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(Salon)   Coffee could go extinct. AND SO COULD ALL OF YOU IF I DON'T GET MY COFFEE   (salon.com) divider line
    More: Scary  
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4129 clicks; posted to Main » and Food » on 29 Nov 2022 at 5:05 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-11-29 5:10:42 AM  
Doesn't matter to me.
 
2022-11-29 5:11:12 AM  
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2022-11-29 5:14:00 AM  
Man the "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" bullsh*t should have died with smoking in restaurants.
 
2022-11-29 5:16:13 AM  
everybody low-energy panic
 
2022-11-29 5:23:49 AM  

middleoftheday: Man the "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" bullsh*t should have died with smoking in restaurants.

First they came after my cigarettes, but I did not complain, I knew it was killing me... then they came after my whiskey, and I did not complain because it too was killing me.. But COFFEE Is God's gift to the human race and I am farking complaining!
 
2022-11-29 5:30:02 AM  
Right after bananas.
 
2022-11-29 5:33:28 AM  
I'll just switch to cocaine.

Like the Folgers commercials. We've replaced his extinct coffee with cocaine crystals. Let's see if he notices.
 
2022-11-29 5:42:19 AM  
Coffee used to be a rare and expensive commodity, because it only grew in one place.

One of the effects of climate change is we're going to see a lot of things become rare and expensive luxuries again.

Like chocolate, sugar, and most spices. Most fresh fruit and nearly all fresh produce. Hope everyone has local sources for that stuff.
 
2022-11-29 5:43:26 AM  

middleoftheday: Man the "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" bullsh*t should have died with smoking in restaurants.


Coffee saves lives everyday... other people's lives. Take my coffee and I will rip out your throat with my teeth and spit your dying blood back in your face!!

/Kinda joking
 
2022-11-29 5:46:36 AM  
They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?
 
2022-11-29 5:52:02 AM  

recondite cetacean: I'll just switch to cocaine.

Like the Folgers commercials. We've replaced his extinct coffee with cocaine crystals. Let's see if he notices.


Fry drinks 100 cups of coffee
Youtube jjs2vPR19mQ
 
2022-11-29 5:53:05 AM  
In the wild maybe
 
2022-11-29 5:57:28 AM  
it's just a stimulant.
 
2022-11-29 5:57:46 AM  
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2022-11-29 5:58:18 AM  
You'll get over it
 
2022-11-29 5:59:06 AM  

Nintenfreak: In the wild maybe


Yeah, it was once said if you want an animal to not go extinct, eat it. Lots of cows and pigs and chickens around because they are tasty.
 
2022-11-29 5:59:53 AM  
Me

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 6:12:08 AM  

MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?


Water. Like from the toilet.
 
2022-11-29 6:12:58 AM  
As I have said many times, I drink coffee for the safety of the entire world.

/trust me on this...
 
2022-11-29 6:18:42 AM  
Article headline: Coffee could go extinct.
Under headline: Wild coffee might go extinct.

Oh. One of those.

/Emphasis mine.
 
2022-11-29 6:19:39 AM  
They quit carrying the Hawaiian coffee that I like at the local stores, so I'm already a little sad about it. Maybe I'll just sell everything and move to Kona, sipping amazing coffee before a little volcano hiking and then relaxing at a beautiful beach all day.

...

Yeah maybe I'll just do that anyway. The rat race can suck it. Keep your Porsches and your iPhones and your hideous McMansions in the suburbs. I'm going to get baked and drink coffee on the beach.
 
2022-11-29 6:32:22 AM  
Tomorrow there will be an article about how the oceans will be fish free in 20 years, just like 20 years ago.
 
2022-11-29 6:36:00 AM  

MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?


Sperm is a minor component of semen.
/ I'm told
 
2022-11-29 6:37:24 AM  

mrinfoguy: Tomorrow there will be an article about how the oceans will be fish free in 20 years, just like 20 years ago.


The oceans weren't fish free 20 years ago.
 
2022-11-29 6:37:40 AM  

recondite cetacean: I'll just switch to cocaine.

Like the Folgers commercials. We've replaced his extinct coffee with cocaine crystals. Let's see if he notices.


Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials - SNL
Youtube VdQKVDUBu2g
 
2022-11-29 6:50:35 AM  
Meth is cheaper.
 
2022-11-29 6:58:26 AM  

MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 7:01:58 AM  

Bovine Diarrhea Virus: MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?

[Fark user image image 287x320]


Wait.  Can't caffeine be removed from piss?
 
2022-11-29 7:04:09 AM  

middleoftheday: Man the "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" bullsh*t should have died with smoking in restaurants.


It's too early for this type of comment.  Wait until I've had my coffee.
 
2022-11-29 7:04:49 AM  

MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?


Breast milk.
 
2022-11-29 7:15:16 AM  

MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?


Beer.
 
