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(Guardian)   Old man sucks at video game   (theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, South Pole, North Pole, Game, Charlie Day, That that is is that that is not is not is that it it is, favourite games, training levels, south pole of Brittle Hollow  
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2027 clicks; posted to Fandom » on 26 Nov 2022 at 9:05 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



47 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-11-26 5:14:37 PM  
*fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"
 
2022-11-26 5:22:15 PM  
I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish
 
2022-11-26 5:46:50 PM  

johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"


Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.
 
2022-11-26 5:54:51 PM  
Outer Wilds is a great game
 
2022-11-26 6:24:11 PM  

iron de havilland: johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"

Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.


I don't think he did that one. I think he hosted the revival.
 
2022-11-26 6:29:51 PM  
My son was trying to give me pointers at a game and I was like "Stop. It's annoying" and he asked "Don't you want to get better?" to which I said "No, I want to have fun" and I think that confused him a little.
 
2022-11-26 6:38:36 PM  
My 9 year old boy likes to play Sonic inside of Roblox and always wants me to play along. I can't control my guy. It's too frickin' fast. So I have to turn down the speed to like 20%. So frustrating. There's no joystick or controller, just touch screen, and I can't do it. Though until recently, I probably hadn't played a video game in 20+ years other than the occasional Galaga or whatever that I might come across in the wild.

So the headline is me. "Old man sucks at video game."
 
2022-11-26 6:38:53 PM  

IgG4: Outer Wilds is a great game


yes, yes it is
if you want to play it go in as blind as possible and just play it
 
2022-11-26 6:40:35 PM  

Mangoose: My son was trying to give me pointers at a game and I was like "Stop. It's annoying" and he asked "Don't you want to get better?" to which I said "No, I want to have fun" and I think that confused him a little.


Whenever I play the fighting games, I just press all the buttons randomly and hope for the best. Sometimes I perform some crazy moves. I crack up the whole time.

/Yes. I'm easily amused.
 
2022-11-26 6:43:45 PM  

Mangoose: My son was trying to give me pointers at a game and I was like "Stop. It's annoying" and he asked "Don't you want to get better?" to which I said "No, I want to have fun" and I think that confused him a little.


LOL yep that was my main motivation for not getting toostuck on anything. If I start to get frustrated over a game, then I either need to stop playing for a bit (like multiplayer games) or look up how to get past it since that info is readily available and it's not like I'm competing for a prize. Too much other shiat I could be doing that isn't pissing me off.

I'd say I got about 70% of OW without needing direct help. 10% made me go "Ahhh, obviously!", and 20% made me go "I have no farking clue how anyone figured that out".

It's a damn fun game to just wander around in as well.
 
2022-11-26 7:14:40 PM  
I have delayed to Hamletesque degrees

"I boned his mother repeatedly, poisoned his actual father, continued boning his mother."
 
2022-11-26 7:16:53 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: My 9 year old boy likes to play Sonic inside of Roblox and always wants me to play along. I can't control my guy. It's too frickin' fast. So I have to turn down the speed to like 20%. So frustrating. There's no joystick or controller, just touch screen, and I can't do it. Though until recently, I probably hadn't played a video game in 20+ years other than the occasional Galaga or whatever that I might come across in the wild.

So the headline is me. "Old man sucks at video game."


My son also loves Sonic.  I suck at it for reasons similar to yours.

I have, however, beaten Elden Ring while he struggles to git gud.  In your face, Tarnished brat.
 
2022-11-26 7:24:25 PM  

Gubbo: iron de havilland: johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"

Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.

I don't think he did that one. I think he hosted the revival.


Nope, the revival was someone else, altogether, with Trevor McDonald as GM. I mean, Patrick Moore died years ago for one thing...
 
2022-11-26 8:01:36 PM  
Older man gets Outer Worlds (which he played) and Outer Wilds confused
 
2022-11-26 8:02:29 PM  

iron de havilland: Gubbo: iron de havilland: johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"

Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.

I don't think he did that one. I think he hosted the revival.

Nope, the revival was someone else, altogether, with Trevor McDonald as GM. I mean, Patrick Moore died years ago for one thing...


The revival was someone else
 
2022-11-26 8:11:56 PM  

johnny_vegas: iron de havilland: Gubbo: iron de havilland: johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"

Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.

I don't think he did that one. I think he hosted the revival.

Nope, the revival was someone else, altogether, with Trevor McDonald as GM. I mean, Patrick Moore died years ago for one thing...

The revival was someone else


Tee hee.
 
2022-11-26 9:10:19 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish


I like how even The Eye hates the angler fish.

