Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Twitter)   What are your favorite headlines from The Onion?   (twitter.com) divider line
    More: Satire, shot  
•       •       •

287 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Oct 2022 at 3:20 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



78 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-10-06 2:02:05 PM  
Original Tweet:

 
2022-10-06 3:21:07 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:21:46 PM  
"No way to prevent this" seems to be a fan favorite headline, I mean they keep running the article so people must love it
 
2022-10-06 3:22:21 PM  
"KFC Releases New Family-Size Nugget"

I still laugh when I think of this.

https://www.theonion.com/kfc-releases-new-family-size-nugget-1819588782
 
2022-10-06 3:25:19 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:26:28 PM  
God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy
'No,' Says God
 
2022-10-06 3:28:13 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:28:39 PM  
"Drugs win drug war" or "Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq"
 
2022-10-06 3:32:37 PM  
One of my favorites is one they used for a sidebar that didn't have a story attached to it.  It's probably the shortest Onion headline ever:

Sex Had
 
2022-10-06 3:32:41 PM  
T-ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game at Special Olympics
 
2022-10-06 3:32:51 PM  
th.bing.comView Full Size

Bonus: Zapruder Family Wowed at Home Movie Screening
 
2022-10-06 3:34:31 PM  
Oh, and one from Our Dumb Century, to denote the passing of Jerry Garcia:

Head Deadhead Dead
 
2022-10-06 3:36:33 PM  
While I'm sure I have one, none come to mind so here's my favorite from a different publication: "Slipknot Still Claiming They're Not a Ska Band Despite Having 17 Members"
 
2022-10-06 3:38:05 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 3:38:42 PM  
Voice actor prepares for first nude scene
 
2022-10-06 3:39:23 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:44:07 PM  
The ever-popular-on-Fark "Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my c*ck?"
 
2022-10-06 3:44:22 PM  

lonomoholo: [Fark user image 127x180]


Onion Moon Landing
Youtube dIkHLO93lCA
 
2022-10-06 3:46:08 PM  
https://www.theonion.com/christ-kills-two-injures-seven-in-abortion-clinic-atta-1819564966

My hometown! Looking at the date of publish, my wife was 6 months pregnant with our oldest son when this hiat.

While the main pages were great, I really enjoyed the deeper stuff like the Herbert G. Kornfeld columns and Ask a Navy SEAL.
 
2022-10-06 3:50:49 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:52:02 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:53:35 PM  
I always get tickled when my hometown is mentioned in an Onion story.  One of my favorites had to do with Starbucks gearing up for the sinister Phase Two of its operations, and included a picture of a Starbucks in Canton, OH, that was closed for remodeling.  I had to laugh because at that point Starbucks had yet to open a location in Canton.
 
2022-10-06 3:54:18 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:54:20 PM  
 
2022-10-06 3:55:07 PM  
Area man passionate defender of what he imagines Constitution to be.
 
2022-10-06 3:57:20 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 3:58:11 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: I always get tickled when my hometown is mentioned in an Onion story.  One of my favorites had to do with Starbucks gearing up for the sinister Phase Two of its operations, and included a picture of a Starbucks in Canton, OH, that was closed for remodeling.  I had to laugh because at that point Starbucks had yet to open a location in Canton.


Back when I first encountered it, we were living in stupid old Beaver Dam, WI and we'd drive to Madison on weekends because we missed civilization. I'd pick up print copies of The Onion on newsstands, Madison being the only place you'd find the paper before they moved outta town. IIRC there was lots of local content back then.
 
2022-10-06 3:59:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:06:31 PM  
 
2022-10-06 4:07:48 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:08:46 PM  
Jackie Chan attacked while carrying World's Most Expensive Wedding Cake.
 
2022-10-06 4:10:38 PM  
Guy Just Totally Smoking Weed On Street
 
2022-10-06 4:11:04 PM  
IIRC, when Obama won the first time, it was
BLACK MAN GIVEN WORST JOB IN AMERICA
 
2022-10-06 4:11:21 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


/ so many good ones from the turn of the millenia
 
2022-10-06 4:14:17 PM  
Christ returns to NBA
 
2022-10-06 4:19:15 PM  

SpockYouOut: Christ returns to NBA


Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead.
 
2022-10-06 4:21:24 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 4:21:56 PM  

SpockYouOut: SpockYouOut: Christ returns to NBA

Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead.


Gay Couple Has Banal Sex
 
2022-10-06 4:22:57 PM  

SpockYouOut: SpockYouOut: SpockYouOut: Christ returns to NBA

Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead.

Gay Couple Has Banal Sex


Trophy Wife Mounted
 
2022-10-06 4:24:10 PM  
 
2022-10-06 4:24:30 PM  
Not actually a headline, but I am still deeply in love with this Onion News Network video:
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport
Youtube gEyFH-a-XoQ
 
2022-10-06 4:24:40 PM  
SpockYouOut:
Trophy Wife Mounted

Wheelchair-Basketball Players Stunned By Thunderous Slam Dunk
 
2022-10-06 4:38:17 PM  
"F*cking Loser At Movie All by Himself"

/love going to movies alone.
 
2022-10-06 4:49:52 PM  
Drugs Win Drug War

Simple, obvious, succinct.

2nd favorite is probably the "white hot ball of rage nominated by Republicans in presidential race" or something like that.

Dammit, Onion, stop prophesying unless you're gonna do headlines like "Reasonable person elected president, nation chills the fark out for once"
 
2022-10-06 5:01:08 PM  

Bootleg: "Drugs win drug war" or "Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq"


A great article further down on that front page was "Deaf girl watches as city workers install a 'Deaf Child Playing' sign".I laughed harder at that than I was probably supposed to.

My personal favorite was "Local couple celebrates 25-year wedding anniversary by staying at home and doing nothing."
 
2022-10-06 5:06:43 PM  

Billy Liar: IIRC, when Obama won the first time, it was
BLACK MAN GIVEN WORST JOB IN AMERICA


That and "Black Guy Asks Nation For Change."

Fark user imageView Full Size
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 5:09:58 PM  
From Our Dumb Century:
"Joe Piscapo; will his star ever stop rising?"

I don't know what he did to piss them off, but that burn lingers in my memory
 
2022-10-06 5:18:13 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-06 5:31:56 PM  
 
2022-10-06 5:34:29 PM  
Phelps Drowns
 
Displayed 50 of 78 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.