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(Fark)   Give the gift of TotalFark. Immediate delivery, no waiting in lines   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Spiffy  
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4105 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2004 at 10:47 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

927 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-21 12:39:36 PM  
I've still got a sponsorship up for grabs. You can either:
a) Email me your fark screenname, and anything to get my attention. It could be a joke, cute anecdote, Christmas story or anything that would qualify as "best."
b) Be a Farker/ette living in Utah (one of the reddest states in the nation) that didn't vote for Bush.
c) Be a farkette with a hot picture in her profile.

/sort of kidding about "c"
//not really, I'm completely serious
2004-12-21 12:39:40 PM  
Free Gmail acco.... oh, sorry, wrong thread.
2004-12-21 12:39:40 PM  
2004-12-21 12:37:02 PM Govtfarker

Your wife's incompetence killed my fiance!

/working the sympathetic vote
2004-12-21 12:40:05 PM  
Go introduce yourself to the elite, JamMarx.
2004-12-21 12:40:18 PM  
I love you Terminal Frost!!!

The frightening prospect of TF withdrawal is no longer looming over the post-christmas horizon :D

/my grades hate you though
2004-12-21 12:40:18 PM  
You think people will piss on your chest if you're a nubile cheerleader?
is there a line forming somewhere for this?

If there's not, there ought to be.
2004-12-21 12:40:21 PM  
Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?
2004-12-21 12:40:55 PM  
OK Govtfarker..

I'l sponsor you but you have to show up at the next maryland Fark party.
2004-12-21 12:41:49 PM  
not sure who sponsored me last month, but if you are reading, thanks bunches
life is sweeeeet.
and many thanks to Argh_Dammit for giving me an extension.

i've gotta find a way to scrape up some cash on the side and get TF without going through paypal

TF is sweeet! i would miss it greatly
/just sayin'
2004-12-21 12:41:58 PM  
correction That's 16 Gmail invites, just looking for the right home. I can give you all, invite your whole family.

My family won't use them, they're teh slow when it comes to this intarweb thingee. They think "Gmail" is what you call a guy who wears those pink G-Unit shoes.

/help a disabled vet out
2004-12-21 12:42:29 PM  

Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?

Location, lack of pictures, not sure if you drag your teeth.

/what do you want for a $5/month subscription?
//not going to risk the ween for potentially-crappy oral
2004-12-21 12:42:30 PM  
Let me thank you here first Bob.. I appreciate it.. and for your good deed-- I promise to shove an old lady down a flight of stairs, in return!
2004-12-21 12:42:41 PM  
I need a TF sponsorship, because the pain won't stop and I still have three cats left.

2004-12-21 12:42:59 PM  
Done and done.

2004-12-21 12:43:21 PM  
Ok, I'm an idiot. For admitting that can I get a little sponsor love?
2004-12-21 12:45:01 PM  
Let's first talk about the free tech support you're going to give me...

BTW - I use AOL.....BuWhahahahahahahahaha!

2004-12-21 12:45:30 PM  
i would like to sponsored again if the powers that be find me capable of holding the honor with much responsibility and forth-rightness

i have no idea what i just said, but i would like a total fark next to my name again

i feel naked without it

wait a minute....yes, yes, i did get dressed this morning...
2004-12-21 12:45:40 PM  


Pardon me, I should have said "encouraged."

2004-12-21 12:46:17 PM  
anyone up for sponsoring an unemployed recent graduate of THE ohio state university? there's got to be some alums out there with decent paying jobs. right?
2004-12-21 12:46:37 PM  
My life sucks, give me Total Fark, you bastard.
2004-12-21 12:46:59 PM  
I can offer a "Fark-liter" sponsorship:

-I will create a screen name for you
-I will create a password for you
-I will enter the screen name and password for you
2004-12-21 12:47:29 PM  
Line starts here (snip).

Knock yourself out Princess Tinymeat.
2004-12-21 12:48:07 PM  
zvoidx: Reliable, free image hosting:


Thankyou... you just made my unemployed ass happy
2004-12-21 12:48:18 PM  

Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?
None of us know if you're male or female. It makes the concept very risky.
2004-12-21 12:48:18 PM  
What's this about five bucks? I'm just offering free head... or am I in the wrong thread?

Still, I've never had to produce a resume for something like this, but if I try real hard I might be able to convince some people to act as references.

And, no, I don't drag the teeth. Picky bastard....
2004-12-21 12:48:22 PM  
Ok, everyone put pictures in their bios. Teh hotness who will give me the most attention wins.

/dance monkeys, dance!
//ok, so that's a lie .. mostly
2004-12-21 12:48:55 PM  
I guess owe a huge thanks, and am now working the corner for Nichole.

