Yes, now my story can finally be told.

Let me start by saying that one of the most basic elements of tradecraft is to create a singular trait for your "legend" (i.e., undercover persona) that is so striking and unusual that it will make it difficult for people to remember other details about you.

For example, for brief assignments, agents will often employ disfiguring prosthetics. A giant nose is a typical choice -- people focus in on that huge schnozz and suddenly they can't remember if you're 5'6" or 6'3".

For longer-term things, though, it's usually a character trait. You might create the overpowering impression that you are an alcoholic, or neurotic, or a sports fanatic -- anything to make people put you in a little mental box, because once you're in there, they just ignore any behavior it can't explain.

You probably see where I'm going with this. For me, it was my catastrophic sexual incompetence. Every "ow," every "is it in yet," every premature ejaculation, every time I started weeping uncontrollably when you took your bra off -- it was all a ruse! Pure trickery!

Don't feel bad. The weeks or months of sexual frustration, and corresponding lack of artistic inspiration, were for the good of America. Imagine what would have happened if the commies had gotten their hands on your idiosyncratic use of meter to create a sense of longing and existential disengagement!