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(Seattle Times)   Attention all single Farkers: take a shower, get a haircut, and straighten up that back because you just got a second chance   (seattletimes.com) divider line
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8135 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2022 at 1:05 AM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



124 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-09-28 8:50:32 PM  
If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it
 
2022-09-28 10:22:44 PM  
2 years and then an uncontested divorce where I keep all of my money because it's pocket change to her?  I'm in.
 
2022-09-28 11:03:22 PM  
On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.
 
2022-09-29 12:01:54 AM  
Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 12:06:56 AM  
Wouldn't this be the third chance?

/27 billion, that's it?!
 
2022-09-29 1:07:20 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


I've been waiting for that thread!
 
2022-09-29 1:08:41 AM  
No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.
 
2022-09-29 1:08:50 AM  
She is way below my standards.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:26 AM  

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:44 AM  

matthardingu: She is way below my standards.


Sharp knees. Pass.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:59 AM  
I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
 
2022-09-29 1:13:51 AM  
I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook
 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.
 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  
That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.
 
2022-09-29 1:16:48 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:17:06 AM  
Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:00 AM  

bluorangefyre: you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:18:07 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Well she filed... So there's that.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:12 AM  
So, I have to shave my balls and back again this week?
 
2022-09-29 1:18:57 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Lemme Smell Yo' Dick is about a partner's infidelity, not a request to the audience.
 
2022-09-29 1:20:06 AM  
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Charlie Kelly: Full On Rapist
Youtube pQJ9GUVxPl8
 
2022-09-29 1:22:31 AM  
That seems like an impossible goal.

Farkers showering, I mean really.
 
2022-09-29 1:24:23 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s
 
2022-09-29 1:24:43 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


/snowballs chance on Venus
 
2022-09-29 1:25:00 AM  
Sup ma
 
2022-09-29 1:26:55 AM  

covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.


Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.
 
2022-09-29 1:27:23 AM  
She probably found someone before starting the divorce stuff.
 
2022-09-29 1:27:50 AM  

philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.


Except employ and pay close to two million of them.
 
2022-09-29 1:29:29 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


I would tend to agree.
But in 2002 I dated a woman wow didn't give a fark.  I was a horrible person.  And didn't care about much. My life was really jacked up at the time.  Anyway.  I didn't spend any time worrying about my looks or if I was clean.
And we always had sex.
On a side note . She later , 20 years, she confessed to being gay.
I should have known we met at a gay bar.
Oddly we had sex a few years before she left earth.
People are farking odd.
And I've meet a ton of them odd people.
All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆
WTF?
Women are farking the worst. Or I love horrible ppl.  😆
 
2022-09-29 1:31:19 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


It's rare that people worth having are single.  Women have only ever been interested in me at the very moment I started talking to one. It's insane.  Ladies come in pairs for some insane reason.  Fml
 
2022-09-29 1:31:44 AM  

The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it


If I can get her to squint just right I am in like Flynn.
 
2022-09-29 1:33:03 AM  

baron von doodle: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s


fark that that is a deal breaker.
Vaginas are boring.  Only thing more boring is butt holes.
 
2022-09-29 1:33:41 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.
 
2022-09-29 1:35:00 AM  

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.


Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did. And the last one ended with a dude making 3 times more.
Not saying their a gold digger but
 
2022-09-29 1:35:05 AM  
Sweet. I'll grab a booth at Mikes Chili for two.
 
2022-09-29 1:35:18 AM  
covfefe: ...why you would get married at all when the interest ... on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
.


Someone to kill spiders?
 
2022-09-29 1:35:19 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


*Incel-like typing detected*
 
2022-09-29 1:36:20 AM  

waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.


That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.
 
2022-09-29 1:36:44 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.
 
2022-09-29 1:37:17 AM  

king of vegas: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

*Incel-like typing detected*


Awww, she isn't going to suck your dick, no matter how much you white knight her.
 
2022-09-29 1:37:38 AM  

waxbeans: All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆


Isn't that a country song?
 
2022-09-29 1:38:15 AM  

waxbeans: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.


I mean for the right woman I could see accepting no BJs. It isn't a deal breaker. But she would have to be great in a lot of other areas.
 
2022-09-29 1:39:27 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


I used to think you weren't a terrible person.
 
2022-09-29 1:40:20 AM  

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz
 
2022-09-29 1:42:07 AM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: bluorangefyre: you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot

[Fark user image 498x278] [View Full Size image _x_]


y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:42:17 AM  
Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.
 
2022-09-29 1:42:22 AM  

jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.


Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.
 
2022-09-29 1:43:19 AM  

culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.


I say nay to that idea.
 
2022-09-29 1:43:31 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.
 
2022-09-29 1:45:05 AM  

jst3p: waxbeans: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.

I mean for the right woman I could see accepting no BJs. It isn't a deal breaker. But she would have to be great in a lot of other areas.


