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(Q13 Fox)   The three most likely days to die of a heart attack are only weeks away. Or if you're a Lions fan, pretty much every Sunday is a chance for the sweet, sweet release of death   (q13fox.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Cardiac arrest, New Year's Day, Heart, Christmas, Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, Artery, Death, Christmas controversy  
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2050 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Dec 2022 at 8:35 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



41 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-12-06 6:12:08 PM  
So, if Santa brings you that Mule Tamer 5000 you've been dreaming of, maybe work up to it for a few weeks before installing the floor bolts and hopping aboard with it set to "Frappe"
 
2022-12-06 6:50:46 PM  
Oh great. Should I just park myself at the local ER in ... ANTICIPATION?
 
2022-12-06 7:19:19 PM  
A week of fatty, salty foods and annoying AF relatives?

That's Dr. Romero
 
2022-12-06 8:38:37 PM  
That's because Santa is real and has a naughty list
 
2022-12-06 8:38:55 PM  

AirForceVet: Oh great. Should I just park myself at the local ER in ... ANTICIPATION?


So, come up to the lab,
And see what's on the slab --
 
2022-12-06 8:43:10 PM  
That reminds me, I need to hit up my coke dealer for stocking stuffers.
 
2022-12-06 8:44:08 PM  
Why do people die at Christmas?

Because they want to.
 
2022-12-06 8:44:19 PM  

starsrift: AirForceVet: Oh great. Should I just park myself at the local ER in ... ANTICIPATION?

So, come up to the lab,
And see what's on the slab --


But what about those nasty symptoms?
 
2022-12-06 8:47:24 PM  
Colorado has had a remarkably low degree of cardio disease for a long time, IIRC.

Broncos are probably going to reverse that trend for the next few years.
 
2022-12-06 8:49:13 PM  
Those are three days that I typically snort a lot of cocaine, so it kind of makes sense.
 
2022-12-06 8:50:27 PM  
I don't see being subjected to FarkTV on there...
 
2022-12-06 8:51:05 PM  
Do you have to be a lions fan?
 
2022-12-06 8:51:55 PM  
Or whatever this stupid auto-play video of Drew and that other rando talking about who knows what.
 
2022-12-06 8:54:38 PM  

Somaticasual: Do you have to be a lions fan?


That would be cruel and unusual punishment.
 
2022-12-06 8:55:19 PM  
When you get the credit card bill on December 26th you'd have a heart attack too!*

/Unless you're independently wealthy or refuse to spend outside your means, then congrats to you, you miserly son of a biatch
//my credit card bill will only be ~$1500, including the bill I'm footing for a holiday party
 
2022-12-06 8:56:55 PM  
You can't just go around telling people they're all going to die of a heart attack this Christmas.

Statistically, lot's of them will probably commit suicide instead.
 
2022-12-06 9:00:20 PM  
What about the day Trump is sworn in again?

What about that day?
 
2022-12-06 9:01:32 PM  
fingers crossed for this year
 
2022-12-06 9:03:58 PM  

MurphyMurphy: You can't just go around telling people they're all going to die of a heart attack this Christmas.

Statistically, lot's of them will probably commit suicide instead.


I wonder how many of those snow shoveling cardiac deaths are suicides.
 
2022-12-06 9:10:02 PM  
Haven't the Lions won like four in a row?
 
2022-12-06 9:16:23 PM  
At least I have something to look forward to.
 
2022-12-06 9:18:16 PM  

Hinged: What about the day Trump is sworn in again?

What about that day?


Imagine showing up to your first day of work at the Soviet troll farm and finding out that you've been assigned to Fark poltab, in 2022.
 
2022-12-06 9:26:41 PM  

fredbox: Hinged: What about the day Trump is sworn in again?

What about that day?

Imagine showing up to your first day of work at the Soviet troll farm and finding out that you've been assigned to Fark poltab, in 2022.


Fark Politics tab not assignment, my friend. It is "hostile territory" and not enough influential. Thank God!
 
2022-12-06 9:34:16 PM  

Somaticasual: Do you have to be a lions fan?


