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(Daily Mail)   Dad jokes - they're the worst, right?   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line
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1898 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Dec 2022 at 5:55 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-12-03 2:23:08 PM  
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2022-12-03 2:25:06 PM  
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2022-12-03 2:26:25 PM  
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2022-12-03 2:27:48 PM  
Non verbal too

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2022-12-03 2:29:00 PM  
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2022-12-03 2:30:39 PM  
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2022-12-03 2:54:36 PM  
No, Subby.  German sausages are the wurst.
 
2022-12-03 2:59:33 PM  
There once was this group of people at the foot of the Alps called Trids.  Every day they would climb the hill to gather berries and other plant foods.
At the top of the hill lived an Ogre that always kicked the Trids down the hill.
Finally, the mayor of the Trids called upon a wandering Rabbi to come help them get food and to talk to the ogre. The Rabbi stood behind a tree on the hill and watched the Trids climb up the hill.
All was fine, until the Ogre popped out of a cave and one-by-one kicked the screaming Trids down the hill.
The Rabbi scaled the hill and the Ogre began running at the Rabbi full force. The Rabbi was not stirred as he was great in his faith. Feet before the Rabbi the Ogre stopped and began to walk away.
"Ogre why do you not assault me?" The Rabbi asked
The Ogre looked over at the Rabbi and simply replied, ''Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids.'' '
 
2022-12-03 3:22:47 PM  
There is a ghost chicken that haunts our house every Halloween. I think it's a poultrygeist.
 
2022-12-03 3:28:42 PM  
Last night there were all these police cars at the house across the street.  Apparently, someone broke into my neighbor's house, stuck a banana up his ass, and drowned him in a tub of milk.  One of the cops told me they suspect a cereal killer.
 
2022-12-03 3:29:09 PM  
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.

OK that one's kind of good.
 
2022-12-03 3:37:39 PM  
What do you call a childless middle aged man who tells dad jokes? A faux pas.
 
2022-12-03 3:43:23 PM  
Know why bikes can't stand on their own?  They're two tired.

/my recent fave
 
2022-12-03 3:43:44 PM  
What do you call a petite psychic who's on the run from the law?  A small medium at large.
 
2022-12-03 3:50:48 PM  

I Ate Shergar: [i.pinimg.com image 736x1060]



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2022-12-03 4:13:06 PM  
Yeah... my kids just assumed I made this joke:


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2022-12-03 5:00:47 PM  
An old man was walking home from the post office one day.  He was 85, a widower, his kids never visited and this was the only human interaction he'd get that day, or so he though.  Along the road a frog hopped in front of him and began to speak.

"Mister Mister!  I'm actually a princess!  An evil witch cast a curse on me and has turned me into a frog.  If you kiss me, we will be wed, for the rest of our lives we'll rule my kingdom and make love every day."

The old man was seemingly unmoved, except to pluck the frog from the ground and place it in his shirt pocket.  The frog, of course was quite confused.  Perhaps he was hard of hearing?  Well she was closer now so perhaps he could understand her better now.

"Mister Mister! I'm a princess cursed by a witch.  Kiss me and we'll make love every day and half of everything I own will be yours!"

But nothing.  The old man looked down, so he definitely heard her, but he didn't seem to say anything.  What was with this guy?  But it was worth trying again.

"Mister Mister!"

The old man cut her off, "No, I heard you the first two times.  It's just, I'm 85 and I think it's more interesting at my age to have a talking frog."
 
2022-12-03 5:19:21 PM  
What's brown and sticky?

A stick
 
2022-12-03 5:55:01 PM  
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2022-12-03 5:58:50 PM  
Princeton University has an art museum (currently under renovation I believe) and I took my daughter there one weekend for a school project. She does her thing, I look at art work and it was very nice.

As we are heading toward Nassau Street to find the ramen restaurant she wanted to go to she asked why Princeton was called an Ivy League university. Coincidentally we just happened to be walking by one of the older buildings covered in ivy and I pointed out that it was because the buildings were covered in ivy. Oh, that makes sense she said and we off to get lunch.