Yeah. Definitely.
But. Oral is the only thing that works now that I'm old. I guess my tight fist messed up what makes me arrive.  My bad luck i guess.
But yeah very valid point.  But. I couldn't handle the blue balls.
 
2022-09-29 1:45:58 AM  

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Every one is awful.  And everyone is great.  It all depends on the day
 
2022-09-29 1:46:23 AM  

jst3p: rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.

Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz


Right?
 
2022-09-29 1:46:54 AM  

culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.


Relationships are hell
 
2022-09-29 1:47:39 AM  
So you are telling me she is single?

What? That is literally the headline?

So the joke falls flat?

Whatever.


/gen x
 
2022-09-29 1:48:43 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Don't feel bad, I doubt they could even do that consistently for a billionaire. After like 4 or 5 dates they'd figure it's in the bag and stop trying so hard. I mean that stuff takes so much effort.
 
2022-09-29 1:51:53 AM  

jjorsett: philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.

Except employ and pay close to two million of them.


There are warehouse employees here in the PNW living in their cars because they can't afford to rent a one bedroom apartment.

In fact, he's now switching to contract labor in warehouses so he can get away with paying them even less. 

He's transformed into an employee strangling piece of shiat.

And judging by the info from a couple ex executives who are friends, that side isn't much better.
 
2022-09-29 1:52:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:53:22 AM  
FTFY
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:53:32 AM  
When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)
 
2022-09-29 1:53:48 AM  

waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell


Only if you're self-centered.
 
2022-09-29 1:55:26 AM  

waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell


You sound like you need a hug.
 
2022-09-29 1:55:30 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


In this case, she's sick of his, it would seem.
 
2022-09-29 1:57:45 AM  
No doubt that's an unfortunate photo of a lovely woman
but that jaw looks like a bear trap.
 
2022-09-29 1:58:56 AM  

frestcrallen: When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)


Heh, I think I remember the thread where that started.
If I recall correctly, it was some guy posting a picture of his gf because he was bragging about how hot she was, and so of course everyone started ripping on him and making fun of her teeth. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I remember it.

Funny you mention it -- I was just looking for that picture because I was gonna say that my gf was too hot to leave for a billion dollars, so of course that picture came to mind.
 
2022-09-29 1:59:40 AM  

Gawdzila: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

Don't feel bad, I doubt they could even do that consistently for a billionaire. After like 4 or 5 dates they'd figure it's in the bag and stop trying so hard. I mean that stuff takes so much effort.


It does.
It takes me an hour just to shave.
I have to also, moisturize.
Got clean clothes.
Never mind Ideally you should hit the gym regularly.
See a dentist.
Be not only employed but moving up in the ladder.
Don't play video games.
Oh and then there is the butt kissing.
Dealing with their family.
Dealing one's own family.
Dealing with their friends.
Oh and Dealing with their job.
Cleaning the butt kiss off the toilet.
Sweeping.
Dishes washed.  Dishes used.
Not eat in bed.
Not eat while watching TV.
No more porn.
No more strip club.
No more concerts.
Remember February 14.
Deal with who to vist in Thanksgiving
Christmas
Anniversaries.
Birthdays.
The eventual wedding.

fark life. fark it in the farking ear
 
2022-09-29 2:00:51 AM  

Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.


Or a door mate. Or a people pleaser. Or any anger ball.
 
2022-09-29 2:01:12 AM  

culebra: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

You sound like you need a hug.


🥺
 
2022-09-29 2:04:11 AM  
I thought her and Bezos just got divorced.  She was married to someone else for two years?! What year is it?  Who am I?  WHERE am I?

/Christ I've become Ozzy
 
2022-09-29 2:05:29 AM  

Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.


Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.
 
2022-09-29 2:05:59 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 2:07:05 AM  

The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it


Ok.
 
2022-09-29 2:12:04 AM  

jst3p: Gawdzila: waxbeans: culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.

Relationships are hell

Only if you're self-centered.

Or the victim of an abusive relationship. I mean... don't be a dick.


Yes, sorry, that was ambiguously worded. I didn't mean a particular relationship couldn't be hell, there are a lot of bad ones to be sure. I meant only to indict the attitude that all relationships in general are hell, in particular when they are hell because they demand some effort.
 
2022-09-29 2:13:55 AM  

waxbeans: baron von doodle: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s

fark that that is a deal breaker.
Vaginas are boring.  Only thing more boring is butt holes.


Huh. I was expecting at least a bite from that comment but it went in an entirely unexpected direction.
 
2022-09-29 2:14:00 AM  

Gawdzila: Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.

Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.


Sigh. You know what I meant. I get my egotistical billionaires mixed up.
 
2022-09-29 2:14:29 AM  
Looks like I've got three strikes against me.

