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(Sun Sentinel)   Parking Theory 101, Section Four: Mall parking strategies   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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17820 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2004 at 11:22 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2004-12-21 09:43:24 AM  
Ugh, I hate "stalkers." If someone's following me to my car to take my spot, I will actually walk past my car, until they decide I'm too far away from the building and move on (usually not that far). Then I will walk back to my car.

Once a guy actually threw it into reverse and waited for me anyway. I took my precious time getting "settled" before I left.
2004-12-21 09:48:24 AM  
Didn't Throreau say something like: "Man invented the carriage and forgot the use of his legs."
2004-12-21 09:49:01 AM  
uh.. Thoreau... I don't know where the extra r came from.
2004-12-21 09:52:12 AM  
Isn't there some stat that says it takes people 50% longer to pull out of a spot when someone's waiting for it?
2004-12-21 10:11:51 AM  
Jesus Christ. It's sad that people actually have the time to devote a study to it. Get off your fat asses and walk fer chrissakes
2004-12-21 10:29:08 AM  
I tend to stalk, but during Christmas I just grab the first I find.
2004-12-21 10:55:41 AM  
Three women in Connecticut will be in court today to face charges that resulted from a parking lot brawl this past Sunday over a parking space.
2004-12-21 10:56:41 AM  
You'll be walking all over the farking mall once you get in. The extra 50 feet in the parking lot won't kill you unless you are carrying a 20lb baby in a travel seat and need to get it into a cart pronto.

fred_chan you sound like a real asshole.
2004-12-21 11:24:45 AM  
I dont have this problem.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-21 11:26:14 AM  
I love walking down a row of cars in the lot, and once I see someone stalking... I'll lead them on. then... cut across to the next row! Boy, do they love that one.
2004-12-21 11:26:20 AM  
Thank you, Sun-Sentinel.
2004-12-21 11:28:35 AM  
Annoying people 101:

Before getting into your car and pulling out of the lot, have a cigarette break. Make sure to leave your smokes in the car, so people think your spot is up, only to lead to disappointment.

Alternate: Fiddle for 20 minutes with child seats, etc. maybe now's a good time to pop open the hood and check the oil, tire inflation, etc.

Typically I bring the cigarettes with me beforehand and smoke a distance away from my car for that reason.

I see a new episode of "boiling point" based on this.
2004-12-21 11:29:21 AM  
Bark's mall parking strategy:

Don't go to the mall during holidays.

/that is all
2004-12-21 11:29:21 AM  
I like keeping my car ding-free so I always park in some far-off desolate spot with lots of empty parking spaces all around me.

But of course, when I return, there seems to always be a car parked right next to me with plenty of empty spots still around. Sometimes they park extra close just to make me squeeze in the door.
2004-12-21 11:29:38 AM  
At Carousel Mall, park under the Lord & Taylor. It's always empty.
2004-12-21 11:30:49 AM  
Christ. Just park out away from the door. It is easy to find a space, and it helps work off that big American ass. I will often park far out in the lot, even if a closer space is available. The walking is good for me, and I hate having to deal with other people trying to get in it before I do.
2004-12-21 11:31:18 AM  
Ramesees [TotalFark]
"Isn't there some stat that says it takes people 50% longer to pull out of a spot when someone's waiting for it?"

Listen, I don't care how many people are waiting to fark this crack whore, I'm finished when I say I'm finished.

Oh, wait, what are we talking about again ?

2004-12-21 11:33:35 AM  
The only time I "stalk" is when the lot is completely full and I need to get a spot soon. This doesn't apply to mall parking lots -- mainly the parking lots at school, where it's park within the next 20 minutes or miss a class/meeting.

Otherwise, I grab the first thing I see, no matter how far away it is, and go.
2004-12-21 11:33:49 AM  
I love messing with "stalkers" too. Except when I have one following me, I go to the first car I see and act like I'm trying to open the door for a few seconds. Then I slap my forhead, shrug, and go a few cars down and do the same thing. Repeat the process until the stalker loses interest (or drives off in a rage).
2004-12-21 11:35:04 AM  
It suprises me how stressed people get over stupid shiat. Seriously, learn to chill. My pulse doesn't start racing when I return to my spot and someone is waiting for it. Maybe they need to look into some "grass"...
2004-12-21 11:35:07 AM  
I can never understand why people will spend 5-10 minutes driving around the parking lot hoping to save 50 yards of walking, and then go into the Mall and walk anywhere from 1/2 mile and up inside.
2004-12-21 11:35:43 AM  
No parking issues for all my online shopping.

