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(Aint-It-Cool-News)   Attack of the Clones script review. Mostly spoiler free, no major details given away   ( aint-it-cool-news.com) divider line
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5798 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2002 at 3:24 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2002-02-28 03:27:42 PM  
Overkill on the font size?
2002-02-28 03:28:38 PM  
I heard Anakin gets a boner then he gets into a sword fight with Obi Wan Kenobi in Princess Amedalia's mouth.
Oops, I just gave away a cool part in the movie.
2002-02-28 03:29:45 PM  
PLease, tell me Jar jar is gone. I'm too lazy to look...
2002-02-28 03:31:27 PM  
And in the movies final battle, Lucas will again kill off the most popular character, (just as Darth Maul was) but still keep Jar Jar Dink in. In response to his idiocy , Star Wars fans send NY police armed with brooms to Lucas' house.
2002-02-28 03:36:27 PM  
FOR SALE: 2 Red hot firplace pokers. Suitable for jamming in eye sockets if forced to watch AOTC. Call Luke. 514.981.8171
2002-02-28 03:36:54 PM  
i like the tin man
2002-02-28 03:38:42 PM  
SLAYERSWINE: That *would* be cool, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I couldn't read that article. Sorry, but "mostly" spoiler-free isn't good enough for a die-hard like me. I read up to the part where he said he liked it, and I'm done. Let's hope the guy has good taste.
2002-02-28 03:38:46 PM  
Well movie is getting closer I guess I'm finally going to have to force myself to watch Episode 1.
2002-02-28 03:39:23 PM  
It says Jar Jar gets introduced in the Senate and everyone boos him. That should give a lot of people some smug satisfaction.
2002-02-28 03:40:13 PM  
Anyone see Luke Skywalker on Mad TV last night?

He is old and fat.
2002-02-28 03:40:59 PM  
Byort - my FAVOURITE line from A Christmas Story. Classic.
2002-02-28 03:43:08 PM  
The layout is so pants, I can't read the article.
2002-02-28 03:43:27 PM  
[image from room34.com too old to be available]
2002-02-28 03:44:14 PM  
My, my. Wordy, isn't he?
2002-02-28 03:46:21 PM  
Darth Maul Died in the first movie??? Obi wan is a total hottie. Tralier looks awesome. BTW this is my Boobies, does my login totally suck?
2002-02-28 03:50:50 PM  
Why can't those geeks just do the review and shutup about their worthless lives.
2002-02-28 03:52:42 PM  
eerr, thats not really what I typed....crap.
2002-02-28 03:54:02 PM  
Read the article yesterday. Essentially, he sez he liked the script, but he liked the first one, too. No big deal. If you're up for spoilers, there's very little in the second part that you haven't seen before from theforce.net or other sites. In short, it's a fan-boy ranting.

Not unlike this post, for that matter...
2002-02-28 03:55:28 PM  
Farkeater I couldn't agree more. They always have to throw in about 800 references to some obscure movie from the '40s. The reviews never start til about two-thirds of the way down.
2002-02-28 03:55:36 PM  
Farkedbar, you've just been introduced to the great Fark filter.
2002-02-28 03:55:38 PM  
Anakin kills a bunch of Tusken Raider who supposedly killed his mom and Jango Fett gets killed and Boba is a clone of him. OOps, did I just ruin the story?

Ultimate evil is a GoodThing(tm)
2002-02-28 03:58:36 PM  
JAR JAR has very little screen time, and few lines

oh yeah, The Matrix sucked
2002-02-28 03:58:46 PM  
I'm reserving my judgement of this film till I see it. Otherwise I'd be filling this post with words like "crap" and "George Lucas sucks monkey cock".

After LOTR, however, I'm not even remotely excited for Ep2.

Don't even get me started on Spider-Man (May 3rd) god damned farking organic webshooters
2002-02-28 04:13:17 PM  
Does Chewie make Jar jar his bithch in this episode or is that in episode 3?
2002-02-28 04:16:58 PM  
Star Wars Episode 2 Plot Summary
Based on the script written
George Lucas and Jonathan Hales