/short
//fat
///ugly
 
2022-09-29 2:16:37 AM  

iToad: Looks like I've got three strikes against me.

/short
//fat
///ugly


I was telling me ex the other day, I should go gay. I have more in common with men.
But. Then again men are gross 😝 😒 😑
 
2022-09-29 2:17:32 AM  

kkinnison: I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook


I've had your Velveeta queso. You best be moving on.
 
2022-09-29 2:18:50 AM  

waxbeans: jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.

Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.


Ah man, some lady is missing out.

My son's step dad is fine just doing his thing, which admittedly, isn't a ton.
But I don't care if he moves like a snail or moves mountains. He's a great person, an amazing step dad and a joy to be around. That's good enough for me.
And he's welcome to play videos games in his pajamas all weekend if he feels like it. Every one deserves to enjoy themselves on their days off, because life a biatch and you really don't need to waste time being married to one.
 
2022-09-29 2:29:24 AM  
I don't know anything about Bezos' ex-wife except she's clearly a better person than he is in pretty much every possible way. Which is admittedly not a particularly difficult hurdle to clear. But she seems to have her sh*t together. Good for her. I hope she finds someone to love in life.

As for this thread, well, I'm finding it really hard to separate the assholes from the even bigger assholes. Grow up.
 
2022-09-29 2:32:44 AM  
I'm disease free, recently showered, and rocking a reasonable dad-bod. Including some cargo shorts.
Too bad for her I'm already taken.
 
2022-09-29 2:35:48 AM  
Hey, she's a novelist! As an other word smith, her and I are compatico I bet.
 
2022-09-29 2:49:30 AM  

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


So you're saying it wouldn't improve your financial situation?
 
2022-09-29 2:49:52 AM  
Well shiat.
Is one week too soon to annul this thing I did with Morgan Fairchild?
 
2022-09-29 2:51:27 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Or she's tired of his.  Or they realized they want different paths in life.  Who knows.  It's not really my business or yours.
 
2022-09-29 3:03:35 AM  

wildcardjack: bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.

But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.


Do you want a riot? Because that's how you get a riot.
 
2022-09-29 3:09:36 AM  

8 inches: The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it

Ok.


Sword-fight!
 
2022-09-29 3:26:43 AM  
Shower TWICE in one week?!
Maybe crawl down from your ivory tower subs, and set some realistic goals us mere mortals.
 
2022-09-29 4:16:13 AM  

matthardingu: She is way below my standards.


She's a biatchipmunky, but I could overlook it
 
2022-09-29 4:52:15 AM  
Dan Jewett looks like a rebound guy. I'll bet he's very sweet, but not as hyper-driven as Jeff Bezos and probably a bit more demanding of Mackenzie's time than Bezos was. If I had to also guess, Mackenzie was behind Jeff's glow-up into Daddy Jeff, and Dan Jewett didn't follow her fixer-upper plan.

I wonder how much he'll get from the prenup.
 
2022-09-29 4:54:36 AM  
Damn she's weird looking.
 
2022-09-29 5:04:47 AM  

Gawdzila: frestcrallen: When I first clicked the link and saw her photo, I thought there was some connection to that really old Fark meme of the smiling woman with the large teeth.  (Before my time, so never really understood it.)

Heh, I think I remember the thread where that started.
If I recall correctly, it was some guy posting a picture of his gf because he was bragging about how hot she was, and so of course everyone started ripping on him and making fun of her teeth. I could be totally wrong, but that's how I remember it.

Funny you mention it -- I was just looking for that picture because I was gonna say that my gf was too hot to leave for a billion dollars, so of course that picture came to mind.


I think that started because the guy was home schooled and was getting ragged on, and posted a picture of his girlfriend. I thought she was attractive as hell, and it just wasn't a good picture because of the contrast. I wonder where they are now.
 
2022-09-29 5:18:49 AM  

king of vegas: *Incel-like typing detected*


That's like... around a quarter of this thread.  Give or take.
 
2022-09-29 6:27:57 AM  
A shower? In this economy?
 
2022-09-29 6:52:54 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


Speak for yourself.  I can cook and my finances are just fine these days, thanks for asking.  I can't suck my own dick.

/Also not single
 
2022-09-29 6:53:11 AM  

Cormee: matthardingu: She is way below my standards.

She's a biatchipmunky, but I could overlook it


Fark filter for the win.
 
2022-09-29 7:01:52 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image 425x235] [View Full Size image _x_]


Underrated comment. Can't believe there isn't a Fark thread for the MTG divorce.
 
2022-09-29 7:30:31 AM  

The Irresponsible Captain: I'm disease free, recently showered, and rocking a reasonable dad-bod. Including some cargo shorts.
Too bad for her I'm already taken.


Similar, but for a shot at a billion dollars, I think Mrs. Pungent might be flexible in the short term...
 
