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(Lifehacker)   She bought some ber-ra-ccoli She brought it ho-ome... She's smash'in broccoli Smash'in brocco-li Smash'in brocco-la Smash'in brocco-laa-aa   (lifehacker.com) divider line
26
    More: Weird, Bacon, Boiling, Cooking, Cheese, Leaf vegetable, Monosodium glutamate, Roasting, Iron  
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572 clicks; posted to Food » on 02 Feb 2023 at 12:35 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



26 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
WrongTrousers
2023-02-02 12:45:10 PM  
Dana Carvey SNL Choppin' Broccoli
Youtube -mXIL_LKvvI


/Enough with the Claire! JHC.
 
luna1580 [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 12:50:13 PM  
shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.
 
b0rg9
2023-02-02 12:50:24 PM  
WrongTrousers:

/Enough with the Claire! JHC.

There's a lifehacker we know
If we didn't know her
She'd be the blogger we didn't know...
 
NINEv2
2023-02-02 12:50:33 PM  
Framin' OJ?

/well hell I like OJ
//but let's get that sunuvabiatch!
 
olrasputin
2023-02-02 12:51:27 PM  
The easiest way to make people want to eat broccoli is it douse it in cheese or candy it, and there's nothing wrong with those strategies. But that doesn't work for those of us who are trying to cut down on dairy or sugar.

Candy it?? WTF, Claire. That's easier than salt + pepper + olive oil, then roasting? Or blanching then stir-frying?
 
luna1580 [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 12:53:27 PM  

olrasputin: The easiest way to make people want to eat broccoli is it douse it in cheese or candy it, and there's nothing wrong with those strategies. But that doesn't work for those of us who are trying to cut down on dairy or sugar.

Candy it?? WTF, Claire. That's easier than salt + pepper + olive oil, then roasting? Or blanching then stir-frying?


i've never heard of candied broccoli either, sounds gross. it's probably improved when served with a heavy mayo sauce though...
 
KingBiefWhistle
2023-02-02 1:09:39 PM  
Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it
 
Kirkenhegelstein [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 1:11:04 PM  

luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.


Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.
 
Kirkenhegelstein [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 1:14:25 PM  

KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it


I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.
 
KingBiefWhistle
2023-02-02 1:25:08 PM  

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.


I suppose I should clarify, it's mostly just greens that never sit well cooked with me. Cooked carrots by themselves are also offensive, but are perfectly acceptable in other dishes. As for brussels sprouts, I've always found them to be entirely too bitter to eat. Like actually gag-reflex inducing bitter. That never went well as a kid because of course a kid would say something like that to get out of eating vegetables.
 
blondambition [OhFark]
2023-02-02 1:37:32 PM  

KingBiefWhistle: Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

I suppose I should clarify, it's mostly just greens that never sit well cooked with me. Cooked carrots by themselves are also offensive, but are perfectly acceptable in other dishes. As for brussels sprouts, I've always found them to be entirely too bitter to eat. Like actually gag-reflex inducing bitter. That never went well as a kid because of course a kid would say something like that to get out of eating vegetables.


images.fineartamerica.comView Full Size
 
tintar [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 1:40:31 PM  

Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.


seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.


altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!
 
Pants full of macaroni!! [BareFark]
2023-02-02 1:44:25 PM  
Hilarious Seinfeld Clip (S8E08)
Youtube SJw6Z-MLyBA


/for the record, I do NOT share Newman's opinion of broccoli
 
tintar [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 2:06:14 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/SJw6Z-MLyBA]

/for the record, I do NOT share Newman's opinion of broccoli


vile weed!

/honey mustard!!!
//nah, actually I find steamed unseasoned broccoli delicious
///altho now I find my lack of oyster sauce disturbing
 
Kirkenhegelstein [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-02-02 2:09:37 PM  

tintar: Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.

seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!


Fish sauce helps hiat all the notes: sweet, garlicky, citrusy, umami, bit of the old Maillard from browning. 1.5lbs of Brussels disappears down larval human gullets like a bleeding cow in a piranha infested Amazonian river.
 
ReapTheChaos
2023-02-02 3:19:44 PM  
You can coax flavor out of the humble green vegetable

WTF they talking about? Broccoli has plenty of flavor. It's easily my favorite vegetable, just steam it and add a pinch of salt. Delicious. I also love cauliflower, asparagus, and brussels sprouts.

