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(Hickory Daily Record)   When you don't want to get dressed up to go shoot at Walmart   (hickoryrecord.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Police, Injury, Dimario Juwughn Coulter, Wound, deadly weapon, Law enforcement officers, Reproduction, Injuries  
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4465 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2022 at 7:30 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



36 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-11-27 7:32:04 PM  
Parking lots are dangerous places.
 
2022-11-27 7:34:04 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-27 7:36:03 PM  
Probably an argument about how to say "Catawba."
 
2022-11-27 7:37:04 PM  
A shooting at a Dollar General? That's just kicking someone while they're down..
 
2022-11-27 7:40:30 PM  

Somaticasual: A shooting at a Dollar General? That's just kicking someone while they're down..


Someone should take them to Waffle House to cheer them up!
 
2022-11-27 7:41:56 PM  
Let's get that ball rolling...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-27 7:43:03 PM  
I'm no legal expert, but "assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury" sounds like an unnecessarily long way to say attempted murder. Is that just a North Carolina thing?
 
2022-11-27 7:44:11 PM  

minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]


"Check my ass, baby. That last fart felt wet."
 
2022-11-27 7:45:02 PM  
What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?
 
2022-11-27 7:46:05 PM  

cyberspacedout: I'm no legal expert, but "assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury" sounds like an unnecessarily long way to say attempted murder. Is that just a North Carolina thing?


It's to differentiate from "intent to kill inflicting minor injury."
 
2022-11-27 7:53:16 PM  

minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image 425x572]


I would not have ever expected to see a Becky's Diner t-shirt on fark.
 
2022-11-27 7:57:31 PM  

Claude Ballse: minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]

"Check my ass, baby. That last fart felt wet."


"That ain't salsa."
 
2022-11-27 8:02:12 PM  

Fear the Clam: Probably an argument about how to say "Catawba."


I live there (not more than 15 miles from the shooting).    Kuh- TAWH -bah.
 
2022-11-27 8:06:16 PM  

cyberspacedout: I'm no legal expert, but "assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury" sounds like an unnecessarily long way to say attempted murder. Is that just a North Carolina thing?


IANAL, but I'm thinking the ADW charge differs from attempted murder, as in pointing a gun at somebody is assault while doing something more substantial qualifies as attempted murder?  Just guessing here.
 
2022-11-27 8:08:04 PM  

foo monkey: cyberspacedout: I'm no legal expert, but "assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury" sounds like an unnecessarily long way to say attempted murder. Is that just a North Carolina thing?

It's to differentiate from "intent to kill inflicting minor injury."


And "intent to kill, but was mostly just really nasty verbally."
 
2022-11-27 8:11:02 PM  
If anything they have 20 dish towels for a buck. This  is handy for cleaning up the blood.
 
2022-11-27 8:23:41 PM  

rnatalie: Fear the Clam: Probably an argument about how to say "Catawba."

I live there (not more than 15 miles from the shooting).    Kuh- TAWH -bah.


Amusingly, what was the police station in Catawba is now a head shop.
 
2022-11-27 8:24:14 PM  

Claude Ballse: minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]

"Check my ass, baby. That last fart felt wet."


that is why his nickname is "dipstick"   (  !  )
 
2022-11-27 8:43:56 PM  

Claude Ballse: minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]

"Check my ass, baby. That last fart felt wet."


have a pretzel, they're kind of melty.
 
2022-11-27 8:57:08 PM  
yuck
 
2022-11-27 9:00:33 PM  
Only one person got shot?
 
2022-11-27 10:19:02 PM  

CasperImproved: Claude Ballse: minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]

"Check my ass, baby. That last fart felt wet."

"That ain't salsa."


One of those slow rolling ones
 
2022-11-27 10:46:42 PM  
Shooting outside dollar general leaves one critically embarrassed.

/i kid, not hating on dollar store shoppers
 
2022-11-27 11:32:56 PM  

mrmopar5287: [Fark user image image 471x318]


Reminds me of graduation from Navy boot camp, and all the families that would show up.

After 8 weeks of making sure seams lined up, boots were polished, etc., it really amazed me at how poorly the average person dressed. You're going to an official event on a military base. Jorts and a wife-beater ain't gonna cut it. Business casual at the minimum.
 
2022-11-27 11:44:46 PM  

minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image 425x572]


That is like the sound of one hand clapping....
 
2022-11-28 12:01:07 AM  

minnesotaboy: Let's get that ball rolling...

