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(Fox 5 New York)   The perfect job doesn't exis...OH, YES IT DOES   (fox5ny.com) divider line
98
    More: Cool, Cheese, Milk, part of a three-month experiment, Curd, Cream cheese, Sleep, wide range, little bedtime brie  
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7686 clicks; posted to Main » and Food » on 24 Jan 2023 at 7:50 AM (12 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



98 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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ltdanman44 [BareFark]
2023-01-24 7:54:40 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
ColleenSezWhuut
2023-01-24 7:54:50 AM  
Lost me at vegan "cheese"

Or is that just tofu?  I mean that's basically soybean cheese I guess.
 
Flowery Twats
2023-01-24 7:54:56 AM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
SBinRR [OhFark]
2023-01-24 7:56:29 AM  
Cheese. I just love cheese.
Really I do.
 
talkertopc [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 7:58:50 AM  
Is cheese the new bacon?
 
bucket_pup [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 7:58:57 AM  

ColleenSezWhuut: Lost me at vegan "cheese"

Or is that just tofu?  I mean that's basically soybean cheese I guess.


Lost me at Fox News......
 
NobleHam
2023-01-24 7:59:03 AM  
I'm disqualified by a lifetime of sleep issues, unfortunately.
 
bucket_pup [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 7:59:18 AM  

Flowery Twats: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 569x569]


User name checks out....
 
Mangoose [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 7:59:40 AM  
Finally. The job I've been preparing myself for since I was a child.
 
tricycleracer
2023-01-24 8:02:02 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Dictatorial_Flair
2023-01-24 8:04:22 AM  
Cheese by Tim Minchin
Youtube bVKCHZqax84
 
stevecore
2023-01-24 8:04:39 AM  
Eat cheese before bed?  I've been doing this study for the last 20 years or so.  What do they wanna know? And send the check
 
mikeonanebike
2023-01-24 8:05:24 AM  
Do I get back pay??
 
JasonOfOrillia [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 8:05:31 AM  
Seems unlikely.  I frequently have late night snackin' cheese in the house and I rarely have nightmares.  Anxiety during the day seems like a more likely cause of nightmares.
 
The Envoy
2023-01-24 8:06:03 AM  
At this point I might be made of cheese, but I've never had nightmares after eating it before bedtime, despite the constant exhortations of my mother.

If you want some f*cked up dreams, there's a Portuguese dish of chorizo cooked in some kind of alcohol.  Went out for dinner with 5 people, 3 of us ate it and had properly hallucinogenic dreams, on par with acid hallucinations.  It was very, very weird.  Delicious though!
 
ReapTheChaos
2023-01-24 8:06:45 AM  
Hardly a job, they're paying $1000 over the course of 3 months.
 
Liese
2023-01-24 8:07:07 AM  
Think I found a picture of subby.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
MrBallou [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-24 8:08:24 AM  
I volunteer as tribute. Especially if I can get assigned to the Stilton part of the study.
 
RoughTrickNamedJim [BareFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-24 8:10:12 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Nice job until you go blind
 
Ambitwistor
2023-01-24 8:10:20 AM  

Flowery Twats: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 569x569]


More apropos:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
The Envoy
2023-01-24 8:12:12 AM  

Ambitwistor: Flowery Twats: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 569x569]

More apropos:

[Fark user image 200x150]


Cracking bit of Wensleydale, Gromit!
 
Gentlequiet
2023-01-24 8:15:15 AM  
Experts have disagreed on the validity of the notion that cheese can lead to bad dreams

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Im_Gumby
2023-01-24 8:15:32 AM  
In before the cat eats it...
Monty Python- Cheese Shop
Youtube Hz1JWzyvv8A
 
Muta
2023-01-24 8:17:17 AM  
Perfect jobs?  My neighbor is a DJ at a topless place.  He always seems to decent looking girlfriends in their early 20's that seem to hang around for about 6 months and they seem to be replaced pretty quickly.  He drives a better vehicle than I.  I can't think of a better life style.
 
Bovine Diarrhea Virus
2023-01-24 8:17:50 AM  

talkertopc: Is cheese the new bacon?


Bacon-wrapped mozzarella cheese stick before bed?
/fat
 
sniderman
2023-01-24 8:20:25 AM  
"I'm sorry, you misread the ad. You'll be eating HEAD cheese before bed."
 
steklo [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 8:21:19 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
steklo [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 8:21:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Halfabee64
2023-01-24 8:22:18 AM  
I want to be the spymaster who trains the female honeypots in the art of seduction.
 
JTtheCajun
2023-01-24 8:24:18 AM  
I don't think I'd qualify. Mainly because a) I don't remember my dreams except for VERY rare occasions and b) I'm lactose intolerant. 

