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(Philadelphia Magazine)   Philly needs lifeguards so badly they are reportedly hiring people who can't swim. The is not a headline from The Onion   (phillymag.com) divider line
    More: Facepalm, Swimming pool, New York City, Lifeguard, such desperate need of lifeguards, municipal pools, Philadelphia magazine, swim lessons, Drowning  
•       •       •

2092 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jan 2023 at 9:38 PM (12 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2023-01-24 8:48:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2023-01-24 8:54:53 PM  
Life guard instructor to new recruits: "Watch very closely, I'm only going to show you how to dive in once."
 
2023-01-24 9:41:45 PM  
So, kinda like Florida with teachers.
 
2023-01-24 9:44:32 PM  
Lifeguard wanted for Philadelphia swimming pools.

Requirements:

- Must be aged 16 or older
- Must look good while sitting in an elevated chair
- Must provide own whistle

Swimming ability not required
 
2023-01-24 9:46:20 PM  

coffeetime: Life guard instructor to new recruits: "Watch very closely, I'm only going to show you how to dive in once."


I can see the Xzibit memes coming now.

"You dawg...I heard your lifeguard was drowning, so you need a lifeguard for your lifeguard..."
 
2023-01-24 9:49:14 PM  
Pay more. Lifeguards here make good money. Ms. Sumojeb has been thinking of quitting teaching to go back to lifeguarding.
 
2023-01-24 9:49:29 PM  
Seeing a lifeguard wearing arm and leg floaties would not inspire confidence that my life was in good hands.
 
2023-01-24 9:50:29 PM  

khatores: coffeetime: Life guard instructor to new recruits: "Watch very closely, I'm only going to show you how to dive in once."

I can see the Xzibit memes coming now.

"You dawg...I heard your lifeguard was drowning, so you need a lifeguard for your lifeguard..."


Came to say this. Well done indeed.
 
2023-01-24 9:52:04 PM  
Just show them a bunch of Baywatch episodes, and they're good, right?
 
2023-01-24 9:52:20 PM  
Nothing like a little bit of OJT.
 
2023-01-24 9:52:45 PM  
I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.
 
2023-01-24 9:53:00 PM  

lilbjorn: So, kinda like Florida with teachers.


Lifeguards in Philly probably get paid better than teachers in Florida
 
2023-01-24 9:55:18 PM  
No 90s wra Carmen Electra pics?  I am disappoint.

(For the youngsters out there, no she couldn't swim when she got hired to be on Baywatch)
 
2023-01-24 9:57:17 PM  
Not for nothing but you'd have thought that we'd have the technology to, oh I don't know, maybe to deliver a roped life-saver over a drowning victim.

Wouldn't need people who could swim just Army mortar experts.
 
2023-01-24 9:57:59 PM  

Gordon Bennett: Lifeguard wanted for Philadelphia swimming pools.

Requirements:

- Must be aged 16 or older
- Must look good while sitting in an elevated chair
- Must provide own whistle

Swimming ability not required


Forgot one: Willing to enter large semi-diluted urinal
 
2023-01-24 9:58:41 PM  

tonguedepressor: Not for nothing but you'd have thought that we'd have the technology to, oh I don't know, maybe to deliver a roped life-saver over a drowning victim.

Wouldn't need people who could swim just Army mortar experts.


I bet a drone could deliver eh? Faster than a dude who can't swim get to you anyway.
 
2023-01-24 10:02:34 PM  
Gawd, I'm glad they're talking about swimming pools. I can't imagine anyone swimming in the Schuylkill.

/disgusting enough rowing in it
 
2023-01-24 10:04:09 PM  
According to representatives of the city's Parks & Recreation Department I spoke with, the city is actively recruiting lifeguard candidates who would sink like a stone if you threw them in the deep end today.

Are they not interviewing Americans? We float.
 
2023-01-24 10:05:05 PM  
That's not how you drown! Watch me and I'll show you how to drown properly!
 
2023-01-24 10:05:08 PM  

electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.


Most fail Step #1: Keep calm.
 
2023-01-24 10:14:57 PM  

lilbjorn: So, kinda like Florida with teachers.


I'm reminded of Idiocracy with no one knowing how to do their jobs.
 
2023-01-24 10:15:59 PM  

electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.


I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[
 
2023-01-24 10:17:00 PM  
You're not supposed to go rescue a drowning person without a floatation device anyways.

When I was a lifeguard, the thing I was actually most worried about was a person diving into the shallow end of the pool and hitting their head in the bottom, or hitting their head on the side of the pool.
 
2023-01-24 10:18:19 PM  

Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[


Can you float on your back at least?
 
