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(Marketwatch)   Dear Marketwatch, I never thought this would happen to me, but I'm not happy with the ROI from my dating expenditures   (marketwatch.com) divider line
    More: Facepalm, Online dating service, Coffee, Date, Dating, much change, third date, first date, good idea  
•       •       •

3947 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2022 at 3:05 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



148 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-10-04 1:00:40 PM  
Daters said they spend an average of $91 at most on a date

The fark? Just go out for coffee and talking for the first few dates.

And if you advertise that you have money or like to spend it, then there will always be some people who take advantage of it. (That is true for people of any gender.)
 
2022-10-04 2:24:13 PM  
Sounds like there is something wrong with the complainer.  Meet for drinks and if goes well snacks at home followed by sex majority of the time.  If the person was interesting a follow up date is possible. Not difficult if a decent human being
 
2022-10-04 3:06:18 PM  
Date better people, else it's just layaway prostitution.
 
2022-10-04 3:07:25 PM  

BoothbyTCD: layaway prostitution.


Only two more payments and she's mine!
 
2022-10-04 3:10:14 PM  
For that kind of money....

/beats the Burger King bathroom
// $20 bucks is $20 bucks...
 
2022-10-04 3:10:29 PM  
My first date with my last girlfriend was literally sitting in a park watching scooby doo and painting each other's fingernails. Cost us all of nothing. If you think you have to buy someone's attention on a date, you're doing it wrong.
 
2022-10-04 3:11:07 PM  

justanotherfarkinfarker: BoothbyTCD: layaway prostitution.

Only two more payments and she's mine!


So that's what you're buying at the big-box store?
 
2022-10-04 3:12:12 PM  
Dear Farketwatch,

For some reason, every woman I date decides not to continue dating me after the first or second time out. I know it can't be me - I'm awesome and I drop big bucks. Why don't they drop their panties? I'm a nice guy, but these biatches don't respect that. They owe me, right? Yes. Yes they do. So what the fark is their problem? They should be lining up on their knees in front of me! I'm going to go kick a puppy or something.

In short, all my failures have only one common denominator, but I can't figure out what it was. It's that women are stupid, right?

Sincerely,
A guy who rights to a financial column for dating advice
 
zez
2022-10-04 3:13:16 PM  
I always thought dinner is a bad idea for a date anyway, hard to talk when you have to eat, getting interrupted by waitstaff, etc...
 
2022-10-04 3:13:33 PM  
"The women i ask out won't give me the sex they owe me as a part of our mutually agreed upon transaction, am I paying these whores too much?"

When did men have to pay for everything?

when we spent millenia forcing women to stay home and out of the workplace, still expect them to be the housekeeper, blah blah blah the list is long.

I am a gentleman. I hold the door for women, I stand up when a lady enters the room, and I pick up the check.

I believe you're what women call a "nice guy". With very heavily emphasized quote marks.
 
2022-10-04 3:13:36 PM  
Sounds like he's dating outside his league.

Or he has a affection for women who just want a free meal
 
2022-10-04 3:13:58 PM  
Seriously, pulling out the I can afford to spend 100 bucks on a date even though we just met is cringe.

And for many ( average income women) it's a turn off.

Yeah coffee is fine.
 
2022-10-04 3:14:48 PM  
replacementcool:

r/niceguys
 
2022-10-04 3:14:56 PM  
"I spend $600 a month taking women out for dinner I've met on Tinder"

Maybe that's the problem.  I never really thought of Tinder as a great way to meet meals.
 
2022-10-04 3:14:57 PM  
Try doing the opposite of what you're doing so far. If what you're doing isn't working, doing the opposite can't hurt. Also, if they are going out with you once then this means they are giving you a chance. If they lose interest it means you failed to spark any further interest. If you've crashed and burned a few times then you need to prepare a battle assessment. What was your plan, what went wrong, and why? If none of this helps then it's time to realize all women are in a conspiracy to control who gets to date them and they've decided to exclude you.
 
2022-10-04 3:16:29 PM  
This may be the stupidest thing I've read today. Maybe. I'm sure this guy doesn't really exist and the writer for Market Watch either wrote about his own experience or a friends. But nevertheless every singe person I know who uses tinder uses it as a hookup app. Both men and women. You are not going to find the love of your life on there probably. Yes, you are being used. The women on tinder want a free meal and/or sex. Any profile chatter mentioning romance is just fluff. Dude needs to find a different way to meet people.
 
