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(Seattle Times)   Attention all single Farkers: take a shower, get a haircut, and straighten up that back because you just got a second chance   (seattletimes.com) divider line
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8127 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2022 at 1:05 AM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-09-29 1:45:58 AM  

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Every one is awful.  And everyone is great.  It all depends on the day
 
2022-09-29 1:46:23 AM  

jst3p: rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.

Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz


Right?
 
2022-09-29 1:46:54 AM  

culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.


Relationships are hell
 
2022-09-29 1:47:39 AM  
So you are telling me she is single?

What? That is literally the headline?

So the joke falls flat?

Whatever.


/gen x
 
2022-09-29 1:48:43 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Don't feel bad, I doubt they could even do that consistently for a billionaire. After like 4 or 5 dates they'd figure it's in the bag and stop trying so hard. I mean that stuff takes so much effort.
 
2022-09-29 1:51:53 AM  

jjorsett: philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.

Except employ and pay close to two million of them.


There are warehouse employees here in the PNW living in their cars because they can't afford to rent a one bedroom apartment.

In fact, he's now switching to contract labor in warehouses so he can get away with paying them even less. 

He's transformed into an employee strangling piece of shiat.

And judging by the info from a couple ex executives who are friends, that side isn't much better.
 
2022-09-29 1:52:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:53:22 AM  
FTFY
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:53:32 AM  
When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)
 
2022-09-29 1:53:48 AM  

waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell


Only if you're self-centered.
 
2022-09-29 1:55:26 AM  

waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell


You sound like you need a hug.
 
2022-09-29 1:55:30 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


In this case, she's sick of his, it would seem.
 
2022-09-29 1:57:45 AM  
No doubt that's an unfortunate photo of a lovely woman
but that jaw looks like a bear trap.
 
2022-09-29 1:58:56 AM  

frestcrallen: When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)


Heh, I think I remember the thread where that started.
If I recall correctly, it was some guy posting a picture of his gf because he was bragging about how hot she was, and so of course everyone started ripping on him and making fun of her teeth. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I remember it.

Funny you mention it -- I was just looking for that picture because I was gonna say that my gf was too hot to leave for a billion dollars, so of course that picture came to mind.
 
2022-09-29 1:59:40 AM  

Gawdzila: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

Don't feel bad, I doubt they could even do that consistently for a billionaire. After like 4 or 5 dates they'd figure it's in the bag and stop trying so hard. I mean that stuff takes so much effort.


It does.
It takes me an hour just to shave.
I have to also, moisturize.
Got clean clothes.
Never mind Ideally you should hit the gym regularly.
See a dentist.
Be not only employed but moving up in the ladder.
Don't play video games.
Oh and then there is the butt kissing.
Dealing with their family.
Dealing one's own family.
Dealing with their friends.
Oh and Dealing with their job.
Cleaning the butt kiss off the toilet.
Sweeping.
Dishes washed.  Dishes used.
Not eat in bed.
Not eat while watching TV.
No more porn.
No more strip club.
No more concerts.
Remember February 14.
Deal with who to vist in Thanksgiving
Christmas
Anniversaries.
Birthdays.
The eventual wedding.

fark life. fark it in the farking ear
 
2022-09-29 2:00:51 AM  

Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.


Or a door mate. Or a people pleaser. Or any anger ball.
 
2022-09-29 2:01:12 AM  

culebra: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

You sound like you need a hug.


🥺
 
2022-09-29 2:04:11 AM  
I thought her and Bezos just got divorced.  She was married to someone else for two years?! What year is it?  Who am I?  WHERE am I?

/Christ I've become Ozzy
 
2022-09-29 2:05:29 AM  

Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.


Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.
 
2022-09-29 2:05:59 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 2:07:05 AM  

The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it


Ok.
 
2022-09-29 2:12:04 AM  

jst3p: Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.

Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.


Yes, sorry, that was ambiguously worded. I didn't mean a particular relationship couldn't be hell, there are a lot of bad ones to be sure. I meant only to indict the attitude that all relationships in general are hell, in particular when they are hell because they demand some effort.
 
2022-09-29 2:13:55 AM  

waxbeans: baron von doodle: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s

fark that that is a deal breaker.
Vaginas are boring.  Only thing more boring is butt holes.


Huh. I was expecting at least a bite from that comment but it went in an entirely unexpected direction.
 
2022-09-29 2:14:00 AM  

Gawdzila: Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.

Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.


Sigh. You know what I meant. I get my egotistical billionaires mixed up.
 
2022-09-29 2:14:29 AM  
Looks like I've got three strikes against me.

/short
//fat
///ugly
 
2022-09-29 2:16:37 AM  

iToad: Looks like I've got three strikes against me.

