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(Futurism)   God and the church are watching you masturbate, but God won't send you angry emails about it   (futurism.com) divider line
    More: Creepy, Pornography, Southern Baptist Convention, Baptist, members of its congregation, English Congregation, evangelical Southern Baptist church, Religion, Accountability partner  
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4770 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2022 at 7:05 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



99 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-09-24 6:49:58 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:07:28 PM  
So church app is watching you masturbate? Wow I am at a loss why church membership is down.
 
2022-09-24 7:08:27 PM  
CK Luis should talk to them
 
2022-09-24 7:11:27 PM  
The power of Cory Chase compelled me.
 
2022-09-24 7:11:35 PM  
Under his eye
 
2022-09-24 7:11:36 PM  
https://www.facebook.com/ScunBaptist/

True story, I used to go to Fifth Avenue Presbyterian; their emails entitled 'FAP' always seemed to go to my junk folder for some reason.

The pastor when I was there was Pastor Scott Black Johnson; I read that Kim Kardashian attended a service at least once.
 
2022-09-24 7:11:47 PM  

groppet: Wow I am at a loss why church membership is down.


If anything it's probably up (for a while at least).

\giggity
 
2022-09-24 7:11:52 PM  

edmo: [Fark user image 800x631]


Why yes, I am heading to work tonight, thanks for making a sign to remind me.
 
2022-09-24 7:12:08 PM  
Screenshot every minute. I'm sure there are no security implications for this since your phone is really being protected by Jesse. The lowest paid guy they could find to scrapendats from the screencaps. There is no way Jesse will ever misuse any information he sees.
 
2022-09-24 7:12:19 PM  
Kiddy diddling by clergy still okey dokey
 
2022-09-24 7:14:03 PM  
im sure positive there are much better looking people than I, that god would prefer to watch
 
2022-09-24 7:14:13 PM  

olorin604: Screenshot every minute. I'm sure there are no security implications for this since your phone is really being protected by Jesse. The lowest paid guy they could find to scrapendats from the screencaps. There is no way Jesse will ever misuse any information he sees.


Well that's their problem right there, they need to put their faith in Jesus, not Jessie.
 
2022-09-24 7:14:59 PM  

skinink: The power of Cory Chase compelled me.


I looked it up, she's still working, God bless her.
 
2022-09-24 7:15:11 PM  

Trocadero: olorin604: Screenshot every minute. I'm sure there are no security implications for this since your phone is really being protected by Jesse. The lowest paid guy they could find to scrapendats from the screencaps. There is no way Jesse will ever misuse any information he sees.

Well that's their problem right there, they need to put their faith in Jesus, not Jessie.


Jesus refused to do the work, said he couldn't square it with his core beliefs.
 
2022-09-24 7:15:15 PM  
Who would install this?
 
2022-09-24 7:15:24 PM  
At least ceiling cat doesn't judge you.
 
2022-09-24 7:16:36 PM  
Before it even said it in the article I was like "yeah this is a cult."
 
2022-09-24 7:17:54 PM  
Oh go diddle another minor, church people
 
2022-09-24 7:18:02 PM  
Use a dedicated tablet just for research.
 
2022-09-24 7:19:35 PM  

chitownmike: Who would install this?


If you're Pastor publishes a List of Godly Prayer Warriors and you aren't on it there could be social and economic consequences. Me? I'd put the Inquisitionware on a phone and play the most vile crap available without actually breaking the law. And maybe film myself doing unspeakable things . Let the Pastor really get an eyeful
 
2022-09-24 7:20:17 PM  
If God didn't want me to mastrubate he wouldn't have given me hands or a dick.
 
2022-09-24 7:20:45 PM  
BBA (Big Boney Ankles) is a huge turn on. Go shame someone else.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:21:59 PM  
I wonder who is monitoring the websites the  pastor visits?
 
2022-09-24 7:23:15 PM  
Of course they are. That's what my onlyfans page is for.
 
2022-09-24 7:27:58 PM  
I read that as shamware.
 
