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Fark NotNewsletter: The worst Thanksgiving side dishes
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2022-11-23 12:36:46 PM, edited 2022-11-23 12:41:55 PM (149 comments) | Permalink
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1242 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2022 at 7:57 PM (13 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



I won't shame anyone for liking what I don't like, especially when it comes to food. We don't get to decide what tastes good to us and what doesn't, after all, or we wouldn't be so fat. You like stir-fried cockroaches in an apple juice reduction glaze served over foraged kale jelly? Have at it, just please don't try to make me eat it and we're good. So opinions about Thanksgiving side dishes are definitely highly subjective. However, the worst Thanksgiving side dish is any dish made with sweet potatoes or yams with marshmallows on top. The DisseminationMonkey has spoken.

Drew's away doing family Thanksgiving stuff, so there won't be a Fark News Livestream this week. Send any complaints to elon@twitter

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Plane full of dogs makes emergency landing at third hole of Wisconsin golf course, avoids the ruff

Ötzi the Iceman probably thawed and refroze several times, so he's probably not safe to eat no matter how well you cook him

Scientists try to bolster Great Barrier against warmer temps but some are saying that's just reefer madness


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where I learned all kinds of ways of sneaking some turkey into a dish for my family's "non-traditional" Thanksgiving dinner. On the Quiz itself, Two Dogs Farking made 1024, but we're not counting him because he greenlit a number of these stories. TheMothership took top honors among non-staff members with 993, followed by Evildog in second with 953 and coscausticevil in third with 952. The Third Man made fourth with 952, and Glockenspiel Hero made it into the top 5 with 931.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the upcoming 2024 Olympic Games in Paris. Only 42% of quiztakers knew that the event organizers had decided the mascot would be... a hat. Not a French hat like a beret, but a red Phrygian cap such as worn by the leader in our generation's most well known allegory of socialism vs. capitalism, "The Smurfs." I mean, I guess it's better than the unidentifiable blobs used by Japan at the Tokyo Olympics, and it could have been worse, they could have gone with mimes. 

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about who to go to to get your Holy Ears edibles this holiday season, sure to make every forced family get-together somewhat more tolerable. 90% of quiztakers knew the ear-shaped candies were a joint promotion between Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson, who have shown that even the fiercest rivals can bury the hatchet in the name of weed. Or capitalism, it's open to interpretation. 

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about Wendy's new Frosty flavor for the holidays. Only 53% of quiztakers knew that if your Aunt Edna's apple cobbler she makes with the canned biscuits every year doesn't do it for you. you can hit up the drive-thru at your local Wendy's for a Peppermint Frosty. Which should be a perfect accompaniment to the peppermint schnapps you hid in your coat pocket in case the Holy Ears take too long to kick in. 

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which Canadian rocker celebrating his 77th birthday saw his first real success in an L.A. band called Buffalo Springfield. 95% of quiztakers recognized Neil Young as the artist. Incidentally, I have it on good authority that Neil's music goes pretty well with peppermint schnapps Frostys and Holy Ears. 

If you missed out last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday once we survive Thanksgiving.
· · ·

149 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-11-23 12:41:27 PM  
The burned edges around the stuffing when it's baked in a pan....
 
2022-11-23 12:43:47 PM  
Anything topped with mini marshmallows
 
2022-11-23 12:43:58 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-23 12:46:07 PM  
Sweet potatoes with marshmallows
 
2022-11-23 12:46:38 PM  

Supadope: [Fark user image image 425x242]


Found the Russian troll
 
2022-11-23 12:48:38 PM  
Green bean casserole.
 
2022-11-23 12:51:18 PM  
Inb4 green bean casserole.

I loved that as a kid. My brother and sister would both avoid it and I would happily eat their portions.

We had an expression in my family, handed down from my grandpa, that was pronounced "moshvika." I was told that it was some old-country expression that meant "more for me," but the language was unknown. I always assumed it was something Slavic. I did some digging once with my brother and now we're pretty sure that it was actually Portuguese: mais fica. In retrospect this makes sense, because my grandpa lived in Hawaii where there was a pretty substantial Portuguese population.

