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(News Center Maine)   World-renowned sword swallower slices into his abdominal cavity, stabs his own liver, starts to look on Indeed for a new career, maybe something working for Band-Aid bandages   (newscentermaine.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Liver, Prince George's County, Maryland, Swords, sword swallower Scott Nelson, E/I, Legendary San Diego sword swallower, Sword swallowing, WLBZ  
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2402 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2022 at 9:30 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



64 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-12-08 5:17:52 PM  
American medicine is great for traumatic injury, I'm sure back in the day he wouldn't have made it.
 
2022-12-08 5:26:07 PM  
🎵here is your throat back, thanks for the loan🎵
 
2022-12-08 5:41:44 PM  
Maybe he sneezed?
 
2022-12-08 5:44:55 PM  
This is a thing.  Ok, fine.  I don't get it, but fine.  But why do the swords have to be sharp?  The audience might like the idea of the danger, but aside from some rare psychopaths nobody actually wants to see the performer get hurt.  Can't you just use dull blades and limit the risk?
 
2022-12-08 7:56:34 PM  
The other night I heard Gracie Allen tell a story about her cousin, a sword swallower in their childhood circus. George asked her if he could really swallow the swords and she admitted, no, his trick was that about a half hour before the show he would swallow the sheath, and then he just put the sword in there.
 
2022-12-08 9:01:50 PM  
You know I was just going over my top 10 world renowned sword swallowers list the other day.
 
2022-12-08 9:05:03 PM  
If you make one mistake in this job, the end result will always be termination, with possible severance.
 
2022-12-08 9:14:29 PM  
His liver had it coming.
 
2022-12-08 9:21:46 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 9:33:31 PM  
webdelsol.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 9:33:37 PM  
Just one of those things I've never really considered trying.
 
2022-12-08 9:34:40 PM  
Farkers, always looking for a sword swallower when they just have a dagger. . .
 
2022-12-08 9:35:16 PM  
He needs to re-roll into a fire resist, dexterity, strength or charisma build.
 
2022-12-08 9:35:30 PM  
A lot of people who use fire breathing in their acts get serious burns on their face, mouth, and throat. There's no magic or trick to what they do. Just daring and luck. And luck is a mite iffy sometimes.
 
2022-12-08 9:40:07 PM  
Murrugun The Mystic

Murica Murruga!
 
2022-12-08 9:41:18 PM  

RodneyToady: This is a thing.  Ok, fine.  I don't get it, but fine.  But why do the swords have to be sharp?  The audience might like the idea of the danger, but aside from some rare psychopaths nobody actually wants to see the performer get hurt.  Can't you just use dull blades and limit the risk?


I always assumed they were dull. Still looks uncomfortable as fark
 
2022-12-08 9:41:41 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: You know I was just going over my top 10 world renowned sword swallowers list the other day.


I can share my top 10 list of world renowned sword swallowers...

1) Sasha Grey
2) Mia Malkova
3) Tori Black
4) Mia Khalifa
5) Riley Reid
6) Stormy Daniels
7) Lela Star
8) Jesse Jane
9) Lisa Ann
10) Kendra Lust
 
2022-12-08 9:42:02 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 9:43:20 PM  

RodneyToady: This is a thing.  Ok, fine.  I don't get it, but fine.  But why do the swords have to be sharp?  The audience might like the idea of the danger, but aside from some rare psychopaths nobody actually wants to see the performer get hurt.  Can't you just use dull blades and limit the risk?


Hell I'll be just as impressed with a piece of rebar...
 
2022-12-08 9:45:05 PM  
dude who has made questionable life choices, and now has a crappy job and a busted liver?

// what's his fark handle?
 
2022-12-08 9:49:07 PM  
Lousy sword-swallowing. Pierced liver. Sliced stomach. Any lower he'd do his own circumcision.
 
2022-12-08 9:50:21 PM  
Don't mix sword swallowing with the time warp dance. That's what they told him.
 
2022-12-08 9:51:49 PM  

RodneyToady: This is a thing.  Ok, fine.  I don't get it, but fine.  But why do the swords have to be sharp?  The audience might like the idea of the danger, but aside from some rare psychopaths nobody actually wants to see the performer get hurt.  Can't you just use dull blades and limit the risk?


