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(Seattle Times)   Attention all single Farkers: take a shower, get a haircut, and straighten up that back because you just got a second chance   (seattletimes.com) divider line
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8015 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2022 at 1:05 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



124 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-09-28 8:50:32 PM  
If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it
 
2022-09-28 10:22:44 PM  
2 years and then an uncontested divorce where I keep all of my money because it's pocket change to her?  I'm in.
 
2022-09-28 11:03:22 PM  
On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.
 
2022-09-29 12:01:54 AM  
Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 12:06:56 AM  
Wouldn't this be the third chance?

/27 billion, that's it?!
 
2022-09-29 1:07:20 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


I've been waiting for that thread!
 
2022-09-29 1:08:41 AM  
No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.
 
2022-09-29 1:08:50 AM  
She is way below my standards.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:26 AM  

bluorangefyre: On the one hand, you're marrying a multi-billionaire.  On the other hand, she's pledged to give away like 95% of her wealth.  So you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot, but you'll also get to watch the digits slowly shrink.


But it could be hilarious to "give away" a billion dollars in the form of massive pranks. Imagine buying out a Walmart and giving the contents away as a community supermarket sweep.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:44 AM  

matthardingu: She is way below my standards.


Sharp knees. Pass.
 
2022-09-29 1:10:59 AM  
I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
 
2022-09-29 1:13:51 AM  
I think the only chance i have with her is if Cupid's arrow misses its target and hits me instead and impales both of us together

cause i got nothing except maybe knowing how to cook
 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  

little big man: Is this the MTG thread? Get ready, baby, mmmm!

[Fark user image image 425x235]


If she won't kickbox an emu for my love I don't want her.
 
2022-09-29 1:15:49 AM  
That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.
 
2022-09-29 1:16:48 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:17:06 AM  
Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:00 AM  

bluorangefyre: you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:18:07 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Well she filed... So there's that.
 
2022-09-29 1:18:12 AM  
So, I have to shave my balls and back again this week?
 
2022-09-29 1:18:57 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


Lemme Smell Yo' Dick is about a partner's infidelity, not a request to the audience.
 
2022-09-29 1:20:06 AM  
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Charlie Kelly: Full On Rapist
Youtube pQJ9GUVxPl8
 
2022-09-29 1:22:31 AM  
That seems like an impossible goal.

Farkers showering, I mean really.
 
2022-09-29 1:24:23 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s
 
2022-09-29 1:24:43 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


/snowballs chance on Venus
 
2022-09-29 1:25:00 AM  
Sup ma
 
2022-09-29 1:26:55 AM  

covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.


Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.
 
2022-09-29 1:27:23 AM  
She probably found someone before starting the divorce stuff.
 
2022-09-29 1:27:50 AM  

philodough: That woman kept roofs over tons of Americans during the pandemic.

Her donations in the US to help with food & shelter since the pandemic are about 6 billion.

Meanwhile, her previous ex did about jack & shiat for his employees or anybody else.


Except employ and pay close to two million of them.
 
2022-09-29 1:29:29 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


I would tend to agree.
But in 2002 I dated a woman wow didn't give a fark.  I was a horrible person.  And didn't care about much. My life was really jacked up at the time.  Anyway.  I didn't spend any time worrying about my looks or if I was clean.
And we always had sex.
On a side note . She later , 20 years, she confessed to being gay.
I should have known we met at a gay bar.
Oddly we had sex a few years before she left earth.
People are farking odd.
And I've meet a ton of them odd people.
All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆
WTF?
Women are farking the worst. Or I love horrible ppl.  😆
 
2022-09-29 1:31:19 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


It's rare that people worth having are single.  Women have only ever been interested in me at the very moment I started talking to one. It's insane.  Ladies come in pairs for some insane reason.  Fml
 
2022-09-29 1:31:44 AM  

The Exit Stencilist: If you think you can compete with a 5'7" dick, go for it


If I can get her to squint just right I am in like Flynn.
 
2022-09-29 1:33:03 AM  

baron von doodle: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

I'm ok foregoing oral.

