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(Marketwatch)   Kimberly-Clark forecasts constipated growth but promises "mind-blowing" poop news is coming out   ( divider line
    More: Strange, Kimberly-Clark Inc. stock, consumer goods company, second half, mind-blowing, investors, guidance, promise, news  
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369 clicks; posted to Business » on 26 Jan 2023 at 3:05 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

11 Comments     (+0 »)
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2023-01-26 3:16:31 PM  
"We have great news that we want to make sure that we're supporting appropriately. I think I cannot share exactly what that news is because it's coming out in the second half. But it will blow your mind when you see it," Hsu told analysts, according to a FactSet transcript.

They figured out a way to incorporate Blockchain!!! technology into diapers?
2023-01-26 3:19:31 PM  
Poop thread!
2023-01-26 3:22:00 PM  
Mind-blowing for whom, exactly? I'm struggling to think of any scenario where poop would be "mind-blowing" unless we're talking some Cheech and Chong Labrador.
2023-01-26 3:22:46 PM  
"We have exciting upcoming news that in reality is a giant nothingburger, but several important people in the C suite need to pump up our stock price just long enough to cash out on our options."
2023-01-26 3:34:08 PM  
i mean yeah it's kind of a big deal if you create a new form of life that is a living diaper that eats baby poo. That's the kind of thing you build up to announcing you don't just reveal that sort of news without some real fan fair.

I mean really this would be such a revolutionary product, never clean or even smell baby poo again, the living diaper licks your baby clean for you.

We'd probably triple the world's population in one generation if they knew they'd never have to deal with baby poo ever.
2023-01-26 3:38:35 PM  
They're going to make German Sheitza films?
2023-01-26 4:21:31 PM  
They should announce it on Twitter for the obvious meme reasons.
2023-01-26 4:22:36 PM  
Buy a bidet
2023-01-26 4:41:08 PM  
didn't read, but I assume the baby-supplies industry is just the next segment to realize they can start gouging consumers because "reasons". People will be upset, but pay the inflated prices, and those prices will never return to 'normal'. Inflation will just, eventually, catch up. How'd I do?
2023-01-26 4:58:01 PM  
"mind blowing" news in the "poop" category

Mind? You're doing it wrong.
2023-01-27 1:32:28 AM  
Sounds like what happens when one takes military grade ex-lax...💩🤯☠
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