Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   It's time for Submitter's most cherished holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcription of Ralph's old man's fake swearing from "A Christmas Story"   (fark.com) divider line
    More: Spiffy, A Christmas Story, Profanity, HACK HACK COUGH COUGH, Business, old man's fake swearing, USA's complete lack, holiday tradition, given moment  
•       •       •

260 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 04 Dec 2022 at 2:45 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



21 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-12-04 12:40:20 AM  
It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.

IIIIIIIt's a clinkerrrr!!!
Youtube fjNqLOorulI
 
2022-12-04 1:03:28 AM  
And according to the legends, that was all improv. A transcendent moment of beauty.
 
2022-12-04 1:16:01 AM  
...but I didn't say fudge...
 
2022-12-04 1:26:05 AM  
Showed my dad this last year, he doesn't watch tv or movies. He was, however, raised in Cleveland in the 40's and 50's and he kept pausing the movie to point out landmarks and stuff... I've seen it enough that it didn't ruin anything, actually made it way more interesting and I guess he's used to suspending the plot because he's an author, he didn't seem to miss anything. Apparently you can see the corner of a building that was my Great Grandfather's printing company.
 
2022-12-04 1:57:50 AM  
You wart mundane noodle!
 
2022-12-04 2:09:45 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-04 2:13:57 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-04 2:20:23 AM  
Kolchak was meh but, Darren McGavin was the BEST Mike Hammer imho, I believed it a lot more than Stacey Keach or whoever.
 
2022-12-04 2:26:57 AM  

Monty_Zoncolan: Kolchak was meh but, Darren McGavin was the BEST Mike Hammer imho, I believed it a lot more than Stacey Keach or whoever.


Meh my ass...he was the original Fox Mulder.
 
2022-12-04 2:33:28 AM  
nah, I can't...Kolchak is just too frantic, fwiw I didn't like X-files either.
 
2022-12-04 2:43:25 AM  

Monty_Zoncolan: nah, I can't...Kolchak is just too frantic, fwiw I didn't like X-files either.


Ah...gotcha.
 
2022-12-04 2:50:10 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-04 2:56:13 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: [Fark user image image 722x545]


BUMPASSES!!!
 
2022-12-04 3:06:22 AM  
The original "Cop who cared"

The Delicate Delinquent - Application/Shapes Test
Youtube 5uyPml204ic
 
2022-12-04 4:28:56 AM  

Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/fjNqLOorulI]


Shouldn't the last word "fifer" be spelled "pfeiffer"?
 
2022-12-04 5:17:22 AM  
The most out-of-character moment in the whole thing is when the Old Man dimes out Ralphie to Mom for dropping the f-bomb. Funny as hell, and I'm sure he was mad about the lug nuts, but, there's no way that should have ended with anything other than "If your mother ever hears you say that word..." and the Old Man chuckling as Ralphie walks back to the car.
 
2022-12-04 5:27:19 AM  
I still remember this mistake on the back of the VHS box.  It basically says that both of Ralphie's parents were against the idea of him getting a Red Ryder for Christmas.  Yeesh...we all know what the Old Man never said no, and he was the one who bought it for Ralphie.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-12-04 8:36:42 AM  
The most boring story of all time.  A shaggy dog reminiscing story where the punchline is as boring as the rest of the story.
 
2022-12-04 8:51:48 AM  

Ker_Thwap: The most boring story of all time.  A shaggy dog reminiscing story where the punchline is as boring as the rest of the story.


The dogs weren't that shaggy.
 
2022-12-04 9:57:30 AM  
Yosemite Sam Cursing
Youtube wWYFxekoAsM
 
2022-12-04 10:46:50 AM  

Laobaojun: Ker_Thwap: The most boring story of all time.  A shaggy dog reminiscing story where the punchline is as boring as the rest of the story.

The dogs weren't that shaggy.


But they were smelly!
 
Displayed 21 of 21 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.