/s


fark that that is a deal breaker.
Vaginas are boring.  Only thing more boring is butt holes.
 
2022-09-29 1:33:41 AM  

ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.


What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.
 
2022-09-29 1:35:00 AM  

rosekolodny: covfefe: I wonder why you would get married at all when the interest on your interest on your interest on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.

Because getting married doesn't have a damn thing with your spouse's money, you shallow POS.


Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did. And the last one ended with a dude making 3 times more.
Not saying their a gold digger but
 
2022-09-29 1:35:05 AM  
Sweet. I'll grab a booth at Mikes Chili for two.
 
2022-09-29 1:35:18 AM  
covfefe: ...why you would get married at all when the interest ... on your interest is always going to be more than your husband's lifetime earnings.
.


Someone to kill spiders?
 
2022-09-29 1:35:19 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


*Incel-like typing detected*
 
2022-09-29 1:36:20 AM  

waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.


That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.
 
2022-09-29 1:36:44 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.
 
2022-09-29 1:37:17 AM  

king of vegas: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

*Incel-like typing detected*


Awww, she isn't going to suck your dick, no matter how much you white knight her.
 
2022-09-29 1:37:38 AM  

waxbeans: All but a few of my exes was actually gay women.  😆


Isn't that a country song?
 
2022-09-29 1:38:15 AM  

waxbeans: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.


I mean for the right woman I could see accepting no BJs. It isn't a deal breaker. But she would have to be great in a lot of other areas.
 
2022-09-29 1:39:27 AM  

jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.


I used to think you weren't a terrible person.
 
2022-09-29 1:40:20 AM  

rosekolodny: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

I used to think you weren't a terrible person.


Always good to hear from a fan!

/if you know me at all you know sometimes I just post for the lolz
 
2022-09-29 1:42:07 AM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: bluorangefyre: you'll still end up with something resembling a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot

[Fark user image 498x278] [View Full Size image _x_]


y.yarn.coView Full Size
 
2022-09-29 1:42:17 AM  
Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.
 
2022-09-29 1:42:22 AM  

jst3p: waxbeans: Maybe.  But. All my relationships got better as my income did.

That means the most attractive thing about you is your income. That isn't the flex you think it is.


Oddly not really.
It wasn't my income.  It was my prospects. Each lady left as things stalled.
Women love projects. But. You have to keep getting better.
Me? I'm an asshole.  Every time I got better.  Personally.  I became apathetic.  Also. I always get complacent.  Because I'm not the over achiever type.  Women want farking Micheal farking Jordan.  And, I'm 4 string. I'm happy to warm the bench.  And collect my base pay.  fark the companionship shiat. Meh. I life off time. I like my games.  And media. Music. Movies.  And computer building.
 
2022-09-29 1:43:19 AM  

culebra: Intriguing. I thought for sure this was the MTG thread! She may seem hot to trot fellas, but word is she's actually seeking a stable relationship.


I say nay to that idea.
 
2022-09-29 1:43:31 AM  

Claude Ballse: No matter how beautiful, and/or rich she is, someone's tired of her shiat.


Yeah but the guy who was tired of it was Elon Musk, and he is an egomaniacal a**hole.
 
2022-09-29 1:45:05 AM  

jst3p: waxbeans: jst3p: ace in your face: Christ, could the single men out there wash their clothes, bodies and brush their teeth for us gals who aren't billionaires? No one wants to suck your dick if you stink.

What do you bring to the table beyond sucking dick? Learn to cook or give sound financial advice, bring something else to the table. You all suck dick.

Actually I found an amazing woman once. She didn't blow.
What a damn shame. She is the most epic lady ever.
10 in every aspect.

I mean for the right woman I could see accepting no BJs. It isn't a deal breaker. But she would have to be great in a lot of other areas.


Yeah. Definitely.
But. Oral is the only thing that works now that I'm old. I guess my tight fist messed up what makes me arrive.  My bad luck i guess.
But yeah very valid point.  But. I couldn't handle the blue balls.
 
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