Internal organs aren't terribly sturdy, even dull blades would fark you up bad if you screwed up

/I mean yeah they don't use razor sharp needle points
//but still, it wouldn't buy you much in the event of an accident
///you're still farked
 
2022-12-08 9:53:06 PM  

stringbad: Don't mix sword swallowing with the time warp dance. That's what they told him.


"It's just a jump to the left..... AND THEN A TRIP TO THE E-E-E-EEEEE-R!"
 
2022-12-08 9:54:15 PM  
Live by the sword......
 
2022-12-08 10:00:00 PM  
Shouldn't have drunk all that absinthe the night before.
 
2022-12-08 10:00:09 PM  
I dated a girl who could sword swallow. It's a skill you never want to know how they learned it or how much time it took. If you're ever that lucky sit back and shut up.
As for this guy, you can't stop your heart dumb fark lying bastard. It's time to pick a new job as we don't need to pay for your mistakes.
 
2022-12-08 10:05:48 PM  
"If you'd like to donate to local San Diegan, Scott Nelson, also known as "Murrugun The Mystic ..."

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha  No.
 
2022-12-08 10:07:29 PM  
Strictly for educational purposes only.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 10:07:34 PM  

RodneyToady: This is a thing. Ok, fine. I don't get it, but fine. But why do the swords have to be sharp?


Because swallowing a sharp plowshare (ploughshare?) is a whole lot harder.
 
2022-12-08 10:11:11 PM  
Goddamn it

"at Six Flags of America on October 31 in the Woodmore CDP of Prince George's County, Maryland, near Upper Marlboro"

I guess I should be thankful that they didn't fall for Six Flag's lie that they're in Upper Marlboro.

Six Flags is near Mitchellville.  Or Kettering.  It's vaguely near the Census Designated Place of 'Greater Upper Marlboro', but you have to go through Largo to get to Upper Marlboro from Six Flags.  If you go less than a mile east and you'll be within the municipal limits of Bowie, but no one ever says that Six Flags is 'near' Bowie, even though old town Bowie is about the same distance as it would be to Upper Marlboro.

Westphalia is trying to make a name for themselves.  Maybe they should ask Six Flags to claim they're near Westphalia, as they're closer than Upper Marlboro.

/former Town Commissioner, Upper Marlboro
 
2022-12-08 10:13:13 PM  
If you'd like to donate to local San Diegan, Scott Nelson, also known as "Murrugun The Mystic ...
.
.
I would think that going down to the local crack house and tossing $20.00 bills on the front yard would be a better / wiser investment.
 
2022-12-08 10:15:28 PM  

Oneiros: Goddamn it

"at Six Flags of America on October 31 in the Woodmore CDP of Prince George's County, Maryland, near Upper Marlboro"

I guess I should be thankful that they didn't fall for Six Flag's lie that they're in Upper Marlboro.

Six Flags is near Mitchellville.  Or Kettering.  It's vaguely near the Census Designated Place of 'Greater Upper Marlboro', but you have to go through Largo to get to Upper Marlboro from Six Flags.  If you go less than a mile east and you'll be within the municipal limits of Bowie, but no one ever says that Six Flags is 'near' Bowie, even though old town Bowie is about the same distance as it would be to Upper Marlboro.

Westphalia is trying to make a name for themselves.  Maybe they should ask Six Flags to claim they're near Westphalia, as they're closer than Upper Marlboro.

/former Town Commissioner, Upper Marlboro


That's OK. In the area of Silver Spring, MD where I live, if something good happens near me, the news report it as Silver Spring. Something bad? Wheaton. 😐
 
2022-12-08 10:16:26 PM  
Ok ... so how do you get these kind of lacerations from sword swallowing? WTF is the rest of the act?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 10:27:44 PM  

Lamberts Ho Man: Ok ... so how do you get these kind of lacerations from sword swallowing? WTF is the rest of the act?

[Fark user image image 425x422]


Because going through the rectum would be the hard way to get to your lungs or liver.
 