Sometime later, long after I forgot about my dad joke, she came home mad as she just learned I got her.
 
2022-12-03 6:12:38 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: No, Subby.  German sausages are the wurst.


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2022-12-03 6:34:39 PM  
so the "scientists" quoted are unfunny dads who'll lie about scientific research to justify their shiatty puns, huh?
 
2022-12-03 6:41:11 PM  
I've got perhaps one thing worse.

Libertarian Dad Jokes
Youtube XMIIahxK5Jk
 
2022-12-03 6:55:41 PM  

Nintenfreak: There once was this group of people at the foot of the Alps called Trids.  Every day they would climb the hill to gather berries and other plant foods.
At the top of the hill lived an Ogre that always kicked the Trids down the hill.
Finally, the mayor of the Trids called upon a wandering Rabbi to come help them get food and to talk to the ogre. The Rabbi stood behind a tree on the hill and watched the Trids climb up the hill.
All was fine, until the Ogre popped out of a cave and one-by-one kicked the screaming Trids down the hill.
The Rabbi scaled the hill and the Ogre began running at the Rabbi full force. The Rabbi was not stirred as he was great in his faith. Feet before the Rabbi the Ogre stopped and began to walk away.
"Ogre why do you not assault me?" The Rabbi asked
The Ogre looked over at the Rabbi and simply replied, ''Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids.'' '


Abscess makes the fat go "Honda!"
The furry with the syringe on top.
Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
 
2022-12-03 7:00:01 PM  
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2022-12-03 7:02:12 PM  
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2022-12-03 7:04:05 PM  
I don't understand why puns needed another name like "dad joke". Is this just one of the ways the different generations are supposed to hate each other now?
 
2022-12-03 7:04:07 PM  
Those were one-liners, not dad jokes.

The closest of the three would be Milton Jones's material but his is too clever and often surreal or absurd to be dad jokes.

Jimmy Carr's one-liners are far too dark or sexual or sexually dark to be dad jokes.
 
2022-12-03 7:07:33 PM  
My father did not tell jokes of any sort. My mother accused him of having no sense of humor and he agreed.  I don't tell jokes either and have also been accused of having no sense of humor. I do, but it's more of an appreciation of cats falling into water vessels while trying to be destructive and/or killing something.
 
2022-12-03 7:12:07 PM  

Trocadero: [readersdigest.ca image 850x637]


...Mr. Sausage?
 
2022-12-03 7:18:44 PM  
PBS recently explained how puns are basically the foundation for written language, so... there's that
 
2022-12-03 7:22:15 PM  
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2022-12-03 7:22:37 PM  
I think Gary Delaney is one of the best one liner guys.
31 minutes of best one-liners. Mock The Week Compilation by Gary Delaney - all 18 Wheel of news sets
Youtube H4hcOgFHd7o
 
2022-12-03 7:22:59 PM  
A frog goes into a bank and asks for a loan.

The woman at the desk says, "I'm sorry, we don't give loans to amphibians.  What would you use for collateral?"

"Well - " begins the frog, noticing the woman's nameplate gives her name as Patricia Wack, "Ms. Wack, I have this trinket which was given to me by my adoptive father, the great Mick Jagger."  He hands her the trinket.

She looks at it and flags her boss over, and tells him what the frog told her.

The boss examines the trinket and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Wack.  Give the frog a loan.  His old man's a Rolling Stone."
 
2022-12-03 7:25:04 PM  

wildcardjack: I've got perhaps one thing worse.

[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/XMIIahxK5Jk?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsapi=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&widgetid=1]


What's worse than Linertarian Dad jokes?

The Holocaust.
 
2022-12-03 7:28:07 PM  

Jack Sabbath: Jimmy Carr's one-liners are far too dark or sexual or sexually dark to be dad jokes.


You've never met my dad...

One time when I was visiting I was recording my nieces playing with something. In the background you hear my dad say "When I was a kid we were so poor if I didn't wake up with a boner I wouldn't have anything to play with that day."

