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(Fark)   Subby has a job interview tomorrow morning and could use a pep talk. Help a farker out   (fark.com) divider line
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140 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 29 Nov 2022 at 1:45 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



84 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-11-28 10:20:56 PM  
wear pants. even if a zoom call.
 
2022-11-28 10:22:55 PM  
DON'T f*ck their dad unless they want you to.
 
2022-11-28 10:24:25 PM  
Good luck, we're all counting on you.
 
2022-11-28 10:24:25 PM  
Look them in the eyes, but don't be creepy about it.


On the part of the application that asks for sex, always mark "yes, please"
 
2022-11-28 10:25:30 PM  
Bring a plunger to the interview before you need to bring a plunger to the interview.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2022-11-28 10:36:19 PM  
Lord loves a working man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
 
2022-11-28 10:37:26 PM  
Go in there and punch the biggest, strongest interviewer in the face.  Then turn to the smallest one and tell them they're your property now.

Wait, that's prison not an interview.

Sorry, I've got nothing on point then.
 
2022-11-28 10:37:36 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-28 10:39:26 PM  
Subby has a job interview tomorrow morning and could use a pep talk.


If the job involves communicating and being thorough, you're lacking in those areas.
 
2022-11-28 10:44:32 PM  
They put on their pants the same we all do.

While hanging upside down from a perch
 
2022-11-28 10:47:04 PM  
I have a bad feeling about this
 
2022-11-28 10:48:20 PM  

Shostie: Bring a plunger to the interview before you need to bring a plunger to the interview.


Get one of these plungers:
housegrail.comView Full Size

/Let us know how it works out for you.
 
2022-11-28 10:53:11 PM  
You're a Farker, so you're used to handling snark and abuse. Pretend you're in a Pol Tab thread and give as good as you get.

Just don't mention the day drinking.
 
2022-11-28 10:58:11 PM  
Ask good questions.
If you don't already have good questions in mind, continue researching the company and the position until you do.
 
2022-11-28 11:14:38 PM  
Don't ask them if the job is yours, TELL them the job is yours, and you'll wrestle anyone who says otherwise in a steel cage match, ooooohYEAH!
 
2022-11-28 11:29:32 PM  
Remember there is a vast difference between a charge and a conviction and don't over share.
 
2022-11-28 11:59:21 PM  
You're meeting new people, let them know its warm and friendly.

Look people in the eye, nod when appropriate.

Be honest as possible.

Be as confident as you can. there's a reason why you're here talking to perspective employers.

Show excitement and laugh.

You've hit it off before with people. they've already proved that they want you by interviewing you.

You'll do fine.
 
2022-11-29 12:17:23 AM  

phygz: Look them in the eyes, but don't be creepy about it.


On the part of the application that asks for sex, always mark "yes, please"


And for nickname write, "Nick, duh!"
 
2022-11-29 12:33:41 AM  
You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.
 
2022-11-29 12:41:56 AM  
Don't lie about your experience. You can definitely tell stories that put you in a good light, but don't make stuff up.
 
2022-11-29 12:42:27 AM  
NSFW
Trainspotting - Spud's job interview - WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES
Youtube UcJkLGKl-dU
 
2022-11-29 12:49:04 AM  
Relax, you'll do fine...

i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 2:10:14 AM  
If they give you one of those dumb "why should we hire you?" questions, answer matter-of-factly: "You should hire me because I'm the best person for the job. And if I'm not, then you should hire the person who is."
 
2022-11-29 2:19:31 AM  
Seriously though: Do not think of it as them interrogating you. As in: Why do we want to pay you money to do stuff for us?

Think of it as more as you interrogating them. As in: Why should I put up with your obnoxious employees/my coworkers whom I will see more than my own family every day?

The interview is a two-way street. They will ask if you are right for the job, but you should equally be asking if they are right for you, and you shouldn't accept substandard conditions. If the hours/tasks/partners/wages aren't reasonable then you have a right to voice this concern and back out at any time.

Be accommodating, but also set standards. See if they will meet them. If not, then the company would have sucked anyway and you would have been miserable the whole time.
 
2022-11-29 2:20:49 AM  
They are in the business of making money, no matter who they are.  You are in the business of making money as well.  Help them understand how and why both these things can happen with you as part of their organization.
 
2022-11-29 2:49:46 AM  
When they ask your goals at the company, tell them, "Your job. Because whatever they're paying you to be doing, it must not be that important if you have time to be here talking with me."

And you can assert dominance during the interview by interrupting to ask what time your first break starts, adding, "You guys are cool with smoking weed, right?". Then, if it's only you and the interviewer in the room, fart loudly and say, "Ewwww, was that you?"

But most importantly, remember that there are many strangers, people who you may never meet, who want to see you succeed and be happy. So when they ask why they should hire you say, "So I can live long and prosper... Say, you aren't a bunch of weirdos who hate Star Trek here, are you?"
 
