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(Oddity Central)   Man who faked his own death because he was curious as to who would show up at his funeral has to be curious no more, all his family and friends hate him now   (odditycentral.com) divider line
56
    More: Dumbass, Funeral, Mourning, Death, Grief, Knowledge, Explanation, Motivation, 60-year-old Baltazar Lemos  
•       •       •

3408 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2023 at 11:05 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



56 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
weddingsinger [TotalFark]
2023-01-27 10:12:53 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Eat The Placenta
2023-01-27 10:43:30 PM  
"I didn't tell anyone, because I hoped it would work out."

This guy obviously doesn't understand how reality works.
 
Patmaniac
2023-01-27 11:09:53 PM  
What the hell, everyone was overjoyed and forgiving in Tom Sawyer.
 
foo monkey
2023-01-27 11:11:34 PM  
ruinmyweek.comView Full Size
 
SpaceBison
2023-01-27 11:13:52 PM  
Idiot. I already know that no one is coming to mine.
 
chapmangregio
2023-01-27 11:14:12 PM  
Dumbass is the tag, but this guy went way beyond dumbass!
 
foo monkeys alt
2023-01-27 11:17:16 PM  

SpaceBison: Idiot. I already know that no one is coming to mine.


I'll go to your funeral if you go mine.
 
mrparks
2023-01-27 11:33:42 PM  
Oh man that's like the dream of every angry tween.
 
Bith Set Me Up
2023-01-27 11:40:55 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
RottenEggs
2023-01-27 11:45:07 PM  
Who arranged his funeral ? I don't even believe this crap .
/ DNRTFA
 
Monkeyfark Ridiculous
2023-01-27 11:48:34 PM  

foo monkeys alt: SpaceBison: Idiot. I already know that no one is coming to mine.

I'll go to your funeral if you go mine.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Ragin' Asian [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-01-27 11:49:17 PM  
Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer did it first.
 
My Sober Alt
2023-01-27 11:55:09 PM  

foo monkey: [ruinmyweek.com image 850x444]


I'm gonna hire some people dressed in trench coats to look like detectives from some 1970's movie standing at a distance at a mobster's funeral to take pictures of whichever mafia members show up.
 
camaroash
2023-01-27 11:56:29 PM  
Anyone who shows up to my funeral will have been duped.

/ Not having one. Cremation followed by my ashes being flushed down a random toilet.
 
Grumpy Cat
2023-01-27 11:56:34 PM  
From the makers of "Lawn of the Dead," comes "Well, This is No FUNeral," where an ignorant man comes back from the dead. Or, does he?
 
jim32rr [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-01-28 12:00:29 AM  

camaroash: Anyone who shows up to my funeral will have been duped.

/ Not having one. Cremation followed by my ashes being flushed down a random toilet.


You want us to burn a pack of those Japanese panties too?
 
Unsung_Hero
2023-01-28 12:04:27 AM  

foo monkey: [ruinmyweek.com image 850x444]


I don't believe her.  For one thing, for a short term contract that's a ridiculously low rate.  For another, there's travel time and expenses to consider.

But now I'm kind of into the idea of hiring a couple of young actresses to show up as grieving mistresses who discover each other at the funeral and get into a confrontation.  And obviously they're inappropriately dressed to look as trashy as they can get away with.

I've discussed a few ridiculous scenarios with my wife, she's vetoed all of them so far - but if I keep this one a secret she can't say no, and no harm would be done because she'd figure out what was going on pretty quickly given my previous suggestions for funeral arrangements.
 
some_beer_drinker
2023-01-28 12:05:45 AM  
my retirement plan is to really kill myself. i will probably just die from my bad habits first. meh
 
Unsung_Hero
2023-01-28 12:12:12 AM  

some_beer_drinker: my retirement plan is to really kill myself. i will probably just die from my bad habits first. meh


The problem I have observed with this is that the guy you are now almost always wants to live a bit longer.

The guy you'll be tomorrow will feel the same way, even if he's not quite the guy you are now.  It can be a long, slow slide and the guy who climbed the ladder might never have wanted to be the guy who is approaching the bottom... but the guy on the slide isn't quite done yet.