No one heard it when he said it because they were too focused on my nieces, but my phone picked it up loud and clear.
 
2022-12-03 7:35:21 PM  
I like to think I take my dad jokes to the next level.
I guess that makes me a step-dad.
 
2022-12-03 7:53:07 PM  
I read somewhere once that the reason for dad-jokes is to reaffirm the strength of the marriage.  The jokes aren't funny, but if your wife is in love with you she will laugh at them anyway.  When she stops laughing, something needs attending.

I don't know if it's true, but I like the idea.

In other news, I'm worried about the epidemic of spontaneously combusting dogs.
They just go... woof.
 
2022-12-03 7:54:35 PM  
The dad joke groan is a cathartic experience. How is this not understood by everyone?
 
2022-12-03 7:56:19 PM  
Dad jokes, sure, but grandpa jokes smell worse.
 
2022-12-03 7:59:17 PM  
I bought my friends an elephant for their living room.  They said thank you.  I said "Don't mention it".
 
2022-12-03 8:00:34 PM  

damageddude: Princeton University has an art museum (currently under renovation I believe) and I took my daughter there one weekend for a school project. She does her thing, I look at art work and it was very nice.

As we are heading toward Nassau Street to find the ramen restaurant she wanted to go to she asked why Princeton was called an Ivy League university. Coincidentally we just happened to be walking by one of the older buildings covered in ivy and I pointed out that it was because the buildings were covered in ivy. Oh, that makes sense she said and we off to get lunch.

Sometime later, long after I forgot about my dad joke, she came home mad as she just learned I got her.


Explain the punchline, I haz teh dum
 
2022-12-03 8:38:44 PM  
A lady approaches a man leaning on a shovel in a cemetery, she asks:
"Do you dig graves?"

The man doesn't reply right away, instead sort of looks around, then says:
"Yeah, They're alright."
 
2022-12-03 8:50:54 PM  
Stranger walking a kid out into the woods ...kid says I'm scared mister. You think you're scared kid, I've got to walk back alone
 
2022-12-03 8:52:47 PM  

Klom Dark: damageddude: Princeton University has an art museum (currently under renovation I believe) and I took my daughter there one weekend for a school project. She does her thing, I look at art work and it was very nice.

As we are heading toward Nassau Street to find the ramen restaurant she wanted to go to she asked why Princeton was called an Ivy League university. Coincidentally we just happened to be walking by one of the older buildings covered in ivy and I pointed out that it was because the buildings were covered in ivy. Oh, that makes sense she said and we off to get lunch.

Sometime later, long after I forgot about my dad joke, she came home mad as she just learned I got her.

Explain the punchline, I haz teh dum


The Ivy League is actually an athletic conference. Hilarious, right?
 
2022-12-03 9:06:37 PM  

assjuice: Klom Dark: damageddude: Princeton University has an art museum (currently under renovation I believe) and I took my daughter there one weekend for a school project. She does her thing, I look at art work and it was very nice.

As we are heading toward Nassau Street to find the ramen restaurant she wanted to go to she asked why Princeton was called an Ivy League university. Coincidentally we just happened to be walking by one of the older buildings covered in ivy and I pointed out that it was because the buildings were covered in ivy. Oh, that makes sense she said and we off to get lunch.

Sometime later, long after I forgot about my dad joke, she came home mad as she just learned I got her.

Explain the punchline, I haz teh dum

The Ivy League is actually an athletic conference. Hilarious, right?


Well no the punchline is that at some point she told someone else that's why they're called the Ivy League and they probably looked sideways at each other before making fun or something.
 
2022-12-03 9:07:29 PM  
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said "That's an awful big word for a 12 year old".
 
2022-12-03 9:15:31 PM  

uberalice: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said "That's an awful big word for a 12 year old".


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2022-12-03 9:17:16 PM  
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2022-12-03 9:19:32 PM  

Jack Sabbath: Jimmy Carr's one-liners are far too dark or sexual or sexually dark to be dad jokes.


That depends on your dad
 
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