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(Phys Org2)   "Spank me, Daddy" He probably did   (phys.org) divider line
    More: Followup, Domestic violence, Spanking, Corporal punishment in the home, intimate partner violence, Child abuse, Predictors of Corporal Punishment, rounds of surveys, increased number of non-violent discipline strategies  
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1305 clicks; posted to STEM » on 07 Oct 2022 at 5:20 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-10-07 11:06:57 AM  
I've spanked a lot of women.

I've spanked a lot of women who were spanked as a child.

I've spanked a lot of women who were not spanked as a child.

One thing was a constant: I was told that I did it very well.

I think a lot of evidence on any subject can back any theory.

A) A lot of studies are falsified.
B) A lot of studies point to an easily accepted outcome.
Ergo: C) A lot of studies are made up to bolster a public opinion.

Why would someone do that?

You get grants for studies.
You get bribes for swaying people's minds towards specific legislation.
And people fear change.


And as an aside, a lot of people out there had 0 corporal punishment as a child when it was long overdue and it shows.

*puts on asbestos suit and goggles*
 
2022-10-07 1:02:41 PM  
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Do not, I repeat - DO NOT - 'rescue' me from Castle Anthrax.
 
2022-10-07 5:36:31 PM  

vudukungfu: I've spanked it to a lot of women.


ftfy
 
2022-10-07 6:13:33 PM  
I was spanked and beaten as a child in the 60's, by immigrant peasant parents. Not all of it was earned. One thing I vowed to myself at that time was that I wouldn't pass that on to my kids, and barring one one-time exception, I haven't.  The one-time exception? The kid was about to poke a finger into an electrical socket.  I yanked said kid away, gave them one open-palmed swat on their butt, and yelled about the danger of playing with electricity and fire. The swat was only forceful enough to startle, but it was, in my parental logic, better than electrical burns.

But we didn't use corporal punishment raising my kids, we used Phelan's "1,2'3' magic" method, from about the age of 4 or 5, and it really worked.

So well, in fact, we had a reputation among our peer set of parents for having the most well-behaved and mature kids in our circle of acquaintances. And when we went out to real restaurants, people at other tables, and restaurant staff, were always coming up to us to compliment the kid's good behavior and table manners.

There was the one time we brought the kids to a family reunion brunch type of thing, and they were of course getting a little excited about the dance floor and the band and etc. and they were hanging out with the other kids people had brought along.  We were both keeping an eye on them, and at one point, they started getting a little too wild, whatever the mischief was, my wife just holds up one finger, silently, and our kids see that, and drop it like its hot. They disengaged from the other rowdy kids and found someplace else to be, unspoken.  Our table full of adults saw this and did the "are you a wizard!?!?" thing, wondering what voodoo magic this was, that controlled our kids from a distance.  So we explained Phelan's child discipline system and that when a kid begins to transgress or approach some boundary or banned behavior, they get two warnings or explanations that they are approaching a consequence if they don't stop, and the kid decides if getting to strike three is going to be worth it on their own.

Little kids are scientists; they are constantly testing everything and everyone around them, to understand the real rules of how their world works. Is gravity consistent? Throwing shiat on the floor for a year or so teaches them yes, it is reliably consistent. Do things mom and dad say, like: "no cookies before dinner" carry weight, and do actions carry consequences? In some families, they don't, because the parents are inconsistent in delivering discipline and consequences, cause and effect. They teach their kids that what that parent says often is a hollow threat, that the parent has no endurance to keep the statement enforced, or that it can be appealed to the other parent and reversed, with enough tantrums and yelling and begging and threats or whatever. (Sound like any real estate tycoon's son you may have heard of?)

One last anecdote:  we're in a restaurant with the three kids, and we all observe a family of three, a complete mess; the kid throwing tantrums and making a loud scene, and neither parent able to stop it.  Our kids, all still single-digit ages, watch this circus of drama and angst with the fascination of passing a car accident on the highway. One of our kids observes: "what's wrong with that kid, mom?"   Mom: "He is quite upset about something, and he's being very disruptive about it and not listening to his mom and dad."  Our kid: "Its too bad he doesn't understand one, two, three."

There you go.

No. I haven't raised slavish robots, I'm not a cult leader. I gave my kids a consistent framework for how to act and how to reason and how to respect rules, and from there, they took agency over themselves, make their own choices, not based on fear of physical punishments, but on understanding that we all live in a society, it has rules and boundaries for behavior, and consequences for actions you decide to take or not take. Spanking of itself doesn't really teach that. It only teaches that the strong can dominate the weak, and that you only have to take an order for as long as it keeps the threat of pain away.

Seriously, if you want a good baby shower gift, give the new parents Phelan's 1,2,3 magic book, or link them to the youtube videos. Takes ten minutes to understand and begin to implement. our most obstreperous kid tested the new system immediately and was on board in 48 hours.   It's also useful for kids with ADD and some mild spectrum issues, mostly because it is very, very consistent.

Consistency in parenting is a gift that makes your kid a well-functioning human all their life.
 
2022-10-07 6:27:25 PM  

Any Pie Left: No. I haven't raised slavish robots, I'm not a cult leader.


That is exactly the thing a cult leader raising slavish robots would say.

Kidding, kidding! Glad you have such well behaved kids... So many people don't get that the rules you have are only as effective as your enforcement of them.
 
2022-10-07 6:30:00 PM  
Thanks, they are all functioning adults now, on their own, none of them tower snipers or magats, and I wonder if what I taught them will get passed on to grandchildren.  I do know that while the kids are visiting gramps and grammy, 123 will be in effect.
 
2022-10-07 6:32:57 PM  

Tom Marvolo Bombadil: vudukungfu: I've spanked it to a lot of women.

ftfy


I'm here to smart Pie, and funny this.
Well played
 
2022-10-07 7:56:28 PM  

Any Pie Left: I was spanked and beaten as a child in the 60's, by immigrant peasant parents. Not all of it was earned. One thing I vowed to myself at that time was that I wouldn't pass that on to my kids, and barring one one-time exception, I haven't.  The one-time exception? The kid was about to poke a finger into an electrical socket.  I yanked said kid away, gave them one open-palmed swat on their butt, and yelled about the danger of playing with electricity and fire. The swat was only forceful enough to startle, but it was, in my parental logic, better than electrical burns.


When I was a kid I got so many ass whoopings with a belt because it hurt my dad's hands too much to spank me with his hands. Got whipped with an extension cord once too but afterwards my dad realized that might have been a bit much and went back to the belt (his defence he was really mad and the extension cord was there and a belt wasn't). I told him I was never going to spank my kids and he laughed and said "we all say that when we're kids but we learn better when we're parents".

I raised two kids, zero spankings. They were disciplined when they misbehaved and I was able to maintain that discipline without the need to rely on physical violence to enforce my will.

My dad and I get along great now and he eventually became a better parent and isn't the same man he was when i was a kid. But yeah, part of me wonders if I had kids out of spite just to show him you can have disciplined kids without the need for physical violence. Either way my kids are great and I love them.
 
2022-10-08 8:44:06 AM  
Reminds me of the parents that found S&M magazines under their son's bed.
The mother asked "what should we do?"
The father said "well don't spank him."
 
2022-10-08 6:05:51 PM  

capacc: Reminds me of the parents that found S&M magazines under their son's bed.
The mother asked "what should we do?"
The father said "well don't spank him."


If I could travel back in time I'd tell my younger self "If you want to avoid future ass whippings next time you get a spanking, instead of screaming just look your dad in the eye when he spanks you and coo 'harder daddy' and wink at him. You won't get spanked ever again."
 
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