2022-10-04 3:17:19 PM  

Locklear93: I never really thought of Tinder as a great way to meet meals.


Depends what you want to eat.

/ tip your waitresses
// on a roll in this thread
/// waiting for a third
 
2022-10-04 3:17:50 PM  
Those first few dates are about gathering information. I suspect that the more data about you they acquire, the less they want to be with you. Just a theory.
 
2022-10-04 3:18:10 PM  

vilesithknight: This may be the stupidest thing I've read today. Maybe. I'm sure this guy doesn't really exist and the writer for Market Watch either wrote about his own experience or a friends. But nevertheless every singe person I know who uses tinder uses it as a hookup app. Both men and women. You are not going to find the love of your life on there probably. Yes, you are being used. The women on tinder want a free meal and/or sex. Any profile chatter mentioning romance is just fluff. Dude needs to find a different way to meet people.


if you think this guy doesn't exist I'd guess any female friends of yours don't tell you about their dating horror stories.
 
2022-10-04 3:18:31 PM  
It sounds like he's been dating an old friend of mine. That woman has so many stories, and they're all pretty similar. Pre-pandemic I remember bumping into her when she'd told me she had plans for a fourth date with a dude, and when I said "Wow, you must really like this one.", she just replied with "He's okay. I mostly just want to see what he'll do for me next."

She's still single.
 
2022-10-04 3:19:23 PM  
First date should always be dine and dash. iat lets you know if your date shares your adventurous spirit.
 
2022-10-04 3:19:31 PM  
you are too nice.  women like the thugs
 
2022-10-04 3:19:34 PM  
Sounds like a him problem.
 
2022-10-04 3:19:58 PM  
I never manipulate myself to a 4gasm at work anymore.  I retired.
 
2022-10-04 3:20:10 PM  
How about stop trying to impress with big pricy meals and just show your date the real you?  But, I am guessing you don't have a real you since youre trying to impress with filet mignon.
 
2022-10-04 3:20:53 PM  
Sucker.
 
2022-10-04 3:21:44 PM  

mudpants: I never manipulate myself to a 4gasm at work anymore.  I retired.


oops posted in wrong thread but I'll just quietly leave it there
 
2022-10-04 3:23:33 PM  

replacementcool: if you think this guy doesn't exist I'd guess any female friends of yours don't tell you about their dating horror stories.


A female friend of mine (now with a boyfriend) once told me that before she would meet someone for a date, she would go to the place the day before and make an escape plan in case she would need it. Like, she would note where the exits are, and so on.

I thought she was just being paranoid. But the more that I heard stories from her and other women -- that involve guys seemingly like the writer -- the more that I understand. Guys can be oblivious to what women endure.

(One story I'll put in small text in case it is triggering: My friend had one ex-boyfriend who turned into a stalker and later killed himself. She changed her public / professional name at the time and still uses it as a result.)
 
2022-10-04 3:24:06 PM  
"I am a gentleman. I hold the door for women, I stand up when a lady enters the room, and I pick up the check."

To me, this guy has "control freak" red flags all over. These old-fashioned gestures imply I can't take care of myself, and that this guy isn't looking for a partner.

Of course, I wouldn't let him pay for the meal if I had no intention of going out with him again either. Probably wouldn't agree to a $45 bottle of wine either.

Man needs to change his game.
 
2022-10-04 3:24:16 PM  
You'd be better off saving up your $600 and spending it to buy yourself a personality and just the smallest bit of self-awareness.   I think about 10 to 20 years should do the trick...
 
2022-10-04 3:24:49 PM  
If you are consistently being ghosted after the second date, the problem isn't where you take them or how much you spend. It doesn't sound like the guy is ugly, or he would get ghosted after the first date. He's obviously doing something that women are consistently picking up within the first two dates that makes him undesirable. The fact that he's whining about it on the Internet gives me a pretty good clue as to what that is.
 
2022-10-04 3:26:10 PM  
Meals are a terrible first date anyway.

Grab a coffee or a drink.

Low stakes, if you hit it off you order another, if not you just pay your tab and bail.
 
