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(Slate)   Dear Slate: I'm way, way richer than my stupid loser friends. I've been keeping this a secret from them because they'd obviously hate me for my money, but they're about to find out because of all the renovations I'm doing to my house. Wat do?   (slate.com) divider line
89
    More: Facepalm, Family, Mother, younger sister, oldest son, Mother insult, situation ahead of time, modest people, go of the self-consciousness  
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3219 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Oct 2022 at 9:40 AM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



89 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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vudukungfu [TotalFark]
2022-10-14 9:30:40 AM  
Tell them the reno came from a trust, to be exhausted only for renovation, from a distant and dead uncle
 
oldernell [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 9:35:01 AM  
Move. They all think you're a jerk.
 
Ghost Roach [BareFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 9:45:04 AM  
Take a page from John Mulaney

"Can't tell you unless everyone gets real cool with a lot of bad shiat real quick"
 
no1curr [TotalFark]
2022-10-14 9:45:51 AM  
Tell them it's being funded from profits from your meth empire, but now you're out of the game so don't ask for no drug money
 
El_Dan
2022-10-14 9:45:58 AM  
Uh, don't brag to your friends about how expensive the renovation was, and they probably won't know?

/fights foo
 
WTFDYW [BareFark]
2022-10-14 9:47:05 AM  
I do not like that chick.
 
mufhugger
2022-10-14 9:47:37 AM  
"I have too much money and people hate me. If only I could do something with all my superfluous cash! Alas, I am burdened by this curse for the remainder of my days. This damnation shall even carry on to my offspring, who will also be forced to wallow in the lap of luxury and not experience the pleasures of hard work. If only I were poor. Life would be so much easier!"
 
Fano
2022-10-14 9:47:51 AM  
You can finally tell them. But remember, they will remember any time you didn't help them through financial trouble like this:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
EvilEgg [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 9:47:52 AM  
No one can really tell how much renovations cost you.  They can guess, but unless they start doing a detailed analysis, they'll just think oh that's nice.

I have friends who are much richer than I am.  I'm little jealous of them, but they're nice people and are just matter of fact about what they have, neither proud nor ashamed of it.
 
Fano
2022-10-14 9:49:03 AM  
Finish building your moat and hire the Black Knight to keep them at bay.
 
Somaticasual [TotalFark]
2022-10-14 9:50:01 AM  
I think the answer is obvious...
 
New Rising Sun
2022-10-14 9:50:45 AM  
Honestly, it's a perfectly plausible scenario, especially for 'Dear Slate' letters.  If this is actually real, I'd say the only thing gauche about it is choosing to write a letter to Slate asking for advice instead of just using common sense.  If someone asks you about your home reno, just lie and say "we've been saving up for a long time" or something vague that pretty much ends the matter and moves to a new topic. That's more or less the approach I've done when I found myself in such scenarios in the past.

Also, their friends are probably more aware of the financial disparity between them than these hypothetical people seem to realize.  They know you're remote tech workers, first of all.  Then on top of that, it's pretty apparent when you're not worried about money things like the rest of them; i.e. you are never bringing such things up in conversation yourself, when by comparison they're a normal part of life for the poors around you.  You don't notice because poor person money-problem things don't even occur to you, but at least some of your friends notice your indifference to common money problems.
 
ltdanman44 [BareFark]
2022-10-14 9:52:21 AM  
if they ask, tell them you had a refinance cash out.  in some cities, they offer cash assistance to fix up your house in the form of local tax breaks.
 
ifky
2022-10-14 9:53:26 AM  
Tell them it was magic.
 
Lochsteppe
2022-10-14 9:53:58 AM  
Keep the house the way it is and build a sex dungeon luxury sex bunker beneath it. They'll never know...unless they sign the waiver.
 
jack_o_the_hills
2022-10-14 9:55:07 AM  

Somaticasual: I think the answer is obvious...