2022-09-24 7:29:08 PM  
Covenant Eyes spies on members' web traffic, takes a screenshot of their phone screens every single minute, and then sends all this information to an "accountability partner."

media0.giphy.comView Full Size

images.paramount.techView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:29:25 PM  

Big_Doofus: I wonder who is monitoring the websites the  pastor visits?


Fark user image
 
2022-09-24 7:29:47 PM  
I'd say if you're forced for whatever reason to run this app on your phone/computer you should have some fun with them. Look up the gayest porn you can think of as often as you can, and when the angry emails from the church start coming in just reply with "great stuff, eh?"
 
2022-09-24 7:30:27 PM  

Big_Doofus: I wonder who is monitoring the websites the  pastor visits?


Given the reputation for churches and IT, someone should simply start publicly shaming all of them by exposing all the nonsense the partake in while preaching against it.
 
2022-09-24 7:31:29 PM  
Oblig

Real Genius (7/8) Movie CLIP - Stop Playing With Yourself (1985) HD
Youtube YyZ4gGCCqss
 
2022-09-24 7:34:37 PM  
Well, this is confusing. I was told that religion induces perfect morality.

And these are people who choose  to be there.
 
2022-09-24 7:35:08 PM  
The clergy are the ones who need 24 hour monitors.
 
2022-09-24 7:37:43 PM  
(looks up from drinking his devotional salute to Odin and the Norse Gods and Goddesses)

So, what's going on in this thread?
 
2022-09-24 7:38:15 PM  
And the app captured your credit card info, so your tithes will always be sufficient.
 
2022-09-24 7:41:05 PM  

lilbjorn: The clergy are the ones who need 24 hour monitors.


They hold each other accountable, from what I've heard. Someone might be seen beating the bishop.
 
2022-09-24 7:42:28 PM  

chitownmike: Who would install this?


Josh Duggar.
 
2022-09-24 7:43:30 PM  

waxbeans: CK Luis should talk to them


i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:45:43 PM  
"New members joining Gracepoint's congregation are asked to install an app called Covenant Eyes"

The only apps on my phone are for streaming services and rides. Things of zero consequence.

If a church or club asked me to install an app, I guess I would look for a different church or club.
 
2022-09-24 7:46:56 PM  

scruffythecat: I read that as shamware.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:51:52 PM  

Trocadero: olorin604: Screenshot every minute. I'm sure there are no security implications for this since your phone is really being protected by Jesse. The lowest paid guy they could find to scrapendats from the screencaps. There is no way Jesse will ever misuse any information he sees.

Well that's their problem right there, they need to put their faith in Jesus, not Jessie.


I dunno, Jesse was sent by the Father and he's got the boogie in his fingers and the hubba hubba in his soul.

Greaser's Palace - Jesse's Song
Youtube NSxrzCan3z8
 
2022-09-24 7:52:10 PM  
God and the church are watching you masturbate,

I was in the back pew....figured it was safe.
 
2022-09-24 7:52:46 PM  
Gamify bating? I'm in! What's the current high score, father?
 
2022-09-24 7:54:11 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 7:56:34 PM  
Who watches porn on their phone?
That's what cheap tablets are for.
 
2022-09-24 8:01:02 PM  
blackadderquotes.comView Full Size


pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 8:01:41 PM  
"God and the church are watching you masturbate, but God won't send you angry emails about it"... then who is it who is sending me money on my Onlyfans?
 
2022-09-24 8:04:31 PM  
Where is this church? Only asking because all of the churches where I live are tired of watching me masturbate and have restraining orders.
 
2022-09-24 8:05:24 PM  
Step 1 : get some burner phones and load the app
Step 2 : Give the phones to hookers, tweakers, crackheads, swingers, mugs pugs, halfwits, dimwits and methodist
 
2022-09-24 8:10:11 PM  
Years ago the scientologists had content scanning programs for their computer users. You could kick them off any IRC channel if you knew the trigger words like clambake.

So, of course this turned into a pastime for bored teens.
 
2022-09-24 8:11:11 PM  
The pastor jerks it to their traffic logs
 
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