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(The Daily Beast)   The Vatican owns a tub worth as much as $2 billion; anyone looking to buy it is going to take a bath   (thedailybeast.com) divider line
    More: Weird, Roman Empire, Rome, Nero, Roman Emperor, first-century Roman emperor Nero, expensive marble, porphyry basin, Holy Roman Empire  
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2163 clicks; posted to Fandom » on 27 Nov 2022 at 11:30 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



50 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-11-27 7:31:35 PM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2022-11-27 7:39:55 PM  
I got the same exact bathtub from Home Depot.
 
2022-11-27 7:45:01 PM  
Looks kinda shallow. Stupid lump in the middle. Poor design. Would not buy.
 
2022-11-27 7:45:51 PM  

OdradekRex: [pbs.twimg.com image 422x310]


Wash this!
 
2022-11-27 7:50:12 PM  
I saw it durind a Vatican Museum tour years ago, and still remember it.  It's fascinating that something that old and that large so exists. The article says it weighs 1000 pounds approximately, that estimate is very loud. The thing is the size of a room. Actually it has its own room with statuary surrounding it.
 
2022-11-27 8:15:07 PM  
That's nothing compared to what they have in the basement.
 
2022-11-27 8:35:33 PM  
Needs a carpet to bring the room together.
 
2022-11-27 8:54:59 PM  
George Carlin - Religion: A bullshit story
Youtube GoYyiNRtMEE


/No one's said it better since.
 
2022-11-27 9:27:24 PM  
But, please, do go forth and multiply.
They need the children
 
2022-11-27 9:28:19 PM  
Nero's bathtub?

/Dnrtfa
 
2022-11-27 9:38:23 PM  

raerae1980: Nero's bathtub?

/Dnrtfa


Yes, ma'am.
 
2022-11-27 11:54:52 PM  
When did writers become so ...awful? It's like reading something from the Jr. High news-zine.
 
2022-11-27 11:59:48 PM  
Does it come with blackjack and hookers?
 
2022-11-28 12:01:06 AM  
Nothing was more eye opening than going to Rome and seeing how much farking gold the church had there. It put scrooge mcduck to shame. I had never seen so many nuns in my life, and I couldn't believe their faith could possibly be strengthened by visiting.
 
2022-11-28 12:07:43 AM  
Find someone willing to spend $2 billion for it, then I'll believe it's worth $2 billion. fark it - why not say it's worth $2 trillion?
 
2022-11-28 12:19:17 AM  

Wobambo: Find someone willing to spend $2 billion for it, then I'll believe it's worth $2 billion. fark it - why not say it's worth $2 trillion?


Or 1/22nd aTwitter. Or possibly 10,000 Twitter in a week or so at the current rate of deprecation.
 
2022-11-28 12:34:34 AM  

RolandTGunner: That's nothing compared to what they have in the basement.


you mean the corpses of raped altar boys?
 
2022-11-28 1:06:17 AM  
$2 billion for a bathtub that looks like it was made of Fiestaware.
 
2022-11-28 1:23:13 AM  

bloobeary: Looks kinda shallow. Stupid lump in the middle. Poor design. Would not buy.


It's over 20' wide and the basin is over 3' at it's deepest. It can hold like 8 people comfortably.
 
2022-11-28 1:30:33 AM  

bloobeary: Looks kinda shallow. Stupid lump in the middle. Poor design. Would not buy.


It's not shallow.  It's 25 feet (~7.5m) across and about as deep as a normal tub today.

Though, it's not really a bathtub.  It's a very large labrum, which literally translated means bathtub, but not what they're used for.

Labrum are found in the Caldarium, or the hot baths, and would be filled with cold water pumped in through the top of that lump in the middle, so people could splash some cold water on themselves in the heat if they wanted to, and then it drains out a hole in the bottom or side.  That's why it's up on legs, it's not meant to be climbed into, but just used like a regular water basin to get some water with your hands.  Both the intake and drain plumbing are probably concealed in the legs.

Here's a nice close picture of one from Pompeii where you can see both the inlet and the drain (dark rectangle at the right).
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-28 1:55:23 AM  
Looks like something that belongs in the vomitarium.
 