2022-12-08 10:28:13 PM  

bucket_pup: That's OK. In the area of Silver Spring, MD where I live, if something good happens near me, the news report it as Silver Spring. Something bad? Wheaton. 😐


I like how Montgomery County is trying to rebrand White Flint as "North Bethesda"

/has no idea where the boundary is between Silver Spring and Bethesda
//or Chevy Chase or those other places up there
///but the Six Flags thing always pissed me off as the company that I worked for 15 years ago (when I was commissioner) would have a company picnic there and claimed it was in Upper Marlboro
////Upper Marlboro is on MD 4, not north of US 50
 
2022-12-08 10:29:55 PM  
"It was not for an accident during the show but rather for other unrelated health conditions...," said Josh Bowren, the Production Manager for Aaron Radatz Productionz, which staged the show according to Six Flags officials.


So his stomach and liver just spontaneously punctured themselves?  He snacks on knives between shows?
 
2022-12-08 10:30:05 PM  

Lamberts Ho Man: Ok ... so how do you get these kind of lacerations from sword swallowing? WTF is the rest of the act?

[Fark user image image 425x422]


The long cuts are to get the ribs open. The smaller ones are for cameras, tools, laser cutters, etc.
 
2022-12-08 10:31:23 PM  
I am on tinderhooks. I just don't know whether to say

Great Scott!

or

Oh my!
 
2022-12-08 10:33:46 PM  
Pride lets a man be skewered on the point of other people's expectations.
 
2022-12-08 10:34:25 PM  
Wouldn't have happened if people would just farkin' listen to Trip Fisk.

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 10:34:37 PM  
So when we were kids our mom bought us a couple of books about space stuff, and one had a basically a blurb dedicated to UFOs and absurd tabloids like Weekly World News talking about how goofy it all is. Thing is in the included picture you could read one of the side articles and it was basically an entire story of a Sword Swallower that apparently hiccuped during his performance. There was a quote from a witness saying something like "While he was performing he suddenly hiccuped, heaved, then collapsed to the ground as blood started pouring from his mouth." It was absolutely bizarre and hilarious that they just had this whole awful and grizzly article in this kids' book on space
 
2022-12-08 10:45:29 PM  
Paige NO!
 
2022-12-08 10:46:24 PM  

Lamberts Ho Man: Ok ... so how do you get these kind of lacerations from sword swallowing? WTF is the rest of the act?

[Fark user image image 425x422]


According to my knowledge with an X file episode, and other random memories, sword swallowing not enough . You must do the needle pulling thing where you hang after putting in strngs, whatever, and hanging yourself up. But, again , I'm citing an X File episode
 
2022-12-08 10:55:00 PM  

Oneiros: Goddamn it

"at Six Flags of America on October 31 in the Woodmore CDP of Prince George's County, Maryland, near Upper Marlboro"

I guess I should be thankful that they didn't fall for Six Flag's lie that they're in Upper Marlboro.

Six Flags is near Mitchellville.  Or Kettering.  It's vaguely near the Census Designated Place of 'Greater Upper Marlboro', but you have to go through Largo to get to Upper Marlboro from Six Flags.  If you go less than a mile east and you'll be within the municipal limits of Bowie, but no one ever says that Six Flags is 'near' Bowie, even though old town Bowie is about the same distance as it would be to Upper Marlboro.

Westphalia is trying to make a name for themselves.  Maybe they should ask Six Flags to claim they're near Westphalia, as they're closer than Upper Marlboro.

/former Town Commissioner, Upper Marlboro


...go on.....
 
2022-12-08 11:07:46 PM  

FormlessOne: stringbad: Don't mix sword swallowing with the time warp dance. That's what they told him.

"It's just a jump to the left..... AND THEN A TRIP TO THE E-E-E-EEEEE-R!"


Get your hands off your hips
And hold your guts in tight!
 
2022-12-08 11:19:39 PM  
 
2022-12-08 11:23:12 PM  
I thought this story would be about Lindsey Graham.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2022-12-08 11:35:56 PM  
Well, he certainly seems hard to insure.
 
2022-12-09 12:05:58 AM  

2fardownthread: I am on tinderhooks.


That would be tenterhooks
 
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