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(Slate)   Gullible maroons think we're in end times and that Jeebus is coming back   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Christian eschatology, Apocalypticism, Eschatology, Tribulation, End time, Book of Revelation, Rapture, World government  
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3134 clicks; posted to Politics » on 06 Oct 2022 at 3:59 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



206 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-10-06 3:21:49 PM  
I grew up Pentecostal. Constantly being told we're living through the eschaton. I remember my dad telling me his biggest regret was that I would not live long enough to have children of my own. I could never figure out why, if I was going to die before I'm old enough to have my own kids it was necessary for me to go to school. If I'm not going to live long enough to have kids I'm certainly not going to live long enough to have to worry about a career.

Thankfully religion is just superstitious bullshirt and I have two adult kids.

Never trust anyone who actually longs for the eschaton.
 
2022-10-06 3:26:19 PM  
I blame Kirk Cameron.
 
2022-10-06 3:32:28 PM  
 The Rapture is a concoction made up by humans, very much like the Supreme Sky Resident:

However, Slade's biblical studies eventually led him to an uncomfortable truth: The rapture, as it is taught in some Baptist, evangelical and fundamentalist communities, is scantly mentioned in the Bible. In fact, modern rapture theology only dates back to the 1800s.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/27/us/rapture-anxiety-evangelical-exvangelical-christianity-cec
 
2022-10-06 3:37:01 PM  
It's been like that for 2000 years. Remember, his disciples believed Christ would be back during their lifetime.
 
2022-10-06 4:01:34 PM  
These people would run Jesus out of town on a rail.
 
2022-10-06 4:01:39 PM  
Jeebus was never here to begin with, so he certainly isn't going to drag his black ass back here now.
 
2022-10-06 4:01:53 PM  
Hilarious.
 
2022-10-06 4:02:22 PM  
Oh, these people again.  They're tiresome.
Ain't no rapture coming in our lifetimes.
 
2022-10-06 4:02:58 PM  
scontent-sjc3-1.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:02:59 PM  
I don't believe in all that, but I half hope he does come back. Because it's not going to go the way these chodes think AT ALL.

One look at just one county in Mississippi or Alabama and how they treat the poor, and he would immediately turn a bunch of sticks into some sort of machine gun combined with a bullwhip and then resurrect William Tecumseh Sherman.
 
2022-10-06 4:03:27 PM  
Anyone who thinks they're about to get raptured should just give me all their dirty sinful money so they can meet their god with a clean soul.  I'll even take care of their pets.
 
2022-10-06 4:03:54 PM  

Mantour: It's been like that for 2000 years. Remember, his disciples believed Christ would be back during their lifetime.


Early Christians had to trip over themselves explaining why Christ's insistence that the end was at hand wasn't actually the case.

Every generation believes they're the special ones, that the Messiah is right here. They're always wrong. This time it's a bunch of white slobs freaking out that the world is trying to move on without them... even slightly. What a bunch of sobbing assholes.
 
2022-10-06 4:04:13 PM  
Well, if it is the end times, remember that a main theme is that false prophets, phony religious leaders, and the antichrist will all lead all of Jesus' fake followers away and to their inevitable eternal torment in the lake of fire.

The bible also gives real clear outlines on who is a fake follower of Christ.  (Hint:  it's evangelicals.)
 
2022-10-06 4:05:04 PM  

a perfectly serviceable can of spooge: I don't believe in all that, but I half hope he does come back. Because it's not going to go the way these chodes think AT ALL.

One look at just one county in Mississippi or Alabama and how they treat the poor, and he would immediately turn a bunch of sticks into some sort of machine gun combined with a bullwhip and then resurrect William Tecumseh Sherman.


I mean, they straightaway worshipped an anti-christ figure in Trump.
 
2022-10-06 4:05:14 PM  
Everyone look busy!
 
2022-10-06 4:05:18 PM  

Weaver95: I'll even take care of their pets.


No you won't. Don't lie.
 
2022-10-06 4:05:19 PM  
They better hope not, cuz they're in a world of shiate if he does.
 