/Did you ever play the DLC?
 
2022-11-26 9:11:37 PM  
Just to clarify before the dogpile, the older man is you?
 
2022-11-26 9:19:24 PM  

Bootleg: scottydoesntknow: I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish

I like how even The Eye hates the angler fish.

/Did you ever play the DLC?


I did not even know there was one. Now I have a reason to revisit!
 
2022-11-26 9:24:42 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Bootleg: scottydoesntknow: I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish

I like how even The Eye hates the angler fish.

/Did you ever play the DLC?

I did not even know there was one. Now I have a reason to revisit!


Outer Wilds Echoes of the Eye Reveal Trailer
Youtube pakGQ_9DA00
 
2022-11-26 9:38:54 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish


Is it like Myst?
 
2022-11-26 9:52:55 PM  
I might give the game a try next month, am about due for a new game. I had recently gotten Overwatch 2 after lots of peer pressure lol from friends and just couldn't get into it. Not cuz I suck at it, I do, but don't mind sucking. Just lost flavor for shooters. Handled too many irl guns, gives ya a bad taste for em in games after awhile. Struggled to finish 2077 bc of it.
 
2022-11-26 9:53:02 PM  
OBVIOUS tag must be playing Fortnite.
 
2022-11-26 9:53:43 PM  

fullyautomatic: I might give the game a try next month, am about due for a new game. I had recently gotten Overwatch 2 after lots of peer pressure lol from friends and just couldn't get into it. Not cuz I suck at it, I do, but don't mind sucking. Just lost flavor for shooters. Handled too many irl guns, gives ya a bad taste for em in games after awhile. Struggled to finish 2077 bc of it.


Username checks out
 
2022-11-26 10:13:32 PM  

Mangoose: My son was trying to give me pointers at a game and I was like "Stop. It's annoying" and he asked "Don't you want to get better?" to which I said "No, I want to have fun" and I think that confused him a little.


Why It's Rude to Suck at Warcraft
Youtube BKP1I7IocYU
 
2022-11-26 10:14:12 PM  
A lot of old people are playing video games now.

I credit me getting into the Zelda series and Dragon Warrior to my grandpa as he beat those games and even got to the max level 30 on Dragon Warrior. This is all on the NES for those of you younger types.
 
2022-11-26 10:15:04 PM  
This is why I play single player Minecraft or Minetest more. My half a century old brain has more fun fark'n around with blocks and red stone then the shooters I used to do. I do miss the shooters though but today's crop just sucks especially with all the loot boxes and micro transactions.
 
2022-11-26 10:16:04 PM  

king of vegas: scottydoesntknow: I had a lot of fun in Outer Wilds and reached the very end, but not without some googling. It's a solar system of puzzles and I didn't have the patience for some. I'd try for 30+ minutes and finally search and be like "WTF? How did I not see that?!" and then move on.

/Breaking the time loop was fun
//Was not a big fan of the sand trap caves though
//And f*ck those interdimensional angler fish

Is it like Myst?


Like Myst combined with Majora's Mask. You'll find out the mystery in the first 30 minutes and spend the rest of the time figuring out why.
 
2022-11-26 10:23:25 PM  
Went ahead n bought it just now after seeing some vids n good reviews, plus praise from y'all. The base + DLC is like $24 on sale on Steam at the moment.
 
2022-11-26 10:38:31 PM  

elvisaintdead: Older man gets Outer Worlds (which he played) and Outer Wilds confused


I don't return a lot of video games, but I returned Outer Worlds for being farking awful.
 
2022-11-26 11:01:18 PM  
Outer Wilds or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Accept the Inevitability of Existential Demise.
 
2022-11-26 11:12:12 PM  
king of vegas:
Is it like Myst?

I'd say yes, and no.  The puzzles involved are more exploration based, and I'd hesitate to call anything in it a puzzle in the Myst series sense, aside from maybe a couple of things in the DLC, and even there it mostly subverts that.  More about being in the right place at the right time.

I've heard it called a Metroidvania with no combat where the equipment upgrades are new knowledge.
 
2022-11-26 11:18:21 PM  
So games have devolved back to the farking stupid shiat that was Pole Position???????


/
On a side note game should not cheat.  Looking at you Xbox fighting game from 2002 that I can't recall name of.

//
Porsche Challenge on Playstation is the bomb. fark all other racing game.

///
Poy Poy for life.
 
2022-11-26 11:18:57 PM  

LrdPhoenix: I've heard it called a Metroidvania with no combat where the equipment upgrades are new knowledge.