Right, tell them you have been turning tricks down at the local truck stop during the day and are a mid priced  escort working out of the Motel 6 most evenings.
 
wildcardjack
2022-10-14 9:57:19 AM  
Just tell people it's money laundering for past crimes. They either won't want to get involved, or you can give them hilariously bad advice.
 
Petey4335
2022-10-14 9:57:42 AM  
This is part of life.  And it is ok.

Be humble.  Don't be a dick. Don't flaunt or brag.  Give generously, quietly, to those who need it in order to not call attention to yourself.

My wife's great aunt and uncle did this.  Alot.  They were childless.  Great uncle came back from WWII with PTSD.  He would wake up in the middle of the night in fight or flight mode.  Did some things he regretted.  Great aunt was a nurse in WWII.  She forgave him.  They gave up having kids when she couldn't and further reflection on his PTSD.  So they concentrated on family and community.   He helped other WWII vets get through some of the same issues. They are both no longer with us.  I miss them.
 
JustHereForThePics
2022-10-14 9:58:47 AM  
The letter writer way over estimates the amount of thought her friends are investing in thinking about her.
 
Martian_Astronomer [TotalFark]
2022-10-14 9:59:18 AM  
Just do what I do: Only do social events at their houses, grow out a beard, and dress like a hobo.
 
Gubbo [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 9:59:47 AM  
All my friends who much much richer than me have had the recent experience of expensive divorces.

They're still much richer than me, but they feel very poor after it.
 
Feel_the_velvet
2022-10-14 9:59:51 AM  
Show them your 3" penis.  That will take care of any issues
 
groppet
2022-10-14 10:00:54 AM  
My buddy is waaaaaay richer than me, he owns part of a mine he got from his father, he just sold his business and is living with me for a year or so so he can goof off. Right now he is redoing my floors and it isn't costing me a cent, he got the tile at a BIG discount and will probably be done this weekend so he can start on the lego Millenium Falcon he bought, the expensive one. Oh he is also paying me rent I feel guilty about it but he told me he is fine with it and gave me a list of things he noticed wrong with my home he is fixing. I think this is my payback for living with a raging alcoholic for years.
 
Thingster
2022-10-14 10:02:03 AM  

El_Dan: Uh, don't brag to your friends about how expensive the renovation was, and they probably won't know?


They'll know, if you're doing anything over rental grade cabinetry and backsplash iat's pretty obvious.

It does make people uncomfortable, my wife has some friends that have always struggled financially and one of them pretty much ghosted her after I redid our kitchen.

She saw the end product, went "Wow, this is really nice; I'll never be able to afford this."

That was 4 years ago, and I haven't seen or talked to her since and she used to come over every 2 weeks or so.
 
p51d007
2022-10-14 10:03:02 AM  
media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
MythDragon
2022-10-14 10:03:14 AM  
My friends all drive Hyundais, I must make amends

/I once barbecued alligator
 
pissnmoan
2022-10-14 10:03:24 AM  
If ever there was a clear case for front porch butt sex, this is it.
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-10-14 10:05:07 AM  
Claim you did it yourself. My parents did not make a lot of money and they did major renovations every five years or so. Did all the work themselves, so it was cheap. The last one involved replacing all the drywall in the house since it flooded and needed to be done.

Or... just don't talk about how much it costs.
 
Circusdog320 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 10:05:28 AM  
I've stepped in deeper puddles.
 
ctighe2353
2022-10-14 10:09:43 AM  

EvilEgg: No one can really tell how much renovations cost you.  They can guess, but unless they start doing a detailed analysis, they'll just think oh that's nice.

I have friends who are much richer than I am.  I'm little jealous of them, but they're nice people and are just matter of fact about what they have, neither proud nor ashamed of it.


Guessing how much someone paid for work is nearly impossible.
I have had 3 estimates for renovating my pool.  1st was $75k pool only no stone around it, 2nd was 42k with stone and the last was $14k pool no stone.
I called place 1 again just to make sure we were talking the same work and he said he really only works on $$$$$$  houses so he can charge 5x what others do.