[Fark user image image 425x572]


Fark user imageView Full Size

And it hungers for more!
 
2022-11-28 12:11:25 AM  

foo monkey: What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?


That is like the sound of one hand clapping....

An interesting question. A week ago, I would have said, well, 5... maybe 6... call it 5.5. But here we are, and Walmart had its high body count, so this joke was going to come up sooner or later. Walmart set the joke, and Dollar store is the punchline.

We have a "clock" for mass shootings in the US. Someone needs to get onto the idea of a whole bunch of clocks. Dollar store clock, Walmart clock, postal clock, NFL player clock, etc.

That would allow all kinds of side bets on where and by whom the next shooting will be. Women as shooters will have hugely long odds, but that is going to pay off sooner or later. I am not saying we need to make a lottery out of it, but if nobody is going to do anything about the carnage, people ought to just have fun with it and embrace the horror. The next batch of school kids should be a big payday for somebody, right? Why do shootings have to be so sad all the time? Just push your pile of chips over to "father of three killed by irate road rager" and wait for that to pay off over the holidays, right?  Then move those winnings over to "Valentine's day incel" come mid January.

You could also just give up the gambling thing and make it an options market. Insurers would love this. Start up a mass shooting insurance scheme, and then just hedge out your portfolio. If there is a big enough market, you are going to get good hedges cheaply, and let all of your speculators do all of your research for you on what the high and low risks are. With 600 plus datapoints per year for the last, what... 20 years? You can probably get enough in premiums to make your payouts when the next Uvalde comes.

As long as you have a 2nd Amendment, those eggs are going to break. Time someone made some omelettes, amirite?

/ sick humor. But realistically. How far are we from that?
// How long before someone just says that the war on guns is as useless as the war on drugs?
/// "People are going to shoot each other no matter what we do. We should legalize it and tax it!"
 
2022-11-28 12:25:29 AM  

2fardownthread: foo monkey: What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?

That is like the sound of one hand clapping....

An interesting question. A week ago, I would have said, well, 5... maybe 6... call it 5.5. But here we are, and Walmart had its high body count, so this joke was going to come up sooner or later. Walmart set the joke, and Dollar store is the punchline.

We have a "clock" for mass shootings in the US. Someone needs to get onto the idea of a whole bunch of clocks. Dollar store clock, Walmart clock, postal clock, NFL player clock, etc.

That would allow all kinds of side bets on where and by whom the next shooting will be. Women as shooters will have hugely long odds, but that is going to pay off sooner or later. I am not saying we need to make a lottery out of it, but if nobody is going to do anything about the carnage, people ought to just have fun with it and embrace the horror. The next batch of school kids should be a big payday for somebody, right? Why do shootings have to be so sad all the time? Just push your pile of chips over to "father of three killed by irate road rager" and wait for that to pay off over the holidays, right?  Then move those winnings over to "Valentine's day incel" come mid January.

You could also just give up the gambling thing and make it an options market. Insurers would love this. Start up a mass shooting insurance scheme, and then just hedge out your portfolio. If there is a big enough market, you are going to get good hedges cheaply, and let all of your speculators do all of your research for you on what the high and low risks are. With 600 plus datapoints per year for the last, what... 20 years? You can probably get enough in premiums to make your payouts when the next Uvalde comes.

As long as you have a 2nd Amendment, those eggs are going to break. Time someone made some omelettes, amirite?

/ sick humor. But realistically. How far are we from that?
// How long before someone just says that the war on guns is as useless as the war on drugs?
/// "People are going to shoot each other no matter what we do. We should legalize it and tax it!"


I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, good sir / kind madam.

Perhaps a gift subscription to Jim Cramer could also be included?

Gives new meaning to 'Mad Money'...
 
2022-11-28 1:21:22 AM  

indy_kid: mrmopar5287: [Fark user image image 471x318]

Reminds me of graduation from Navy boot camp, and all the families that would show up.

After 8 weeks of making sure seams lined up, boots were polished, etc., it really amazed me at how poorly the average person dressed. You're going to an official event on a military base. Jorts and a wife-beater ain't gonna cut it. Business casual at the minimum.


you probably have to define "business casual" for people who wear wife-beaters
 
2022-11-28 1:23:07 AM  

2fardownthread: foo monkey: What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?

That is like the sound of one hand clapping....

An interesting question. A week ago, I would have said, well, 5... maybe 6... call it 5.5. But here we are, and Walmart had its high body count, so this joke was going to come up sooner or later. Walmart set the joke, and Dollar store is the punchline.

