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(Seattle Times)   Attention all single Farkers: take a shower, get a haircut, and straighten up that back because you just got a second chance   (seattletimes.com) divider line
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8130 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2022 at 1:05 AM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  
53 votes:
That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.
 
2022-09-29 1:17:06 AM  
39 votes:
Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.
 
2022-09-29 1:08:41 AM  
33 votes:
No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:07 AM  
20 votes:

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Well she filed... So there's that.
 
2022-09-29 1:35:19 AM  
20 votes:

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


*Incel-like typing detected*
 
2022-09-29 1:26:55 AM  
17 votes:

covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.


Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.
 
2022-09-29 1:36:20 AM  
17 votes:

waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.


That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:26 AM  
13 votes:

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.
 
2022-09-28 10:22:44 PM  
10 votes:
2 years and then an uncontested divorce where I keep all of my money because it's pocket change to her?  I'm in.
 
2022-09-29 1:39:27 AM  
7 votes:

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


I used to think you weren't a terrible person.
 
2022-09-29 1:51:53 AM  
7 votes:

jjorsett: philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.

Except employ and pay close to two million of them.


There are warehouse employees here in the PNW living in their cars because they can't afford to rent a one bedroom apartment.

In fact, he's now switching to contract labor in warehouses so he can get away with paying them even less. 

He's transformed into an employee strangling piece of shiat.

And judging by the info from a couple ex executives who are friends, that side isn't much better.
 
2022-09-29 1:45:58 AM  
6 votes:

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Every one is awful.  And everyone is great.  It all depends on the day
 
2022-09-29 1:55:30 AM  
6 votes:

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


In this case, she's sick of his, it would seem.
 
2022-09-29 1:58:56 AM  
6 votes:

frestcrallen: When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)


Heh, I think I remember the thread where that started.
If I recall correctly, it was some guy posting a picture of his gf because he was bragging about how hot she was, and so of course everyone started ripping on him and making fun of her teeth. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I remember it.

Funny you mention it -- I was just looking for that picture because I was gonna say that my gf was too hot to leave for a billion dollars, so of course that picture came to mind.
 
2022-09-29 2:18:50 AM  
6 votes:

waxbeans: jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.

Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.


Ah man, some lady is missing out.

My son's step dad is fine just doing his thing, which admittedly, isn't a ton.
But I don't care if he moves like a snail or moves mountains. He's a great person, an amazing step dad and a joy to be around. That's good enough for me.
And he's welcome to play videos games in his pajamas all weekend if he feels like it. Every one deserves to enjoy themselves on their days off, because life a biatch and you really don't need to waste time being married to one.
 
2022-09-29 2:29:24 AM  
6 votes:
I don't know anything about Bezos' ex-wife except she's clearly a better person than he is in pretty much every possible way. Which is admittedly not a particularly difficult hurdle to clear. But she seems to have her sh*t together. Good for her. I hope she finds someone to love in life.

As for this thread, well, I'm finding it really hard to separate the assholes from the even bigger assholes. Grow up.
 
2022-09-29 5:18:49 AM  
6 votes:

king of vegas: *Incel-like typing detected*


That's like... around a quarter of this thread.  Give or take.
 
2022-09-29 1:42:22 AM  
5 votes:

jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.


Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.
 
2022-09-29 11:29:03 AM  
5 votes:
It's hilarious, sad, and predictable how a suggestion like "maintain good hygiene" has set off a number of you. Some Farkers just can't help telling on themselves.
 
2022-09-29 1:07:20 AM  
4 votes:

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


I've been waiting for that thread!
 
2022-09-29 1:16:48 AM  
4 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:27:23 AM  
4 votes:
She probably found someone before starting the divorce stuff.
 
2022-09-29 1:27:50 AM  
4 votes:

philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.


Except employ and pay close to two million of them.
 
2022-09-29 1:33:41 AM  
4 votes:

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.
 
2022-09-29 1:47:39 AM  
4 votes:
So you are telling me she is single?

What? That is literally the headline?

So the joke falls flat?

Whatever.


/gen x
 
2022-09-29 2:05:29 AM  
4 votes:

Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.


Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.
 
2022-09-29 2:12:04 AM  
4 votes:

jst3p: Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.

Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.


Yes, sorry, that was ambiguously worded. I didn't mean a particular relationship couldn't be hell, there are a lot of bad ones to be sure. I meant only to indict the attitude that all relationships in general are hell, in particular when they are hell because they demand some effort.
 
2022-09-29 8:54:36 AM  
4 votes:

Tyrone Slothrop: There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.


Better than billionaires who throw money at conservative causes to try to sustain hegemony.
 
2022-09-29 12:06:56 AM  
3 votes:
Wouldn't this be the third chance?

/27 billion, that's it?!
 
2022-09-29 1:10:59 AM  
3 votes:
I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
 
2022-09-29 1:31:19 AM  
3 votes:

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


It's rare that people worth having are single.  Women have only ever been interested in me at the very moment I started talking to one. It's insane.  Ladies come in pairs for some insane reason.  Fml
 
2022-09-29 1:35:18 AM  
3 votes:
covfefe: ...why you would get married at all when the interest ... on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
.