2022-11-29 7:15:28 AM  
I think the effects of caffeine withdrawal will pale in comparison to the effects of being constipated.
 
2022-11-29 7:16:54 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Right after bananas.


We did have to switch breeds in the last century.

Though bees are the biggest concern
 
2022-11-29 7:24:50 AM  

I May Be Crazy But...: MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?

Breast milk.


Validating 34% of stereotypes about PDX, I once saw a cake recipe using breast milk on some hippie board down there.
 
2022-11-29 7:25:30 AM  
Don't worry the Kroger's antitrust hearing today will surely ensure food is still an option.

You "they said this 20 years ago" people don't realize how dumb you sound, do you.
 
2022-11-29 7:25:42 AM  

middleoftheday: I May Be Crazy But...: MillionDollarMo: They say coffee is going extinct. They say sperm is going extinct.
So what the hell is everyone supposed to drink?

Breast milk.

Validating 34% of stereotypes about PDX, I once saw a cake recipe using breast milk on some hippie board down there.


Of course.  How else would you make a tres leches cake?
 
2022-11-29 7:32:55 AM  
No, it couldn't. The areas which can cultivate it successfully could and likely will change, and some wild types may disappear, but it's too widely domesticated to actually go extinct.
 
2022-11-29 7:34:34 AM  
No coffee? Would that mean we all become Mormons?
 
2022-11-29 7:38:50 AM  
Glad I don't drink coffee. I wonder if the guy who brought a snowball in to Congress and the people that paid him to do that drink coffee?
 
2022-11-29 7:42:54 AM  
Don't worry, this guy will save us all:

The Quest to Make the Best Worst Cup of Coffee
 
2022-11-29 7:44:31 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Coffee used to be a rare and expensive commodity, because it only grew in one place.

One of the effects of climate change is we're going to see a lot of things become rare and expensive luxuries again.

Like chocolate, sugar, and most spices. Most fresh fruit and nearly all fresh produce. Hope everyone has local sources for that stuff.


CSB:

My Great-great-grandfather's family were merchants in Smyrna (Izmir). He was sent to Boston as their representative, and owned at least two clipper ships which brought fruits and vegetables from the Mediterranean to Boston (and, I assume, manufactured goods from Boston to Europe) in the mid-1800s. He made lots of money and married well. He's buried in the Forest Hills cemetery, but, unfortunately, he chose poorly when it came to tombstones. Marble does not like acid rain, so it's almost illegible. Those who chose New England granite are still clearly marked.

/CSB
 
2022-11-29 7:47:52 AM  

SomeAmerican: Don't worry, this guy will save us all:

The Quest to Make the Best Worst Cup of Coffee


Interesting read. Every time I read something about a successful business in Vietnam, I smile. In spite of 30 years of war, they're coming back strong.
 
2022-11-29 7:52:48 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Coffee used to be a rare and expensive commodity, because it only grew in one place.

One of the effects of climate change is we're going to see a lot of things become rare and expensive luxuries again.

Like chocolate, sugar, and most spices. Most fresh fruit and nearly all fresh produce. Hope everyone has local sources for that stuff.


One of the most prized spices the Romans used was silphium, which grew in a very small area in Tunisia, and which they harvested to extinction. We think it was similar to fennel, but are unsure.
 
2022-11-29 7:58:56 AM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Gyrfalcon: Coffee used to be a rare and expensive commodity, because it only grew in one place.

One of the effects of climate change is we're going to see a lot of things become rare and expensive luxuries again.

Like chocolate, sugar, and most spices. Most fresh fruit and nearly all fresh produce. Hope everyone has local sources for that stuff.

One of the most prized spices the Romans used was silphium, which grew in a very small area in Tunisia, and which they harvested to extinction. We think it was similar to fennel, but are unsure.


Is that the plant that's used as an abortifacient, or am I thinking of another plant the noble Romans wiped off the face of the earth?
 
2022-11-29 8:06:58 AM  
Fear not addicted stim user.d  The almighty boffins have found a very good tasting, long-thought-extinct varietal of coffee plant recently that can grow in higher temperature ranges.  Hybridization efforts are underway.  While Coffea Stenophylla has a lower yield and smaller berries than Cofea Arabica or Cofea Robusta (the two strains commercially cultivated at present), hybridization will hopefully result in the best of both worlds; high yield, excellent flavor, and resilience to higher temperature ranges.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffea_stenophylla
 
2022-11-29 8:08:30 AM  
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/Team cocoa
//With an IV of purple Monster or GFuel
 
2022-11-29 8:12:56 AM  
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2022-11-29 8:15:51 AM  
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2022-11-29 8:19:33 AM  
I decided not too long ago that when the zombie apocalypse, or whatever end of the world thing happens and civilization breaks down first thing I'm going to raid all the grocery stores and get all the coffee. Much more valuable than anything else I can think of.
 
2022-11-29 8:21:55 AM  
We just witnessed a soup demotion.
 
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