Like all Star Wars films, Episode 2 opens in space where we see Senator Padme's starship approaching Coruscant. Padme doesn't go by the name Amidala in Episode 2 and she is no longer Queen of Naboo. In a stunning attack, Padme's starship is destroyed. It appears that Padme is dead. Meanwhile, Palpatine sends three Jedi battle cruisers on a mission to Geonosis. Two of the cruisers are destroyed. The Jedi that arrive on Geonosis are attacked by a group of super battledroids. Many Jedi are lost in this attack, but Obi-Wan and Anakin manage to escape to safety . . . Chancellor Palpatine is told that Padme has been killed. Palpatine prepares to tell the Senate that Padme is dead. However, Padme shows up in the Senate and announces that she is still alive. Padme states that the galaxy has become a dangerous place. Palpatine uses this as an opportunity to justify his idea for a clone army. Bail Organa makes a brief appearance.
For some time now, Palpatine has been secretly laying the plans for the creation of a powerful clone army. Palpatine leads the Senate to believe that the clone army will be used for peaceful purposes to keep the galaxy at peace and to foster stability. However, Palpatine's top minions know the truth that Palpatine plans to use this clone army for evil.
A massive space battle takes place over the tranquil skies of the center of the Republic: Coruscant. This is by far the largest space battle ever seen in a Star Wars film. Hundreds and hundreds of warships and star fighters battle each other. The battle pits the nefarious forces of Count Dooku versus the noble warriors fighting for the Republic. Many starships and pilots are lost by both sides during the battle. At the end of this epic conflict, the Republic limps out with a slight victory or loss depending on how you analyze the battle.
Although the Nemoidians were prosecuted for their acts in Episode 1, they got off easily and are still around to do some damage in Episode 2. The stability of the galaxy is not only threatened by the Nemoidians, but also by the powerful Commerce Guild and the Intergalactic Bank Clan. It turns out that the Geonosians and the Kaminoans are having a rancorous conflict with the Commerce Guild and the Bank Clan. Senator Padme steps into the situation to try to find a peace between these factions. While working on this problem, Senator Padme learns that the vast majority of the Senate is corrupt. Padme also finds out about the plans for the clone army. Padme announces her discovery to the Senate. By trying to end corruption and other secret dealings in the Senate, Padme makes herself a threat to some of the most powerful individuals in the galaxy.
Palpatine will not sit idle while Padme seeks to undermine his master plan. He and Uv Gizen hire bounty hunter Zam Wesell to assassinate Padme. By killing Padme, Palpatine hopes to use this as further evidence that the galaxy is nearing chaos and that force must be used to restore order. Wesell's assassination attempt against Padme fails. Captain Typho acts as Padme's bodyguard.
Palpatine is enraged that Wesell was unable to eliminate Padme. However, Palpatine uses this assassination attempt to bolster his own position. Palpatine announces that such lawlessness within the very walls of the Senate will not be tolerated. He uses this incident as proof that the galaxy is beginning to spin out of contol. Palpatine argues that no one in the galaxy is safe if the Senators are now the targets for extermination. Palpatine begins to receive more and more support in the Senate. His popularity swells. He instructs Wesell to continue her attacks on Padme until she has succeeded in eliminating Padme.
Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padme and her handmaidens attend a popular nightclub located on Coruscant. The group wants to cut loose after all the distractions that have been going on. This nightclub is packed with hundreds of alien species just like the cantina from A New Hope and Jabba's Palace from Return of the Jedi. Action figures galore. A villain introduces himself to the group and finds a way to distract Obi-Wan and Anakin. It turns out that this villain is working with Zam Wesell. Blaster fire engulfs the nightclub. Wesell tries to kill Padme again, but fails. Wesell flees the night club.
Obi-Wan and Anakin pursue Zam Wesell in their ultra-cool ground vehicles. One of the most exciting chase sequences occurs through the night time streets of the eeringly beautiful Coruscant. This chase goes on for quite some time and proves that George Lucas is the master of action sequences. According to the script, this scene appears to be a million times more exciting than either the speeder bike sequence from Return of the Jedi or the pod race from The Phantom Menace.