Most people hang on to life until they're not given a choice in the matter.
 
gadian
2023-01-28 12:13:17 AM  
I'd imagine it's generally not advisable no matter who your family is.  People get kinda miffed.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
ZMugg [TotalFark]
2023-01-28 12:13:49 AM  

Patmaniac: What the hell, everyone was overjoyed and forgiving in Tom Sawyer.


He knows that changes aren't permanent... but change is...

mist... myth...
mystery... drift...
 
Yeast No 7
2023-01-28 12:22:21 AM  
Asshole is an asshole.

News at 11.
 
scalpod
2023-01-28 12:25:12 AM  

ZMugg: Patmaniac: What the hell, everyone was overjoyed and forgiving in Tom Sawyer.

He knows that changes aren't permanent... but change is...

mist... myth...
mystery... drift...


Rush Canadian Golden Ale Mustard feat. Geddy Lee & Alex Lifeson
Youtube 481kX-gpGUk
 
thesharkman
2023-01-28 12:26:03 AM  
Heathers - Life Sucks - what else does a suicide need - Eskimo - Heather Duke's funeral -80s
Youtube od9qmFBtCF4
205 if you're impatient.
 
foo monkey
2023-01-28 12:34:37 AM  

Unsung_Hero: foo monkey: [ruinmyweek.com image 850x444]

I don't believe her.  For one thing, for a short term contract that's a ridiculously low rate.  For another, there's travel time and expenses to consider.

But now I'm kind of into the idea of hiring a couple of young actresses to show up as grieving mistresses who discover each other at the funeral and get into a confrontation.  And obviously they're inappropriately dressed to look as trashy as they can get away with.

I've discussed a few ridiculous scenarios with my wife, she's vetoed all of them so far - but if I keep this one a secret she can't say no, and no harm would be done because she'd figure out what was going on pretty quickly given my previous suggestions for funeral arrangements.


I just like posting the picture, 'cause damn.
 
kkinnison [OhFark]
2023-01-28 12:39:52 AM  
when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living
 
Mock26
2023-01-28 12:43:50 AM  
He was alive after all? His friends and family should have remedied that situation.
 
Cythraul
2023-01-28 12:47:59 AM  
Why would anyone care about this?  You'll be dead.  You won't know who's there or not.

I tell people whenever the subject of funeral rites and burial choices comes up that I largely do not care.  Although, I would like to be cremated.  I will NOT be servant of the Night King.
 
sex_and_drugs_for_ian [BareFark]
2023-01-28 12:59:35 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"Not much of a turnout."
 
KodosZardoz
2023-01-28 1:07:18 AM  

kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living


Welcome to my life.
 
minorshan
2023-01-28 1:07:31 AM  

camaroash: Anyone who shows up to my funeral will have been duped.

/ Not having one. Cremation followed by my ashes being flushed down a random toilet.


Don't be an asshole. Those bone fragments would be hell on the plumbing. Just get thrown into the trash, or possibly hire someone to blow your ashes in the face of a terrible person.
 
tembaarmswide [TotalFark]
2023-01-28 1:56:12 AM  

KodosZardoz: kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living

Welcome to my life.


I'm impressed.  you both know 5 to 10 people.
 
khatores
2023-01-28 2:06:49 AM  

kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living


Most people only have a few friends and just focus on their tiny little life. They're consumed with work, etc and even though they probably do think "Wonder how that guy is doing", they think it would be weird to ask. Don't take it personally.

Realistically you'd probably get at least a few dozen. Most people who go to a funeral will take someone else with them, so even if you think you only know 5-10, you'd probably get 2-3x that many at a minimum. Likely more.
 
