 PM  
Add another to the list of nos. Last time I had a sleepover at a friends house would have been around '88/'89 when I was 13 or 14. We just watched movies and played video games. The closest to anything like that would have been the one time the same friend found his parents porn VHS tapes and a couple of us watched them for half an hour or so. No knob polishing occurred that I was aware of.
2023-02-02 8:17:06 PM  
I'm gay. I was actually pretty good looking back then. Why didn't I get invited? I never even heard of this and I was a teen in Chicagoland in the early 1970s, when there was a period when anybody could buy porn (thanks to SCOTUS). I bought porn at the big bookstore in Golf Mill Plaza (Niles) and in Old Town when I was 14 and on. Nobody ever said nought at check-out.

Went to a public HS. The only time I saw other penises was in the shower room (starting in 7th Grade) until I got my first boyfriend at 15. Never got invited to a group jerk off party and I was in a lot of places where (I found out years later) it could have happened: YMCA Summer Camp, Boy Scouts, JROTC, school sports, drama club, church (Lutheran, not Catholic, so that may have been why in that case) ...  I was in all the right spots, evidently, but not once was I even "approached," let alone put on the mailing list or whatever it was. Seriously, I wasn't a bad looking kid. Wonder why, if this was happening, I never got invited.

21 years in the Navy, and not once did I get asked to (ahem) "inspect the fan room." Twice, we had NIS (or whatever group it was) inspect the command I was at for homosexuals (it was illegal back then to be gay and in the Navy), and I swear to God they interviewed everyone in my Division - except me! Even when the "Gay Witch Hunt" aboard USS Norton Sound at Port Hueneme was going on, the closest I got was to be assigned as a Bailiff at one of the Courts-Martial. And I was openly a member of the "Gay church" (Metropolitan Community Church). On one ship, people joked my Division had 3 watch sections: Port, Starboard and Pink.

For some reason, even now in my dotage, no one seems to think I am really gay. I've gotten stopped at doors to gay clubs to be informed, in case I wasn't away, that "this establishment serves a primarily gay clientel," I guess because they think I'm straight and intend to bust up the joint? My own niece and her husband actually told me they don't believe I'm really gay (this was at the 27th anniversary of me & Hubby!).

Now I wonder if I should feel belatedly inferior? After 18, I had sex 500 times+ in 5 years (when I met my first companion, and yes, I keep a journal, started for extra credit in the 6th Grade). Obviously, I wasn't some limping leperous troll, but why never an invite to a group grope or whatever it was called? I grew up in Chicagoland. If I'd ever have been invited, I'd've gladly stumped up for the pizza.

I never felt excluded in HS - until now.

Then again: when I first enlisted in the Navy, no one even talked about masturbation until maybe the 1980s. I was in my thirties before I began hearing shipmates, much younger, joking and even talking openly about 'baitin' in their bunks. Maybe I was just ahead of the curve and it was a younger man's game? I think I was a generation or decade off.  Porn was more available for most in the 80s than in the 70s. (I guess I was just more determined to look for it.)

I was an instructor during one enlistment. I remember during a break hearing a group talking about their time in San Diego with the strip clubs, etc... They asked one Sailor from the South why he didn't go out with them bar hopping and club prowling. (Read this in a Southern accent): "I saved my damn money. While y'all were out stuffing money in some stripper's drawers, I dug out an old stroke book, found my favorite itty-bitty hooker, closed the curtains on my bunk, and flipped the pages. I threw money at her and she threw it back. If'n I wanted her to dance, I jiggled the magazine. I wound up beatin' off just like y'all did only I didn't have to pay for her expensive drinks and my taxi fare. I had a sody and a Snickers for less than a dollar. And neither of us went to sleep  disappointed!" (Circa 1987) First time I remember a Sailor publicly admitting to masturbating to his Shipmates.

In Boot Camp (RTC Orlando, FL), I once had to wake the Sailor who was relieving me for the next Watch. When I woke him, again with a Southern accent and I think it was from WV, he said, "Dammit. Why'd y'all wake me up? I was havin' the greatest dream and my dick is harder'n Jap'nese 'rithmatick!" I woke the barracks laughing and dropping my flashlight.
2023-02-02 9:12:06 PM  

Dwedit: [Fark user image 800x869]

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Old meme is old.
2023-02-03 7:10:54 AM  
yeah, dudes don't do that
2023-02-03 7:14:05 AM  
I tried this once when I was ~ 13 with 3 classmates from school way back in the early 1980's. One of us got a hold of  some titty magazines. I don't think any of us completed the act.
2023-02-03 3:16:40 PM  
Yah... this is not something guys do...right(?
2023-02-03 3:20:59 PM  
Posted before completing my thought.

I did have a friend in highschool who would sometimes pop on a porn when he had people over. We'd usually be playing Playstation, so he wasn't activity watching it. I always thought it was weird as hell.
2023-02-03 3:33:12 PM  
There was one time we were on a multi-day location shooting gig, mid-eighties, and it was after hours in the RV of one of the guys in the crew. Having drinks, wondering what mischief there was to get into in Southern Illinois, and someone in the group puts on a VHS porno, playing on the RV's tiny TV screen. Everyone in our crew, being TV geeks, spent the next fifteen minutes critiquing the camerawork, lighting, sound, dialogue, directing and editing. Then the E1 showed up and said it was creepy to find us all in there watching this, without it being a bachelor party.  Then it got awkward and quiet, and someone asked to turn it off, and we broke for dinner.  I think the guy that put it on initially thought it would be a good macho bonding moment. It wasn't.  It's just not something most of us in the crew wanted to be a group experience with co-workers. And there were a couple of pretty good strip joints not far offsite.  The guys who liked that stuff carpooled to there. Which I also found creepy, so I noped out of that trip, fearing something about it would get back to the office somehow, and I was engaged to get married by then.
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