2022-09-29 7:44:53 AM  

mrparks: little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]

If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.


I'd kickbox an emu for a baconator.
 
2022-09-29 7:52:45 AM  
No snark here for once, I truly wished for better for her. She is obviously a very fine person, and she deserves every happiness.
 
2022-09-29 8:18:30 AM  
There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.
 
2022-09-29 8:23:26 AM  

Jesus McSordid: No snark here for once, I truly wished for better for her. She is obviously a very fine person, and she deserves every happiness.


Good try, but I doubt she reads the comments section of the #4 news aggregator in all of Lexington, Kentucky. You shoot your shot though.
 
2022-09-29 8:43:05 AM  

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.



I know some divorce lawyers who would argue otherwise.
 
2022-09-29 8:54:36 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.


Better than billionaires who throw money at conservative causes to try to sustain hegemony.
 
2022-09-29 8:59:30 AM  

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


Give me half a billion dollars and I'll make sure I give it all away too. I'm sure I could find ways to spend it.
 
2022-09-29 9:12:02 AM  

jst3p: rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.

Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz


You can't do that on fark. If you don't specifically put a disclaimer that you aren't actually serious, you get farkied as that thing you posted.  By now, many people have you labeled as "woman hating misogynistic incel".

I shiatposted something about how great Trump was several years ago. I thought it was so over the top that it couldn't possibly be taken seriously.  It was. Now I have people who think I am the Trumpiest of Trumpers despite that I have always thought he was an assclown.

Sorry Jst, you done shot yourself in the dick and will get hate from now on.
I know. Doesn't matter how many times I say I don't like TFG, I am Trump loving MAGAt. I guess that's why people have alts, so they can safely shiatpost.
 
2022-09-29 9:37:33 AM  

jjorsett: philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.

Except employ and pay close to two million of them.


Oh yes, that was so very generous of him.
 
2022-09-29 9:38:39 AM  

jst3p: The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it

If I can get her to squint just right I am in like Flynn.


I misread "squint" as "SQUIRT" and yes, if you can get her to squirt I'm pretty sure you're in.
 
2022-09-29 9:41:36 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Put down the cigarettes and lay off the alcohol, we'll have a deal.
 
2022-09-29 9:42:08 AM  
How do I love the? Let me count the ways...
Fark user imageView Full Size

Plus you have enough money to put her on a Space X mission that fails if thing don't work out.
 
2022-09-29 9:54:20 AM  
Mackenzie Bezos is free and now MTG is going to be free.  Who to chose.
 
2022-09-29 10:27:42 AM  

BlazeTrailer: kkinnison: I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook

I've had your Velveeta queso. You best be moving on.


Ah, but you haven't had *my* Velveeta queso. It's the bomb! I've had women ask me for the recipe, so you know it's good.
 
2022-09-29 10:48:55 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 11:04:45 AM  
Well subby, this being Fark.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 11:29:03 AM  
It's hilarious, sad, and predictable how a suggestion like "maintain good hygiene" has set off a number of you. Some Farkers just can't help telling on themselves.
 
2022-09-29 11:40:55 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


If you can't handle me at my smelliest, you don't deserve me at my cleanest
 
2022-09-29 12:05:29 PM  

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.


c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:02:00 PM  

Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Testicle: A shower? In this economy?


Exactly.  Body wash. Shampoo.  Conditioner.  Moisturizer.
 
2022-09-29 1:04:44 PM  

Incog_Neeto: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

If you can't handle me at my smelliest, you don't deserve me at my cleanest


This
 
2022-09-29 1:14:47 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.


How about "billionaire philanthrapist"?
 
2022-09-29 1:52:24 PM  
Billionaires shouldn't be sought after.

Billionaires are abominable byproducts of an evil system and shouldn't exist.
 
2022-09-29 2:38:26 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: There is no such thing as a "billionaire philanthropist". If you have a billion dollars, you have too much money, no matter how much you've given away.


Derp
 
2022-09-29 2:39:24 PM  

bluejeansonfire: Billionaires shouldn't be sought after.

Billionaires are abominable byproducts of an evil system and shouldn't exist.


Sounds logical.  But, she married a dude that became a billionaire.  Maybe it's why she did very un-billionaire-like things in giving away billions soon after her divorce settlement landed in her accounts.
 
2022-09-29 8:04:52 PM  

BlazeTrailer: kkinnison: I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook

I've had your Velveeta queso. You best be moving on.


Sir, this is derogatory slander.  I live in Wisconsin, we know what good cheese is, and Velveeta is what the tourists buy because they have no idea how a good artisanal cheese can elevate such a plebeian meal like grilled cheese sandwiches into a religions experaince

you will be contacted by my lawyer Shortly.

/yes his name is Ira shortly
 
2022-09-30 12:48:45 AM  
I knew she batted for my team. Thanks, captain obvious.
 
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