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(Google)   YOU MATTER. Unless you multiply yourself by the square of the speed of light. Then... you ENERGY. It's your Bad Joke Thursday thread   (google.com) divider line
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189 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 01 Dec 2022 at 11:11 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-11-30 1:54:09 PM  
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2022-11-30 2:09:59 PM  
A hair-sniffing pervert, the man who stole the 2020 election and destroyed the US economy, and the father who receives kickbacks from his corrupt son's illegal dealings in the Ukraine walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will you have to drink, President Joe Biden?"

/flees thread
 
2022-11-30 2:12:18 PM  
I've decided to kill off a few key characters in the book that I'm writing.


That should really spice up my autobiography
 
2022-11-30 2:15:52 PM  
A photon checks into a hotel and the concierge asks if it would like help with its luggage.  "No thanks," the photon responded, "I'm travelling light."
 
2022-11-30 2:16:52 PM  
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2022-11-30 2:25:10 PM  
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony

However, eating too much pie is okay, because the sin of pi is zero.
 
2022-11-30 2:32:11 PM  
Thursday already?
 
2022-11-30 2:35:42 PM  
A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink."
So he mixes the martini.
He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill.
Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words.
He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.
So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change.
While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything."
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change.
The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini.
After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.
"You know..." he says to the gorilla."We don't get too many gorillas in here."
And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."
 
2022-11-30 2:36:19 PM  

cameroncrazy1984: Thursday already?


Hey at least tomorrow's Friday!
 
2022-11-30 3:40:53 PM  
I call this one "Musical Punishment behind bars"

Contraband at Sing Sing will never not exist, because once you have two convicts then you have a con-duet (conduit).
 
2022-11-30 3:54:19 PM  
A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre... so he gives it to her.
 
2022-11-30 4:10:13 PM  
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2022-11-30 6:20:54 PM  
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket, and thinks, "Some asshole's got my pen."
 
2022-11-30 6:26:02 PM  
A Scotsman walks into his house with a sheep on a leash, and finds his wife in the living room. He says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd realize that is not a cow, it's a sheep."

To which the Scotsman says, "If you weren't such a presumptuous biatch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
 
2022-11-30 7:48:16 PM  

cameroncrazy1984: Thursday already?


It's that time of the week when even the calendar says WTF.
 
2022-11-30 7:52:10 PM  

Albert911emt: A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket, and thinks, "Some asshole's got my pen."


Little Jimmy Dickens Jokes
Youtube zwKhLnuFLhA
 
2022-11-30 9:59:01 PM  

cameroncrazy1984: Thursday already?


Got live a bit early. It is Fark, after all
 
2022-12-01 4:51:42 AM  
/ What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other's a little lighter.

// I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

/// What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
 
2022-12-01 10:17:40 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:10:25 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:10:37 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:10:51 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:12:13 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:12:28 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:12:46 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:13:00 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:14:41 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:15:05 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:15:37 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:16:30 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:16:45 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:16:58 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:18:07 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:18:28 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:18:50 AM  
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one said to the other: "Doesn't this taste funny?"
 
2022-12-01 11:19:23 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:20:08 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:23:06 AM  
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2022-12-01 11:42:04 AM  

kdawg7736: [scontent-iad3-2.xx.fbcdn.net image 616x507]


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2022-12-01 12:39:57 PM  

gunga galunga: A hair-sniffing pervert, the man who stole the 2020 election and destroyed the US economy, and the father who receives kickbacks from his corrupt son's illegal dealings in the Ukraine walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will you have to drink, President Joe Biden?"

/flees thread


Two Christians die, and show up at the Pearly Gates:

St. Peter asks the first Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The first Christian answers: "I'm a Liberal"
St. Peter says "Come on in. You get to go to heaven".
St. Peter asks the second Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The second Christian answers: "I'm a conservative"
St. Peter says: "Sorry, you're going to hell, you hateful, ignorant piece-of-shiat"
 
2022-12-01 1:08:11 PM  
NSFW

Funny Joke: A Guy Visits A Witch About His 25 Inch Problem
Youtube 4ELCdFRffpE
 
2022-12-01 1:16:00 PM  

realmolo: gunga galunga: A hair-sniffing pervert, the man who stole the 2020 election and destroyed the US economy, and the father who receives kickbacks from his corrupt son's illegal dealings in the Ukraine walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will you have to drink, President Joe Biden?"

/flees thread

Two Christians die, and show up at the Pearly Gates:

St. Peter asks the first Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The first Christian answers: "I'm a Liberal"
St. Peter says "Come on in. You get to go to heaven".
St. Peter asks the second Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The second Christian answers: "I'm a conservative"
St. Peter says: "Sorry, you're going to hell, you hateful, ignorant piece-of-shiat"


Triggered.....
Who pissed in your Cheerios today?

Oh Galunga.  And he did it so well.
 
2022-12-01 1:42:26 PM  

GOSH BARN IT: realmolo: gunga galunga: A hair-sniffing pervert, the man who stole the 2020 election and destroyed the US economy, and the father who receives kickbacks from his corrupt son's illegal dealings in the Ukraine walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will you have to drink, President Joe Biden?"

/flees thread

Two Christians die, and show up at the Pearly Gates:

St. Peter asks the first Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The first Christian answers: "I'm a Liberal"
St. Peter says "Come on in. You get to go to heaven".
St. Peter asks the second Christian: "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"
The second Christian answers: "I'm a conservative"
St. Peter says: "Sorry, you're going to hell, you hateful, ignorant piece-of-shiat"

Triggered.....
Who pissed in your Cheerios today?

Oh Galunga.  And he did it so well.


It's funny because it's true.
 
2022-12-01 2:39:28 PM  
Also, my joke got wiped out in the competing thread.  I'll have to tell it again.

A priest and a rabbi were best friends.  The rabbi was fascinated by the act of confession, so he kept after the priest to let him observe a session.  Finally the priest relented and they both jammed into the booth.
The first penitent, a young man, confessed.  "Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I had oral sex with my girlfriend and then we had full-on sex three times!"
"Say a Hail Mary and an Our Father, and go and sin no more."
Then another young man entered the confessional, "Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I had oral sex with my girlfriend three times and we had sex six times!"
"Say three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers, and go and sin no more."

"That looks like fun, I think I have the hang of it, can I try?" asked the rabbi.
"Well you're a professional clergy, I guess there would be no harm in it," said the priest.

Next a young woman entered the confessional.  "Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I had oral sex with my boyfriend twice and then we had sex one time."
The rabbi thought for a minute and then said "Say two Hail Marys and one Our Father, and the church owes you two farks."
 
2022-12-01 3:57:28 PM  
Ok the headline joke is really funny (maybe because I'm a giant nerd). I felt like it needed to be the cute husky meme:
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