2022-11-28 2:21:34 AM  
Let me channel my inner concern Farker.

"$2 billion?  This is why churches should be taxed!"
 
433 [TotalFark]
2022-11-28 2:24:09 AM  
Turn it on and let me sit in the middle. I'm not convinced I need a bidet.
 
2022-11-28 7:13:23 AM  
Why Is This Tub One of the Vatican's Most Valuable Pieces of Art?

I'm guessing it's something to do with foreskins.
 
2022-11-28 7:24:21 AM  

LrdPhoenix: It's not shallow.  It's 25 feet (~7.5m) across and about as deep as a normal tub today.

Though, it's not really a bathtub.  It's a very large labrum, which literally translated means bathtub, but not what they're used for.

Labrum are found in the Caldarium, or the hot baths, and would be filled with cold water pumped in through the top of that lump in the middle, so people could splash some cold water on themselves in the heat if they wanted to, and then it drains out a hole in the bottom or side.  That's why it's up on legs, it's not meant to be climbed into, but just used like a regular water basin to get some water with your hands.  Both the intake and drain plumbing are probably concealed in the legs.


Thank you for this explanation that really should have been in TFA as well. I've been sitting here trying to figure out how people would climb in and out of the thing.
 
2022-11-28 8:14:03 AM  
media-amazon.comView Full Size

$2 billion tub+$5 thousand worth of lube = Priceless
 
2022-11-28 9:17:45 AM  
Sell it and use it as part of restitution for every child molested by the church, particularly the cases the Vatican covered up.

/same can be said for everything the Vatican owns
 
2022-11-28 9:28:49 AM  

casey17: When did writers become so ...awful? It's like reading something from the Jr. High news-zine.


Watch the movie Network. Yeah, that's about TV, but the same principles apply to print media as well. And it's only gotten worse due to the internet.
 
2022-11-28 9:30:30 AM  

moothemagiccow: Nothing was more eye opening than going to Rome and seeing how much farking gold the church had there. It put scrooge mcduck to shame. I had never seen so many nuns in my life, and I couldn't believe their faith could possibly be strengthened by visiting.


Remember, one of the most famous Catholics went around saying all she wanted out of life was to be poor. Hypocrisy is built into the Church.
 
2022-11-28 9:31:11 AM  

Wobambo: Find someone willing to spend $2 billion for it, then I'll believe it's worth $2 billion. fark it - why not say it's worth $2 trillion?


There's a difference between value and worth.
 
2022-11-28 9:35:21 AM  
The article has a geocities or angelfire gif instead of an actual picture:
Fark user imageView Full Size


It's purple marble. Which is admittedly quite pretty, but I imagine it would be easy to synthesize/fake nowadays.
 
2022-11-28 9:35:40 AM  

DeathByGeekSquad: Let me channel my inner concern Farker.

"$2 billion?  This is why churches should be taxed!"


Let me channel my inner concern Christian.

"Jesus said we'll always have the poor, so churches having billions of dollars worth of stuff is perfectly justified."
 
2022-11-28 10:12:03 AM  
FTFA: some say is worth $2 billion

Weird how the article never explains who says that or how they came up with that number. I say it's worth eleventy squajillion dollars.
 
2022-11-28 10:41:56 AM  
The market for purple marble bathtubs is really heating up. Every Roman emperor wants one. Come on down to Nero's Hot Tubs! Get one!
Accept no substitutes. This tub has fantastic provenance. Original owner was Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Like new! Not since the fall of the Roman Empire have we seen prices this low. Pay cash and take this beautiful tub home with you today!
 
2022-11-28 11:07:52 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: DeathByGeekSquad: Let me channel my inner concern Farker.

"$2 billion?  This is why churches should be taxed!"

Let me channel my inner concern Christian.

"Jesus said we'll always have the poor, so churches having billions of dollars worth of stuff is perfectly justified."


I prefer the, "Oh shiat, we have riches...we need information to keep ourselves safe.  CONFESSION!   EVERYONE MUST CONFESS!"
 
2022-11-28 11:30:16 AM  

red5ish: Looks like something that belongs in the vomitarium.


After reading up about that term, it turns out that there wasn't some place that Romans would go to purge themselves.  All a vomitorium was....was the entrance or exit to a building.  That's it.