2022-10-06 4:05:35 PM  
Oh look, another article that keeps popping up from these pinheads. Their book predicts the end of days, which incidentally sounds more like the heat death of the universe to me, and then they always INSIST they're gonna be the ones alive to see it. To cause it if they must.

Well each generation thinks thier time has come, clutching at the threads of martyr dumb.

Each generation thinks their time has come. Doomsday starts when we kill the sun.
 
2022-10-06 4:06:03 PM  
Blondie - Rapture (Official Music Video)
Youtube pHCdS7O248g
 
2022-10-06 4:06:15 PM  

Ghastly: I grew up Pentecostal. Constantly being told we're living through the eschaton. I remember my dad telling me his biggest regret was that I would not live long enough to have children of my own. I could never figure out why, if I was going to die before I'm old enough to have my own kids it was necessary for me to go to school. If I'm not going to live long enough to have kids I'm certainly not going to live long enough to have to worry about a career.

Thankfully religion is just superstitious bullshirt and I have two adult kids.

Never trust anyone who actually longs for the eschaton.


I do happen to know that Jehovah's Witnesses discourage their members from attaining higher education, on the theory that the Rapture will come in their lifetimes and thus higher education is a waste of time.

Which is still pretty dumb, because they've been predicting the Rapture within their own lifetimes for nearly 200 years, but at least they're consistent.

/I know it's almost certainly just an excuse to keep the flock ignorant
 
2022-10-06 4:06:19 PM  
Isn't this line a repeat from nearly every day since about 33 A.D.?
 
2022-10-06 4:06:20 PM  
Oh I wish they really did believe that cause why would you waste time voting and stuff when you're about to level up to another dimension?
 
2022-10-06 4:06:27 PM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Mantour: It's been like that for 2000 years. Remember, his disciples believed Christ would be back during their lifetime.

Early Christians had to trip over themselves explaining why Christ's insistence that the end was at hand wasn't actually the case.

Every generation believes they're the special ones, that the Messiah is right here. They're always wrong. This time it's a bunch of white slobs freaking out that the world is trying to move on without them... even slightly. What a bunch of sobbing assholes.


It's possible that a cosmic being's idea of "at hand" is drastically different than ours. When Jebus said "the end is at hand" he could have meant 10,000 or a million years from now. A million years wouldn't be no thang to an immortal omniscient entity.
 
2022-10-06 4:07:13 PM  
The apocalypse is coming, so have as many kids as you can so they can arrive just in time to see the world end?
 
2022-10-06 4:07:29 PM  
If anyone wants to read what happens when "Left Behind" collides with 4chan as a grand strategy game, go to https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=left%20beyond
 
2022-10-06 4:07:50 PM  
They're half right.
 
2022-10-06 4:08:03 PM  
y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:08:24 PM  
Jesus is coming
Get a mop
 
2022-10-06 4:08:28 PM  
People have been predicting the end of times since the beginning of time.
 
2022-10-06 4:09:23 PM  
I sleep so much better knowing that these loons are not in control of our nukes right now. Belief in any sort of end times crap should be an absolute disqualification for any sort of security clearance or elected office.
 
2022-10-06 4:09:51 PM  
Slate seems to think this is a new phenomenon. Slate is populated with morons.
 
2022-10-06 4:09:56 PM  
Anyone else think it would be funny to watch a super jacked, super pissed off Jesus beat the absolute fark out of Brett Favre with a giant whip on the 50 yard line of a football stadium? Or is that just me?
 
2022-10-06 4:10:51 PM  
Evangelical Christians have said this every decade since the 1970s. And it never comes to pass.

But does that get them think critically? No.
 
2022-10-06 4:11:00 PM  
Some people are so self-centered and egotistical that they cannot imagine the world continuing to exist after they themselves die.  Some so much so that they actively try to cause an End rather than face their own end knowing the world will go on without them.

For the record, Jesus did come back.