2022-11-29 2:53:58 AM  

educated: Ask good questions.
If you don't already have good questions in mind, continue researching the company and the position until you do.


I'd second this sentiment.  The best interviews I have had resembled more like a conversation than them asking questions and me answering.  This ended up with the interviewers talking a lot more than me.
 
Azz
2022-11-29 2:55:53 AM  
Rub one out before the interview. Thank me later
 
2022-11-29 4:05:43 AM  
If the vibes are bad, don't be afraid to turn down the job. It's not worth it.
 
2022-11-29 4:52:21 AM  
It's all about making the best first impression so hire a ring announcer, play your intro music and enter the room like your walking down to the ring at Wrestlemania. If you can sneak in to setup some pyro beforehand your onto a winner with your can do attitude. Suplexing the interviewer when he goes to shake your hand is optional. Try to read the room to see if that is an acceptable next move
 
2022-11-29 5:40:36 AM  
You got this. Just stick with the point during questions and don't tell too much information.
 
2022-11-29 5:40:54 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

If things seem to be slipping tell 'The Aristocrats' joke. When it comes to pay ask if you can get paid in crypto.
 
2022-11-29 5:43:47 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 6:11:58 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 6:50:49 AM  

Azz: Rub one out before the interview. Thank me later


Yeah, but which one?
 
2022-11-29 7:00:00 AM  

tonguedepressor: You're meeting new people, let them know its warm and friendly.

Look people in the eye, nod when appropriate.

Be honest as possible.

Be as confident as you can. there's a reason why you're here talking to perspective employers.

Show excitement and laugh.

You've hit it off before with people. they've already proved that they want you by interviewing you.

You'll do fine.


In other words:

1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive

/ hard for some of us farkers
// I speak for myself
 
2022-11-29 7:03:52 AM  

cfreak: tonguedepressor: You're meeting new people, let them know its warm and friendly.

Look people in the eye, nod when appropriate.

Be honest as possible.

Be as confident as you can. there's a reason why you're here talking to perspective employers.

Show excitement and laugh.

You've hit it off before with people. they've already proved that they want you by interviewing you.

You'll do fine.

In other words:

1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive

/ hard for some of us farkers
// I speak for myself


Q: what is your greatest weakness?

A: I require currency to purchase goods and services.

Q: what is your greatest strength?

A: I am willing to create goods and perform services to acquire currency
 
2022-11-29 7:06:53 AM  
I have no idea how I replied to myself. Anyway  you'll do fine subby.Run away though if they try to give you any of that personality test bullshiat.

/ too early and I need coffee
// but I read it's going extinct!
/// meta? In my Fark? More likely than you think
 
2022-11-29 7:29:46 AM  

tonguedepressor: You're meeting new people, let them know its warm and friendly.

Look people in the eye, nod when appropriate.

Be honest as possible.

Be as confident as you can. there's a reason why you're here talking to perspective employers.

Show excitement and laugh.

You've hit it off before with people. they've already proved that they want you by interviewing you.

You'll do fine.


All of this! Don't forget that you are interviewing them too. Don't force it if it isn't right for you, everyone will lose. I always like to ask "what keeps you motivated/why do you come into work everyday", you get some good answers and come off as very engaged.
 
2022-11-29 7:32:20 AM  
Above all, DO NOT TELL THEM THAT YOU'RE A FARKER!
 
2022-11-29 7:33:15 AM  
My rule for interviews is to not use of the F-word more than three times. More that that and I think I start to sound a little desperate.
 
2022-11-29 7:36:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

A pep talk from Pep Streebeck.
 
2022-11-29 8:11:13 AM  
just stay home. it's not worth it
 
2022-11-29 8:11:18 AM  
If they ask you any questions of the "what kind of animal would you be and why" type, walk out.
 
2022-11-29 8:12:00 AM  
If plausible, indicate that you would take ownership of projects.  A manager wants nothing more than to know that he can give you a project and you will at least try to not fark it up.  Get the face tattoos removed first!!!
 
2022-11-29 8:21:34 AM  
If it starts getting dicey, pull this one out:
y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2022-11-29 8:29:18 AM  
Be sure to ask enough questions so that you get the feel of the job--what's the day to day job like?  Who would I work with? What do the good days look like?  The bad days?
 
2022-11-29 8:32:22 AM  
Focus on one spot on the wall. Give them your name, your rank, serial number and date of birth.

Then argue about Oxford commas.
 
2022-11-29 8:36:02 AM  
Required listening pre-interview:

SNAP! - The Power (Official Video)
Youtube nm6DO_7px1I
You've got the power!
 
2022-11-29 8:38:45 AM  
I explained how the interviewee can run the interview to his/her advantage on Quora.  Works (most) every time.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-things-one-should-say-at-every-interview/answer/Clayton-Emery
 
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