Thank you Nichole.
2004-12-21 12:49:19 PM  
Twoody -- I've got the solution to that... Blindfolds. I think we had an article about that a couple of days ago...
2004-12-21 12:49:35 PM  
I am a non-TF'er myself, but being in the Christmas spirit as I am, I am willing to sponsor a soldier currently serving in Iraq or Afghanistan and would encourage others to do the same........email in profile.

A noble gesture, and as you say, totally in keeping with the Christmas spirit.

Props to you, and to anyone else who follows in your steps.

(And no, I'm not angling for sponsorship myself - I'd probably only get slapped/modded down for speaking my mind, so it would only wind up being wasted - far better that those folks putting it on the line receive such beneficence )
2004-12-21 12:49:49 PM  
yo quiero total fark
2004-12-21 12:50:01 PM  
Got ya covered dogfather_jr. One good turn and all.
2004-12-21 12:50:37 PM  
i'd love anyone who did this for me until the day they die and possibly even after that.

zdh989 at gmail dot com
2004-12-21 12:51:13 PM  
Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)

I have gmail invites... but does anyone care about those anymore? LOL
2004-12-21 12:51:40 PM  
To whom do I owe this debt of gratitude ( and 16 Gmail accounts..as promised)?
2004-12-21 12:52:09 PM  

Niiiiice to meet you.
2004-12-21 12:52:10 PM  
Hey I love Fark, I've been hanging out here for years. I salute Drew and company for providing us with a great way to waste time and in particular I salute them for the incredible way they were able to keep the site alive on 9/11.

When all of the other "legitimate" new sites were brought down by overwhelming viewers Drew and gang turned off all non-necessary things on Fark (such as images) so that it would continue to load and we could all at least communicate and keep each other up to date.

Those of you giving away TF subscriptions are doing a good thing, I want to see Drew's site continue to exist and grow.

However I would ask you to consider donating your $5 to something like a children's hospital. Have you ever seen a seven-year-old who's bald from cancer treatments? Or given thought to a child with Cystic Fibrosis who will likely not live to be 20 and will spend the last few years of life being beaten with a padded stick to break up the phelgm in their lungs?

How about leaving a $5 tip for the single-mother waitress who's busting her ass working double shifts so she can buy her kids a Christmas present (or make rent for another month).

How about giving that $5 to a teacher?

And if you're asking, "Well why don't you do those things Benny?" the answer is - every year I give a $50 tip to a waitress. Yesterday it was a woman working in a Ryan's in Springfield, MO. I've been a single dad for 10 years and I know very well how hard it is to make ends meet sometimes.

Whatever you do with your money, Happy Holidays!
2004-12-21 12:52:11 PM  
You're good for 6 months, battl_web17. Play nice!
2004-12-21 12:52:48 PM  
The whole point of the TotalFark is lost . . . if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, ay?!

And now I must aks you: What the hell is a TotalFark?
2004-12-21 12:53:30 PM  

My life sucks, give me Total Fark, you bastard.

What about bastards?


Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)

Where in Florida? (Brevard County here)
2004-12-21 12:53:55 PM  
Alright, last offer of a month for s/he who answers my favorite trivia question from high school:

Where did Orestes Destrade play his first season of pro ball? (city and state)
2004-12-21 12:53:57 PM  
Got ya covered dogfather_jr. One good turn and all.

Sniff... you had me at hello...

2004-12-21 12:54:21 PM  
You don't owe me anything. battl_web17 Enjoy!
2004-12-21 12:54:23 PM  
I'm taking my monkey tap shoes off. I've done enough grovelling for a month...I feel so dirty...off to wash the stink of failure away

why won't it get off me?
for the love of God!
<scrubbing continues>
2004-12-21 12:54:58 PM  
I once was a total farker...I am no longer, would like to be... I have 2 Gmail passes (wow...they don't carry the same weight anymore do they?) Um... I jumped in too late haven't I? I'd really appreciate it if someone would like to donate!

2004-12-21 12:55:26 PM  
hmmm... i haven't done enough good things for random people i don't know, so i think i'll partake in this sponsor thingee.....
2004-12-21 12:55:47 PM  
Aikon: Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)
This post is useless without pics.
2004-12-21 12:55:54 PM  
I've already said I'd sponser a month for the first person to make a funny photoshop of me and MC Hammer:


I will also sponsor a month for the first person to post that old cliche of the nerdy guy posting to fark saying he wouldn't hit it because of the girl's knees. I can't find that pic anywhere.
2004-12-21 12:55:56 PM  
Aikon ...

2004-12-21 12:56:26 PM  

Gracias mi amigo... email me your list of 16 you wish to give Gmail to this holiday season and I'll make it happen.
2004-12-21 12:56:47 PM  
Um....probably should post how to contact me huh? Or does it not work like that?

/tis the season to be farking
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