Let me put it this way:  If I fired up a brand new game, I could beat it in about 15 minutes, maybe 40 if I wanted a full ending cause there's a couple side things to do for that.  But the only reason I could is because I already have the knowledge gained from going about the solar system exploring everything.
 
2022-11-27 12:04:33 AM  

LrdPhoenix: Outer Wilds or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Accept the Inevitability of Existential Demise.


DMV simulator?
 
2022-11-27 2:09:56 AM  
" the Netflixication of our brains. Too much choice has gifted us with the discernment of a drunk in a kebab shop"

*eyeroll*
Bet he patted himself on the back after delivering that one
 
2022-11-27 2:32:00 AM  

iron de havilland: johnny_vegas: *fast forward two weeks*

"Old man discovers cheat codes"

Dude presented Gamesmaster back in the 90s which had Patrick Moore giving out tips and cheat codes, so I'm pretty confident he knows what they are.

Last time I looked it up for nostalgic reasons, there was something about a feud, possibly cocaine fuelled, with a co-presenter, Dave Perry. And that's a video game journalist, not the guy from Shiny Entertainment that made some good platformers back in the day. Sure you can find a vid of him sucking at Super Mario 64 and having a strop about it.

Man, the 90s, eh.


I also liked the less well remembered When Games Attack.

When Games Attack
Youtube mNGx_1ne1vg
 
2022-11-27 3:03:22 AM  

LrdPhoenix: I've heard it called a Metroidvania with no combat where the equipment upgrades are new knowledge.


It's hard to make a comparison without sounding like a dick because the best comparison, unfortunately, is actually Dark Souls this time.  Like... the same iterative learning loop and gameplay where the fun part is gradually gitting gud by memorizing things, backed up by ambient storytelling you have to keep mental track of yourself instead of a quest system but still firmly a role-playing experience.

The fact that the underlying themes and story are... also kinda the same in ways it's hard to define without being spoilery as fark also kinda draws you to that comparison.

So... yeah, it's Dark Souls with a better color palette and no combat.
 
2022-11-27 3:44:51 AM  

Jim_Callahan: LrdPhoenix: I've heard it called a Metroidvania with no combat where the equipment upgrades are new knowledge.

It's hard to make a comparison without sounding like a dick because the best comparison, unfortunately, is actually Dark Souls this time.  Like... the same iterative learning loop and gameplay where the fun part is gradually gitting gud by memorizing things, backed up by ambient storytelling you have to keep mental track of yourself instead of a quest system but still firmly a role-playing experience.

The fact that the underlying themes and story are... also kinda the same in ways it's hard to define without being spoilery as fark also kinda draws you to that comparison.

So... yeah, it's Dark Souls with a better color palette and no combat.


Yeah, kind of.  Though, I don't think there's anything to git gud at, and no real memorization required.  There's really only 3 things you need to know to beat the game, and of those the only one that would possibly require memorization doesn't require it unless you haven't gone there and seen it yet because it tells you what it was when the time comes to use it if you have seen it.

It's not like Myst where you need to write down/memorize numbers and patterns and stuff because you're going to have to use it to solve a puzzle.  It's more like remembering simple rules like What goes up must come down or Don't eat yellow snow or Never rub another man's rhubarb.
 
2022-11-27 7:56:48 AM  
Look, after beating the likes of Mega Man 1 and 2 (well you know, the Red Devil cheat) and the likes
of Super Ghouls and Ghosts or Strider, at my age I do not care to "get gud".

I don't have the time, patience, reflexes and the other "twitchiness" of youth required.

So a lot of things will go unfinished or never tried.

/TT:Wonderlands or Vampire Saviours for the daily dopamine rush right now.
//but I digress, the author of the article really sucks.
 
2022-11-27 9:23:28 AM  
Childless, 51-year-old me looks up from playing heavily-modded Skyrim on my Steam Deck, shrugs at "old" man who only got that way because he was foolish enough to have children, goes back to one-shotting giants.
 
2022-11-27 9:46:33 AM  
CSB: Went to visit from friends, their 9 year comes up  and tells me he got a Switch. "Oh yeah, I know what it is, but I don't have one." I tell tell him.  He gets this gleam in his eye and tells me he has this kart racing game, asks if I want to play." Sure, I say

He fires it up and I say "oh that's Mario, he's been in some other games." The kid rolls his eyes, then grins and says "you ready?" Yep. I get first place. (Barely though, wasn't familiar with all the mechanics and map yet).

The kid looks up in shock, and I say "beginners luck, let's go again" 3 more races. I trounce him every time.  Kid looks like he's incapable of processing what he's saying. He says "you tricked me, you played this before."