2022-10-04 3:27:43 PM  

stuhayes2010: How about stop trying to impress with big pricy meals and just show your date the real you?  But, I am guessing you don't have a real you since youre trying to impress with filet mignon.


Filet mignon means you love overpaying for blandness. It's the least interesting cut off the cow. Dry aged ribeye? Yeah, that's worth a handy, beej if there was Roquefort melted on top.

/Roquefort on the steak, that is
//it probably wouldn't make a woman more likely to go down on you if the cheese was on your penis
///probably
 
2022-10-04 3:28:43 PM  

replacementcool: vilesithknight: This may be the stupidest thing I've read today. Maybe. I'm sure this guy doesn't really exist and the writer for Market Watch either wrote about his own experience or a friends. But nevertheless every singe person I know who uses tinder uses it as a hookup app. Both men and women. You are not going to find the love of your life on there probably. Yes, you are being used. The women on tinder want a free meal and/or sex. Any profile chatter mentioning romance is just fluff. Dude needs to find a different way to meet people.

if you think this guy doesn't exist I'd guess any female friends of yours don't tell you about their dating horror stories.


Well you're right about that. I started really thinking about it, and at this age I don't think I even have one friend left who is not married. Even my gay friends. All my knowledge about tinder comes from like 8 years ago.
 
2022-10-04 3:28:58 PM  

wingedkat: "I am a gentleman. I hold the door for women, I stand up when a lady enters the room, and I pick up the check."

To me, this guy has "control freak" red flags all over. These old-fashioned gestures imply I can't take care of myself, and that this guy isn't looking for a partner.


I'm not a woman (username checks out), but I read that as the guy as thinking that he is automatically "deserved" another date or sex or whatever if he "checks all the boxes" like holding the door, standing up, and paying for meals.
 
2022-10-04 3:29:51 PM  

AuralArgument: Seriously, pulling out the I can afford to spend 100 bucks on a date even though we just met is cringe.

And for many ( average income women) it's a turn off.

Yeah coffee is fine.


$100 is drinks and dinner at a chain seafood restaurant, grandpa.
 
2022-10-04 3:29:54 PM  

bostonguy: replacementcool: if you think this guy doesn't exist I'd guess any female friends of yours don't tell you about their dating horror stories.

A female friend of mine (now with a boyfriend) once told me that before she would meet someone for a date, she would go to the place the day before and make an escape plan in case she would need it. Like, she would note where the exits are, and so on.

I thought she was just being paranoid. But the more that I heard stories from her and other women -- that involve guys seemingly like the writer -- the more that I understand. Guys can be oblivious to what women endure.

(One story I'll put in small text in case it is triggering: My friend had one ex-boyfriend who turned into a stalker and later killed himself. She changed her public / professional name at the time and still uses it as a result.)


I mean that's just good counterintel. I've had friends tell me they rejected guys who made plans for first dates that weren't in public places, and subsequently I don't make plans for first dates that aren't in public, even if it's just going for a walk in the park, it'll be in a busy park, during the day.
 
2022-10-04 3:30:43 PM  
First date with my wife was a chinese lantern thing at the botanical gardens with a couple of drinks right before. Then second one was a cozy scotch bar during a snowstorm. Third date was a magic afternoon in a used vinyl book store with Sam Cook playing on the speakers then we went to the swings in the park. When you know you know and with her i knew.
 
2022-10-04 3:31:44 PM  
If all your dates are first dates, you're the common denominator. There are obvious reasons there aren't any 2nd dates. Writing to a finance site about romantic problems is a huge clue. Consider paying for therapy instead. It works.
 
2022-10-04 3:33:58 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: For that kind of money....

/beats the Burger King bathroom
// $20 bucks is $20 bucks...


Surely you jest.
I've seen the prices recently at Burger King.
 
2022-10-04 3:34:55 PM  
Incel-like typing detected.

OTOH, in fairness sake, some women are pretty shameless about treating Tinder as a meal kitchen for the moderately attractive.

/but don't you dare say "we've determined what you are, now we are haggling over price".
 
2022-10-04 3:35:20 PM  
Guess who's back, back again......

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-04 3:35:39 PM  
He says he stands every time a woman enters the room, helps seat them in their chair, opens doors, etc.  He says he always does this, in addition to paying for all of his dates at what appear to be halfway decent restaurants with wine.

