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(Twitter)   So when the Big One hits, you'll be ready with your own personal coffin?   (twitter.com) divider line
    More: Scary, shot  
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3575 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2022 at 7:50 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-12-08 6:27:17 AM  
Original Tweet:

 
2022-12-08 6:28:06 AM  
So rather than being instantly crushed by your house, you can be trapped under it and slowly die over the next few days?

What's not to love?
 
2022-12-08 6:38:46 AM  
No just no, but f#ck no.
 
2022-12-08 6:51:23 AM  
That should work great in your top-floor bedroom.

At least until gravity happens.
 
2022-12-08 6:51:42 AM  
It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.
 
2022-12-08 6:55:13 AM  
Well it's kind of tempting actually it it has a manual trigger.  Imagine going to bed early on Election Night and your alarm clock radio goes off the next morning and you hear "Donald Trump was elected", you can whack the button and be done with everything.
 
2022-12-08 7:18:26 AM  
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 7:19:31 AM  
Rescue workers on the scene have been informed that five residents of the high-rise are in their survival pods awaiting rescue. Once the dog teams have found any less wealthy residents needing rescue, the workers will locate the survival pods. Until then, the five pod owners will just have to enjoy their Snickers bars.
 
2022-12-08 7:51:32 AM  
"Did the earth move for you, dear?"
 
2022-12-08 7:53:25 AM  
Hope you don't sleep with any part of your body hanging off the edge of the bed.
 
2022-12-08 7:53:25 AM  
"This hole was made for me"
 
2022-12-08 7:53:33 AM  

Dustin_00: It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.


Only if you can afford it... otherwise it's the bell option.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 7:53:41 AM  
Ya big dummy.
 
2022-12-08 7:56:27 AM  
So they're saying the only folks to survive the big one will be the homeless?
 
2022-12-08 7:57:35 AM  
Of all the irrational fears in my life, being buried alive is number one. Not no, but absolutely fark no. I would honestly rather be crushed.
 
2022-12-08 7:58:55 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 7:59:51 AM  

Flowery Twats: "Did the earth move for you, dear?"


I was thinking similarly.

Where are the earthquake sensors?

Because you wouldn't want to be having a vigorous round of sec and have it decide you jarred the bed, and have it close on you.

Depending on how fast it closes, that could be damned dangerous, if you're in a position with a participant upright or not fully on the bed
 
2022-12-08 8:00:36 AM  

WickerNipple: No just no, but f#ck no.


Hell to the farking nah
 
2022-12-08 8:00:51 AM  
BUT WAIT!  THERE'S MORE!
 
TWX
2022-12-08 8:01:05 AM  

Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Testicle: Hope you don't sleep with any part of your body hanging off the edge of the bed.


at least one of the designs takes a double bed and dumps everyone into a space the size of a single.

If one likes a lot of bedding, a couple might find themselves unable to move.

Also can you imagine the smell? 'cause you're probably going to evacuate your bowels, either in the process of being dumped-in, or out of necessity while trapped inside.
 
2022-12-08 8:01:27 AM  
So when rubble blocks being able to get out, and blocks the airvents, you can slowly suffocate to death.  Hurray!
 
2022-12-08 8:01:57 AM  

OldRod: So rather than being instantly crushed by your house, you can be trapped under it and slowly die over the next few days?

What's not to love?


seriously, I'd rather just die the way my sister did. Alone and unaware..
 
TWX
2022-12-08 8:02:20 AM  

Oneiros: Flowery Twats: "Did the earth move for you, dear?"

I was thinking similarly.

Where are the earthquake sensors?

Because you wouldn't want to be having a vigorous round of sec and have it decide you jarred the bed, and have it close on you.

Depending on how fast it closes, that could be damned dangerous, if you're in a position with a participant upright or not fully on the bed


reverse-cowgirl is the most dangerous position.
 
TWX
2022-12-08 8:03:43 AM  

BlousyBrown: OldRod: So rather than being instantly crushed by your house, you can be trapped under it and slowly die over the next few days?

What's not to love?

seriously, I'd rather just die the way my sister did. Alone and unaware..


I'd rather die in my sleep like my grandfather.

not screaming im terror like his passengers.
 
2022-12-08 8:06:09 AM  

Merltech: Dustin_00: It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.

Only if you can afford it... otherwise it's the bell option.

[Fark user image 475x297]


Holy crap! Back in 8th grade (so like 45 years ago?) we had to do a group project where we made up a marketing campaign for some bizarre things that were patented. This was one of them.
 
2022-12-08 8:09:32 AM  

Spass_Taschen: Merltech: Dustin_00: It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.

Only if you can afford it... otherwise it's the bell option.

[Fark user image 475x297]

Holy crap! Back in 8th grade (so like 45 years ago?) we had to do a group project where we made up a marketing campaign for some bizarre things that were patented. This was one of them.