I say "Nope, but I have been playing Mario Kart since before you were born. I've been playing it since the SNES. I ruled the Rainbow Road on the N64. I played Mario Brothers before they were Super. Your generation might have the most advanced game systems, but my generation *invented* video games. I was there when my mom brought home the Magnavox Pong system."

"At my house, right this very second, I have a PS3, A PS4, A PS5, A XBOX 360, and a Xbox one hooked up to my TV. I still halve my original Xbox and my PS2 in a box ready to go. You might think you know video games kid, but this is my universe, and I am God here!"

He just looks at me for a minute and then walks back in the living room and asks "dad, aren't you the same age as Mr MythDragon?  How come you're not good at games? "

/granted the kid might have been slightly more impressed with my final quote if he had seen The Lawnmower Man.
//his dad did come back with "because I had girl friends. That's why I'm married and Mr MythDragon is not" so points for him, I guess ( ._.)
 
2022-11-27 9:56:14 AM  
MythDragon:...I have been playing Mario Kart since before you were born. I've been playing it since the SNES. I ruled the Rainbow Road on the N64. I played Mario Brothers before they were Super. Your generation might have the most advanced game systems, but my generation *invented* video games. I was there when my mom brought home the Magnavox Pong system...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-27 10:25:36 AM  

MythDragon: CSB: Went to visit from friends, their 9 year comes up  and tells me he got a Switch. "Oh yeah, I know what it is, but I don't have one." I tell tell him.  He gets this gleam in his eye and tells me he has this kart racing game, asks if I want to play." Sure, I say

He fires it up and I say "oh that's Mario, he's been in some other games." The kid rolls his eyes, then grins and says "you ready?" Yep. I get first place. (Barely though, wasn't familiar with all the mechanics and map yet).

The kid looks up in shock, and I say "beginners luck, let's go again" 3 more races. I trounce him every time.  Kid looks like he's incapable of processing what he's saying. He says "you tricked me, you played this before."

I say "Nope, but I have been playing Mario Kart since before you were born. I've been playing it since the SNES. I ruled the Rainbow Road on the N64. I played Mario Brothers before they were Super. Your generation might have the most advanced game systems, but my generation *invented* video games. I was there when my mom brought home the Magnavox Pong system."

"At my house, right this very second, I have a PS3, A PS4, A PS5, A XBOX 360, and a Xbox one hooked up to my TV. I still halve my original Xbox and my PS2 in a box ready to go. You might think you know video games kid, but this is my universe, and I am God here!"

He just looks at me for a minute and then walks back in the living room and asks "dad, aren't you the same age as Mr MythDragon?  How come you're not good at games? "

/granted the kid might have been slightly more impressed with my final quote if he had seen The Lawnmower Man.
//his dad did come back with "because I had girl friends. That's why I'm married and Mr MythDragon is not" so points for him, I guess ( ._.)


"Oh, you think gaming is your ally. But you merely adopted the games; I was born in them, moulded by them. I didn't see an actual woman until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!"
 
2022-11-27 10:50:34 AM  

Grumpy Cat: Mangoose: My son was trying to give me pointers at a game and I was like "Stop. It's annoying" and he asked "Don't you want to get better?" to which I said "No, I want to have fun" and I think that confused him a little.

Whenever I play the fighting games, I just press all the buttons randomly and hope for the best. Sometimes I perform some crazy moves. I crack up the whole time.

/Yes. I'm easily amused.


I played Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo Championship Edition obsessively.

Some 20 years later, I'm at an event with a PS4 and the game of choice is Street Fighter.

Older teens playing.

I blurt out a couple of mistakes they made, by accident. They said "if you know what you're doing, go ahead and show us."

Well... some weird part of my brain brought everything back. The tactics, the controls, the moves... everything. I beat the tar out of them, and handed back the controller, and wordlessly walked away.

They thought I was just rubbing it in, but I simply couldn't believe what just happened and wanted to get away before the illusion broke.
 
2022-11-27 7:48:56 PM  
It's a real "Cat's in the cradle" situation.
 
2022-11-27 11:51:38 PM  

resident dystopian: Look, after beating the likes of Mega Man 1 and 2 (well you know, the Red Devil cheat) and the likes
of Super Ghouls and Ghosts or Strider, at my age I do not care to "get gud".

I don't have the time, patience, reflexes and the other "twitchiness" of youth required.

So a lot of things will go unfinished or never tried.

/TT:Wonderlands or Vampire Saviours for the daily dopamine rush right now.
//but I digress, the author of the article really sucks.


Yep. I don't have anything to prove to anyone any more and I certainly don't have to waste my time getting a long series of twitch mechanics right just to watch another cutscene.
 
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