But really, for Christ's sake people, WALK A LITTLE. It pisses my wife off when I park further out instead of driving around looking for that closer space. Not only is the walking good for me, pissing her off makes my day.
2004-12-21 11:36:42 AM  
I'm too impatient to stalk. I'm glad to know I've missed a great source of rage. It's hilarious and surprising so many of you go out of your way to p!ss them off.
2004-12-21 11:36:52 AM  
The parking lot stalkers at the mall are nothing compared with the ones at large universities. I'm talking about the ones that have expansive, all-ground-level parking lots.

People just line up on one side of a long row and sit there. After a while it becomes obvious that this is a very accepted method of waiting for a spot. It's completely asinine, but it becomes the only way.
2004-12-21 11:37:53 AM  
The best way to mess with "stalkers" is to walk on the opposite side of the row and cross over between cars when the time comes.

Happy Holidays Lazyass.
2004-12-21 11:37:55 AM  
And it's ironic, people pay top dollar to go to some gym, pay outrageous prices for running shoes and clothes, but, by gawd, I gotta get that close parking space.

/as you can tell, this urks me
//too many lazy asses = too many lard asses = more medical problems
2004-12-21 11:38:00 AM  
I am definitely a see it take it guy. You get more exercise anyway.
2004-12-21 11:38:03 AM  
I guess I'm a stalker. But I try to be polite about it - ask the person if they are leaving, and is it OK to have their spot.

However, one time I had a spot flagged, blinker on (and I didn't need to stalk to get it). The people saw that I was there, looked at me a couple of times while they farted around, kept farting around, then locked the car and went back into the mall! Would it have farking killed them to wave me on?

Ironic that the season where we should be feeling kindness for others usually makes me hate everyone.
2004-12-21 11:38:15 AM  
I also avoid the mall at holidays. It's the best way to stay sane, really. I had a serious problem with stalkers ("parking vultures" in my terminology) at my last school, and had a very satisfying way of dealing with them- wander (slowly) toward my car, get in, put my bookbag on the passenger seat, get out a single folder, think about my day for a minute or two, get back out of the car, and walk away. It helps to smile on the way out of the lot. Then I'd go to the library for a few minutes or something.

I only did this to those jerks who lurked in wait, though. If someone politely asked me if I was leaving, I would be nice and let them have my spot.
2004-12-21 11:38:20 AM  
What bugs me is the azzholes who are waiting for your spot, actually block you in, or make it so you have to go the long way around to get out. If you want my spot, give me some farking room to get out!
2004-12-21 11:38:53 AM  
And this, friends, is why I did all my Christmas shopping over the internet.
2004-12-21 11:38:59 AM  
Ugh, I hate "stalkers." If someone's following me to my car to take my spot, I will actually walk past my car, until they decide I'm too far away from the building and move on (usually not that far). Then I will walk back to my car.

Once a guy actually threw it into reverse and waited for me anyway. I took my precious time getting "settled" before I left.

Why can't you just let him have your spot? Why be a jerk about it?
2004-12-21 11:40:21 AM  
Strategy #1: drive as far from the door as possible. There's always a spot there because 115 cars are orbiting the entrance.

Actually, I just realized, strategy #1 is don't go to the mall. Ever.

If someone tries to follow me and wait for my space, I'll take my time putting my packages in the car, fiddling around, then I'll lock it back up and go back in the mall. Big smile. I adopted this attitude after I realized that all parking place stalkers are pricks, nice people don't do that. This was after I had a couple of people actually honk impatiently waiting for me to exit my parking space.

Oh, and you idiots who are waiting for someone to back out, back the fark up. I know you can see that there's plenty of room in front of you, but most people are uncomfortable at best with backing out and can't tell how much room there is.
2004-12-21 11:40:39 AM  
See, this is why I still run ten miles or so per week. I need to be in good enough shape to survive the walk to where I have to park so people will leave me the hell alone. Essentially, i agree with Steelwelder.

Its much more pastoral and relaxing than, say... fist fighting with teenagers because they took the spot your mother was trying to pull into.