Point is my friends will only see my yard redone and will think it's cool, many will ask the cost out of curiosity or because they are going to do some remodeling.  The answer can be anything from $200k from guy 1 with stone and fire running the length of the pool or 40k with me using my own stone guy.

/successfully boiled water without burning it
 
OccamsWhiskers
2022-10-14 10:19:07 AM  
We've got friends that span a pretty wide spectrum of wealth. We don't get into specifics, but no one tries to hide the available options we each have. Whether the problem is a wealthy person being a dick or others being envious, I think keeping a secret would be too exhausting and I'd prefer to just let the friendship blow up.
 
dmacaroon
2022-10-14 10:19:22 AM  
I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you. That's an appropriate response that says none of your business. It usually merits a laugh but truthfully what you make, how you spend and how much something costs is never a question you have to answer. Nor is it a question you should ever ask.

/still using Windows 98
 
snowjack [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 10:21:27 AM  
FTFA: "We're dual-income with no kids, work in IT and IT-adjacent fields" ... "As an example, when we re-did our roof a couple of years ago a very close friend of mine asked "How did you pay for that?"

external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
TwilightZone
2022-10-14 10:22:42 AM  

New Rising Sun: Honestly, it's a perfectly plausible scenario, especially for 'Dear Slate' letters.  If this is actually real, I'd say the only thing gauche about it is choosing to write a letter to Slate asking for advice instead of just using common sense.  If someone asks you about your home reno, just lie and say "we've been saving up for a long time" or something vague that pretty much ends the matter and moves to a new topic. That's more or less the approach I've done when I found myself in such scenarios in the past.

Also, their friends are probably more aware of the financial disparity between them than these hypothetical people seem to realize.  They know you're remote tech workers, first of all.  Then on top of that, it's pretty apparent when you're not worried about money things like the rest of them; i.e. you are never bringing such things up in conversation yourself, when by comparison they're a normal part of life for the poors around you.  You don't notice because poor person money-problem things don't even occur to you, but at least some of your friends notice your indifference to common money problems.


But writing to Slate was her only way to humblebrag about her reno!
 
tom baker's scarf
2022-10-14 10:23:34 AM  
step 1 - stop pretending your life is the primary focus of your friends' lives.
step 2 - anyone who freaks out because you renovated your house isn't worth having around anyway.
step 3 - see step one, multiple times/day.
 
tsjonesosu
2022-10-14 10:31:47 AM  
Grow up and act like an adult???
 
StrandedInAZ
2022-10-14 10:35:39 AM  
I have a lot more money than most of my friends. I'm retiring in May at 50 and finally leaving AZ for the coast. They know I'm comfortable, but I don't flaunt it. I'll pick up the tab for dinner or include them in my travels without asking for much from them. For example, we're all in Vegas to celebrate multiple birthdays in our group. I rented the house that we are staying at and drove up with some of my friends. The others made their own arrangements to get here. I didn't ask for any money for the house, and I filled it with groceries and alcohol, although most of them offered to chip-in.

The OP's friends all know and probably don't care. There may be some jealousy, but it goes both ways. I can't maintain long relationships because of reasons while most of them are pretty happily married. They know I'd like to meet my person, but financial independence can make one really picky and cautious about letting people into your life. I spent my 30s and 40s working my butt off, to the detriment of my relationships, while they spent there's being married and raising kids.

They don't hit me up for cash or otherwise take advantage of me. I don't pity them or brag about my situation. We enjoy each others' company, and that's what matters. Oh, and one of them grows amazing bud, so we totally take advantage of her!

TL/DR: You can be friends with people from differing financial situations, as long as none of you are a-holes.
 
ThighsofGlory
2022-10-14 10:35:43 AM  

tom baker's scarf: step 1 - stop pretending your life is the primary focus of your friends' lives.
step 2 - anyone who freaks out because you renovated your house isn't worth having around anyway.
step 3 - see step one, multiple times/day.