This unnerving chase comes to an end at an eating place known as Dexter's Diner owned by local goofball, Dexter Jetster. Temporarily, Obi-Wan and Anakin lose sight of Wesell. They use a Jedi mind trick to learn Wesell has hidden in the club. After they enter the diner, a local says something to Anakin and Anakin turns on his light sabre. Obi-Wan scolds Anakin for his tactics that are unbecoming of a Jedi. The Jedi attempt to find out from Wesell who has hired her to kill Padme. Before Wesell can reveal her secrets, she is killed by the nefarious Jango Fett with a Kyber Dart. Jango flees the scene.
Anakin returns to Padme and takes her to safety. At the same time, Obi-Wan chases after Jango Fett in the rain. Obi-Wan finds Jango on a landing dock while it rains furiously. An intense battle sequence ensues between Jango and Obi-Wan. This fight is breathtaking for both its scope and complexity. We see intricate moves that have never been attempted before on film. In the background, we see Jango's starship, the infamous Slave I. From inside Slave I, a 12-year-old Boba Fett, son of Jango, watches the fight. Boba Fett helps out his father by firing the Slave I's blasters at Obi-Wan.
After much intense fighting, Jango manages to escape aboard Slave I. However, all is not lost for Obi-Wan because he manages to secure a tracking device to Slave I before Jango can slip a way. This tracker will be used to learn that Jango is headed for Geonosis. Geonosis is home to Count Dooku, who is running Palpatine's clandestine cloning operation. Jango's genetic material is being used as the blueprint for the clone army.
Obi-Wan finds his way to where Anakin and Padme are hiding out. Padme relates to the two Jedi all she knows about the evil plans that are going on in secret in the Senate with the clone army. She tells them all she knows about the creation of a clone army. Obi-Wan and Anakin tell the Jedi Council about the nefarious plans that are going on in the Senate. They patiently wait to learn what the Council is going to do. While waiting for the Council's decision, Obi-Wan meets with Master Yaddle in the Jedi Archives. Obi-Wan learns about how great a Jedi that Count Dooku use to be. We learn that the Jedi Order faces many problems including the fact that some Jedi are leaving the Order to embrace the lure of the dark side of the Force.
The Jedi Council orders Anakin to guard Padme and to take her to the safety of Naboo. This is good and bad. It's good that we get to see Naboo again, but it's bad because this gives Lucas a means to insert Jar Jar Binks into the film . . . In one scene, Yaddle, Madame Jocastanu and Obi-Wan have a conversation about the rogue Jedi known now as Count Dooku. They also discuss the Sith Lords. Dooku is known as one of the Jedi who disappeared under strange circumstances. The Council orders Obi-Wan to learn all that he can about the rumored clone army. Obi-Wan visits the planet Kamino where the cloning of a massive army is underway. Obi-Wan sends a report to Mace Windu vis a vis a hologram.
The Council decides to send a Jedi army to confront the villains on Poggle the Lesser's planet of Geonosis. Dooku and Jango now are on their way to meet with Poggle. Poggle is in charge of manufacturing battle droids, super battle droids and destroyer droids for Palpatine's army and anyone else who has enough credits to purchase them. While on their way to Poggle's planet, Dooku updates Darth Sidious on what has transpired.
On Naboo, Anakin and Padme meet with the new Queen of Naboo named Jamillia. Jar Jar makes a brief appearance. Anakin begins to spend a great deal of time with the lovely Padme. Padme introduces Anakin to her family. While spending time together, Anakin and Padme begin to form a deep bond. To remain in obscurity, Anakin and Padme stay at a secret location owned by Padme's family. A disturbing vision comes to Anakin. He foresees that his mother is in danger. To leave Naboo, Anakin and Padme travel on an aquatic craft. They are attacked, but manage to escape to a docking bay and head for Tatooine.