2023-01-24 10:21:17 PM  
Recruiting People Who Can't Swim

Fark user imageView Full Size


That's racist
 
2023-01-24 10:27:52 PM  

electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.


I've been confused by that too, but maybe I was just fortunate enough to have parents who took us kids to the pool and paid for swimming lessons. I learned to swim mostly from my parents guidance I think, but the swimming lessons helped me be a better swimmer. I even took some lessons in how to rescue someone from drowning and CPR, but I was never a lifeguard.

Then again most of the water in public pools is shallow enough for an adult to wade in.  I guess the kids who jump off the diving boards into the deep end and sink are toast though.

What if there were a way to quickly drain a pool - like putting an underground storage tank underneath it?   I know, that's not practical, but you can't drown in a pool with no water.  Just ask these guys.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
zez
2023-01-24 10:37:08 PM  
I Wanna Be A Lifeguard by Blotto
Youtube CBRJ6jQfap0
 
2023-01-24 10:37:43 PM  

Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[


I am the same other than I don't float at all. I am not afraid of water and use a vest or more depending on the activity but I cannot swim on the surface at all naturally. Plenty of lesson from family and professionals growing up because I love the water, skiing, and boogey boarding. I proved it the DIs during drown proofing in Basic Training. I inhaled as much as I could and then sat/laid down on the bottom of the pool for 2 minutes holding my breath. I can snorkel fine but I cannot be SCUBA certified.  My wife can lay perfectly still, flat on her back like she is sleeping on the bed on the surface of a pool.
 
2023-01-24 10:39:41 PM  

Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[


When you're doing a breaststroke you generally are underwater, you use the thrust your hands and feet can generate to propel your head above water to catch a breath from time to time.  When you're doing freestyle, you alternate your head with every stroke to take in air.

Have you tried just treading water?  Or laying on your back?  When your lungs are compressed your body is denser than water, If you take slow breaths your body should stay above the waterline.
 
2023-01-24 10:49:26 PM  

SBinRR: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

Most fail Step #1: Keep calm.


I get that when you're overboard in an ocean, but when you're at a swimming pool in New Jersey you could probably just stand up and keep your head above water.  Don't go to the deep end until you know how to swim.
 
2023-01-24 10:50:16 PM  

lilfry14: You're not supposed to go rescue a drowning person without a floatation device anyways.

When I was a lifeguard, the thing I was actually most worried about was a person diving into the shallow end of the pool and hitting their head in the bottom, or hitting their head on the side of the pool.


When I trained as a lifeguard we never practiced with flotation devices.  In fact the whole cert class was basically water judo...how to fight off a panicking person trying to drown you and then put them in different holds to swim them to shore.
 
2023-01-24 10:51:15 PM  

lilfry14: Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[

Can you float on your back at least?


I have never been able to float.  I live on an island surrounded by water and had a pool my whole life.  I can swim well but the second I stop moving my arms or legs I sink like a rock.  Even filling my lungs, holding my breath and laying on my back I'm like the titanic, my legs sink then drag the rest of me down.

It is really fun the be the only one able to sit and lay down at the bottom of the pool without having to wave my arms like crazy.  There is something very peaceful about sitting underwater.  When I was younger I used to run a compressor hose into the pool and stay down there and meditate.
 
2023-01-24 10:52:41 PM  

lilfry14: Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[

Can you float on your back at least?


Only while holding my breath, like I said. If I breathe, then I sink!
 
2023-01-24 11:00:36 PM  

Calehedron: am the same other than I don't float at all. I am not afraid of water and use a vest or more depending on the activity but I cannot swim on the surface at all naturally. Plenty of lesson from family and professionals growing up because I love the water, skiing, and boogey boarding. I proved it the DIs during drown proofing in Basic Training. I inhaled as much as I could and then sat/laid down on the bottom of the pool for 2 minutes holding my breath. I can snorkel fine but I cannot be SCUBA certified.  My wife can lay perfectly still, flat on her back like she is sleeping on the bed on the surface of a pool.


Are you unusually muscular?  That's pretty much the only reason you wouldn't float, bones and fat are less dense than water, muscles aren't.
 
2023-01-24 11:00:41 PM  

My Sober Alt: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I've been confused by that too, but maybe I was just fortunate enough to have parents who took us kids to the pool and paid for swimming lessons. I learned to swim mostly from my parents guidance I think, but the swimming lessons helped me be a better swimmer. I even took some lessons in how to rescue someone from drowning and CPR, but I was never a lifeguard.

Then again most of the water in public pools is shallow enough for an adult to wade in.  I guess the kids who jump off the diving boards into the deep end and sink are toast though.

What if there were a way to quickly drain a pool - like putting an underground storage tank underneath it?   I know, that's not practical, but you can't drown in a pool with no water.  Just ask these guys.

