Long ago and far away, I was standing on line to hire a car for an upcoming vacation rather than put the miles on one of our vehicles. The couple in front of me was asked in there would be a second driver and the husband said, yes, my wife. The clerk recorded her info and the transaction was done. When I was asked the same question, I said yes, my companion and gave his name. I was then charged a "Second Driver Fee" because we were not married (and being a same sex couple in the early 2000s, could not get married anywhere. It wasn't the money; I felt our relationship was being devalued and it wasn't our fault. At that point we had been together about a decade. This slight festered and stewed and I made a decision: wherever we could document our relationship, we would.

The first place was our nearest Metropolitan Community Church for a Holy Union. That was the first certificate to go in what would become a voluminous album of certificates, photographs and attestations from witnesses and officiants and relatives. As Laws changed in states and countries, and if we were going there, we had a ceremony. Sometimes we went just for the ceremony. For a long time, most places did not recognize the ceremonies of other places. We were Civilly and Holy Unionized, Domestically Partnered and simply married, depending on where we were and what was offered. Then, we would cross an imaginary line and all would dissipate and be undone.

On our last trip between our cottage in WI and visiting the In-Laws in CA, our drive along mostly I-80 had us as Domestic Partners in WI & NV, in a Civil Union in IL (where we lived), and Married in IA and CA, but in NE &WY we were just two guys sharing a car. We used to joke that our marital status depended on our off-ramp. Technically, while we were on the Interstate, we weren't married since the Interstate itself is Federal property and at that time there was no Federal recognition of marriage, although that was changing, by bits and pieces in the IRS. If anything happened to us, I wanted as much documentation as possible so one could make decisions for the other. The Legal Papers section of the Album was thick. By the time SCOTUS decided Obergafell, we had twenty-three ceremonies.

Because IA had a three-day waiting period before a wedding could be performed, and we were required to have an IA address during those three days, we checked into a hotel in Davenport. Then, during the next three days, we drove into Albert Lea, MN and Elk Grove, WI and our Rockford, IL to be married, domestically partnered and civilly unionized by officiants in those place, finally being married in IA on the fourth day and returning home. It was a busy weekend.

We also drove to Canada to be married there and made a trip to Hubby's native Azores, Portugal when same-sex marriage became legal there. Eventually, I became a dual citizen in Portugal (All I had to do was visit the Consulate in San Francisco, prove we had been married three years, and have a conversation in Portuguese with a Consulate funcionario (functionary, clerk, I can't really translate the title into English well) to prove I can, if living alone there as a widower, care for myself. That and a small fee, and I had a second passport and identity card as a Portuguese Citizen.

When SCOTUS decided Obergafell and same-sex marriage became the Law of the Land, we stopped having ceremonies, except for our Final Big Wedding. It was held in the Chapel of LeMoore Station. My degree is in Arch. History. My step-grandfather was a refugee from Nazi Germany, like the architect who designed the Base, Richard Neutra. The Base is close enough to accommodate my In-Laws who live in the Central Valley and made a nice vacation for my remaining Family who wished to attend. (We stumped up for the transportation to and from, and for the hotels at, leaving them with car-rentals and meals; we asked only for their presence as our "gifts," since we had had so many ceremonies before, other gifts were unnecessary and superfluous). Also, both Hubby and I are retired career military, so having the Final & Big Ceremony in a Military Base Chapel was important to us. It was officiated by a female Navy Chaplain who travelled to do it on her own time since she wasn't assigned to LeMoore. For all those years in the Navy we had to hide ourselves "in the locker," it was nice to be able to do this publickly in a Base Chapel with a Navy Chaplain. Also, my Sister was career USAF, my Mother served in the WAAFS in WW2, and her mother was one of the first women in the US to wear a military uniform: she was a Navy Yeomanette at Great Lakes Naval Station, IL during WW1 from 1917 -1918. Hubby used the Navy to become an American Citizen (he was born in the Azores but came to the US with his Family when he was 8 years old in 1970.

It was our second marriage in CA, the first being during that 8 month (?) period in 2008 when same-sex marriage was legal but later challenged. The first marriage remained valid according to the Court Decision but subsequent marriages didn't resume for several years. Our first marriage was held by the County Clerk of Merced County in the basement "Chapel" of the Court House. My In-Laws lived in that county then, as we do now. Funny: we are both cheap. We could have married in the court-house of Stanislaus County, which is closer, but we chose Merced because the Marriage License and fees were $25 less than in Stanislaus County. That the In-Laws who wanted to attend had to drive further was irrelevant.

At every ceremony, we would find witnesses. Sometimes the ceremony was put together quickly. (You think planning one ceremony is tough, try 23, most of them on the fly!) We never asked anyone to buy us gifts (we had everything, and actually more) and we always paid for witnesses and guests expenses. We were inviting them. Some of our witnesses were just locals, court employees or strangers we just met. Sometimes we were able to plan ahead enough to bring friends and family to be with us. In the Azores, Hubby wanted to be married in the village church he had been baptized in but the Roman Catholic priest there said no, so we had it  in a small, rented hall in Horta on the Island of Faial, invited his large family from at least four of the nine islands of the archipeligo, and found accommodations for them if they came from off-island. It was a nice ceremony and I think it lasted the longest with the apres-wedding party of any of them.

We gained a lot of good memories because Hertz ticked me off with a "Second Driver Fee."