We have a "clock" for mass shootings in the US. Someone needs to get onto the idea of a whole bunch of clocks. Dollar store clock, Walmart clock, postal clock, NFL player clock, etc.

That would allow all kinds of side bets on where and by whom the next shooting will be. Women as shooters will have hugely long odds, but that is going to pay off sooner or later. I am not saying we need to make a lottery out of it, but if nobody is going to do anything about the carnage, people ought to just have fun with it and embrace the horror. The next batch of school kids should be a big payday for somebody, right? Why do shootings have to be so sad all the time? Just push your pile of chips over to "father of three killed by irate road rager" and wait for that to pay off over the holidays, right?  Then move those winnings over to "Valentine's day incel" come mid January.

You could also just give up the gambling thing and make it an options market. Insurers would love this. Start up a mass shooting insurance scheme, and then just hedge out your portfolio. If there is a big enough market, you are going to get good hedges cheaply, and let all of your speculators do all of your research for you on what the high and low risks are. With 600 plus datapoints per year for the last, what... 20 years? You can probably get enough in premiums to make your payouts when the next Uvalde comes.

As long as you have a 2nd Amendment, those eggs are going to break. Time someone made some omelettes, amirite?

/ sick humor. But realistically. How far are we from that?
// How long before someone just says that the war on guns is as useless as the war on drugs?
/// "People are going to shoot each other no matter what we do. We should legalize it and tax it!"


sooo

you're telling they're not already doing this in Vegas?
 
2022-11-28 1:24:44 AM  
2fardownthread:

People are going to shoot each other no matter what we do. We should legalize it and tax it!

we already do.
 
2022-11-28 3:14:29 AM  

2fardownthread: We have a "clock" for mass shootings in the US.


Typical (Median) Annual Death Rate per Million People from Mass Public Shootings (U.S., Canada, and Europe, 2009-2015):

United States - 0.058
Albania - 0
Austria - 0
Belgium - 0
Czech Republic - 0
Finland - 0
France - 0
Germany - 0
Italy - 0
Macedonia - 0
Netherlands - 0
Norway - 0
Russia - 0
Serbia - 0
Slovakia - 0
Switzerland - 0
United Kingdom - 0

Source
 
db2
2022-11-28 8:15:05 AM  

foo monkey: What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?


If it's America we're talking about, then that bar is set pretty high.
 
2022-11-28 9:31:17 AM  
All dressed up and no one to blow.

peopleofwalmart.comView Full Size
 
2022-11-28 11:28:15 AM  

Fear the Clam: Probably an argument about how to say "Catawba."


Wooster.
 
2022-11-28 11:54:39 AM  

2fardownthread: foo monkey: What's the under/over on how many people would have to be shot for this to become a story about a shooting, rather than a Walmart/Dollar Store joke?

That is like the sound of one hand clapping....

An interesting question. A week ago, I would have said, well, 5... maybe 6... call it 5.5. But here we are, and Walmart had its high body count, so this joke was going to come up sooner or later. Walmart set the joke, and Dollar store is the punchline.

We have a "clock" for mass shootings in the US. Someone needs to get onto the idea of a whole bunch of clocks. Dollar store clock, Walmart clock, postal clock, NFL player clock, etc.

That would allow all kinds of side bets on where and by whom the next shooting will be. Women as shooters will have hugely long odds, but that is going to pay off sooner or later. I am not saying we need to make a lottery out of it, but if nobody is going to do anything about the carnage, people ought to just have fun with it and embrace the horror. The next batch of school kids should be a big payday for somebody, right? Why do shootings have to be so sad all the time? Just push your pile of chips over to "father of three killed by irate road rager" and wait for that to pay off over the holidays, right?  Then move those winnings over to "Valentine's day incel" come mid January.

You could also just give up the gambling thing and make it an options market. Insurers would love this. Start up a mass shooting insurance scheme, and then just hedge out your portfolio. If there is a big enough market, you are going to get good hedges cheaply, and let all of your speculators do all of your research for you on what the high and low risks are. With 600 plus datapoints per year for the last, what... 20 years? You can probably get enough in premiums to make your payouts when the next Uvalde comes.

As long as you have a 2nd Amendment, those eggs are going to break. Time someone made some omelettes, amirite?

/ sick humor. But realistically. ...


Players would be able to influence the betting results.  Then you'd have a Pete Rose situation where you'd have to ban people from shooting other people, which could ironically result in more shootings.
 
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