[Fark user image 850x478]


Those guys look super white trash, especially that one in the jean shorts.
 
2023-01-24 11:01:24 PM  

Abox: Recruiting People Who Can't Swim

[Fark user image image 303x202]

That's racist


Whose Line - The Tarzan Comment
Youtube sDT-_pTx8-s
 
2023-01-24 11:01:37 PM  

electricjebus: Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[

When you're doing a breaststroke you generally are underwater, you use the thrust your hands and feet can generate to propel your head above water to catch a breath from time to time.  When you're doing freestyle, you alternate your head with every stroke to take in air.

Have you tried just treading water?  Or laying on your back?  When your lungs are compressed your body is denser than water, If you take slow breaths your body should stay above the waterline.


I have tried to tread water, but can't do it at all, and practice hasn't improved it. I can float on my back while holding my breath, but as soon as I breathe, I sink. I've tried breathing in different ways, but it doesn't help.

I spent so much time in pools as a kid that I was able to easily hold my breath for multiple minutes, but I never did figure out any aspect of swimming.

Actually, I just remembered this is about when registration for swimming lessons opens up at a place nearby. I always forget until the spring, and by then it's full up. Maybe with some professional lessons, I'll figure it out.
 
2023-01-24 11:03:54 PM  
I can swim, I just don't want to.
 
2023-01-24 11:04:48 PM  

Lunakki: electricjebus: Lunakki: electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.

I can't swim, and I grew up regularly going to pools and lakes. I've had multiple people try to teach me. I can kinda swim underwater but I absolutely can't swim at all while trying to keep my head above the water. I can float, but only while holding my breath. So basically I can't swim and breathe at the same time. I don't understand it either. =[

When you're doing a breaststroke you generally are underwater, you use the thrust your hands and feet can generate to propel your head above water to catch a breath from time to time.  When you're doing freestyle, you alternate your head with every stroke to take in air.

Have you tried just treading water?  Or laying on your back?  When your lungs are compressed your body is denser than water, If you take slow breaths your body should stay above the waterline.

I have tried to tread water, but can't do it at all, and practice hasn't improved it. I can float on my back while holding my breath, but as soon as I breathe, I sink. I've tried breathing in different ways, but it doesn't help.

I spent so much time in pools as a kid that I was able to easily hold my breath for multiple minutes, but I never did figure out any aspect of swimming.

Actually, I just remembered this is about when registration for swimming lessons opens up at a place nearby. I always forget until the spring, and by then it's full up. Maybe with some professional lessons, I'll figure it out.


Well, that sucks, swimming is very relaxing and great exercise.
 
2023-01-24 11:09:31 PM  

Abox: lilfry14: You're not supposed to go rescue a drowning person without a floatation device anyways.

When I was a lifeguard, the thing I was actually most worried about was a person diving into the shallow end of the pool and hitting their head in the bottom, or hitting their head on the side of the pool.

When I trained as a lifeguard we never practiced with flotation devices.  In fact the whole cert class was basically water judo...how to fight off a panicking person trying to drown you and then put them in different holds to swim them to shore.


Yeah, if the person was conscious, it was like, "swim up to them and extend the 4ft floatation noodle to them at maximum distance. Make them reach for it."

I remember there was a hold or headlock to use when bringing them back if they were unconscious as you didn't want them to wake up and throw their head back knocking out teeth, your breaking nose, or suddenly grabbing you.
 
zez
2023-01-24 11:15:30 PM  

lilfry14: You're not supposed to go rescue a drowning person without a floatation device anyways.

When I was a lifeguard, the thing I was actually most worried about was a person diving into the shallow end of the pool and hitting their head in the bottom, or hitting their head on the side of the pool.


Or starting too far back off the diving board and scraping a lot of their face off on the textured surface
 
2023-01-24 11:15:38 PM  

electricjebus: I've never understood how people don't know how to swim.  I get that not everyone is Michael Phelps, but still, your body will float on its' own, past that just move the water around with your hands and legs and hold your breath for a few seconds at a time... it's not a difficult thing to do.


Some folks don't have access to swimming pools, nor to instructors (be them pros or peers). Even in the fairly well-off town where I live, they didn't have any pools open last summer due to lack of funding. Liability insurance is probably also a factor.

Some places make it uncomfortable for some demographics to swim. (Think post-segregation South USA -- some of those pools are still "whites only" or "colored only", even only by informal pressure. And guess which ones are in better shape?)

Some people have parents that are pathologically afraid of the water, so never gave their children the opportunity to learn.

Some people have a very bad first experience, so they aren't interested in trying ever again.

