Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Drum)   Chess Grandmaster Hans Niemann undergoes medical scan after accusation he used anal beads to cheat during a chess match. No, submitter did not have a stroke while writing his headline (NSFW)   (thedrum.com) divider line
108
    More: Giggity, Anal beads, Sex toys, Chess, Sex toy, Butt plug, Dildo, Norway, Human sexuality  
•       •       •

3290 clicks; posted to Main » and STEM » on 10 Oct 2022 at 10:35 AM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



108 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
ArcadianRefugee
2022-10-10 10:38:02 AM  
a strange rumor spread when a Reddit post

And that's all you need to know.
 
jso2897
2022-10-10 10:39:27 AM  
Okay.
 
SwingDancer
2022-10-10 10:39:33 AM  
How would this be against the rules?
 
thehighesttree
2022-10-10 10:43:20 AM  
"Jurnalisim"
 
SNAFUq
2022-10-10 10:43:28 AM  

SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?


Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?
 
rnatalie [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-10 10:45:24 AM  
thumbnails.hulu.comView Full Size
 
Mega Steve
2022-10-10 10:45:29 AM  
I'm trying to picture some scheme involving a remote-control vibrating butt plug, his cheat team that analyzes (teehee) each move, and an intricate vibration code. This is about the only way I can think of you could cheat at chess with a sex toy, but it still sounds dumber than Hell
 
WhackingDay
2022-10-10 10:49:34 AM  
I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?
 
Felgraf
2022-10-10 10:50:31 AM  

SNAFUq: SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?

Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?


It to communicate with someone whose using a chess solver to give you the optimal move.

(That is, in theory, how the communication could be cheating)
 
soopey [OhFark]
2022-10-10 10:50:31 AM  

Mega Steve: I'm trying to picture some scheme involving a remote-control vibrating butt plug, his cheat team that analyzes (teehee) each move, and an intricate vibration code. This is about the only way I can think of you could cheat at chess with a sex toy, but it still sounds dumber than Hell


Someone already made an open source code project to help you.

https://github.com/RonSijm/ButtFish
 
MelGoesOnTour
2022-10-10 10:50:51 AM  
Since when are anal beads remotely operated?
 
Felgraf
2022-10-10 10:51:24 AM  

WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?


No, but chess is more or less "solved" computationally: so you could ha e someone on the other end using a chess program to feed you optimal moves.
 
wademh
2022-10-10 10:52:16 AM  

WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?


computer
 
HotWingConspiracy
2022-10-10 10:53:07 AM  

Felgraf: SNAFUq: SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?

Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?

It to communicate with someone whose using a chess solver to give you the optimal move.

(That is, in theory, how the communication could be cheating)


And in this case there was a delay on the broadcast. So if someone was helping him they had to be inside the venue with access to the board. He's either not cheating or should be celebrated as the most clever cheater ever.
 
HotWingConspiracy
2022-10-10 10:53:44 AM  

MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?


For a long time now, phone apps and everything.
 
Russ1642
2022-10-10 10:54:26 AM  
They're pretty damn sure he's been cheating. They're just trying to figure out how.
 
Dr.Fey [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-10 10:57:07 AM  
Headline has little to do with TFA.
 
macadamnut
2022-10-10 10:57:09 AM  
This is all a conspiracy to glamourize chess.  Queen's Gambit out front shoulda told ya.
 
Vespers
2022-10-10 10:57:10 AM  

MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?


Oh, my sweet summer child...
 
lilbjorn
2022-10-10 10:58:42 AM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size

What???  Anal bread?
 
Bread314
2022-10-10 10:58:44 AM  
He's a chess grandmaster and can think several moves ahead.  I'm pretty sure he's figured out "remove anal beads before letting them look in your butt for anal beads".
 
Russ1642
2022-10-10 11:02:15 AM  
Welcome to the chess tournament:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
rnatalie [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-10-10 11:02:23 AM  

WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?