ColleenSezWhuut: Lost me at vegan "cheese"

Or is that just tofu?  I mean that's basically soybean cheese I guess.


There are quite a few out there that are actually surprisingly close to real cheese, no tofu needed. Daiya is a brand, for one. Here is the ingredient list for their cheddar:

oat base (filtered water, oat flour), coconut oil, modified potato starch, natural flavors, salt, chickpea protein, chickpea flour, tricalcium phosphate, lactic acid, annatto color, vitamin b12
 
Copperbelly watersnake
2023-01-24 8:26:05 AM  
No one with dairy intolerance? That's discrimination. I demand compensation in cheese and a weekend getaway for the wife while I consume said cheese.
 
broadwayLamb [BareFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-24 8:30:44 AM  
Not sure about cheese and nightmares, but personally tonic water gives me extremely vivid dreams. Not nightmares, just dreams turned up to 11.

Once or twice they've been 'bad', but mostly they're just the sort of dreams where I wake up thinking how damn cool and crazy it was. Like riding on top of the space shuttle as we land next to a rocket powered double-decker bus.

If you like tonic water maybe have some tonic and juice before bed sometime and see if you get the same effect...
 
The Envoy
2023-01-24 8:32:25 AM  

broadwayLamb: Not sure about cheese and nightmares, but personally tonic water gives me extremely vivid dreams. Not nightmares, just dreams turned up to 11.

Once or twice they've been 'bad', but mostly they're just the sort of dreams where I wake up thinking how damn cool and crazy it was. Like riding on top of the space shuttle as we land next to a rocket powered double-decker bus.

If you like tonic water maybe have some tonic and juice before bed sometime and see if you get the same effect...


That could be the quinine.  Malaria meds make me hallucinate crazily when I first start taking them.
 
AxL sANe
2023-01-24 8:36:15 AM  
Even if it seems like a dream job, there is always someone who would disagree...

Massage Therapist for Models, Job Problems
Youtube 8IUQfidWXU4
 
McGrits [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 8:38:10 AM  

Muta: Perfect jobs?  My neighbor is a DJ at a topless place.  He always seems to decent looking girlfriends in their early 20's that seem to hang around for about 6 months and they seem to be replaced pretty quickly.  He drives a better vehicle than I.  I can't think of a better life style.


I was going to mention Katy Perry's boob wrangler from an article a good many years ago, but then your story has a job that is a little more achievable.
 
monkeyboycjc
2023-01-24 8:41:51 AM  

The Envoy: At this point I might be made of cheese, but I've never had nightmares after eating it before bedtime, despite the constant exhortations of my mother.

If you want some f*cked up dreams, there's a Portuguese dish of chorizo cooked in some kind of alcohol.  Went out for dinner with 5 people, 3 of us ate it and had properly hallucinogenic dreams, on par with acid hallucinations.  It was very, very weird.  Delicious though!


What is that dish called? I think I had it once, cooked by a Portuguese grandmother of a girl I was dating. I had crazy dreams as well. I did a lot of acid back in the day, but this was way weirder. Probably because I had no idea what was coming. And sleeping on the couch (Grandma's house so her rules, natch) with overly ornate furniture out of a Gaudi nightmare probably didn't help.
 
HailRobonia
2023-01-24 8:45:15 AM  

The Envoy: At this point I might be made of cheese, but I've never had nightmares after eating it before bedtime, despite the constant exhortations of my mother.

If you want some f*cked up dreams, there's a Portuguese dish of chorizo cooked in some kind of alcohol.  Went out for dinner with 5 people, 3 of us ate it and had properly hallucinogenic dreams, on par with acid hallucinations.  It was very, very weird.  Delicious though!


Maybe it was cooked with plenty of confidence.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
SpectroBoy [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-24 8:45:37 AM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
rainbowbutter
2023-01-24 8:46:53 AM  

The Envoy: broadwayLamb: Not sure about cheese and nightmares, but personally tonic water gives me extremely vivid dreams. Not nightmares, just dreams turned up to 11.

Once or twice they've been 'bad', but mostly they're just the sort of dreams where I wake up thinking how damn cool and crazy it was. Like riding on top of the space shuttle as we land next to a rocket powered double-decker bus.

If you like tonic water maybe have some tonic and juice before bed sometime and see if you get the same effect...

That could be the quinine.  Malaria meds make me hallucinate crazily when I first start taking them.

th.bing.comView Full Size

fine, you got me.  why are you taking malaria meds?  user name checks out?
 
