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(Al Jazeera)   At least nine die during baptism ceremony in Johannesburg, where they really must take their dunking seriously   (aljazeera.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Flood, Baptism, South Africa, Ritual, Robert Mulaudzi, bodies yesterday, baptism ceremony, flash flood  
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2956 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2022 at 4:30 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



40 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-12-05 2:32:03 AM  
FTA:

...over Easter this year the Water and Sanitation Department sent out a special warning against holding baptism ceremonies in rivers.


It sounds like they need to reissue this warning, but this time with a better font.
 
2022-12-05 2:48:55 AM  
God needs your soul, immediately.
 
2022-12-05 4:32:48 AM  
They should have become Muslim, our water rituals only need a shower or bath.
 
2022-12-05 4:51:24 AM  
This is why you never do baptisms in rivers or wave pools.

Wave Pool Baptism
Youtube xq3IGAHbh0U
 
2022-12-05 4:51:44 AM  
"Officials say the death toll is expected to rise as rescue operations continue."

Well duh. Stop the rescue operations then. Do I have to think of everything?
 
2022-12-05 4:55:36 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 4:56:05 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 4:57:06 AM  
I keep telling them. You aren't supposed to hold the converts under so long
 
2022-12-05 5:01:47 AM  
Died by a flash flood while performing a baptism ceremony. If I was a religious man, I would start thinking about the religious implications. Maybe it's time to abandon this religion and switch to something else which has the exact same amount of validity, like worshipping Yog-Sothoth. It even has the same death and resurrection theme going on. Let us pray:

Y'AI'NG'NGAH,
YOG-SOTHOTH
H'EE-L'GEB
F'AI THRODOG
UAAAH.
 
2022-12-05 5:05:57 AM  

TappingTheVein: Maybe it's time to abandon this religion and switch to something else which has the exact same amount of validity, like worshipping Yog-Sothoth.


No! to the heretic.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh.
 
2022-12-05 5:07:33 AM  
God hates Christians.
 
2022-12-05 5:08:56 AM  

ktybear: God needs your soul, immediately.


The problem is that humans are really terrible so most of them end up in hell.  That has led to heaven feeling rather outnumbered.  If people want to avert unexpected culling they need to start aborting more babies to boost the populations in the pearly city.
 
2022-12-05 5:11:31 AM  
Tragedy in Johannesburg?

static1.srcdn.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 5:13:08 AM  

DarksideHalo: No! to the heretic.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh.


gesundheit.
 
2022-12-05 5:23:37 AM  
Express Lane
 
2022-12-05 5:28:07 AM  
Once again. more needless deaths caused by religion.
 
2022-12-05 5:33:13 AM  
Gee, you'd think "god" would be on top of that situation.
 
2022-12-05 5:42:44 AM  

hlehmann: Once again. more needless deaths caused by religion.


I read that as "more needles deaths" and thought the folks were shooting up before getting dunked.  Which, come to think of it, might be considered fun by some farkers.
 
2022-12-05 6:01:36 AM  
I was more struck by another story the site teased: 7,000 murdered in Johannesburg in 3 months.  WTF, is murder their national sport?
 
2022-12-05 6:26:58 AM  

Sexy Jesus: I was more struck by another story the site teased: 7,000 murdered in Johannesburg in 3 months.  WTF, is murder their national sport?

Bruh have you never heard of joburg? that place is no bueno. the movies "Chappie" and "District 9" are basically documentaries.
 
2022-12-05 6:51:51 AM  
Look at this "Christians". Your god decided to kill his followers during their most sacred ceremony, for your god. How is your "father" anything but evil??
 
2022-12-05 6:55:57 AM  

orygubner: Sexy Jesus: I was more struck by another story the site teased: 7,000 murdered in Johannesburg in 3 months.  WTF, is murder their national sport?
Bruh have you never heard of joburg? that place is no bueno. the movies "Chappie" and "District 9" are basically documentaries.


I knew it was bad, not 80 people a day bad. The mass religious drowning is a drop in the bucket, at least they didn't get murdered, not by a mortal at least.
 
2022-12-05 6:59:41 AM  
Move over, Johannesburg. Boston runs on Dunkin'.

d1ynl4hb5mx7r8.cloudfront.netView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 7:12:58 AM  

Sexy Jesus: I was more struck by another story the site teased: 7,000 murdered in Johannesburg in 3 months.  WTF, is murder their national sport?


Pretty much. Especially by stabbing
 
2022-12-05 7:20:36 AM  
They used to have their own Gods.
 
2022-12-05 8:13:45 AM  

Bslim: Gee, you'd think "god" would be on top of that situation.


The lord helps those who help themselves, I suppose.
 
2022-12-05 8:19:38 AM  
Thank you Jesus!!
 
2022-12-05 8:19:41 AM  
At least they didn't have a chance to sin again on their way through the parking lot.
 
2022-12-05 8:35:15 AM  
To quote my SIL: God is good all the time!
 
2022-12-05 8:39:07 AM  
"Quit whining.  I ended your drought, didn't I?"
- God
 
2022-12-05 9:09:34 AM  

Tom Marvolo Bombadil: ktybear: God needs your soul, immediately.

The problem is that humans are really terrible so most of them end up in hell.  That has led to heaven feeling rather outnumbered.  If people want to avert unexpected culling they need to start aborting more babies to boost the populations in the pearly city.


media-amazon.comView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 9:40:58 AM  

ktybear: God needs your soul, immediately.


The pastor at our church calls baptism "death by drowning", but I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean it this literally.
 
2022-12-05 9:41:39 AM  
What is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger....
 
2022-12-05 9:59:24 AM  
We civilized folks use a big 'ol tub, much safer
metro.co.ukView Full Size
 
2022-12-05 9:59:26 AM  
Oh darn
 
2022-12-05 10:35:54 AM  

Sexy Jesus: I was more struck by another story the site teased: 7,000 murdered in Johannesburg in 3 months.  WTF, is murder their national sport?


Good thing that's the only country that happens in.
 
2022-12-05 1:43:09 PM  
Clearly this is God's Will
 
2022-12-05 2:48:36 PM  
"This week's church community dinner will be a succulent veal stew!"
 
2022-12-05 3:44:28 PM  
sanctify your faith by immersing yourself in diluted fish piss, industrial runoff and storm drain wash.
 
2022-12-05 5:43:21 PM  
Drowning Baptist is the name of my Dio cover band.
 
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