Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Nobody will ever find out that I, the captain of this cargo ship sailing across the Atlantic, invited two young cadets from the merchant marine academy to my room, gave them spiked drinks, and then raped them. This is a brilliant idea   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, United States Coast Guard, Rape, United States Merchant Marine, Sexual intercourse, Police, Human sexual behavior, Sexual assault, Captain John Merrone's conduct  
•       •       •

3723 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Oct 2022 at 1:50 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



42 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-10-07 10:41:50 AM  
"Yes, I shall rape two cadets of the organization dedicated to my very livlihood and trade, while they are guests upon my vessel. THIS is a plan that cannot possibly fail!"

We really need a possibility to invoke a death sentence for crimes of stupidity. Just to protect the gene pool from further contamination.
 
2022-10-07 1:51:29 PM  
I mean, what are they gonna do? It's the middle of the ocean, nowhere to run, they won't say no because of the implication
 
2022-10-07 1:51:35 PM  
Rum: Check
Sodomy: Check
The Lash: TBD
 
2022-10-07 1:51:43 PM  
didn't RTFA...is this an excerpt from L Ron Hubbards diary?
 
2022-10-07 1:51:45 PM  
That dude should have his balls cut off.
 
2022-10-07 1:51:59 PM  
Just making sure they got the traditional cabin boy experience
 
2022-10-07 1:53:10 PM  
Keel haul, walk the plank, drink the water on the USS Carl Vinson
 
2022-10-07 1:53:46 PM  
Bill Cosby has a boat now?
 
2022-10-07 1:56:56 PM  
dude was floating in a giant body disposal and he kept his victims alive?
he's a captain with that sort of problem solving skills?
 
2022-10-07 1:57:49 PM  
Looks like he did get away with it.
 
2022-10-07 1:58:11 PM  
You shouldn't judge a book by the cover but...

Fark user imageView Full Size


That dude looks the part.
 
2022-10-07 1:58:35 PM  
Styx - Come Sail Away (Official Video)
Youtube e5MAg_yWsq8
 
2022-10-07 2:00:53 PM  

HempHead: Looks like he did get away with it.


At least once. And he can still sail today, if he wanted to.
 
2022-10-07 2:01:16 PM  
Captain Cosby?
 
2022-10-07 2:01:36 PM  
And nothing has happened. He has his credentials. The criminal.case is closed. There has only been.some cosmetic PR fluff about how we all have to work together to make the process safer for everyone.
 
2022-10-07 2:01:45 PM  

Subtonic: Rum: Check
Sodomy: Check
The Lash: TBD


Technically we don't know the gender of the victims.  I mean, there could still be sodomy regardless, but there might not have been sodomy.
 
2022-10-07 2:03:57 PM  
I hope they remember to use the fringed flag at his trial, so they can apply admiralty law.
 
2022-10-07 2:06:06 PM  
Keel haul him. For those not familiar, you stop the vessel in the water, and run a rope under the ship from rail to rail. You tie one end of the rope to him, then pull the rope from the other side, hauling him under the water past the keel, until he reemerges from the other side.
If he lives, he's forgiven.
/They don't live.
 
2022-10-07 2:08:42 PM  
There's a semen joke here, I can smell it
 
2022-10-07 2:23:11 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

IndyJohn: Just making sure they got the traditional cabin boy experience

 
2022-10-07 2:23:32 PM  

Private_Citizen: Keel haul him. For those not familiar, you stop the vessel in the water, and run a rope under the ship from rail to rail. You tie one end of the rope to him, then pull the rope from the other side, hauling him under the water past the keel, until he reemerges from the other side.
If he lives, he's forgiven.
/They don't live.


Don't forget the barnacles...is the best part.
 
2022-10-07 2:28:46 PM  
"Sherby, does the (Coast Guard) still hang people from yardarms"?
 
2022-10-07 2:30:32 PM  

Private_Citizen: Keel haul him. For those not familiar, you stop the vessel in the water, and run a rope under the ship from rail to rail. You tie one end of the rope to him, then pull the rope from the other side, hauling him under the water past the keel, until he reemerges from the other side.
If he lives, he's forgiven.
/They don't live.