It seems to me that some people's palates never developed past childhood, if it's not coated in fat, salt, and sugar they wont eat it.
 
talkyournonsense
2023-02-02 4:59:18 PM  
Don't shoot me

I like boiled veg when they are still tender crisp.
Drain and drizzle with garlic oil and salt. (Or oyster sauce)
That was my lunch carrots, broccoli, and zuccini. Lightly boiled. Yeah I like steamed and boiled zuccini. No apologies.
 
NINEv2
2023-02-02 5:07:42 PM  

tintar: Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.

seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!


Glad you're out brah.
 
tintar [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 5:42:01 PM  

NINEv2: tintar: Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.

seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!

Glad you're out brah.


hey thanks brothermang! and just last week at only like discharge+2 I even made, all by myself, a grilled cheese on rye with some fried deli turkey (gasp meat!) and hot mustard.

/only burnt myself twice!
 
luna1580 [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 5:59:35 PM  

tintar: NINEv2: tintar: Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.

seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!

Glad you're out brah.

hey thanks brothermang! and just last week at only like discharge+2 I even made, all by myself, a grilled cheese on rye with some fried deli turkey (gasp meat!) and hot mustard.

/only burnt myself twice!


Oh yay for cooking again! Much love brutha 💗
 
Herman Borrach
2023-02-02 7:26:02 PM  
Broccoli is farking delicious. Chopped raw in salads, or steamed for 3-5 minutes (depending how soft you want it) and salted. Maybe buttered if that's what you feel like doing. Perfect side dish.
 
eyeq360 [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 8:52:33 PM  

ReapTheChaos: You can coax flavor out of the humble green vegetable

WTF they talking about? Broccoli has plenty of flavor. It's easily my favorite vegetable, just steam it and add a pinch of salt. Delicious. I also love cauliflower, asparagus, and brussels sprouts.

It seems to me that some people's palates never developed past childhood, if it's not coated in fat, salt, and sugar they wont eat it.


I just steam my broccoli and season it with some salt and pepper. Pretty much do the same with other vegetables and they come out tasting delicious.

If you require drowning them in fat, salt, and sugar to make them taste good, you're preparing them wrong, your palate is under developed, or you're using crappy quality produce.
 
NINEv2
2023-02-02 8:57:44 PM  

tintar: NINEv2: tintar: Kirkenhegelstein: luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.

Yeah, it ain't hard. 500F oven with sheet pan in it, toss broccoli with olive oil, S&P, and za'atar, 12-15 minutes later, beautiful roasted broccoli. This is a solution in search of a problem.

seriously ^this. whenever I'm roasting anything (Brussels sprouts, carrots, potatoes, leeks, ..., ...,) I absolutely feel compelled to also toss in any other brassicas in my possession.

Kirkenhegelstein: KingBiefWhistle: Just like, hand me the farkin floret. Don't cook it. Cooked vegetables taste and feel awful. Don't do any weird shiat to it

I did air fry Brussels and shallots over the weekend, dressed with garlic-brown sugar paste/fish sauce/lime juice, and they were awesome. I'd add bird's eye chilis to the garlic brown sugar paste, but hearing tiny humans scream about mouth fire wasn't on my agenda.

altho now that I'm paroled from prison, I should really try out the air fryer some thoughtless parents'd giftflicted me for xmas...

/plus, fish sauce is one of my favorite "secret" ingredients!

Glad you're out brah.

hey thanks brothermang! and just last week at only like discharge+2 I even made, all by myself, a grilled cheese on rye with some fried deli turkey (gasp meat!) and hot mustard.

/only burnt myself twice!


That rumble from deep space was as if millions of vegulon cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

/I fear something weird has happened
 
tintar [TotalFark]
2023-02-02 10:52:41 PM  

NINEv2: That rumble from deep space was as if millions of vegulon cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

/I fear something weird has happened


nah, the ICU and rehab menus were mainly (very, very dry) chicken, so I temporarily just went along with it. you could always sub grilled cheese or PBJ or 1 boiled egg, so... nah! winding it down now, but I'll still take whatever protein I can get for the near future (lost ~50lb of muscle during the coma, bleh!)
 
testosteronephobe
2023-02-02 11:00:56 PM  
Fat.
 
Kris_Romm
2023-02-03 9:55:16 AM  

luna1580: shut up CLAIRE.

all broccoli needs is a quick microwave steam and some lemon juice or grated hard cheese (maybe both). not to be blanched, dried, then violently smash seared in bacon grease on cast iron....

that's her whole recipe, people -don't click claire.


Is this Claire's revenge for us mocking her the other day?    Going even stupider/more basic with the articles and subbing it here?
 
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