SpectroBoy [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2023-01-24 8:47:31 AM  
media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
menschenfresser
2023-01-24 8:47:33 AM  
Wisconsinites: "Ya hey dere, so ya I been eatin cheese before bed like all my life ya know, right after da two cases of beer I drink every night. Most of da time it's fried cheese curds, ya know, ya hey dere. None a' dat vegan crap, doh. BUUURRRPPP"

/this may be exaggerated
 
xanadian [TotalFark]
2023-01-24 8:49:35 AM  
Participants will be paid $1,000 each and also be reimbursed for the cost of the cheese, but don't go ordering any Pule or Wyke Farms cheddar just yet; Sleep Junkie will send you the list of cheeses to try. They'll cover a wide range, from bleu to hard, soft-ripened, and processed, plus vegan and lactose-free cheese.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
gregario
2023-01-24 8:49:37 AM  
I thought this was the perfect job.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
The Envoy
2023-01-24 8:50:08 AM  

rainbowbutter: The Envoy: broadwayLamb: Not sure about cheese and nightmares, but personally tonic water gives me extremely vivid dreams. Not nightmares, just dreams turned up to 11.

Once or twice they've been 'bad', but mostly they're just the sort of dreams where I wake up thinking how damn cool and crazy it was. Like riding on top of the space shuttle as we land next to a rocket powered double-decker bus.

If you like tonic water maybe have some tonic and juice before bed sometime and see if you get the same effect...

That could be the quinine.  Malaria meds make me hallucinate crazily when I first start taking them.
[th.bing.com image 300x229] [View Full Size image _x_]
fine, you got me.  why are you taking malaria meds?  user name checks out?


I lived in Abidjan, Ivory Coast for 4 years, and then went to The Gambia on an ill-advised holiday.  Seriously, it's cheap for a reason, avoid.
 
The Envoy
2023-01-24 8:53:51 AM  

monkeyboycjc: The Envoy: At this point I might be made of cheese, but I've never had nightmares after eating it before bedtime, despite the constant exhortations of my mother.

If you want some f*cked up dreams, there's a Portuguese dish of chorizo cooked in some kind of alcohol.  Went out for dinner with 5 people, 3 of us ate it and had properly hallucinogenic dreams, on par with acid hallucinations.  It was very, very weird.  Delicious though!

What is that dish called? I think I had it once, cooked by a Portuguese grandmother of a girl I was dating. I had crazy dreams as well. I did a lot of acid back in the day, but this was way weirder. Probably because I had no idea what was coming. And sleeping on the couch (Grandma's house so her rules, natch) with overly ornate furniture out of a Gaudi nightmare probably didn't help.


I think it's chourico assado, cooked with Aguardiente, a distilled alcohol.  Your experience sounds very similar to mine, and I'm no stranger to psychedelics.
 
Petey4335
2023-01-24 8:57:32 AM  

menschenfresser: Wisconsinites: "Ya hey dere, so ya I been eatin cheese before bed like all my life ya know, right after da two cases of beer I drink every night. Most of da time it's fried cheese curds, ya know, ya hey dere. None a' dat vegan crap, doh. BUUURRRPPP"

/this may be exaggerated


Not by much. I am ok with that. Nice thing about being the butt of a societal joke is the learned ability to brush things off and be comfortable with oneself. I like cheese. I like beer. My accent is a bit more nasally and twangy, though.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
ReapTheChaos
2023-01-24 9:02:52 AM  

Muta: Perfect jobs?  My neighbor is a DJ at a topless place.  He always seems to decent looking girlfriends in their early 20's that seem to hang around for about 6 months and they seem to be replaced pretty quickly.  He drives a better vehicle than I.  I can't think of a better life style.


Yeah but how much satisfaction can one obtain from a life of meaningless, empty sex with beautiful young women...

Ok, I cant even fish that sentence, good for him.
 
MythDragon
2023-01-24 9:10:18 AM  

SBinRR: Cheese. I just love cheese.
Really I do.


preview.redd.itView Full Size

Well, I have to admit, the sign is right.
 
MythDragon
2023-01-24 9:14:00 AM  

gregario: I thought this was the perfect job.

[Fark user image image 291x400]


"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life" they told me.  I tried doing that as as a freelance job, but it turns out you need to be hired by the specific person to be a boobie straightener. Not a single person at the park appreciated me doing it just for tips.
 
SBinRR [OhFark]
2023-01-24 9:19:48 AM  

gregario: I thought this was the perfect job.

[Fark user image 291x400]


The worst part of that job is having to pretend it's just a mundane, ho hum job that can be tedious. "Yeah, tough day at the salt mine Honey. So tired. I'll bring dinner and meet you at home."
 
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