[I had to realize a lot of this the long / hard way. One of my earliest memories is doing swim lessons at a YMCA, when I was maybe 5-6 years old; all my older siblings were on the swim team. I had the same "what do you mean, some people can't swim?", until I started realizing how the systemic issues manifested.]
 
zez
2023-01-24 11:20:18 PM  
When I took my lifeguard training (I was a pool lifeguard for about 10 years) the instructor was a very large overly hairy woman who could kick you ass every way to Sunday.  She had us swimming laps of the pool with gallon milk jugs full of sand in each hand and other crazy things.

After I moved on from that job it probably took me 20 years to be able to go the water and enjoy myself because I was always looking for things to go wrong.
 
2023-01-24 11:33:07 PM  

SumoJeb: Pay more. Lifeguards here make good money. Ms. Sumojeb has been thinking of quitting teaching to go back to lifeguarding.


Can she still do the slow motion beach run?
 
2023-01-24 11:33:17 PM  

electricjebus: Calehedron: am the same other than I don't float at all. I am not afraid of water and use a vest or more depending on the activity but I cannot swim on the surface at all naturally. Plenty of lesson from family and professionals growing up because I love the water, skiing, and boogey boarding. I proved it the DIs during drown proofing in Basic Training. I inhaled as much as I could and then sat/laid down on the bottom of the pool for 2 minutes holding my breath. I can snorkel fine but I cannot be SCUBA certified.  My wife can lay perfectly still, flat on her back like she is sleeping on the bed on the surface of a pool.

Are you unusually muscular?  That's pretty much the only reason you wouldn't float, bones and fat are less dense than water, muscles aren't.


I was in my younger days, not so much anymore. Much like Lunakki said, I can tread water with LOTS of work for a minute or so but then I start to give out so I learned to hold my breath very well in a pool. I can swim under the surface, pop up enough to breathe, and go back under until I tire and then head for a wall or stairs. Open water, I always have some kind of flotation assistance on because I can't just stand up or grab the wall.

I have boogey boarded the Bonzai Pipeline in 6ish foot waves when I was stationed in Hawaii. I didn't float much better in the salt water so I was vested up. I used to joke when I worked for Intel that I wanted to go on a trip to the Israeli Fab so I could try my luck in the Dead Sea.
 
2023-01-24 11:33:21 PM  
Today I learned that some people are too dense to be able to swim. Only in America!

Jack sprat ate no fat,
His wife could eat no lean...
 
2023-01-24 11:49:35 PM  
Approves.

pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2023-01-25 12:26:10 AM  
Is there a lot of swimming happening in Philadelphia in the middle of winter?
 
2023-01-25 12:33:41 AM  

Badafuco: Is there a lot of swimming happening in Philadelphia in the middle of winter?


I mean it's probably a good idea to train lifeguards before the first day the pools open.
 
2023-01-25 1:35:31 AM  
I flunked out of swim lessons three times over two years. They all gave up on me: p e swim class, Chicago ymca, local suburban pool. I finally sort of discovered the trick on my own, weeks later, after I flunked out the third time and  everyone just left me alone. I had trust issues and fear from an early childhood near-drowning incident. So part of my breakthrough was just learning to relax in the water. To practice going limp in very shallow water, and feeling what my arms and legs wanted to do. How bouyant my core was, how it could rise and fall with my breathing. I moved into progressively deeper water, to chest high, and stretched out my limbs, feeling like an astronaut in lunar gravity. I made tentative leaps in tgat chest high water, coasting forward and then standing up. They got longer with time, but everything I did was at a pace I controlled.

My body, I discovered, did naturally want to float, if I stretched out my back and limbs, instead of curling up.  What makes it even easier for me to float effortlessly on my back is to change my body's fulcrum or balance point by putting the arms out "above" my head when I lay back in the water, tipping my head back a little and arching the back just a little. In that splayed- out position I am very stable, like a frog resting in water, and it is almost like laying in bed, and I modulate my breathing to keep it slow and shallow. This is like what submarines do on the surface, maybe, controlling their bouyancy via displacement...

Something that had always bothered me was submerging my face, getting chlorine in my eyes and up my nose. Head down, face in the water, bubbles leaking from my nose, was how everyone insisted I had to do it. And it made me miserable. Nose clips and goggles never worked right for me.

When I tried swimming with my face out of the water, suddenly, everything clicked. I read somewhere that lifeguards are supposed to swim like that, to keep eyes on the victim the whole time. Whatever, it works for me. I hit the pool several times a week for physical therapy workouts now, and the cool down is always floating on my back, sometimes In a full lotus position, my face quite clear of the water, listening to mellow slack key guitar on waterproof MP3 earbuds.
 
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