Where do you think the term a dead ringer comes from?
 
2022-12-08 8:15:48 AM  
So you got the emergency food and water but where do you got potty?
 
2022-12-08 8:23:17 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 8:23:30 AM  

groppet: So you got the emergency food and water but where do you got potty?


Also, your mattress is pinned on top of all the supplies.  How to do you to them?  Also, some of the designs don't appear to have any obvious exit.
 
2022-12-08 8:31:11 AM  
-crush resistant: check
-fireproofed: check
-ventilated: check
-temperature control: check
-first aid kits: check
-food and water: check

Er, excuse me! Where do I poop?
(Also, is there a model that comes with wifi? I need to keep posting shiat on Fark.com somehow)
 
2022-12-08 8:37:27 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

exit training included with every purchase!
 
2022-12-08 8:44:59 AM  

groppet: So you got the emergency food and water but where do you got potty?


Once you finish a water bottle, it gets repurposed
 
2022-12-08 8:47:21 AM  

August11: Rescue workers on the scene have been informed that five residents of the high-rise are in their survival pods awaiting rescue. Once the dog teams have found any less wealthy residents needing rescue, the workers will locate the survival pods. Until then, the five pod owners will just have to enjoy their Snickers bars.


LOL, like the richers won't always be the first ones rescued.
 
2022-12-08 8:48:58 AM  

kpaxoid: So they're saying the only folks to survive the big one will be the homeless?


I mean, one way or the other they'll be homeless, yeah.
 
2022-12-08 8:50:13 AM  

Dustin_00: It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.


Wifi is a given.  Just because you're trapped under a building is no excuse for missing work.
 
2022-12-08 8:51:59 AM  
Hope there isn't any flooding where you end up landing..  Trapped in that thing with water rising, that would be much better than being crushed to death.
 
2022-12-08 9:01:37 AM  
The people thinking this would in any way protect you are kinda funny, not understanding basic physics and all.

/let me put you in a metal box and roll it down a hill
//you'll be safe, metal box!
 
2022-12-08 9:06:08 AM  
Here's a better idea which I have implemented by living in Michigan: DON'T LIVE IN PLACES WHERE THE GROUND ISN'T ENTIRELY STABLE AND MIGHT SWALLOW YOU UP ON A BAD DAY!!!

People laugh about our snow and occasional 98-car pileups in the winter (which, by the way, are usually initially caused by truckers and tourists from Florida or other southern states), but aside from the lake effect snow on the western side of the state making for arctic winters (it's not like that in the rest of the state), Michigan is one of the safest places in America to live.

* No significant Earthquakes (the biggest was a 4.6 in 1947, and the most recent was in 1994, and it was only a 3.5 and lasted a few seconds.)

* No hurricanes, typhoons, or tsunamis, yet we have more coastline and beaches than most states.

* Tornados are uncommon (about 15 per year, though in 2022 we've only had two of them) and are usually located in the southern part of the state (south of the line going from Muskegon to Saginaw, with likelihood increasing as you get further south). They also tend to be no more powerful than EF-3. Deaths due to tornado are very rare.

* Few deadly predators. We do have some exceedingly rare wolves in Michigan, but seeing them is like winning the lottery. Up north, moose are probably the most dangerous thing on four legs. In the rest of the state we have lynx, black widow spiders (not commonly encountered) and brown recluse spiders (in woodpiles, but they avoid you as much as you avoid them). Eastern massasauga rattlesnakes are only found in wetlands and are also very rare (and the only venomous snake in Michigan; I lived near wetlands for a while and never saw one). Mountain lions exist in Michigan but you'd be unlikely to ever encounter one unless you wander far from civilization. We have black bears in Michigan and they're not uncommon in the wilds, but they're afraid of people and you have a good chance of scaring one off if you just scream at it and wave your arms around unless you're threatening its cubs or it's really hungry and you have a lot of food in your campsite. In Michigan, the most deadly animal to humans is-- believe it or not-- the deer. They cause many car accidents, and if you're not careful Bambi could be your demise.

* Wildfires do happen, but they're unusual. We're pretty good at stopping them before they get started. We also have enough rivers and lakes that they wouldn't go far before hitting a dead end.

* Floods happen, but they're manageable and mainly only a concern for people living on riverbanks and in lake towns. Having grown up riverside, I've been through some major floods, but because my parents built our house on a hill it was never a concern for our home. We couldn't get down the hill (8 feet of water!) but we were dry at the top. Most people in Michigan never encounter the consequences of flooding, even when a dam breaks because some jackass is too cheap to fix it. Don't buy a house by the river and you'll be fine.