Anyway, for those who disdain green bean casserole: mais fica.
 
2022-11-23 12:51:42 PM  
Oyster brittle
 
2022-11-23 12:52:11 PM  

Qellaqan: Green bean casserole.


Super Chronic: Inb4 green bean casserole.


Dammit!

/my fault for working on a longer post and, like, editing and stuff
 
2022-11-23 12:53:27 PM  
It must be applesauce, because I'm the only one who ever eats it.

But I also must admit I haven't bothered to cook a vegetable since the last kid moved out.

/ veggies are the worst and so is stuffing/dressing
 
2022-11-23 12:56:01 PM  
subtly.meView Full Size

Alt text: "There are no side dishes"
 
2022-11-23 12:59:42 PM  
Lima beans and Brussel sprouts.
 
2022-11-23 1:01:17 PM  
Mama Stamberg's Cranberry Relish

Google at your own risk
 
2022-11-23 1:04:24 PM  
Strawberry pretzel salad
 
2022-11-23 1:05:13 PM  
I agree with the sweet potatoes with marshmallows being Satan's helper.  I never had it growing up, but it was a Thanksgiving staple for my in-laws.  I tried it.  Oh my god I think I got diabetes from one forkful.
 
2022-11-23 1:05:37 PM  
My ex mother in law, who was a WASP through and through (her words) used to make this gelatin dish called moldy salad. It was a 1960s technicolor monstrosity everyone loved. I tasted it and while it wasn't horrid, I definitely wouldn't choose to eat it.
 
2022-11-23 1:05:57 PM  
Okra
 
2022-11-23 1:08:06 PM  
In the event of a water landing, the mini-marshmallows from our dining cart can be used as flotation devices for our more petite passengers.
 
2022-11-23 1:08:12 PM  
I don't understand why people ruin sweet potatoes with anything.

They are perfect all on their own - maybe just a little butter.
 
2022-11-23 1:08:59 PM  

Supadope: [Fark user image 425x242]


Ah, cranberry mold from a can. Father told an amusing anecdote about a friend livid that his wife knew how much he loved cranberry sauce and then went and ruined it after she made it from scratch.

Young people: you may be having your first Thanksgiving with the family of someone close to you. Be polite, of course, but not so polite that you reach for nice things to say about foods you don't like. You just might be eating with that family for a lifetime, being repeatedly served that awful dish "because we know you like it so much."
 
2022-11-23 1:10:50 PM  

Pan Am: In the event of a water landing, the mini-marshmallows from our dining cart can be used as flotation devices for our more petite passengers.


You are one of the oddest parody/troll accounts I've ever seen.
 
2022-11-23 1:10:57 PM  
Ambrosia  or Jello Salad
 
2022-11-23 1:11:00 PM  
Olive loaf!  Until you PUKE.
 
2022-11-23 1:11:05 PM  
Lemon raisin haggis
 
2022-11-23 1:12:10 PM  

educated: I don't understand why people ruin sweet potatoes with anything.

They are perfect all on their own - maybe just a little butter.


Yup. Wrap in foil, roast until soft, cut open and shove in a pat of butter

Removing the foil before consumption is optional
 
2022-11-23 1:13:55 PM  
If you're happy and you know it, wine and cheese...
 
2022-11-23 1:14:43 PM  
I had the funniest post, and the smartest post, and the smartest post was also the 6th-funniest post?  I can only conclude:

1.  I spend too much time here.
2.  The quality of other posts is slipping.

But thank you for the recognition.
 
2022-11-23 1:15:47 PM  

pastramithemosterotic: educated: I don't understand why people ruin sweet potatoes with anything.

They are perfect all on their own - maybe just a little butter.

Yup. Wrap in foil, roast until soft, cut open and shove in a pat of butter

Removing the foil before consumption is optional


I like them diced and pan fried along with some onion, bell pepper, and southwest seasoning.
 
2022-11-23 1:17:26 PM  

Supadope: [Fark user image 425x242]


I make cranberry sauce with REAL cranberries every year, MUCH better than that abomination.
 