Computer program is what is thought to be used.  This is how he cheated in the past (though he claims only during online games).
 
hobnail
2022-10-10 11:03:27 AM  
I thought butt stuff didn't count as cheating.
 
alechemist [TotalFark]
2022-10-10 11:06:43 AM  
Hopefully they get to the bottom of this.
 
Blenheim
2022-10-10 11:08:26 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: Felgraf: SNAFUq: SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?

Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?

It to communicate with someone whose using a chess solver to give you the optimal move.

(That is, in theory, how the communication could be cheating)

And in this case there was a delay on the broadcast. So if someone was helping him they had to be inside the venue with access to the board. He's either not cheating or should be celebrated as the most clever cheater ever.


Wasn't the 15 min broadcast delay added AFTER the match in question?  I thought so but now cannot prove it.

If you read enough analysis on Han's performance scores vs historically uber grandmasters, it is convincing in and of itself that he is cheating, just in the craziest most clever way ever somehow as suggested.
 
berylman [TotalFark]
2022-10-10 11:09:03 AM  
IBM named their chess supercomputer program Deep Blue for a reason
 
Jack Sabbath
2022-10-10 11:09:09 AM  
Hey subby, is it okay if I had a stroke while reading the headline?

The words "Niemann anal beads and chess" are my fetish.
 
hardinparamedic [OhFark]
2022-10-10 11:09:12 AM  
Life is farking weird
 
SusanY
2022-10-10 11:10:41 AM  
There's a movie "Red Lights" in which Robert de Niro plays a fake psychic, and Sigourney Weaver the psychologist out to debunk him by figuring out how he's cheating.

I am now hoping for a remake where de Niro has a remote controlled butt plug :-)

P.s. yeah, they really exist. Surely, farkers cannot be so innocent they don't know this.
 
Iworkformsn
2022-10-10 11:17:11 AM  

MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?


Since smart phone apps.
 
HotWingConspiracy
2022-10-10 11:21:31 AM  

Blenheim: HotWingConspiracy: Felgraf: SNAFUq: SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?

Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?

It to communicate with someone whose using a chess solver to give you the optimal move.

(That is, in theory, how the communication could be cheating)

And in this case there was a delay on the broadcast. So if someone was helping him they had to be inside the venue with access to the board. He's either not cheating or should be celebrated as the most clever cheater ever.

Wasn't the 15 min broadcast delay added AFTER the match in question?  I thought so but now cannot prove it.

If you read enough analysis on Han's performance scores vs historically uber grandmasters, it is convincing in and of itself that he is cheating, just in the craziest most clever way ever somehow as suggested.


I certainly have no ability to analyze something like that, but this guy does and he says his model doesn't show Niemann cheating.

But maybe his buttplug is calibrated to fool even bell curves.
 
PvtStash
2022-10-10 11:27:44 AM  
the real story is:

rando internet yammer head personally imagined that somehow a message could be transmitted via wireless vibrating anal beads.

That is as far as the idea went, no one preformed any "proof of concept" demonstrations that i am aware of, literally just "i imagine you could somehow" is all we ever had on this front. From some webby mouth yammer yammer.

And now doofus here is actually responding to that.

i mean duh this dingle doof already did cheat and admitted it, why anyone would pull out a chair ever again at their table for the fool is beyond me.A cheater is a cheater, did you believe them when they told you they see some games as ok to cheat at but not others? And sense we know they already cheat at "ruels" how did you imagine that was not like any other "rule" they can choose to cheat whenever they feel like it?kids are kids, but at some point in time as an adult, no second chances.Got way too many 1st chances WE MUST give out first, not likely to get back round to 2nd chance for anyoneas long as the 1st chances line is so long.
 
debug
2022-10-10 11:28:10 AM  

Felgraf: SNAFUq: SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?

Something about signaling the move the opponent is making? Are they not sitting across from each other?

It to communicate with someone whose using a chess solver to give you the optimal move.