Born in 2015 in Columbia, He was 3 years old when he was taken from his mother by US border patrol agents when she approached the border to legally request assylum, and he was transferred to a private, for profit facility, and sold to a wealthy Republican couple from Michigan.

He's was being raised as "Phillip" because the criminals who purchased him like property thought his given name sounded too "ethnic" until the Mrs caught the Mr in bed with the nanny, and suffocated young "Phillip" with a pillow in after popping a handful of Zanex and Valium.
 
2022-10-06 4:11:28 PM  
2 possibilities:  1) the end time prophecies are real and nothing you do will change anything.  You are part of a cosmic script and outcomes are predetermined.  Thus, your actions are meaningless and there is no cause for concern.  2)  end time prophecies are not real and there is no cause for concern.

Either way, there is no cause for concern.
 
2022-10-06 4:11:43 PM  
"The end of the world is nigh" is one of the oldest scams on earth.

Probably why religion was invented in the first place.
 
2022-10-06 4:12:34 PM  
Jesus died on a cross, not a boomerang!
 
2022-10-06 4:13:32 PM  
I raptured subby's mom last night but instead of going away, she came.
 
2022-10-06 4:13:51 PM  
Christians, circa 1100: Infidels have taken over Jerusalem, the end is at hand.

Christians, circa 2020: Velma is a lesbian
 
2022-10-06 4:14:15 PM  
i wish they would get raptured.

y'see, hell is other people.  any heaven that would be filled with those sanctimonious assholes would be just another hell.

having them here on earth just makes this place just closer to hell.
 
2022-10-06 4:14:53 PM  
The truth of the matter, is that one day they will be correct and that is all that matters to them.

The Earth will suffer a most henious raputre, but it won't be soon, and it won't be god.   It will be the Sun as it goes Red Giant.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD4izuDMUQA

//or pooty poot launches the nukes.
 
2022-10-06 4:15:00 PM  

Ghastly: I grew up Pentecostal. Constantly being told we're living through the eschaton. I remember my dad telling me his biggest regret was that I would not live long enough to have children of my own. I could never figure out why, if I was going to die before I'm old enough to have my own kids it was necessary for me to go to school. If I'm not going to live long enough to have kids I'm certainly not going to live long enough to have to worry about a career.

Thankfully religion is just superstitious bullshirt and I have two adult kids.

Never trust anyone who actually longs for the eschaton.


IMO it's child abuse to tell kids things like that.
My grandfather fed me the same exact B.S. Fortunately my parents weren't church goers, didn't pray etc.... They did make my brother and I go to church a few blocks away, so we could walk to it, but that was probably to get us out of the house so they could get busy Sunday morning.
 
2022-10-06 4:15:05 PM  
Jesus: "Love you...? I don't even like you."
 
2022-10-06 4:16:15 PM  

a perfectly serviceable can of spooge: Anyone else think it would be funny to watch a super jacked, super pissed off Jesus beat the absolute fark out of Brett Favre with a giant whip on the 50 yard line of a football stadium? Or is that just me?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:16:40 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: Hilarious.


Well, until you remember that many of them are in positions of political power, and trying (and often succeeding) to impose their beliefs on everyone else.
 
2022-10-06 4:17:13 PM  
Please. Who was the real Anti-Christ? Debbie Harry, when she tried to rap.

Blondie - Rapture (Official Music Video)
Youtube pHCdS7O248g
 
2022-10-06 4:17:23 PM  
If I ran into Jesus the first thing I'd ask is what the "H" in his name is all about.  If he didn't seem too bothered I'd follow up with some other stuff.
 
2022-10-06 4:17:24 PM  
tax the churches and fund mental health care.
 
2022-10-06 4:17:36 PM  

bronskrat: Jesus died on a cross, not a boomerang!


You must be unfamiliar with Bruce Jesus, mate!
 
2022-10-06 4:17:45 PM  
the nation of Israel has to become a nation again after being scattered across all the earth first. that ain't never gonna happen.
and society has to be like it was in sodom and ghomorrah with wicked perversion seen as normal.
nothing to see here.
 
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