Someone to kill spiders?
 
2022-09-29 1:40:20 AM  
3 votes:

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz
 
2022-09-29 1:53:48 AM  
3 votes:

waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell


Only if you're self-centered.
 
2022-09-29 2:04:11 AM  
3 votes:
I thought her and Bezos just got divorced.  She was married to someone else for two years?! What year is it?  Who am I?  WHERE am I?

/Christ I've become Ozzy
 
2022-09-29 7:44:53 AM  
3 votes:

mrparks: little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]

If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.


I'd kickbox an emu for a baconator.
 
2022-09-29 1:52:24 PM  
3 votes:
Billionaires shouldn't be sought after.

Billionaires are abominable byproducts of an evil system and shouldn't exist.
 
2022-09-29 1:13:51 AM  
2 votes:
I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook
 
2022-09-29 1:29:29 AM  
2 votes:

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


I would tend to agree.
But in 2002 I dated a woman wow didn't give a fark.  I was a horrible person.  And didn't care about much. My life was really jacked up at the time.  Anyway.  I didn't spend any time worrying about my looks or if I was clean.
And we always had sex.
On a side note . She later , 20 years, she confessed to being gay.
I should have known we met at a gay bar.
Oddly we had sex a few years before she left earth.
People are farking odd.
And I've meet a ton of them odd people.
All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆
WTF?
Women are farking the worst. Or I love horrible ppl.  😆
 
2022-09-29 1:38:15 AM  
2 votes:

waxbeans: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.


I mean for the right woman I could see accepting no BJs. It isn't a deal breaker. But she would have to be great in a lot of other areas.
 
2022-09-29 1:43:31 AM  
2 votes:

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.
 
2022-09-29 2:14:00 AM  
2 votes:

Gawdzila: Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.

Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.


Sigh. You know what I meant. I get my egotistical billionaires mixed up.
 
2022-09-29 7:52:45 AM  
2 votes:
No snark here for once, I truly wished for better for her. She is obviously a very fine person, and she deserves every happiness.
 
2022-09-28 11:03:22 PM  
1 vote:
On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.
 
2022-09-29 12:01:54 AM  
1 vote:
Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:08:50 AM  
1 vote:
She is way below my standards.
 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  
1 vote:

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:00 AM  
1 vote:

bluorangefyre: you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:24:43 AM  
1 vote:
Fark user imageView Full Size


/snowballs chance on Venus
 
2022-09-29 1:35:00 AM  
1 vote:

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.


Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did. And the last one ended with a dude making 3 times more.
Not saying their a gold digger but
 
2022-09-29 1:37:17 AM  
1 vote:

king of vegas: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

*Incel-like typing detected*


Awww, she isn't going to suck your dick, no matter how much you white knight her.
 
2022-09-29 1:37:38 AM  
1 vote:

waxbeans: All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆


Isn't that a country song?
 
2022-09-29 1:48:43 AM  
1 vote:

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Don't feel bad, I doubt they could even do that consistently for a billionaire. After like 4 or 5 dates they'd figure it's in the bag and stop trying so hard. I mean that stuff takes so much effort.
 
2022-09-29 1:57:45 AM  
1 vote:
No doubt that's an unfortunate photo of a lovely woman
but that jaw looks like a bear trap.
 
2022-09-29 2:35:48 AM  
1 vote:
Hey, she's a novelist! As an other word smith, her and I are compatico I bet.
 
2022-09-29 3:03:35 AM  
1 vote:

wildcardjack: bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.

But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.


Do you want a riot? Because that's how you get a riot.
 
2022-09-29 3:26:43 AM  
1 vote:
Shower TWICE in one week?!
Maybe crawl down from your ivory tower subs, and set some realistic goals us mere mortals.
 
2022-09-29 4:54:36 AM  
1 vote:
Damn she's weird looking.
 
2022-09-29 6:27:57 AM  
1 vote:
A shower? In this economy?
 
2022-09-29 7:01:52 AM  
1 vote:

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image 425x235] [View Full Size image _x_]


Underrated comment. Can't believe there isn't a Fark thread for the MTG divorce.
 
2022-09-29 8:18:30 AM  
1 vote:
There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.
 
2022-09-29 8:43:05 AM  
1 vote:

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.



I know some divorce lawyers who would argue otherwise.
 
2022-09-29 9:12:02 AM  
1 vote:

jst3p: rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.

Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz


You can't do that on fark. If you don't specifically put a disclaimer that you aren't actually serious, you get farkied as that thing you posted.  By now, many people have you labeled as "woman hating misogynistic incel".

I shiatposted something about how great Trump was several years ago. I thought it was so over the top that it couldn't possibly be taken seriously.  It was. Now I have people who think I am the Trumpiest of Trumpers despite that I have always thought he was an assclown.

Sorry Jst, you done shot yourself in the dick and will get hate from now on.
I know. Doesn't matter how many times I say I don't like TFG, I am Trump loving MAGAt. I guess that's why people have alts, so they can safely shiatpost.
 
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