On Tatooine, Anakin is unable to find his mother. On Tatooine, while searching for Shmi, a local approaches Padme and bothers her, but Anakin runs the individual away. Anakin searches for Watto in hopes that Watto will know what happened to his mother. Anakin manages to find Watto. Surprisingly, Anakin learns that Watto is broke because of his heavy gambling habit. Watto now hangs around Jabba the Hutt's Palace. Watto tells Anakin that his mother is no longer a slave and that she is married to a man named Cliegg Lars, who has a son by the name of Owen.
Anakin and Padme arrive at Cliegg Lars' home. They meet Owen Lars and his girlfriend, Beru Whitesun. Anakin learns that Shmi is not at home instead she is out in the desert. Anakin fears the worst and leaves Padme with the Lars so that he can search for his mother in the desert. Anakin rides off into the desert on a swoop bike. Jawas provide Anakin with some needed directions to find his mother. While Anakin is gone, C-3PO is completed with some spare parts.
Anakin finds that his mom has been attacked by Tusken Raiders. The sandpeople flee upon Anakin's arrival. The sandpeople have badly injured Shmi and she dies in Anakin's arms. Anakin is totally devastated by the loss of his mother. If only he had remained on Tatooine with his mother instead of leaving with Qui-Gon, then his mother never would have died. He could have protected her from the danger. The most powerful Force user, that the galaxy has ever known, stands helpless over his mother's corpse.
Anakin is too depressed to return to the Lars abode. Instead, he spends the night in the desert meditating over his mother's death. Ultimately, Anakin concludes that the Jedi are to blame for his mother's death because they are the ones who seperated him from his mother. His hatred and disgust for the Jedi begins to grow in his heart. For a while, Anakin taps into the dark side as the pureness of his rage boils through his powerful midichlorian-packed bloodstream. Anakin seeks revenge against the Tusken Raiders and it's not pretty for them. We see the devastating power that Anakin possesses when he taps into the dark side.
Things get even worse for Anakin. He returns to the Lars home to find it completely razed. Jango Fett and Aurra Sing have attacked the Lars' home and kidnapped Padme. Sidious plans to use Padme's capture to lure Anakin to Poggle's homeworld. Anakin promises himself that he will never again return to Tatooine.
Finally, Obi-Wan makes it to Geonosis. Anakin also arrives on Geonosis to rescue Padme . . . A while later, the Jedi army finally arrives on Geonosis and heads for a gladiator-type arena where the villains can be found. Dooku, Poggle and Nute Gunray watch secretly from above as the Jedi stream into the arena. The villains unleash their droid army on the Jedi. A dinosaur-like creature called the Reek also enters the battle. The battle rages furiously between the Jedi and machines. Jango Fett enters the arena to take out as many Jedi as he can. Jango and Mace Windu go head-to-head in a bone-crushing mega-duel.
The droid army is largely destroyed by the powerful Jedi army. However, many, many Jedi lose their lives in the skirmish. During the fighting, Windu slashes at Jango's head and manages to decapitate Jango. Jango is no more. Boba Fett witnesses Jango's death and swears to avenge his father's death. Padme is rescued from the villains.
As always, a Star Wars movie features at least one duel between the Jedi Knights and the Sith Lords. Near the end of the film, Anakin and Obi-Wan confront Darth Tyranus, who turns out to be Count Dooku. The fighting is extremely intense and it looks as though Tyranus will win the battle when he causes an extremely heavy object to fall on Obi-Wan and Anakin. Out of nowhere, Yoda arrives and uses the Force to push Tyranus from the platform where the battle is taking place. Yoda raises the heavy object off of Obi-Wan and Anakin. Tyranus has no other choice, but to flee. Tyranus then heads to Coruscant to meet with Sidious.
Realizing that they are madly in love, Anakin and Padme decide to marry and head for Naboo.
Back on Coruscant, the Jedi Council meets to discuss what has transpired. Only Yoda, Mace Windu, Plo Koon and Ki-Adi-Mundi from the Council survive Episode 2. The rest of the Council members are killed during the fighting that takes place.
The film then cuts to Anakin and Padme's wedding ceremony on Naboo.
The film comes to an end as we watch Palpatine, Bail Organa, Jar Jar and others watch thousands of Republic clones being loaded on starships to fight in what will become the Clone Wars.
2002-02-28 04:17:39 PM  
I've had that spoiler since april 2000
2002-02-28 04:23:33 PM  
star wars is oh so overated now... those prequels are dumb...
2002-02-28 04:23:46 PM  