Cubansaltyballs
2023-01-28 2:11:03 AM  
I have one blood relative who will learn of my death, and also she'll be coonty to all the others who might show up. So basically my funeral will be a bunch of sad waitresses and chicks I've dated and my mother who will hate all of them because she won't know who I left everything to until afterward. But yeah... it won't be her. So she'll spend an afternoon with a bunch of chicks i slammed ass with and pretends to be nice to because she's certain she'll inherit everything but then torture my step-dad(sorry dude... nothing personal. Love ya) on the flight home because I left most of it to like 4 hot chicks and the rest to a cat rescue, including the hot brunette with the boobs who I shared cooking videos with who gets dibs on my ridiculous Japanese knives and fancy cookware.

Sorry mom. But also not sorry. Maybe if you'd have gotten me braces when I was 15 you wouldn't have to watch these biatches walk away with your only son's possessions that you coveted because you suck.  also, my ex, the one you hated... is gonna use her dads Mormon connections to distribute all the family heirlooms your mom gave me before she died to the remaining descendants. 🤷🏼‍♂
 
Cubansaltyballs
2023-01-28 2:12:41 AM  
Say what you want. But I'll win this death thing.
 
ParallelUniverseParking [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-28 2:16:51 AM  
Approves:
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
OgreMagi
2023-01-28 2:25:40 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: hot brunette with the boobs


She's clearly deserving of the fancy Japanese cooking knives.
 
jackandwater
2023-01-28 2:26:39 AM  

SpaceBison: Idiot. I already know that no one is coming to mine.


Mine neither...because I am not having any services.
 
camaroash
2023-01-28 2:48:37 AM  

jim32rr: camaroash: Anyone who shows up to my funeral will have been duped.

/ Not having one. Cremation followed by my ashes being flushed down a random toilet.

You want us to burn a pack of those Japanese panties too?


I feel like I'm late to a party I forgot I crashed.
 
camaroash
2023-01-28 2:57:54 AM  

minorshan: camaroash: Anyone who shows up to my funeral will have been duped.

/ Not having one. Cremation followed by my ashes being flushed down a random toilet.

Don't be an asshole. Those bone fragments would be hell on the plumbing. Just get thrown into the trash, or possibly hire someone to blow your ashes in the face of a terrible person.


Based on my mother's ashes, there are no large fragments. Based on my town's sewage treatment plant, I would end up in the "humanure" compost used for forestry and non-food-chain fertilizer.

QED
 
Lady J [recently expired TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-28 3:06:40 AM  
Riley:  oh my god, you wouldn't believe, such a crazy year.
Buffy:  did you die?
Riley:  what?... of course not.
Buffy:  I'm gonna win.

(from memory)
 
weirdneighbour
2023-01-28 3:08:13 AM  
I am too embarrassed to die, my funeral will be empty chairs.
 
Lunakki
2023-01-28 3:47:18 AM  

khatores: kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living

Most people only have a few friends and just focus on their tiny little life. They're consumed with work, etc and even though they probably do think "Wonder how that guy is doing", they think it would be weird to ask. Don't take it personally.

Realistically you'd probably get at least a few dozen. Most people who go to a funeral will take someone else with them, so even if you think you only know 5-10, you'd probably get 2-3x that many at a minimum. Likely more.


Totally agree with all of this. It's also easy to complain that others never reach out to you, but how often do you reach out to them? I don't use Facebook either, and the reality is when you choose to make contacting you harder, then you have to put some extra effort in yourself to maintain those bonds.

You might be pleasantly surprised about how happy people are to catch up with you if you initiate things. I know that's easier said than done, especially while depressed. Maybe try to remember that some of the people you wish would contact you are wishing something similar themselves.
 
khatores
2023-01-28 4:33:49 AM  

Lunakki: khatores: kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living

Most people only have a few friends and just focus on their tiny little life. They're consumed with work, etc and even though they probably do think "Wonder how that guy is doing", they think it would be weird to ask. Don't take it personally.

Realistically you'd probably get at least a few dozen. Most people who go to a funeral will take someone else with them, so even if you think you only know 5-10, you'd probably get 2-3x that many at a minimum. Likely more.

Totally agree with all of this. It's also easy to complain that others never reach out to you, but how often do you reach out to them? I don't use Facebook either, and the reality is when you choose to make contacting you harder, then you have to put some extra effort in yourself to maintain those bonds.