/short
//fat
///ugly


I was telling me ex the other day, I should go gay. I have more in common with men.
But. Then again men are gross 😝 😒 😑
 
2022-09-29 2:17:32 AM  

kkinnison: I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook


I've had your Velveeta queso. You best be moving on.
 
2022-09-29 2:18:50 AM  

waxbeans: jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.

Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.


Ah man, some lady is missing out.

My son's step dad is fine just doing his thing, which admittedly, isn't a ton.
But I don't care if he moves like a snail or moves mountains. He's a great person, an amazing step dad and a joy to be around. That's good enough for me.
And he's welcome to play videos games in his pajamas all weekend if he feels like it. Every one deserves to enjoy themselves on their days off, because life a biatch and you really don't need to waste time being married to one.
 
2022-09-29 2:29:24 AM  
I don't know anything about Bezos' ex-wife except she's clearly a better person than he is in pretty much every possible way. Which is admittedly not a particularly difficult hurdle to clear. But she seems to have her sh*t together. Good for her. I hope she finds someone to love in life.

As for this thread, well, I'm finding it really hard to separate the assholes from the even bigger assholes. Grow up.
 
2022-09-29 2:32:44 AM  
I'm disease free, recently showered, and rocking a reasonable dad-bod. Including some cargo shorts.
Too bad for her I'm already taken.
 
2022-09-29 2:35:48 AM  
Hey, she's a novelist! As an other word smith, her and I are compatico I bet.
 
2022-09-29 2:49:30 AM  

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


So you're saying it wouldn't improve your financial situation?
 
2022-09-29 2:49:52 AM  
Well shiat.
Is one week too soon to annul this thing I did with Morgan Fairchild?
 
2022-09-29 2:51:27 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Or she's tired of his.  Or they realized they want different paths in life.  Who knows.  It's not really my business or yours.
 
2022-09-29 3:03:35 AM  

wildcardjack: bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.

But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.


Do you want a riot? Because that's how you get a riot.
 
2022-09-29 3:09:36 AM  

8 inches: The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it

Ok.


Sword-fight!
 
2022-09-29 3:26:43 AM  
Shower TWICE in one week?!
Maybe crawl down from your ivory tower subs, and set some realistic goals us mere mortals.
 
2022-09-29 4:16:13 AM  

matthardingu: She is way below my standards.


She's a biatchipmunky, but I could overlook it
 
2022-09-29 4:52:15 AM  
Dan Jewett looks like a rebound guy. I'll bet he's very sweet, but not as hyper-driven as Jeff Bezos and probably a bit more demanding of Mackenzie's time than Bezos was. If I had to also guess, Mackenzie was behind Jeff's glow-up into Daddy Jeff, and Dan Jewett didn't follow her fixer-upper plan.

I wonder how much he'll get from the prenup.
 
2022-09-29 4:54:36 AM  
Damn she's weird looking.
 
2022-09-29 5:04:47 AM  

Gawdzila: frestcrallen: When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)

Heh, I think I remember the thread where that started.
If I recall correctly, it was some guy posting a picture of his gf because he was bragging about how hot she was, and so of course everyone started ripping on him and making fun of her teeth. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I remember it.

Funny you mention it -- I was just looking for that picture because I was gonna say that my gf was too hot to leave for a billion dollars, so of course that picture came to mind.


I think that started because the guy was home schooled and was getting ragged on, and posted a picture of his girlfriend. I thought she was attractive as hell, and it just wasn't a good picture because of the contrast. I wonder where they are now.
 
2022-09-29 5:18:49 AM  

king of vegas: *Incel-like typing detected*


That's like... around a quarter of this thread.  Give or take.
 
2022-09-29 6:27:57 AM  
A shower? In this economy?
 
2022-09-29 6:52:54 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


Speak for yourself.  I can cook and my finances are just fine these days, thanks for asking.  I can't suck my own dick.

/Also not single
 
2022-09-29 6:53:11 AM  

Cormee: matthardingu: She is way below my standards.

She's a biatchipmunky, but I could overlook it


Fark filter for the win.
 
2022-09-29 7:01:52 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image 425x235] [View Full Size image _x_]


Underrated comment. Can't believe there isn't a Fark thread for the MTG divorce.
 
2022-09-29 7:30:31 AM  

The Irresponsible Captain: I'm disease free, recently showered, and rocking a reasonable dad-bod. Including some cargo shorts.
Too bad for her I'm already taken.


Similar, but for a shot at a billion dollars, I think Mrs. Pungent might be flexible in the short term...
 
2022-09-29 7:44:53 AM  

mrparks: little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]

If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.


I'd kickbox an emu for a baconator.
 
2022-09-29 7:52:45 AM  
No snark here for once, I truly wished for better for her. She is obviously a very fine person, and she deserves every happiness.
 
2022-09-29 8:18:30 AM  
There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.
 
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