don't mind me, just importing some AICN memes.
Free trade and all that, y'know.
2002-02-28 04:23:50 PM  
So if the summary by Omegacerberus is correct, Attack of the Clones has a running time of about nine hours?


Yea, verily, who cares about Star Wars less than I? Not a soul.
2002-02-28 04:24:09 PM  
The best way to kill Jar Jar off would be to have someone hand him a lightsaber. Jar Jar then turns it on, waves it around, trips on something, and falls on the lightsaber. Then everyone starts kicking the body.
2002-02-28 04:26:21 PM  
Quit your biatching and get in line.
2002-02-28 04:30:07 PM  
Here's what will happen:

This movie will be very successful despite the fact the there is nothing interesting about the characters, or plot.

Also there is no real story-line to begin with. It looks like a bunch of contrived chases to put our "heroes" into video-game type situations, (like that stupid pod race).
No doubt, legions of XBOX coders at Micro$oft are already beta testing the AOTC video game release as we speak (28 Feb 2002).
2002-02-28 04:30:13 PM  
Star Wars always was over rated. Good series, but not great. I too am a bit more anxious for The Two Towers than Episode 2...
2002-02-28 04:32:46 PM  
Farkedbar, I see your new around here. Welcome to Fark.
2002-02-28 04:40:34 PM  
It Stinks!!
[image from templelooters.com too old to be available]
2002-02-28 04:51:13 PM  
PLease, tell me Jar jar is gone. I'm too lazy to look...

Nope. Jar-Jar is alive and well. As a matter of fact, I think he's going to be a Jedi by Ep III. I'm not kidding.

And did you check the feggit haircut on Anakin?

Midochlorians? Jar-Jar? Jedis see through time?
Lusas is insane. This will suck. Someone who appreciates what Star Wars was please put a bullet in this guy.

ZombieZero, perfect.
2002-02-28 04:55:50 PM  
Midochlorians? Jar-Jar? Jedis see through time?
Lusas is insane. This will suck.

Thank you for proving you know absolutely nothing about Star Wars.
2002-02-28 04:58:30 PM  
Really? How is that? Please, educate me.
2002-02-28 05:07:37 PM  
I hope NSync stays in, just so I can watch them DIE
2002-02-28 05:08:49 PM  
AICN is for loser geeks, and Moriarty/Drew McWeenie is one of the biggest out there.
2002-02-28 05:20:59 PM  
Midocholians are the ssubstance that gives Jedi their powr or something. That was a sidetrack by the author of this article, and probably won't be mentioned in the actual movie.

Jedis also see through time. Even Skywalker did this in Empire Strikes Back, I believe was the movie.

Jar-Jar? Well, that's debateable.
2002-02-28 05:21:34 PM  
Maybe I sohuld just pound on the keyboard with my fists. I'd type better.
2002-02-28 05:38:49 PM  
Quick1- Midocholians didn't appear until Episode I. Go back and watch Star Wars. Obi Wan Explains the Force a Lot different then the what get's spewed out in EP I.

But as people say. It's his movie and let him do what he wants.. Which is fine by me.. I have no interest in seeing it anymore after EPI
2002-02-28 05:43:34 PM  
Actually, I'm pretty sure they appeared in book form long before Ep. I. I've read a few of them.
2002-02-28 05:46:35 PM  
No plot? Who cares? I saw A New Hope in the theater when I was 7 (so ya'll can guess my age), and I was too busy enjoying the aliens and spaceships to even notice such trifles as plot and character development. If I want story, I'll read a book. I go to the movies to watch stuff blow up.
2002-02-28 05:58:38 PM  
Attack Of The (lardass?) Clones?
2002-02-28 06:17:19 PM  
I think alot of the negative comments are comming from people who feel burned by episode 1.

Too bad none of you can create something like star wars, but you type like you could do better. How can you point out flaws and then offer no soluiton?

Now put yourself in the team that created these movies shoes. 20 years ago, you created a huge and successful franchise starting in the middle of the story. As a follow up, you decide that you need to start at the begining. Not an easy task, and I feel they did a great job. Having to balance fan expectation and your own vision is something that I think Lucas manages to do well. While episode 1 might not stand as great on its own, it is a positive contribution to the series as a whole.

Episode 2 sounds like it will be a more exciting movie and I am looking forward to that.

If you are going to have generally negative opinions on someones work, at least base it on something besides your own resentment and misconceptions.
2002-02-28 06:24:46 PM  
Did anyone actually read the review? You're all talking like it's going to be exactly like EP1.
2002-02-28 06:29:45 PM  

You know that axehandle? Pull it out of your butt.

Just because no one is Lucas, does not mean that we are unable to despise a horrible waste of film called "Phantom Menace".

I don't have to be a trained chef to rightly judge a dinner made of dog feces and strained cat litter, even if the goofball that made it was himself a famous chef. If it is crap, it is simply crap.
2002-02-28 06:41:41 PM  
I liked Episode I (ducks behind cover)

No...really, I did! Take the kid out of it and even Jar-Jar is okay! What's sad is on the DVD they show the auditions for the part of Anakin and there was one kid who was hands down ten times better than ol' chubby cheeks. Why they went with a kid who can barely say his lines is beyond me.

I'm not even gonna get on here and pretend that I won't go see Episode II. Shoot...we've got that, Harry Potter II, and of course The Two Towers! My god it's GREAT to be a sci-fi/fantasy geek in these times!!! Plus the Matrix II is coming at some point.
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