You might be pleasantly surprised about how happy people are to catch up with you if you initiate things. I know that's easier said than done, especially while depressed. Maybe try to remember that some of the people you wish would contact you are wishing something similar themselves.


I've never really liked Facebook. I haven't posted anything since 2009, but mostly keep it for the exclusive purpose of watching a couple other people (I'm not a stalker; we're on good terms) as well as occasional family pictures. I do end up in other people's pictures sometimes.  At first I found it annoying but later I just learned to go along with it. Grudgingly.

One thing that I kind of dislike but don't register my displeasure about is you'll be at a party or something and doing whatever, and then someone whips out their phone and is moving it around, and you realize it's either livestreaming on FB or they're taking video which will shortly by on FB.  It will likely be there for all time, or at least a long time, for everyone to see.

So then I have to start self-editing and making sure I don't say or do anything stupid. Naturally this would go unnoticed at the time, but 20 years later will be picked over by some AI video crawler and used to beat me over the head with.
 
frankb00th
2023-01-28 4:52:14 AM  
Was it a tik tok?
 
tembaarmswide [TotalFark]
2023-01-28 5:17:51 AM  

khatores: Lunakki: khatores: kkinnison: when I was really depressed, I wanted to know.

2 years, and the only contact I had with any in real life friends, or family was my wife, and my dad calling me to tell me my aunt (his sister) died.

facebook seems to be how everyone stays in touch, but i haven't used facebook in 10 years, yet no one seems to care about "Hey I wonder how Kkinnison is doing, and what he is doing" instead it is "Hey look everyone what i am doing! LOOK AT ME!!!!!"

Maybe 5 would show up? 10?  IDK  dont really care now since i would be dead, and the funerals are for the living

Most people only have a few friends and just focus on their tiny little life. They're consumed with work, etc and even though they probably do think "Wonder how that guy is doing", they think it would be weird to ask. Don't take it personally.

Realistically you'd probably get at least a few dozen. Most people who go to a funeral will take someone else with them, so even if you think you only know 5-10, you'd probably get 2-3x that many at a minimum. Likely more.

Totally agree with all of this. It's also easy to complain that others never reach out to you, but how often do you reach out to them? I don't use Facebook either, and the reality is when you choose to make contacting you harder, then you have to put some extra effort in yourself to maintain those bonds.

You might be pleasantly surprised about how happy people are to catch up with you if you initiate things. I know that's easier said than done, especially while depressed. Maybe try to remember that some of the people you wish would contact you are wishing something similar themselves.

I've never really liked Facebook. I haven't posted anything since 2009, but mostly keep it for the exclusive purpose of watching a couple other people (I'm not a stalker; we're on good terms) as well as occasional family pictures. I do end up in other people's pictures sometimes.  At first I found it annoying but later I just learned to go along with it. Grudgingly.

One thing that I kind of dislike but don't register my displeasure about is you'll be at a party or something and doing whatever, and then someone whips out their phone and is moving it around, and you realize it's either livestreaming on FB or they're taking video which will shortly by on FB.  It will likely be there for all time, or at least a long time, for everyone to see.

So then I have to start self-editing and making sure I don't say or do anything stupid. Naturally this would go unnoticed at the time, but 20 years later will be picked over by some AI video crawler and used to beat me over the head with.


I won't to go to a basketball or football game because the idea of being caught 5on the crowd camera or.borqdcast TV causes anxiety.
 
electricjebus [recently expired TotalFark]
2023-01-28 6:34:52 AM  
I hope nobody I care about shows up at my funeral. They should all be too hungover from the wake to make it.  That's the way to go out.  Don't leave people weeping at your absence, have them cheering to your existence.
 
nytmare
2023-01-28 6:50:20 AM  
Then who was corpse?
 
NevynFox
2023-01-28 7:06:29 AM  
Three hour drive, three hour walk; no one's finding my body until the bones are scattered.
 
tembaarmswide [TotalFark]
2023-01-28 7:28:55 AM  
NevynFox: Three hour drive, three hour walk; no one's finding my body until the bones are scattered.


That sounds like my kind of place.
 
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