* Ice storms used to be a thing, but they're pretty rare nowadays. We do get snow, but even that is less intense than it used to be. It's December 8 and there's no snow on the ground where I live. We've had one snow so far this season and it was melted and gone without a trace within a week. Climate change is affecting us a lot. Experts say Michigan will be like Kentucky used to be in coming years. Mild winters, hot summers.

* No volcanoes, either. Unless you count ice volcanoes in northern Lake Michigan (frozen ice shelf shoots freezing water, slush, and ice out in large jets. It's actually pretty spectacular and not very dangerous unless you're a major idiot.)

I don't understand why people would choose to live in a place where the risk of multiple hurricanes, earthquakes, or wildfires every year is enough to make them consider sleeping in a reinforced danger coffin, but to each their own. I just don't feel particularly bad for people who choose to live where hurricanes will happen, and then lose everything when a big one hits. Earthquakes, being less predictable, garner more sympathy from me. But hurricanes-- Look, we know where they'll hit every year. And we know that they WILL hit those places at least every other year. And we know that 1 in 10 of those hurricanes is a town-flattener. So why risk it for beachside property and southern charm? It's not worth it.

Anyway, I'm fine with it when I really think about it... Floridians are welcome to stay the fark in Florida and not come to Michigan. Please, stay out. Anyone still in Florida at this point has questionable motives, and personally I feel you missed the cut-off date for moving to Michigan and being regarded as sane.
 
2022-12-08 9:06:56 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 9:10:10 AM  

WilderKWight: Here's a better idea which I have implemented by living in Michigan: DON'T LIVE IN PLACES WHERE THE GROUND ISN'T ENTIRELY STABLE AND MIGHT SWALLOW YOU UP ON A BAD DAY!!!

People laugh about our snow and occasional 98-car pileups in the winter (which, by the way, are usually initially caused by truckers and tourists from Florida or other southern states), but aside from the lake effect snow on the western side of the state making for arctic winters (it's not like that in the rest of the state), Michigan is one of the safest places in America to live.

* No significant Earthquakes (the biggest was a 4.6 in 1947, and the most recent was in 1994, and it was only a 3.5 and lasted a few seconds.)

* No hurricanes, typhoons, or tsunamis, yet we have more coastline and beaches than most states.

* Tornados are uncommon (about 15 per year, though in 2022 we've only had two of them) and are usually located in the southern part of the state (south of the line going from Muskegon to Saginaw, with likelihood increasing as you get further south). They also tend to be no more powerful than EF-3. Deaths due to tornado are very rare.

* Few deadly predators. We do have some exceedingly rare wolves in Michigan, but seeing them is like winning the lottery. Up north, moose are probably the most dangerous thing on four legs. In the rest of the state we have lynx, black widow spiders (not commonly encountered) and brown recluse spiders (in woodpiles, but they avoid you as much as you avoid them). Eastern massasauga rattlesnakes are only found in wetlands and are also very rare (and the only venomous snake in Michigan; I lived near wetlands for a while and never saw one). Mountain lions exist in Michigan but you'd be unlikely to ever encounter one unless you wander far from civilization. We have black bears in Michigan and they're not uncommon in the wilds, but they're afraid of people and you have a good chance of scaring one off if you just scream at it and wave your arms around unless ...


It might be because you are overly paranoid, just a thought.
 
2022-12-08 9:11:57 AM  

WilderKWight: Here's a better idea which I have implemented by living in Michigan: DON'T LIVE IN PLACES WHERE THE GROUND ISN'T ENTIRELY STABLE AND MIGHT SWALLOW YOU UP ON A BAD DAY!!!

People laugh about our snow and occasional 98-car pileups in the winter (which, by the way, are usually initially caused by truckers and tourists from Florida or other southern states), but aside from the lake effect snow on the western side of the state making for arctic winters (it's not like that in the rest of the state), Michigan is one of the safest places in America to live.

* No significant Earthquakes (the biggest was a 4.6 in 1947, and the most recent was in 1994, and it was only a 3.5 and lasted a few seconds.)

* No hurricanes, typhoons, or tsunamis, yet we have more coastline and beaches than most states.

* Tornados are uncommon (about 15 per year, though in 2022 we've only had two of them) and are usually located in the southern part of the state (south of the line going from Muskegon to Saginaw, with likelihood increasing as you get further south). They also tend to be no more powerful than EF-3. Deaths due to tornado are very rare.