Was surprised to find that out.
 
2022-11-28 11:35:56 AM  
walking around the vatican as a teenager I couldnt help but think that the folks they stole all the wonderful art and etc would probably really really want it back
 
2022-11-28 11:36:24 AM  
But they need 10% of your pay every Sunday or you go to hell.
 
2022-11-28 12:22:05 PM  
The Mormon church could buy 50 of those with its hidden $100B fund for "when Jesus comes back."

media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2022-11-28 12:44:00 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: FTFA: some say is worth $2 billion

Weird how the article never explains who says that or how they came up with that number. I say it's worth eleventy squajillion dollars.


It's the value used in an upcoming heist film styled after the Ocean's 11 but with an all female cast. You can google Tub Girls for more information.
 
2022-11-28 12:57:04 PM  

DeathByGeekSquad: Let me channel my inner concern Farker.

"$2 billion?  This is why churches should be taxed!"


That's not why. That's not even 1% of their wealth.  It's the other 99.9% of wealth, land holdings and participation in politics to sway legislation that tries to enforce their values on non-believers and/or other religious groups.  The bathtub isn't the problem. There's 100's of reasons churches need to be taxed but the "bathtub" isn't even in the top 100.
 
2022-11-28 1:58:45 PM  
The Muskrat is probably wishing the bath he's currently taking was only $2 billion.


/Except he's such a narcissistic idiot he could have walked away for $1 billion and didn't.
 
2022-11-28 2:47:43 PM  
Art is only worth as much as someone is willing to pay for it.  It is extremely doubtful that anyone would ever pay $2,000,000 for the tub if it were to go on sale.  It's probably worth a lot, but it is not worth no two billion dollars.
 
2022-11-28 2:50:24 PM  

DecemberNitro: The Mormon church could buy 50 of those with its hidden $100B fund for "when Jesus comes back."

[media.giphy.com image 186x266] [View Full Size image _x_]


That is just one of their investment funds.  That was a stock portfolio that go leaked.  I think since then it came out they had a couple more stock funds of similar size.  That is before you get into their realestate and all the malls, cattle ranches, industrial farms, clothing factories, banks, and various other shopping stores that they own.
 
2022-11-28 6:42:53 PM  
If I'm going to pay that much for a bath, I'm going to pay a little extra for the person of my choice to take the first dip in it...


*looks to GIS for a pic of Kate Winslet in a bath*
*Great googly-moogly*
*Can't post it on fark, but I'll save it for when I get home from work. Or I might need some me-time right now...*
 
2022-11-28 6:54:58 PM  
I got a buddy that's an expert on nero bath tubs. He says to offer you fiddy bucks.
 
2022-11-28 8:46:56 PM  
The dark purple-red dye was used on ceremonial clothing for high-status individuals; it was particularly valued because it didn't fade but it was expensive (not to mention smelly) to manufacture.


Why Making Purple Dye Was Absolutely Revolting | Worst Jobs | Absolute History
Youtube ZxQgJbTRrIM
 
2022-11-28 11:31:40 PM  

red5ish: The market for purple marble bathtubs is really heating up. Every Roman emperor wants one. Come on down to Nero's Hot Tubs! Get one!
Accept no substitutes. This tub has fantastic provenance. Original owner was Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Like new! Not since the fall of the Roman Empire have we seen prices this low. Pay cash and take this beautiful tub home with you today!


Fire sale!
 
2022-11-29 9:17:42 AM  

casey17: When did writers become so ...awful? It's like reading something from the Jr. High news-zine.


I didn't read it. Couldn't get past the awkward gold glitter thick line around the object. 1) Who the hell thought that looked good, and 2) why even bother. Someone is trying to justify their job with, unfortunately, very shiatty work.
 
2022-11-29 10:10:16 AM  

BeansNfranks: casey17: When did writers become so ...awful? It's like reading something from the Jr. High news-zine.

I didn't read it. Couldn't get past the awkward gold glitter thick line around the object. 1) Who the hell thought that looked good, and 2) why even bother. Someone is trying to justify their job with, unfortunately, very shiatty work.


I'd imagine Nero thought it looked good, and most likely ordered the commission that way.
;)
 
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