Exactly. Throw a big "look at my reno" party and invite all the friends. Be forthcoming and detailed about how much it all cost. Do it now, so you can remove contacts for everyone you haven't heard from a month later. In this economy, it only makes sense to thin out the holiday party guest list.

/nerts!
 
Bslim
2022-10-14 10:36:11 AM  
Of all the situations that don't exist, this one doesn't exist the most
 
Bslim
2022-10-14 10:37:30 AM  

StrandedInAZ: I have a lot more money than most of my friends. I'm retiring in May at 50 and finally leaving AZ for the coast. They know I'm comfortable, but I don't flaunt it. I'll pick up the tab for dinner or include them in my travels without asking for much from them. For example, we're all in Vegas to celebrate multiple birthdays in our group. I rented the house that we are staying at and drove up with some of my friends. The others made their own arrangements to get here. I didn't ask for any money for the house, and I filled it with groceries and alcohol, although most of them offered to chip-in.

The OP's friends all know and probably don't care. There may be some jealousy, but it goes both ways. I can't maintain long relationships because of reasons while most of them are pretty happily married. They know I'd like to meet my person, but financial independence can make one really picky and cautious about letting people into your life. I spent my 30s and 40s working my butt off, to the detriment of my relationships, while they spent there's being married and raising kids.

They don't hit me up for cash or otherwise take advantage of me. I don't pity them or brag about my situation. We enjoy each others' company, and that's what matters. Oh, and one of them grows amazing bud, so we totally take advantage of her!

TL/DR: You can be friends with people from differing financial situations, as long as none of you are a-holes.


And *that* is how you humble-brag, folks. Take notes
 
DecemberNitro
2022-10-14 10:37:31 AM  
Dear writer,

A) You don't exist.

2) Even if you did, f*ck your renovations.
 
ChrisDe
2022-10-14 10:37:53 AM  
"We took out a home-improvment loan." Done.
 
Begoggle
2022-10-14 10:39:33 AM  
Everyone should tell everyone how much their income is, and the reasons why.
The only ones who don't want you sharing this information are employers.
 
RoboZombie
2022-10-14 10:42:21 AM  
Here's my take: She and her husband are probably the worst when it comes to going out with their friends for dinner or drinks. When the check comes they probably really play up the "We buy second hand clothes and drive beaters" angle. And now their friends are going to find out!
 
Flowery Twats
2022-10-14 10:42:30 AM  
Plan on a 50% overage in both time and $. Try to avoid any change requests. Visit the project every day, and insure that things are being done the way you want.
 
DecemberNitro
2022-10-14 10:42:41 AM  

Bslim: Of all the situations that don't exist, this one doesn't exist the most


My favorite one that didn't exist the most was the hotwife who was banging a rich bodybuilding Persian poetry expert and who wanted said nonexistant man to move in with her and her husband and probably children too. I think the intern writing those fake letters was going down some weird porn rabbit holes that day.
 
Myk-House of El [BareFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 10:47:05 AM  
Well the letter in TFA makes it sound far less extreme of an income difference than Subby's headline.  Regardless, GTFOY, letter writer.  If tell your friends we saved and can afford it, that should be it.  If they change, they aren't good friends.
 
wetrat
2022-10-14 10:55:08 AM  
Countdown to the Zillow listing of this house appearing on Fark with the Weird tag.
 
FarkinNortherner
2022-10-14 10:55:26 AM  
Who the fark thinks of 'can afford to do some reno' as wildly rich? Also, everybody (at least in the Slate-reading classes) knows a DINKY couple in their 30s or 40s in IT/law/finance who are visibly better off than their college peers.
 
Rene ala Carte [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-14 10:58:50 AM  
Two possible solutions.

1. We won the lottery.

2. We wanted to do this renovation for a long time so we saved as much money as possible by being frugal.
 
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