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(Fox 4 News Dallas)   Whoever stole two monkeys from the Dallas Zoo last night, I understand, I've been there - you're drunk, it's Dallas, but please, bring back the monkeys   (fox4news.com) divider line
    More: Strange, Dallas, Bird, latest chapter, Dallas Police Department, Dallas Zoo, Dallas police, United States, Police  
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916 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jan 2023 at 9:38 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



44 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2023-01-30 6:14:07 PM  
When I was studying in China some 20 years ago, I visited the local zoo.  The lion pens were locked from behind with padlocks that weren't fastened.  My first thought was I could walk in and take one of those cubs, if mom wouldn't kill me for trying.

/I didn't actually try
 
2023-01-30 6:26:10 PM  
I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂
 
2023-01-30 7:09:37 PM  
No more monkeys jumping on the bed?
 
2023-01-30 9:40:05 PM  
"Oh, man, these will be perfect for my new monkey business"
 
2023-01-30 9:40:50 PM  
Touch him!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 9:42:06 PM  
The thieves will either try to sell them as exotic pets or keep them. Either way some TikTok video featuring these animals should drop soon, unless they have already died or escaped.
 
2023-01-30 9:44:57 PM  
What in the fark is going on at the Dallas Zoo?
 
2023-01-30 9:50:13 PM  

fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂


I know. I'm jealous too.
 
2023-01-30 9:51:35 PM  
Hold up there Subby.  "Stole" implies we're property and we do NOT appreciate that.
 
2023-01-30 9:52:07 PM  

fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂


They can latch onto your face and f*ck you up. Little spider monkeys are vicious, weight doesn't have much to do with it.
 
2023-01-30 9:52:30 PM  
....or at least set them loose in a Hobby Lobby....
 
2023-01-30 9:53:05 PM  
All poo flinging festivities are canceled till the boys come home.
 
2023-01-30 9:53:36 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size


Prime suspect.
 
2023-01-30 9:53:40 PM  
Dallas Zoo monkeys? Haven't heard of that species of monkeys.
 
2023-01-30 9:54:12 PM  
pics.me.meView Full Size


But don't steal one. Cripes.
 
2023-01-30 9:55:52 PM  
They increased security and still can't guard some animals that are already in cages?
Sounds like an inside job.
 
2023-01-30 9:57:01 PM  
Probably just in the break room having a smoke
 
2023-01-30 9:58:43 PM  
I'd bring Stetson Bennett in for questioning.
 
2023-01-30 10:00:51 PM  
I wonder if this had anything to do with the QB from Georgia who got busted for banging on doors in Dallas.
 
2023-01-30 10:06:54 PM  

Subtonic: fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂

I know. I'm jealous too.


*envious

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 10:21:44 PM  
classicfilmreview.comView Full Size


"Shoot... "
 
2023-01-30 10:21:51 PM  

lindalouwho: fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂

They can latch onto your face and f*ck you up. Little spider monkeys are vicious, weight doesn't have much to do with it.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 10:29:36 PM  
I used to get drunk and steal monkeys from zoos. Turns out monkeys aren't as good of party companions as you would think. Now, I get drunk and steal ring-tailed lemurs from zoos. Lemurs can party all night long.
 
2023-01-30 10:31:06 PM  
See My Vest! (The Simpsons)
Youtube TyWVaZsUQjc
 
2023-01-30 10:32:47 PM  
Prime suspect?
imageio.forbes.comView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 10:35:58 PM  
y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 10:37:09 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2023-01-30 10:40:10 PM  
The zoo just cant catch a break.
 
2023-01-30 11:16:18 PM  

mr0x: Dallas Zoo monkeys? Haven't heard of that species of monkeys.


Congratulations, my friend.  Today you are one of the 10,000.

Whiplash The Cowboy Monkey
Youtube f-cSMOXku0U
 
2023-01-30 11:25:36 PM  
"Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.
 
2023-01-30 11:27:59 PM  
Stolen indeed! They got bored with Dallas and decided to try their luck in England, where they'd heard there was work for monkeys in advertising.

As for what the simian community in Britain will make of the Yanks...

1990s PG Tips Chimps The New Neighbours Advert
Youtube boGJd-koCSI
 
2023-01-30 11:29:10 PM  

daffy: "Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.


Do zhey have a lisawnce for zat minky?
 
2023-01-30 11:33:58 PM  

daffy: "Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.


Put the bottle down and go to sleep
 
2023-01-30 11:38:16 PM  

chitownmike: daffy: "Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.

Put the bottle down and go to sleep


This isn't the first incident. A bird was killed, a leopard was let out and other enclosures had holes cut in them. All of this over the past few weeks.
 
2023-01-30 11:38:44 PM  

Fano: daffy: "Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.

Do zhey have a lisawnce for zat minky?


Zat what?
 
2023-01-30 11:39:44 PM  

aleister_greynight: When I was studying in China some 20 years ago, I visited the local zoo.  The lion pens were locked from behind with padlocks that weren't fastened.  My first thought was I could walk in and take one of those cubs, if mom wouldn't kill me for trying.

/I didn't actually try


did you try asking your dad?
 
2023-01-30 11:42:03 PM  

fatassbastard: Fano: daffy: "Possibly Criminal"? I don't think it is legal, even if the head man at the zoo dose it. I assume that they cut a hole in the fence to get them. What in the name of God is going on with that Zoo? I don't think any other major zoo has had so many odd things happen in many years. I really liked it when I went there, but they need to investigate every bit of the place to figure out what they need to due to keep the people and the animals safe.

Do zhey have a lisawnce for zat minky?

Zat what?


Ze Minkey.
 
2023-01-30 11:50:42 PM  

fragMasterFlash: The thieves will either try to sell them as exotic pets or keep them. Either way some TikTok video featuring these animals should drop soon, unless they have already died or escaped.


My money's on exotic animals thieves and I bet the dead bird (vulture?) fought back.
 
2023-01-30 11:56:14 PM  

fatassbastard: Subtonic: fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂

I know. I'm jealous too.

*envious

[Fark user image 425x238] [View Full Size image _x_]


You said that was just for us.
 
2023-01-31 12:01:34 AM  

foo monkey: fatassbastard: Subtonic: fatassbastard: I was going to say something about how it's crazy to steal monkeys because they're ungodly strong, but the type stolen weigh about a pound, soo... 🤷‍♂

I know. I'm jealous too.

*envious

[Fark user image 425x238] [View Full Size image _x_]

You said that was just for us.


Yeah well, maybe if I hadn't caught you with Chim Chim...
 
2023-01-31 1:13:23 AM  
Keep your eyes peeled for a man in a tremendously big bright hat.
 
2023-01-31 10:03:04 AM  

foo monkey: Hold up there Subby.  "Stole" implies we're property and we do NOT appreciate that.


Monkeys of the world UNITE!
Wait a minute, I think there were a bunch of movies about that were pretty dystopian so maybe not a good idea.
 
2023-01-31 11:07:40 AM  

monkeyboycjc: foo monkey: Hold up there Subby.  "Stole" implies we're property and we do NOT appreciate that.

Monkeys of the world UNITE!
Wait a minute, I think there were a bunch of movies about that were pretty dystopian so maybe not a good idea.


Dystopian for the humans.  The monkeys did pretty well, relatively speaking.
 
2023-01-31 2:35:57 PM  
I suspect the Dallas Monkey Buyers Club.
 
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