I am not a woman, nor a particularly Don Juanesque man, but...  I think I found your problem.  If you just really like restaurants and that's your thing, then hey, that's cool, but no fair complaining about the expense if it is always your idea.

Try to let your guard down a little and just enjoy getting to know your date rather than obsessing with antiquated ideas of proper manners.  If you have to stand every time she comes back from the bathroom and help her into her seat she's just going to think you're weird, not charming.

And it may not be your intention at all, but it also comes off a bit incel-ly.  Thinking from the woman's point of view, he's treating you so lavishly and buying a bottle of wine on a first date and pushing your chair in as if you're on your ten year anniversary date.  It might be is probably off-putting in a "what is he expecting me to do in return" sort of way.

So yeah, I'd ditch all that and just go for coffee or lunch.  Save the restaurants for the second or even third date.  And for God's sake, if you change nothing else, stop standing at attention when your date enters the room.  Holding doors occasionally is still okay, but it should be natural, not a big showy thing every time.
 
2022-10-04 3:42:54 PM  

Laptopia: He says he stands every time a woman enters the room, helps seat them in their chair, opens doors, etc.  He says he always does this, in addition to paying for all of his dates at what appear to be halfway decent restaurants with wine.

I am not a woman, nor a particularly Don Juanesque man, but...  I think I found your problem.  If you just really like restaurants and that's your thing, then hey, that's cool, but no fair complaining about the expense if it is always your idea.

Try to let your guard down a little and just enjoy getting to know your date rather than obsessing with antiquated ideas of proper manners.  If you have to stand every time she comes back from the bathroom and help her into her seat she's just going to think you're weird, not charming.

And it may not be your intention at all, but it also comes off a bit incel-ly.  Thinking from the woman's point of view, he's treating you so lavishly and buying a bottle of wine on a first date and pushing your chair in as if you're on your ten year anniversary date.  It might be is probably off-putting in a "what is he expecting me to do in return" sort of way.

So yeah, I'd ditch all that and just go for coffee or lunch.  Save the restaurants for the second or even third date.  And for God's sake, if you change nothing else, stop standing at attention when your date enters the room.  Holding doors occasionally is still okay, but it should be natural, not a big showy thing every time.


You don't salute and play taps when she walks to the bathroom?
 
2022-10-04 3:44:00 PM  

bostonguy: Daters said they spend an average of $91 at most on a date

The fark? Just go out for coffee and talking for the first few dates.

And if you advertise that you have money or like to spend it, then there will always be some people who take advantage of it. (That is true for people of any gender.)


I always found it best to choose options that have you something to do if the conversation got awkward, but let you talk a lot of that's the way it's going.

I loved bowling - not expensive, snacks and a bar usually available, nobody expects you to be playing to win, etc.  You can stretch it out or cut it short.  Great for dates.
 
2022-10-04 3:44:25 PM  

AuralArgument: replacementcool:

r/niceguys


I can't go there since I can't drink. JFC the cringe & 4th-hand embarrassment...ya need a good mind-bleaching afterwards.
 
2022-10-04 3:44:45 PM  

LeftisRightisWrong: My first date with my last girlfriend was literally sitting in a park watching scooby doo and painting each other's fingernails. Cost us all of nothing. If you think you have to buy someone's attention on a date, you're doing it wrong.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-10-04 3:44:57 PM  
I've tried the going to dinner thing on the first date. Does get expensive if you're just not finding a good match.
Meeting at the park or going for coffee is a much cheaper first 2nd date. Met a girl on Tinder.  Did a short coffee date for the first one (we both had other stuff we had to go to)  and the 2nd date we went for a walk around a park and talked for a while.
Been dating dating a year and a half now.
 
2022-10-04 3:46:19 PM  
I'm going to guess that at least half of these women are offering to pay half the bill and he's refusing because he thinks he's buying sex and they'll owe it to him if he pays. And if (when) they don't put out, then he gets to complain lavishly about how all women are gold-diggers, so win-win for him.

Back in my dating days I would always offer to pay half, and if I really knew I didn't want to see the guy again, I'd insist on paying the entire thing just to avoid the whole above dynamic. And men would get pissed about it.
 
2022-10-04 3:46:36 PM  
Do women really expect men to stand when they enter the room ?
 
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