That makes way more sense. I always thought they threw him over the stern then pulled to the bow without stopping the ship.
 
2022-10-07 2:33:19 PM  
He was only looking for some fargin iceholes.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-07 2:44:47 PM  
He probably thought it would succeed because of all the times that he has sexually assaulted young women on his boats in the past, and by the fact he's seen other men get away with the same thing over and over again while out at sea.
 
2022-10-07 2:47:12 PM  

winedrinkingman: Subtonic: Rum: Check
Sodomy: Check
The Lash: TBD

Technically we don't know the gender of the victims.  I mean, there could still be sodomy regardless, but there might not have been sodomy.


You said "sodomy" twice.
 
2022-10-07 2:47:45 PM  
Buggery on the 'igh seas.
 
2022-10-07 2:49:01 PM  

lilbjorn: Buggery on the 'igh seas.


Our local rock station used to do that bit.
 
2022-10-07 2:49:20 PM  

Subtonic: Rum: Check
Sodomy: Check
The Lash: TBD


Go on ...
 
2022-10-07 2:52:54 PM  

Weaver95: That dude should have his balls cut off.


With a rush razor

Early in the morning
 
2022-10-07 3:03:02 PM  

SumoJeb: dude was floating in a giant body disposal and he kept his victims alive?
he's a captain with that sort of problem solving skills?


I'm thinking more along the lines of the girls saying "The poor captain got drunk and fell overboard. There was nothing we could do."
 
2022-10-07 3:10:38 PM  
Coasties are "conducting their two own probes"
 
2022-10-07 3:21:17 PM  
Wasn't that an episode of the old Zap Comix "Captain Pissgums and his Perverted Pirates?"
 
2022-10-07 3:36:36 PM  

Private_Citizen: Keel haul him. For those not familiar, you stop the vessel in the water, and run a rope under the ship from rail to rail. You tie one end of the rope to him, then pull the rope from the other side, hauling him under the water past the keel, until he reemerges from the other side.
If he lives, he's forgiven.
/They don't live.


Huh. I always thought keel hauling was front to back. Probably a good way to foul your rudder though.
 
2022-10-07 3:43:42 PM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Keel haul him. For those not familiar, you stop the vessel in the water, and run a rope under the ship from rail to rail. You tie one end of the rope to him, then pull the rope from the other side, hauling him under the water past the keel, until he reemerges from the other side.
If he lives, he's forgiven.
/They don't live.

Huh. I always thought keel hauling was front to back. Probably a good way to foul your rudder though.


Not only that, the length of rope needed to pass from front to back means they would likely float right up beside the hull. If you pass under sideways, there's no chance of them slipping off and surfacing. And yes, as mentioned above, the barnacles that crust the hull inevitably sliced the offender to ribbons. Considering the state of disinfectant at the time, the few that didn't immediately drown or bleed out, wish they had.
 
2022-10-07 3:54:48 PM  
Were the cadets female?  If they were, why is anyone surprised?  Women and seamen don't mix.
 
2022-10-07 4:19:39 PM  

ansius: He probably thought it would succeed because of all the times that he has sexually assaulted young women on his boats in the past, and by the fact he's seen other men get away with the same thing over and over again while out at sea.


Are we sure the victims were women?
 
2022-10-07 4:22:18 PM  
said the agency's criminal investigations arm also conducted two separate probes...
Isn't that how he got into this mess in the first place?
 
2022-10-07 4:29:44 PM  

funzyr: Weaver95: That dude should have his balls cut off.

With a rush razor

Early in the morning


Rusty* fark me
 
2022-10-07 4:55:10 PM  

anuran: ansius: He probably thought it would succeed because of all the times that he has sexually assaulted young women on his boats in the past, and by the fact he's seen other men get away with the same thing over and over again while out at sea.

Are we sure the victims were women?


No.  Could be either or both.  Of course, they could be one of many genders these days.  They do mention another female cadet being raped by her captain later in the story.
 
2022-10-07 5:36:55 PM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
2022-10-07 6:01:53 PM  

HempHead: Looks like he did get away with it.


Yeah, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and then it...didn't. He could go out and get another job sailing a ship tomorrow.
 
Displayed 42 of 42 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.