* Few deadly predators. We do have some exceedingly rare wolves in Michigan, but seeing them is like winning the lottery. Up north, moose are probably the most dangerous thing on four legs. In the rest of the state we have lynx, black widow spiders (not commonly encountered) and brown recluse spiders (in woodpiles, but they avoid you as much as you avoid them). Eastern massasauga rattlesnakes are only found in wetlands and are also very rare (and the only venomous snake in Michigan; I lived near wetlands for a while and never saw one). Mountain lions exist in Michigan but you'd be unlikely to ever encounter one unless you wander far from civilization. We have black bears in Michigan and they're not uncommon in the wilds, but they're afraid of people and you have a good chance of scaring one off if you just scream at it and wave your arms around unless you're threatening its cubs or it's really hungry and you have a lot of food in your campsite. In Michigan, the most deadly animal to humans is-- believe it or not-- the deer. They cause many car accidents, and if you're not careful Bambi could be your demise.

* Wildfires do happen, but they're unusual. We're pretty good at stopping them before they get started. We also have enough rivers and lakes that they wouldn't go far before hitting a dead end.

* Floods happen, but they're manageable and mainly only a concern for people living on riverbanks and in lake towns. Having grown up riverside, I've been through some major floods, but because my parents built our house on a hill it was never a concern for our home. We couldn't get down the hill (8 feet of water!) but we were dry at the top. Most people in Michigan never encounter the consequences of flooding, even when a dam breaks because some jackass is too cheap to fix it. Don't buy a house by the river and you'll be fine.

* Ice storms used to be a thing, but they're pretty rare nowadays. We do get snow, but even that is less intense than it used to be. It's December 8 and there's no snow on the ground where I live. We've had one snow so far this season and it was melted and gone without a trace within a week. Climate change is affecting us a lot. Experts say Michigan will be like Kentucky used to be in coming years. Mild winters, hot summers.

* No volcanoes, either. Unless you count ice volcanoes in northern Lake Michigan (frozen ice shelf shoots freezing water, slush, and ice out in large jets. It's actually pretty spectacular and not very dangerous unless you're a major idiot.)

I don't understand why people would choose to live in a place where the risk of multiple hurricanes, earthquakes, or wildfires every year is enough to make them consider sleeping in a reinforced danger coffin, but to each their own. I just don't feel particularly bad for people who choose to live where hurricanes will happen, and then lose everything when a big one hits. Earthquakes, being less predictable, garner more sympathy from me. But hurricanes-- Look, we know where they'll hit every year. And we know that they WILL hit those places at least every other year. And we know that 1 in 10 of those hurricanes is a town-flattener. So why risk it for beachside property and southern charm? It's not worth it.

Anyway, I'm fine with it when I really think about it... Floridians are welcome to stay the fark in Florida and not come to Michigan. Please, stay out. Anyone still in Florida at this point has questionable motives, and personally I feel you missed the cut-off date for moving to Michigan and being regarded as sane.


Yeah but you still live in Michigan and yes you have deadly predators like MAGAts and militiamen and up until recently THE Ohio State Buckeyes.
 
2022-12-08 9:15:20 AM  

Brawndo: groppet: So you got the emergency food and water but where do you got potty?

Once you finish a water bottle, it gets repurposed


thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-08 9:18:48 AM  

Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Testicle: Hope you don't sleep with any part of your body hanging off the edge of the bed.


I was just sitting on the edge of the bed putting on my socks when BAM. I can't feel my legs.
 
2022-12-08 9:30:13 AM  

Jairzinho: Also, is there a model that comes with wifi? I need to keep posting shiat on Fark.com somehow


"Send beer!!"
 
2022-12-08 9:30:58 AM  

Spass_Taschen: Merltech: Dustin_00: It damn well better have wireless comms of some kind so you can ping rescue crews.

Only if you can afford it... otherwise it's the bell option.

[Fark user image 475x297]

Holy crap! Back in 8th grade (so like 45 years ago?) we had to do a group project where we made up a marketing campaign for some bizarre things that were patented. This was one of them.


So, you're psychic?  Hey, what are the lotto numbers tonight?  Just testing to see how good you are...
 
2022-12-08 9:31:54 AM  
Yeah, but naw my only partially on the bed ass would end up bleeding to death in that thing.
 
2022-12-08 9:33:03 AM  

groppet: So you got the emergency food and water but where do you got potty?


I was thinking that.  And what's the first thing you do when you wake up? Have to take a piss.

Also, all your survival food and water are on the bottom.  How do you get to it though the mattress that's currently folded in half on top of it?
 
2022-12-08 9:34:05 AM  

Jairzinho: -crush resistant: check
-fireproofed: check
-ventilated: check
-temperature control: check
-first aid kits: check
-food and water: check

Er, excuse me! Where do I poop?


The designers really shiat the bed on that one.
 
2022-12-08 9:37:32 AM  
I live on a busy street. Every time a big truck goes by my house shakes. This thing would be triggered a dozen times a day.
 
2022-12-08 9:42:48 AM  

Farkonaut: [Fark user image image 362x272]


Acme, the leaders in creative mayhem for over 50 years

/Babs Bunny pichrabit
 
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