/loves teenagers.
2004-12-21 11:40:42 AM  
I often just park in a neighboring, non-busy lot, then jog to the store. Another technique I use a lot is to ride one of my bikes, assuming I'm not buying anything excessively bulky or heavy.
2004-12-21 11:41:12 AM  
What's worse, those that stalk, or those that mess with the stalkers? During the past few weeks, stalking is the only reliable way to get a spot at all, as every single spot at 1pm on a Saturday is gone, even the far out ones.
2004-12-21 11:41:25 AM  
Hehehehe, hi, Diogenes!
2004-12-21 11:41:29 AM  
Also, I don't stalk if there are open spots. Have no problem walking. But some malls (Bridgewater, NJ), can be completely filled up.

I used to live a mile from that mall and would walk from apartment during the holidays. If I got too many things to carry, I'd call my roommate and him do periodic pickups.
2004-12-21 11:41:35 AM  
I had two cars follow me to my car for my spot. I tried to back out, but both were blocking the aisle from different directions, involved in a stand-off. I couldn't even pull out of my space. Neither would budge an inch to let the other person have it, but I couldn't even back out.

I eventually just re-parked in my original space, got out, and walked away.
2004-12-21 11:42:03 AM  
I submitted this story with a less than funny headline.

Shame that we all couldn't screw with "stalkers" en masse. Have about 300 of us leave a mall entrance at once and wander the parking aisles, we all look like we are getting in our cars, then we all go back inside, making the stalkers vaguely angry.

/1 ticket please, window seat
2004-12-21 11:42:35 AM  
Just park in front of one these signs and get out of the car and walk with a limp.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-21 11:43:26 AM  
I can never understand why people will spend 5-10 minutes driving around the parking lot hoping to save 50 yards of walking, and then go into the Mall and walk anywhere from 1/2 mile and up inside.

Oh I don't know...maybe because in December, most of the country is pretty farking cold.

/I'm a wimp
//12 degrees in Boston
2004-12-21 11:44:07 AM  
I always park close to the door, because I'm morbidly obese. So instead of parking in the back, and walking up, I burn gas in my SUV for 15 minutes of my valuable time, just so I don't have to walk 100 feet. And once I'm inside the mall, I take escalators, all the time. Why walk up stairs when I can let petrochemicals do the work for me? I'm hoing to become so morbidly obese that I can get a handicapped parking sticker and ride around on a motorized scooter. Then I can finally gain enough weight that my heart swells to the size of a Christmas ham.
2004-12-21 11:45:09 AM  
another important thing to remember is this is the kind of conduct that gets people killed because so many folks are wound so tight that they can't function in social environments anymore.

Stop looking at me, motherfarker.
2004-12-21 11:47:20 AM  
I don't get stalkers. I wouldn't slide in right after someone just pulled out. Who want's to deal with sloppy seconds?
2004-12-21 11:48:49 AM  
Are you a 'stalker' in mall parking lots?

if by stalker, you mean a person who hides behind cars, waits for hot chicks, and then writes down their license plate numbers for later information gathering, then yes!
2004-12-21 11:49:09 AM  
I have so much more going on in my life that if I find someone stalking me in a parking lot, I get in my car, start the engine and leave so they can have the spot they are waiting for. I derive no pleasure causing pain for others in this manner.

Then again, it is midday and I am posting on Fark.

Who really cares if they are stalking for a spot?
2004-12-21 11:49:19 AM  
What's worse, those that stalk, or those that mess with the stalkers?

The stalkers, because there are almost always open spaces, they're just not good enough for them, so they inconvenience everyone else by stopping traffic in a lane to wait for someone to walk to their car, put their packages in, belt the kids in, start up and back out, all the while tapping their foot and fuming. You should only stop in a lane and wait for a space if you see backup lights, then you are doing everyone a favor by letting the person out into the inevitable parking lot traffic, and only stopping the flow for a short time. People who stalk stop everyone for inordinate lengths of time because they're lazy self-centered assholes.

If you are going to the mall when there's no parking spaces available anywhere, then you need to rethink your shopping strategy. I've never actually seen that happen, but maybe the mall parking lots are smaller back east or something.
2004-12-21 11:49:49 AM  
Ok I have to agree with diskop, stalkers can be a little annoying, like the people that want to cut in front of you on a congested highway, but why go to such great lengths to piss them off?
2004-12-21 11:50:24 AM  
To those that mess with stalkers - why not just pull out and let them have the farking space? I'm not really getting this. What's the big deal? You mess with people simple because they want to park in the spot your about to pull out of?

You people are the ultimate dicks. If someone flies into a rage and beats the shiat out of you because of deserve it.
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