2022-11-23 1:19:45 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Can A.I. Generate the Perfect Thanksgiving? | Priya Krishna | NYT Cooking
Youtube yT8KoWpqUgg
 
2022-11-23 1:20:15 PM  
Oyster dressing
Steamed/boiled Brussels sprouts
Green bean casserole

I have unexpectedly started to eat and almost like roasted Brussels sprouts.

My wife makes fantastic green beans without the mushroom soup and onion crisps. Serve that.

Oysters, otoh, cannot be saved.
 
2022-11-23 1:20:59 PM  
The worst dish is anything with yams or sweet potatoes.  If I wanted to eat dirt I'll go outside and get it from the source.
 
2022-11-23 1:24:04 PM  
For around 40 years our best friend brought a sweet potato/pecan dish that was the best dish served at the feast. COVID interrupted Friend Thanksgiving but our son stepped in with an even better sweet potato dish.

Neither have marshmallow.
 
2022-11-23 1:24:52 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-23 1:25:48 PM  

Ragin' Asian: My ex mother in law, who was a WASP through and through (her words) used to make this gelatin dish called moldy salad. It was a 1960s technicolor monstrosity everyone loved. I tasted it and while it wasn't horrid, I definitely wouldn't choose to eat it.


My mom once made a "stained glass cake" which was a cold dessert. It was some sort of diary stuff like whipped cream and sour cream, with little pieces of jello of different colors embedded in it. It was horrible. She never made it again.
 
2022-11-23 1:28:04 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-23 1:29:50 PM  

bighairyguy: Oyster brittle


What Lovecraftian madness is this?
 
2022-11-23 1:31:16 PM  
Since the green bean thing has already been mentioned, I'll throw in my "worst side dish" besides that.

Stuffing with too much shiat added in it. Just let it be bread cubes, onion, and celery. Leave out all the extraneous things. Keep stuffing simple.
 
2022-11-23 1:31:57 PM  

MrHormel: [Fark user image image 425x356]


Username....
 
2022-11-23 1:32:22 PM  

Warthog: I had the funniest post, and the smartest post, and the smartest post was also the 6th-funniest post?  I can only conclude:

1.  I spend too much time here.
2.  The quality of other posts is slipping.

But thank you for the recognition.


I noticed that as well. Congrats! Enjoy your 15 minutes...
 
2022-11-23 1:34:27 PM  
I still got it, baby!
 
2022-11-23 1:35:23 PM  

Moose out front: Since the green bean thing has already been mentioned, I'll throw in my "worst side dish" besides that.

Stuffing with too much shiat added in it. Just let it be bread cubes, onion, and celery. Leave out all the extraneous things. Keep stuffing simple.


To wit:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-11-23 1:40:00 PM  
Anything cooked by my late grandmother. I loved her very much, and she was a caring and kind woman, BUT, she could not cook to save your life. One year the turkey was so overcooked the chest collapsed and the meat was so dry it floated up through the gravy without getting wet. And the store-bought pumpkin pie was burned on the edges and still frozen in the center. And you do not want to know what she did to pork chops and steaks. We're talking burnt offerings the likes not even the Old Testament God could stand.
 
2022-11-23 1:40:26 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Every year 🤢🤮
 
2022-11-23 1:40:48 PM  
 
2022-11-23 1:42:18 PM  
Love properly made whipped sweet potatoes, but dislike the yams/marshmallow thing.

Despise green bean casserole.
 
2022-11-23 1:42:31 PM  
Sweet potatoes with marshmallows.

For that matter, anything with marshmallows; e.g. this abomination: ambrosia

Anything with cream of mushroom soup.
 
2022-11-23 1:43:48 PM  
I eat everything
 
2022-11-23 1:52:55 PM  
Store bought pies, "Hey I got this 30 lbs pumpkin pie from Costco, its the best!". No it isn't and neither is that cardboard apple pie you took out of a box from your freezer you've been kicking around for 2 years.
 
2022-11-23 1:53:14 PM  

Pugdaddyk: [Fark user image 425x315]
Every year 🤢🤮


Larry Phipps science experiment

or

Joy Ticolot home ec class?
 
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