Usually I pull for the Christians, but, y'know, it depends
 
2022-12-06 9:34:53 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-06 9:38:53 PM  
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...

cdn.vox-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-06 9:43:36 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: So, if Santa brings you that Mule Tamer 5000 you've been dreaming of, maybe work up to it for a few weeks before installing the floor bolts and hopping aboard with it set to "Frappe"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-06 9:55:14 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: So, if Santa brings you that Mule Tamer 5000 you've been dreaming of, maybe work up to it for a few weeks before installing the floor bolts and hopping aboard with it set to "Frappe"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-06 10:11:01 PM  

AirForceVet: Oh great. Should I just park myself at the local ER in ... ANTICIPATION?


As if ER people give a single fark.
(Unless you have Cadillac plan)
 
2022-12-06 10:12:20 PM  

whither_apophis: A week of fatty, salty foods and annoying AF relatives?

That's Dr. Romero


Wait. But. By this logic being alone should make me live forever. And we know that's not happening.  I'll be lucky to see 2024 elections and I'm not getting visits or grub.
 
2022-12-06 10:21:14 PM  
Postponement of death or the "death deferral effect" is an idea studied by sociologist David Phillips. His research showed that mortality rates dipped before a symbolically meaningful event and peaked after.

There is something to the above assertion.

I had a relative diagnosed with a terminal illness at about the same time that his granddaughter became pregnant. He was told he had six months to live at most and should get his affairs in order. He arranged his own funeral and got his affairs in order. However, he announced that he would not die until he laid eyes on his first great-grandchild. He was hospitalized in the last month of his granddaughter's pregnancy. He would not let the nurses give him an excessive amount of pain medication. He wanted to be lucid for when the baby came. The baby's due date came and went. Less than a week after the baby's due date, the granddaughter was in the same hospital giving birth. His wife persuaded hospital staff to allow this dying man to go to the maternity ward. He visited his granddaughter's room and held his great-granddaughter before returning to his room. The following morning he was dead.
 
2022-12-06 10:24:09 PM  
YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! Merry Christmas
 
2022-12-06 10:35:25 PM  

Tom_Slick: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! Merry Christmas


That's German for, "You're all going to THE Merry Christmas."

How kind of you.
 
2022-12-06 10:39:01 PM  

Somaticasual: Do you have to be a lions fan?


We call ourselves "codependent victims" not fans.
 
2022-12-06 11:16:04 PM  

Bruscar: Postponement of death or the "death deferral effect" is an idea studied by sociologist David Phillips. His research showed that mortality rates dipped before a symbolically meaningful event and peaked after.

There is something to the above assertion.

I had a relative diagnosed with a terminal illness at about the same time that his granddaughter became pregnant. He was told he had six months to live at most and should get his affairs in order. He arranged his own funeral and got his affairs in order. However, he announced that he would not die until he laid eyes on his first great-grandchild. He was hospitalized in the last month of his granddaughter's pregnancy. He would not let the nurses give him an excessive amount of pain medication. He wanted to be lucid for when the baby came. The baby's due date came and went. Less than a week after the baby's due date, the granddaughter was in the same hospital giving birth. His wife persuaded hospital staff to allow this dying man to go to the maternity ward. He visited his granddaughter's room and held his great-granddaughter before returning to his room. The following morning he was dead.


The baby obviously sucked out his life force.
 
2022-12-06 11:38:54 PM  
My grandfather's birthday? Because for him, statistically, that was the number one day.
 
2022-12-06 11:48:55 PM  

Somaticasual: Do you have to be a lions fan?


No, you can be a Texans fan as well.

Lions are 4-0, Texans are 0-4
 
2022-12-07 3:33:24 AM  
Shoveling snow is another biggie. And it always snows around then .... In some places more so than others.

I was contemplating a snowblower a week ago. Of course why not electric for the easy start and low maintenance right?

Then looked some up at Lowes. $600 ... pusher? Fark that I'll shovel. Checked out the self-propelled. Almost triple the cost.

Guess I'll die early shoveling snow.
 
2022-12-07 8:25:24 AM  
The Lions will be put out of their misery on Sunday.
 
2022-12-07 10:50:42 AM  

BlazeTrailer: Haven't the Lions won like four in a row?


Yeah. They're on the playoff bubble, but actually favored this week against the Vikings. https://www.nfl.com/standings/playoff-picture
 
2022-12-07 5:55:27 PM  
And the normal senior staff in the ER and cardio wards are on holiday and you have the B-team looking after things.
 
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