(That is, in theory, how the communication could be cheating)


But wouldn't that person have to be in the same room where the match is taking place?  They don't broadcast these matches live.  They are on a delay.  I feel like someone would notice.
 
MrSplifferton
2022-10-10 11:28:52 AM  
When I first heard about this I thought it was completely ludicrous and nobody would take it seriously.  But then I remembered I was in America, land of stupidity.
 
Ketchuponsteak
2022-10-10 11:29:17 AM  

SwingDancer: How would this be against the rules?


Its not. It's not encouraged either.

In general I think FIDE is neutral on sex toys during chess tournaments.
 
WhackingDay
2022-10-10 11:31:15 AM  

rnatalie: WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?

Computer program is what is thought to be used.  This is how he cheated in the past (though he claims only during online games).


Even so, must be some interesting coding there. I'm trying to imagine the system he's using that is sending him some kind of vibration and how that correlates to a chess move.
 
MrSplifferton
2022-10-10 11:33:38 AM  

WhackingDay: rnatalie: WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?

Computer program is what is thought to be used.  This is how he cheated in the past (though he claims only during online games).

Even so, must be some interesting coding there. I'm trying to imagine the system he's using that is sending him some kind of vibration and how that correlates to a chess move.


Morse Code
bzz...bzz...bzzzzzzzzzzzz...bzz
 
Rage Against the Thorazine [TotalFark]
2022-10-10 11:35:23 AM  

WhackingDay: I just can't figure out how this could be used to cheat. Does he have some other chess grandmaster sending him codes through his butt?


Kind of? That's essentially the accusation. Someone else was watching the match and using some chess software like Stockfish to figure out the moves then relaying that info to him which isn't outside the realm of possibility. I'm not saying he did it but it is technically feasible.

https://buttplug.io/
 
fustanella
2022-10-10 11:50:14 AM  

MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?


I see you're behind on your teledildonics.

heh heh, behind
 
Nick Nostril
2022-10-10 11:53:57 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
boog
2022-10-10 11:59:17 AM  
I read during earlier coverage that people have used devices in their shoes before, and now apparently all players have to do the whole airport-shoes-and-patdown thing. They do have pretty solid evidence he was cheating online though.
 
Spartapuss
2022-10-10 12:02:20 PM  
Does this mean all tournaments going forward will require a cavity search?
 
drxym
2022-10-10 12:04:33 PM  
An accusation of using anal beads is not a thread you want to pull on.
 
Baloo Uriza
2022-10-10 12:10:11 PM  

Mega Steve: I'm trying to picture some scheme involving a remote-control vibrating butt plug, his cheat team that analyzes (teehee) each move, and an intricate vibration code. This is about the only way I can think of you could cheat at chess with a sex toy, but it still sounds dumber than Hell


Also like the setup to some kinky chastity-based orientation play porno.
 
Baloo Uriza
2022-10-10 12:10:58 PM  

MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?


Teledildonics is A Thing.  The future is now, old man!
 
Rage Against the Thorazine [TotalFark]
2022-10-10 12:12:41 PM  

fustanella: MelGoesOnTour: Since when are anal beads remotely operated?

I see you're behind on your teledildonics.



Why do they call it 'teledildonics'? Where they using dial-up on those things when it first came out?
 
Baloo Uriza
2022-10-10 12:15:43 PM  

hardinparamedic: Life is farking weird


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Katwang
2022-10-10 12:16:53 PM  
I am now suddenly interested in chess.
 
BumpInTheNight [OhFark]
2022-10-10 12:22:24 PM  

drxym: An accusation of using anal beads is not a thread you want to pull on.


I for one am enjoying this thread, I'm reloading it slowly to enjoy each post as they appear from the bottom.
 
Displayed 50 of 108 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments
This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

If you like these links, you'll love

TotalFark

The next best thing to UltraFark

learn more | sign up
On Twitter

  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.