There is a tiny possibility there might be more to this story.

Like this canvasser was allegedly hired to thoroughly roger Rubio with the extra-large can of tough-actin' Tinactin every night at midnight whilst singing the refrain to "Masquerade" from Phantom of the Opera while a bobsled team of shaved Indonesian twinks wear Obama masks and aggressively fart into jars Rubio will carry with him on the campaign trail, stopping between speeches to inhale deeply and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Knowing these facts that the Rubio campaign has not disputed and which have been printed on the internet, sadly last week said canvasser lost his grip on the Tinactin can on a particularly vigorous downstroke, resulting in a trip to the same Republican doctor chained in the basement at Mar-a-Lago that installed Trump's gold-plated ostomy supplies. The procedure went poorly, so a rock-solid alibi was crafted, an alibi that could not be repeated in court.

It's almost *too* simple.